“But it is not bravery; I have no choice. I wake up and live my life. Don’t you do the same?”
— Anthony Doerr

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

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@movedfistsbled
“But it is not bravery; I have no choice. I wake up and live my life. Don’t you do the same?”
— Anthony Doerr
“You were never meant to fit in, you are here to make a dent in the universe.”
— Kriti.G
“luminous, unfearful;”
— H.D., from Collected Poems 1912-1944; “Dodona”
gayarsonist·:
gayarsonist·:
worst thing about dinosaurs no longer being around is i can’t kiss them on the tops of their massive scaly heads
same with saber tooth tigers and woolly mammoths
impulse control ?????? idk her she blocked me
“The only thing I know is this: I am full of wounds and still standing on my feet.”
— Nikos Kazantzakis
Me holding back tears : let’s get this money
“to underestimate fire is to invite a storm”
— (some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. but why should one preclude the other?) // e.q. (via hallowmist)
“Being brave isn’t glorifying. Being brave is messy. Being brave is walking forward when you thought you couldn’t even stand. Being brave is doing the right thing no matter the consequences. Being brave is being selfless.”
— Did you know that doing the right thing can feel like doing the wrong thing? ( c.d. )
my talent is coming off warm and inviting and open but still remaining a fairly closed off person
“What is to give light must endure burning.”
— Victor Frankl, from “The Doctor and the Soul,” published c. 1946 (via bulgakeov)
i’ve moved
it was fun here, but the blog has become way too clustered for my taste , i have way too many followers and too much going on. so i’ve moved lee over to his fam over @maitiest . i’ll approach people to keep the threads that really spark joy for me . the rest i’ll drop as i move to keep things more organized.
night terrors ( for papa ofc )
𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃 & 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐅𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 | accepting
the medication keeps him off the edge , the drugged state should affect the nibi too , or so the doctors said . but , for some strange reason , the moment he looked at them lee knew ; they were just taking wild guesses at this point . perhaps that’s why they allowed gai to take him home , give gai the weekly dosis lee would need . he believed that it’d help to be at home , but whenever the medication took effect , the child seemed disoriented , sometimes he didn’t even recognize gai’s face , he’d just lie there staring at his ceilling ; nearly katatonic .
but the drugged sleep didn’t protect him from nightmares . lee woke with a scream , faint memories of sand and ghostly flames still cling to his cloudy head . the street lamps outside and the rising moon did a poor job illuminating his room , thus panic gripped at his heart . WHERE WAS HE . but that’s when gai rushed into the room , turned the lights on . the drugs resisted , but lee knew that face , he knew the smell && familiar feeling of his strong embrace .
❝ i . . . my ah . ❞ he wants to speak but his thoughts crashed into each other . lee feels a little sick to his stomach , his eyelids were heavy . without noticing bandaged arms wrapped around gai’s neck , doing their best to prevent him from pulling back . he wanted to let gai know how safe he felt right now , despite everything . how much it meant to him that his father stayed with him even when the entire village gave up on him . but the thoughts wouldn’t leave his mouth . so he pressed his face against the hollow between gai’s shoulder and neck , if he did so hard enough , his sensei would know . surely .
ANTON CHEKHOV, Uncle Vanya tr. Hugh Aplin
❝ to be real honest . if you tell me to keep a secret , it is only a matter of SECONDS before i tell gai - sensei . ❞
i miss him too
tousle ( also papa )
𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃 & 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐅𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 | accepting
he grins so wide his face hurts . he felt like a maito for a while now , being given the jumpsuit , and a fancy red belt , soon to be replaced with a real hitai ate , but now with a stylish bowlcut matching his father , he REALLY felt like a maito . and though it felt strange at first , all that hair missing ; his neck felt a little nacked . but gai pressed how handsome he looked , and a strong hand tousled his head . that alone was much more important than the side eyed looks he already got bypassers . he really was a handsome devil , hm . papa never lied , never overexaggerated either . he was truthful and honest , always .
❝ people will want to see my new haircut !! we can go for a walk , right ?? ❞ he said , already gripping gai’s arms . they were going for a walk , maybe get some dango on the way , and lee will be holding gai’s arm the entire damn time . lee was smiling , and he was definitely in a very good mood . this child outshone the sun itself right now . but there was also a fiercly determined look in his eyes . because he sure as hell would chose a route that’d circle the orphanage . he knows the fence has more than one peeing hole , and he also knows that the , both boring yet on edge at the tiniest mistake , daily life of orphan children had little else to offer but spying outside . his bullies WOULD see him be happy , looking his best , being well fed and loved . they’d watch lee having fun with his father and , damn it , THEY’D BE JEALOUS .