Content/Warning Tags: Transphobia, Abuse, some Blood and Gore, Mild Sexual Content
Chapter specific warnings: Panic Attacks, Self Harm
Updates on Thursday
Chapter 4
Aiden was alone in a dark room. He was in a bed, his hair long and covering his face.
His neck ached.
He turned his head and saw a doorway, lightly illuminated by the room beyond.
“Are you awake, pet?” A voice said from the bed beside him.
When had Nick gotten there?
Panic rose in his chest. He stood quickly, wanting to put as much space between him and Nick as possible.
“Pet?” Nick repeated, grabbing Aiden’s hand.
“Why are you here? I got away. I killed you.” Aiden said, his voice shaking. He tried to pull his arm out of Nick’s grip and glanced at the doorway.
The doorway was gone.
Nick pulled him closer and smiled wide. “I know.” He said, blood seeping from a wound in his chest. “You should have know that wasn’t allowed.” Aiden couldn’t find his voice. He struggled against Nick’s grasp, but he was held by inhuman strength. He felt weak and lightheaded. “Why did you kill me, pet? I was always so good to you.” Nick laughed, blood pouring out of the hole in his chest faster now, soaking into Aiden’s clothes and skin.
His face started to cave in as his skin turned to ash. Aiden could only feel terror, his breathing coming in gasps as he tried to free himself from the corpse pulling him towards the bed.
Aiden awoke to dark brown eyes above him and a hand on his shoulder. When had he fallen asleep? He struggled to pull his mind back to reality, the nightmare refusing to leave quietly.
Why did those eyes look so familiar?
"I hate to interrupt your nap, love, but I have someone here who wants to talk to you." Vengeance said, his eyebrows drawn together slightly. He almost looked worried but Aiden found it difficult to read Vengeance’s emotions.
Aiden barely heard him. He'd been so distracted before, he hadn't really looked closely at the other man. The hand on his shoulder felt like it belonged there and, for a moment, Aiden could almost feel a memory of those fingers pressed against his back. Vengeance leaned in a little closer with a smirk, the worry behind his eyes masked by casual flirtation. His hand moved from Aiden's shoulder, long fingers running along Aiden's collarbone.
It felt like he was hiding something.
"See something you like, love?"
"Sorry, just a little groggy." He said, his face growing warm. He forced himself to laugh, pushing away the feelings of recognition and hoping that Vengeance wouldn’t press the issue. Even if he did recognize Vengeance, it could never be for a good reason, right?
Vengeance maintained eye contact as he looked down at Aiden who had to suppress a shiver. The worry was back, creeping in behind Vengeance’s intensity, along with something almost predatory.
"I have a...friend who wants to talk to you. He's in the kitchen right now, whenever you're ready."
Aiden made a face and pulled himself off the couch. There was a faint pulse coming from the kitchen, a heartbeat? The smell of cleaning solution barely masked the scent of blood in the apartment.
"I thought you said I'd be safe here."
"You are safe. Talking to Alex will help you stay safe."
"Talking to a human is going to keep me safe?" Aiden said, raising an eyebrow, deeply unsure about this whole situation.
"He's not just any human. I don't like him, but he's an ally." Vengeance said as he walked back into the kitchen.
Aiden followed reluctantly.
The smell of blood got stronger as he entered the kitchen and Aiden's attention strayed to focus on it. Vengeance moved around the kitchen without issue, seemingly not noticing the smell and the heartbeat and the blood draining through a tube into a blood bag. Someone was talking but Aiden didn't hear what was said until Vengeance slipped an arm around his waist and led him to one of the wooden chairs by the table.
"Do you need a minute?" Vengeance said softly, leaning over Aiden and boxing him in so that he filled Aiden's field of vision. Aiden tore his focus away from the hunger building within him and shook his head slightly, taking a deep breath.
"No, I'll be okay. Sorry." He said as his face turned red. Vengeance held his gaze for a moment longer, as if considering, and then nodded. He straightened and turned towards the other man in the room.
"Aiden, this is Alexander Riviera. Alex, this is Aiden."
Aiden looked up at the other man and into clear blue eyes. His attention strayed to where the blood donation tube IV had been placed on the inside of his elbow and he caught sight of a tattoo on Alex's inner forearm. It was a complex combination of holy symbols, marking him as a vampire hunter. Aiden's hackles rose immediately and Vengeance shot him a look as if he could tell.
"Alex is welcome in my home, unfortunately."
"This little arrangement is the only thing keeping you alive, Higgins." The man in the chair said with a snort and a roll of his eyes.
"Should I remind you that last time we fought, I won?” Vengeance's demeanor shifted immediately to anger and his eyes grew cold. “Or do you need a repeat of that event? Or should I remind you that you came here unarmed? I don't think you're in a position to talk to me like that, Riviera."
"Please. I don't need weapons to kill you." Alex scowled, his free hand balling into a fist. "But unfortunately for you and your little power trip, I'm more interested in your friend."
Aiden's eyebrows furrowed and he shrunk a little before Alex's gaze.
"Vengeance," Alex put a taunting amount of emphasis on the name, "says you were in a privileged position at the court and that you need protection."
"Oh, um, yeah, I guess." Aiden said uncomfortably.
"You guess? About which part, fledging?"
Vengeance stayed in the room while they talked, unhooking Alex from the IV rather unceremoniously and handing him a soda while he got everything cleaned up.
"Fledgling? Sorry, I think you have um, I think you have the wrong idea about me. I'm not newly turned or anything."
"Your reaction when you stepped into this room says otherwise." Alex said, raising an eyebrow.
"It's a long story. I don't really want to talk about it." Aiden crossed his arms, defensive.
"Hm. The deal is information for protection. If you don't want to answer my questions, I guess you'd rather deal with your assailants on your own. I wouldn't recommend it, though. The bounty on your head is high."
"So I've heard." Aiden said with a frown. He glanced at Vengeance. He couldn't stay at this man's apartment forever. Vengeance was still pointedly ignoring Alex as he busied himself with something in the fridge. "What kind of questions...?"
"How long since you were turned?"
"Four years."
"Huh. That's longer ago than I suspected. How did it happen?"
"I'd rather not say." Aiden frowned deeper, feeling panic rise in his chest.
"I don't need details." Alex sighed, rubbing his face and pushing his light brown hair out of his face. "You were at vampire court is what I heard. How did a member of the nobility end up with such a high price on his head?"
"I wasn't nobility." Aiden said shortly, "My husband was."
"Your...? Oh, yes, of course. They believe you to be a woman."
Aiden gave him a flat look and didn't answer. Panic threatened to overwhelm him and he didn't want to show any weakness towards the hunter.
"My husband was Nicholas Meyerson." He continued, pushing past the discomfort. "He's the one who turned me. It was not...consensual. It was a show of power to keep me in line. I had done things he did not approve of."
Vengeance had stopped his work for a moment, listening. Aiden saw his hand twitch as he ran it over his hair. Again, Aiden remembered dark brown eyes and long fingers. He watched Vengeance run his fingers through his hair and tie it up, his back to the table. The way he moved was deeply familiar to Aiden, connected to a memory he had tried hard to forget. One of long fingers against his back and fangs in his neck.
Him.
Silence stretched awkwardly in the kitchen as Aiden lost his breath at the sudden realization.
"Anything else?" Alex said, Aiden barely listening.
Did Vengeance recognize him? Is that why he helped?
"Um, not really. I was property, that's why I can't always, uh, control my reactions. He liked...taunting me." Aiden wanted to disappear. He needed to get out of here. He needed to be alone. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He hadn’t thought about that night for years and now it was all flooding back. He couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. There was too much wrapped up in the memories and it threatened to overwhelm him.
"Who did he spend time around?" Alex continued the interrogation as if he didn't notice Aiden's rising panic.
"Mostly his brother. Rich worshiped the ground Nick walked on. He's probably who set the price for my capture. Other than that, he did the usual noble politicking at parties but I wouldn't call anyone his friend." Aiden fidgeted with his sleeves, trying to keep his voice even.
"How did he die?"
An accident. If you could even call it that after months of planning, keeping the weapon hidden as he thought about freeing himself.
An accident, as he pushed a stake through Nick’s heart and watched as blood poured out of the wound and he turned to ash.
An accident.
Or self defense?
So many words could be used to justify it. None of those words stopped the nightmares.
Aiden tried to speak but no sound came out. This was all too much. He couldn't sort through everything he was feeling. He tried to take a deep breath, digging his nails into his forearm, hoping the pain would ground him, but it did nothing to lessen the panic and the noise of his thoughts.
And so he fled. He stood quickly, chair clattering to the ground, and ran from the room. He found a corner between the armchair and the living room wall and curled up, trying his hardest to become invisible as he pulled his knees into his chest. He could hear the other two men talking in the kitchen so he covered his ears and squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to hear anything. He didn't want to know anything. He had run for hundreds of miles. How had he ended up in this apartment? If Vengeance had recognized him, would he have said something? Was it worth asking about? Did he still blame Vengeance for everything that had happened after? How would he even be able to bring it up?
The more he thought, the more questions he had and the faster his thoughts raced.
The voices in the kitchen were louder now and it was harder to shut them out.
"...what the nobility's like! You know how he would have been treated!"
"Can you actually convince me that he's not a threat?"
Aiden covered his ears more forcefully, cursing his vampiric hearing. He didn't want to hear this. He didn't want to know. His fingernails scraped along his scalp and he felt the skin slice open, blood trickling on to his face as the cuts healed. The pain provided clarity. It always had. He scraped his nails along his scalp again and down his face, feeling his skin separate and then knit itself back together, feeling a brief moment of clarity before the pain died again.
The door of the apartment slammed shut.
Aiden heard Vengeance moving towards him and curled himself up tighter. He didn't want to talk about it. The other man was close enough that he could smell him.
He didn't want to talk about it. Any of it.
A hand touched his arm lightly and he pushed it away forcefully, a pained growl escaping his throat.
"I don't need your pity. Leave me alone."
Vengeance didn't try to touch him again but he remained where he was. Aiden looked up, scowling. Vengeance was crouched in front of him, frowning in worry, rubbing at his arm where Aiden had hit him. He reached out, hand hovering for a second before wiping away a drip of blood from his cheek. Aiden flinched at the touch.
"...don't touch me...please." His voice sounded foreign to him, pained and hoarse.
Vengeance dropped his hand and sat back on his heels.
Was that guilt or worry in his eyes?
"Alex's gonna spread word to other hunters that you're not a threat and that you're under my protection."
"...thanks." Aiden said as he dropped his forehead to his knees.
"It won't stop other vampires from coming after you. I don't know if my wards will be able to hold against a group of attackers so you'll have to stay inside for now. That's the easiest way for me to help you." Vengeance spoke softly, his voice gentle. Aiden couldn't think of a time that someone had spoken to him this way. It was as if Vengeance actually cared.
Aiden wanted to cry.
Would Vengeance care this much if he hadn't recognized Aiden? Was he just helping because he felt guilty? Aiden didn't think he deserved any of Vengeance's help but he had no idea how to bring up their past. It had been one night and it had been years ago and Aiden had changed so much.
Vengeance stood and moved through the apartment quietly. Aiden couldn’t keep himself from shaking. He dug his fingernails into his scalp, unable to look at the other man.
"I have a towel for the blood.” Vengeance said softly, crouching down in front of him once more. “Is it okay if I touch you?"
Aiden could feel tears welling up in his eyes. Why did Vengeance have to be so kind?
"...yeah.”
“Can you look up at me?”
Aiden hesitated, his fingernails breaking skin once more, before he lifted his head. The crease of worry between Vengeance’s eyebrows and the hint of guilt behind his eyes was overwhelming.
The towel was damp and a little cold as it touched his face but it felt good. Aiden only flinched a little when it touched his face. It was easier with the towel between them. He didn't think he could handle skin to skin contact right now. Vengeance kept his touch soft as he wiped the blood off Aiden's face, guiding his head to either side to get the droplets off his neck.
"It's not perfect but it's better.” He said as he carefully pushed Aiden’s hair off his forehead where it was sticking. “Let me show you the bathroom. The shower is fucked but it's better than nothing. I can get you something clean to wear after."
Aiden nodded silently and Vengeance stood, holding out a hand. Aiden hesitated before taking it. The touch sent sparks up Aiden's arm and the feeling nearly overwhelmed him but he didn't want to let go.
Vengeance led him across the room to a small bathroom, showing him the various soaps and hair products he could use if he wanted to and where the towels were. Aiden felt a trail of blood from his hair drip down his face. Vengeance caught the drop as it left Aiden's chin, careful to not actually touch him without a warning, and brought it to his mouth absent-mindedly as he explained something about the shower and the water pressure. Aiden flushed and felt like he was going to start crying again.
Before leaving him alone in the bathroom Vengeance brought him a clean pair of clothes, including a second clean shirt. Aiden was beginning to wonder how many faded black t-shirts Vengeance owned.
Once alone, he hesitated before locking the door and undressing. He wasn’t used to privacy. He could see where his blood had soaked into the neckline of the borrowed shirt and the bottom edge of his makeshift binder was also soaked in blood and he sighed. That would be harder to clean. He'd have to go without it around Vengeance...
At least I can't see my reflection... he thought as he turned on the tap to soak the elastic bandage in the sink. He watched the water turn pink, struggling to make himself turn on the shower. What if Vengeance got mad that he had locked the door? What if they were attacked while he was in the shower? He hadn't been able to truly settle since he started running. Never a moment to relax. Now he was stuck in this apartment until when? What was he waiting for?
He forced himself to turn on the shower. If anything the patter of water against the tub could drown out some of his anxieties. He stuck a hand under the water hesitantly. It had been so long since he'd taken a shower like this. He had dreamed of being able to have this amount of privacy and now that he had it he couldn't stop hesitating, wondering when something was going to go wrong. He took a deep breath and stepped over the lip of the tub and into the shower. Despite his worries, it felt good to be able to wash off the dirt and blood from the last few weeks. The shower itself wasn't fancy but it was better than washing up in a truck stop bathroom. He let the water run over his hair and down his back, turning a dirty pink as it washed down the drain.
Vengeance's soap smelled surprisingly good...
A weight lifted as he rinsed the soap from his body and washed his hair. This was the first time he had really showered since escaping Nick. He scrubbed his skin pink, suddenly needing to wash any trace of Nick from his body. There would always be traces. Scars he wasn't able to get rid of from before he turned. Emotional scars that might never heal. But if he just scrubbed hard enough maybe he could have skin that Nick had never touched.
For the first time since his escape, Aiden let himself feel the full weight of what had happened. What he had done. He finally let himself break down, knowing that at least for the moment he was safe.
Vengeance didn’t come check on him, which he appreciated. He didn’t know how to face Vengeance right now. Every time he closed his eyes he could practically feel the other man pressed against him. He could remember what it felt like that night, the freedom, and then later.
“You’ve been gone for some time, pet.”
Had Vengeance known what would happen to Aiden that night? If Aiden said anything, asked the wrong questions, would Vengeance be able to figure it out? Would Aiden have to relive that night? It was never far. That night lurked in his nightmares and his hunger. His vision fading, his death and rebirth as Nick marked him forever. The mark that lived in Aiden’s blood and his life, in his teeth, in his strength, in his immortality, in his desires. The monster that he would never be rid of.
“Did you really think I wouldn’t be able to smell him on you?”
He ran his hands into his hair, the scalding shower water running onto his face as he tried to banish the memories.
“You’re mine, pet. You always will be.”
The panic and hopelessness that had been subsiding returned in full force and Aiden screamed. He’d never be free. Why did he think he could run? He couldn’t run from himself and Nick would always live in him.
“Aiden?!”
The response was immediate.
Aiden was shaking. He didn’t know what to do.
“Aiden, are you okay?!”
He had to respond.
“AIDEN?!”
He heard the door knob move but the lock held. He had to respond. He had to say something.
“I’m okay!” His voice was hoarse. He turned the shower water off and took a deep breath. “I’m okay.”
He grabbed a faded black towel and wrapped himself in it before unlocking the door. He turned away from the doorway, expecting Vengeance to burst in to make sure he was okay, but the door stayed closed.
“Do you need help?” Vengeance replied and the door remained closed.
“No. I’m-I’m okay.”
“Can I come in?”
Aiden didn’t know how to answer. He couldn’t remember the last time someone respected his privacy. An awkward silence stretched as he tried to get his breathing under control.
“Aiden?”
“Oh, uh, yeah. Sure.”
The door opened and Aiden tried not to flinch. He could feel eyes on him. He could always feel eyes on him.
He glanced over his shoulder and saw Vengeance looking intensely at the wall, his cheeks a little flushed. “It’s sunrise.”
Aiden nodded, holding tight to the front of the towel and trying to hide his chest behind the pile of clothes Vengeance had brought him earlier. He didn’t trust his voice as he turned away from Vengeance again.
“I have wards on the apartment but the bedroom is the safest. It’s easier to add extra wards to the smaller space.” Vengeance said, more awkward than Aiden had seen him so far, something odd in his voice.
“Okay.”
Vengeance made a noise like he was going to say something else and then retreated, closing the door softly behind him. Aiden waited a moment before drying himself off and getting dressed. The clothes were surprisingly comfortable, loose pajama pants and a large t shirt. This shirt had a band logo on it, “The Misfits,” and a few holes along the bottom edge. Aiden tugged at the front of the shirt and grimaced at how it fell over his torso. He crossed his arms over his chest uncomfortably and made his way out of the bathroom. The other door in the apartment was open and he could see into Vengeance’s bedroom. The other man had changed as well and Aiden almost laughed at the image of the vampire in a tank top and basketball shorts. His hair was down and it fell across his shoulders and in front of his face like a curtain. He looked up from a book when Aiden entered and grinned before going back to his reading.
“It’s been a while since I set up a ward on my own.” He explained, closing the door behind Aiden. “Just stay over there for a second?” He gestured to the bed.
Aiden sat on the bed, watching with interest. Nick had never engaged in any real magic. This was new for him.
Vengeance bit the pad of his thumb and started drawing symbols on the back of the door. The smell almost overpowered Aiden’s interest in the magic and he had to look away for a second to remember his self control. He focused on one of the posters that lined the walls for another band he’d never heard of. When he looked back Vengeance had finished drawing and was muttering something, glancing at the book every few seconds. The symbols glowed with a faint power that increased and then stabilized. When Vengeance stopped speaking the glow faded but the feeling of power remained.
Vengeance absent-mindedly cleaned his thumb as the cut healed and turned to face Aiden who flushed a little.
“Sorry I can’t offer anything better than this.” He said, gesturing around the room.
Aiden shook his head. “It’s okay. I can sleep on the floor. This is still better than uh, the alternative.”
“You don’t have to sleep on the floor.” Vengeance said with a frown. Aiden raised an eyebrow at him and he glanced away for a second. “I don’t sleep, really, so I’ll just keep watch.”
“I’m not going to kick you out of your bed.” Aiden said with a snort and a small roll of his eyes.
“I promise, I won’t sleep.”
Aiden stretched out on the far side of the bed reluctantly and wrapped himself in one of the blankets. Vengeance settled on the floor next to the bed, his eyes on the door.
“You can-you could sit up here if you wanted to. It’s probably more comfortable.” Aiden said, frowning anxiously and picking at the edge of the blanket a little bit.
Vengeance looked up at him with another unreadable expression and then nodded. Aiden tried to not look as he felt the bed dip under Vengeance’s weight. He hadn’t slept since he’d escaped, let alone let someone else be this close to him while he was vulnerable. He’d barely let another person touch him. Vengeance had managed to slip his way through both of those walls without much issue. It was just like before. For some reason, Aiden wanted to be able to trust Vengeance. He found himself wishing that Vengeance would touch him. It was almost more distracting to have him so close but to not be touching. The space between them felt physical in a way he had never experienced with another person.
He closed his eyes and tried to pretend he was falling asleep. Despite his nap earlier he was still exhausted. He thought maybe if he pretended hard enough he would stop worrying about Vengeance. Stop wanting the physical touch and comfort of a body next to his.
Content/Warning Tags: Transphobia, Abuse, some Blood and Gore, Mild Sexual Content
Updates on Thursday
Chapter 3
Four Years Ago
Aiden picked at his dress uncomfortably, trying to enjoy a few moments at the party without Nick. Eventually Nick would wonder where he’d gone and come to fetch him. Eventually he would be called back to be used. Nick would need him to smile and flirt, just out of reach of the other vampires, a reminder of what Nick could get for them if they remained on his good side, but for now he could retreat into a corner and hide.
He hated vampire parties. He was the only human here and every glance, every flash of fang and hungry smile reminded him exactly how weak he was. He hated the way they all stared at him and how Nick showed him off, putting him in dresses that showed off the collection of healing puncture wounds on his neck so that everyone knew who he belonged to. Just so that he wouldn’t forget his place. He was a pet. That was all that mattered to Nick. He was just a show of power and status.
One of the party goers caught his eye and he sighed internally. So much for hiding in a corner.
The man approaching him had an undercut and the top was pulled back into a neat bun. His skin was dark and Aiden could see tattoos under the edges of his shirt and sleeves. The whites of his eyes were red, which wasn’t unusual here, but the contrast with his skin and tattoos was striking. His suit jacket had been patched many times and as he drew closer Aiden could see different insignias and art on the patches. There was something different about this man. He didn’t quite blend in with the crowd. While others seemed to ignore him for that reason, Aiden felt himself drawn to this man.
“You’re an unusual addition to the party.” The man said, flashing Aiden a charming smile.
“You’re one to talk.” Aiden replied, giving the man a once over. Now that the man was in front of him he could see the intricate leather harness he wore over his undershirt. “I don’t recognize you.”
“Ah, you must belong to one of the hosts?”
Aiden bristled at the word “belong” but tried to hide the irritation. He hated being reminded of his position and yet he was always in situations that reminded him. “What gave it away.” He said flatly, raising an eyebrow.
“Aw, an attitude, it’s cute.” The man teased, smirking at Aiden.
“Since it seems you understand why I’m here, I should tell you I belong to your current host. You risk angering him by talking to his pet.” Aiden replied, his voice cold. He no longer cared if this man thought badly of him.
“Perhaps that’s my intention.” The man said, mimicking Aiden’s speech patterns. “Calling humans ‘pets’ is just an excuse for slavery. The nobility have been getting away with it for too long.”
Aiden resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Clearly they were getting away with it. He was here in a room full of people who were okay with it. All they saw was a cute human girl, he had no rights here. Just a pet.
“You don’t seem entirely happy with the situation.” The man observed and Aiden cast him a look.
“This is a dangerous conversation.”
“No one’s paying attention to you, love. Not right now, at least. They’re busy talking about their other conquests.”
“If no one was paying attention to me, you wouldn’t be speaking to me right now.”
The man smirked with an excessive amount of fang. “You’re sharp, I like you.”
“I’m honored.” Aiden deadpanned, resisting the urge to pick at his dress. He hated this. He hated being in this room. Being a woman. Being a pet.
The man snorted softly and held out a hand. “I’m Jasper, it’s nice to meet you.”
Aiden considered the hand and then took it. Jasper brushed his lips over the back of his hand, something Aiden had never gotten used to about vampire society, and flashed him his teeth again.
“I’m Kate.”
His gut twisted as he said his name and it took all his self control not to grimace.
“This is my first of one of these functions, I’m pretty sure no one actually wants me here.” Jasper said quietly, leaning against the wall next to Aiden. “But someone like you, I suspect you have a good sense of each of these vampires and their preferences.”
“Not really, I try not to pay much attention when they’re…when I’m here.” Aiden said, frowning. His hands shook and he crossed his arms tightly across his chest in an attempt to hide it.
“You don’t seem to enjoy your position.” Jasper observed, his voice softening in response to Aiden’s frown.“I hate that the nobility does this.”
Aiden shrugged.
“It’s not just them. My parents didn’t give me much of a choice. They’ve been in debt to his family for generations. He just chose to collect, I guess. It could be worse.”
“So you’re trapped.”
Aiden didn’t respond. He’d already said too much.
Jasper drew closer. They had definitely crossed the line between what was socially appropriate and what was suspiciously close together. Aiden could smell Jasper’s cologne, warm vanilla and spice, and the faint, metallic scent of blood.
“Would it be insensitive to point out that you’re only seeing the worst of vampire society here? Many of the common people don’t approve of the nobility keeping pets.”
“The opinions of the common vampire don’t exactly change my position.” Aiden said bitterly, picking at his dress again.
“I guess not. So what would change it?”
Aiden hesitated. “I shouldn’t be talking about this…”
Jasper shrugged and took a drink from his glass. Aiden’s eyes followed him. “I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble. Maybe this isn’t the best place for this conversation, you’re right. I’m here for information, and your position…it could be valuable, if you were interested.”
“I may be. What would I get for it?”Aiden shifted his gaze as he spoke, tense, trying to figure out where Nick was. If he saw Aiden talking to Jasper for too long it would be bad, for both of them.
“That depends, what do you want?”
“I…” Aiden caught Nick’s gaze and straightened his posture, moving his hands from where they were picking at the details on his dress. He took a step back from Jasper, trying to put a less intimate distance between them. Nick’s eyes narrowed and he began to walk over.
“I should get back to my partner.” He said, putting the mask back on to hide the fear twisting in his stomach. “It looks like he needs me.”
Jasper caught his arm and turned him around, Aiden’s skirt flaring around his legs. He placed a soft kiss on the back of Aiden’s hand and smiled up at him. “Find me outside in an hour. We can talk more.” He said softly. Aiden nodded almost imperceptibly and smiled slightly.
“It was very nice to meet you.” Aiden said, loud enough for Nick to hear, giving Jasper a polite smile. He felt Nick’s arm around his waist and looked up into Nick’s face, noticing how prominent his fangs were as he smiled at Jasper.
“What are you doing over here, pet?”
“I was speaking to one of your guests. Jasper, this is my husband Nick. Nick, this is Jasper.” Aiden said, his “trophy wife” mask providing a wall between him and how much he wanted to cringe away from Nick’s touch. “He was just telling me about how he was interested in you. Something about business.”
“I’m surprised to hear that. I don’t believe we’ve ever met face to face, Jasper, but my captain has told me much about you. What was he asking about, pet?” Nick said, his pleasant tone hiding malice and possession as he brought his fingers to Aiden’s neck, pulling Jasper’s attention to the puncture wounds. Aiden thought he saw a flash of rage in Jasper’s eyes.
“Oh, I don’t know.” Aiden said, feigning ignorance, “you know I don’t know anything about your business. It’s much too complicated for me.”
Nick nodded approvingly and then fixed his gaze on Jasper. “It was a pleasure to meet you, but I’m afraid our attention is needed elsewhere.”
Jasper bowed slightly and didn’t raise his eyes until Nick had turned, making quick eye contact with Aiden before Nick dragged him off to his group of friends. Nick’s hand on his neck was firm as he was led away and his hopes dropped as Jasper disappeared from his sight.
-
Nick kept a close eye on him after Jasper left, an arm tight around his waist, fingers digging into Aiden’s side painfully. Aiden watched the hour mark as it came and passed and he still wasn’t able to get away from Nick. It had been nearly two hours by the time Aiden was able to slip away from him. He claimed to need to use the bathroom and snuck out the back door without any of the servants seeing. Everyone here worked for Nick, even just one suspicious move and Nick would know immediately that Aiden had been betraying him.
Once outside Aiden leaned against the wall of the building, reveling in the dark and the quiet.
It was only a few minutes before Jasper found him. He was almost surprised, no part of him would have been shocked if Jasper had given up waiting for him.
Here in the dark alleyway Jasper felt much more dangerous. The smell of blood that surrounded him was unmistakable and suddenly Aiden felt anxiety rise in his chest. What if he had just made a terrible mistake? What if this vampire was just planning on draining him and leaving him to die?
Jasper kept some space between them, as if he could feel Aiden’s anxiety.
“I almost started to think you weren’t coming out here.” He said softly, leaning his shoulder against the wall and crossing his arms.
“Nick is suspicious. Or, possessive. He didn’t like that I was talking to someone else. I’m not really supposed to.” Aiden said, bringing his hand up to rub anxiously at his neck.
“I’m afraid I have something to do with his suspicion, although I’m curious how this captain of his knows me.” Jasper tilted his head as he spoke, casual curiosity undermined by the intensity of his gaze. “You wouldn’t happen to know who he was talking about, love?”
“You said you wanted information but you didn’t say what I get out of it.” Aiden said, chewing on his lower lip anxiously.
“That’s up to you, love.”
“And if I asked for my freedom?”
“That might be difficult. I’ll bring the nobility down eventually. I wish there was more I could do for you now, though.” Jasper said, reaching out toward the hand on Aiden’s neck. Aiden flinched away and he could see the rage flash in Jasper’s face. Aiden could only hope it wasn’t directed at him. “The vampire underground has worked with humans for so long, it’s just the nobility that continue to have such an outdated view of humanity. They forget we were all human, once.”
Aiden stared at the ground, his mind racing. He’d never known there were vampire revolutionaries. He had been kept so isolated from everyone. He’d never have guessed.
“Her name is Lennix, but I don’t know anything about her. I didn’t…I don’t really have any information for you.” Aiden said softly, drawing in on himself and trying to make himself as small as possible. For all this man talked about overthrowing vampire nobility, he was still a vampire. It was best to seem weak.
“Lennix? You’re sure?”
It was as if a switch had been flipped, Jasper’s shoulders tensing and his left hand twitching. Aiden nodded, trying to keep himself from flinching away from the sudden rage burning in Jasper’s eyes.
“So that’s where she went…” Jasper ran a hand over his hair and sighed as he considered Aiden, tilting his head to the side slightly. “You have a hopeless air about you. I’m surprised no one else has noticed.”
Aiden frowned at Jasper, noticing the quick change of subject. He made quick eye contact before he went back to staring at the ground.
“I doubt anyone who works for Nick cares if I seem happy or not.”
“What family are you from? You said they owed a debt to a vampire family.” Jasper moved closer to Aiden, rage simmering beneath the surface.
“Rothmore. I don’t know the specifics of the debt, I didn’t even know about the debt until I was…asked for. I guess it seemed interesting at first. I…didn’t hate the idea. Nick is different from what I imagined, though. He’s ruthless and controlling. I can’t wear what I want, I can’t have hobbies, I’m trapped, waiting on his every whim. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to feel good.” Aiden couldn’t stop himself once he began talking. He’d never had anyone care to listen to him before. “I’m just for show, for him to use as a status symbol. He brings me to these parties so he can show me off, show off his conquests and the marks. He told me once that vampire saliva has healing powers but he’s never bothered to use it on any of the marks. He likes to tempt his vassals with me. I’ve never made a decision for myself. I can’t stand it…”
“Would you like to make your own decisions?” Jasper asked, moving closer and putting a hand under Aiden’s chin. Aiden flinched a little but still met Jasper’s gaze. “If you send me information I can help you.”
“Nick isn’t…I could barely sneak away tonight and he’s suspicious…I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have come out here….” Aiden chewed on his lower lip, tasting the lipstick as he pulled the dried skin off his lower lip with his teeth. Jasper’s gaze slid to his lips for a moment.
“It’s not all bad. It sounds like you haven’t talked to someone from the outside world in a while. I’m more than happy to provide that for you, love.”
“What do you want? Really?”
“Your freedom isn’t enough?”
“You just met me tonight. You want something else, I can tell.”
“Huh. You really are sharp. You could say this is just….making my presence known. Reminding the nobility that I’m still here.” Jasper smirked at Aiden, dropping his hand to lightly graze Aiden’s neck. “So, what do you want, love? I doubt you came out here just because of my dashing good looks and I do owe you. You’ve helped me find someone very important.”
Aiden continued to chew on his lower lip, acutely aware of how close together they were. He’d never been this close to someone else, someone other than Nick. Jasper’s fangs glinted in the moonlight, reminding Aiden of the vampire’s true nature.
“I just want to be free.” He breathed, his voice barely audible.
“I promise, someday you will be.”
Aiden’s eyebrows drew together and he tasted blood as he chewed his lip. Jasper’s eyes snapped to his mouth, the red in his eyes deepening.
Aiden flushed and looked away. He felt Jasper’s thumb brush along the crack in his lip, the tension between them growing heavier. There was something much different about this than any of the times he had bled in front of Nick. Jasper was gentle, his hand soft on Aiden’s chin as he considered the wound.
“You know, he wasn’t lying. About healing.” He said, meeting Aiden’s eyes and smirking, his fangs glinting in the moonlight again. “I could show you.”
Aiden froze, anxiety rising in his chest again.
“I…” Was this the right thing? Was this what he really wanted? “What…what do you mean?”
Jasper brought his bloody thumb to his mouth and tilted his head to the side again as he licked it clean.
“I can heal that for you.”
“What’s the price?” Everything had a price.
“No price. Consider it payment for your services. I can’t offer you real freedom. Not yet, at least. But this? This is your choice entirely.” Jasper’s eyes traveled back to Aiden’s mouth as he said it.
Aiden hesitated and then nodded.
Jasper crowded him against the wall of the building, allowing Aiden a moment to object if he wanted to. He ran his tongue along Aiden’s lower lip, making a small contented noise, and then kissed him, wrapping an arm lightly around Aiden’s waist. Aiden had never thought a vampire feeding could be intimate, if this could even be called feeding. It made him warm in a way that made him want to explore the feeling. The hand on his back tightened, tangling around the laces of his dress as he tried to pull Jasper closer.
The moment was over too quickly but Jasper didn’t move away. Instead his pushed into Aiden’s hair as his mouth found the pulse in Aiden’s neck, kissing it lightly. Aiden flinched and pulled away a little. “Don’t. They…the marks have to stay there. Nick will know if anything changes.”
Jasper looked up from Aiden’s neck, his eyes blazing. “He doesn’t deserve your fear.”
Aiden let his head fall back against the wall and sighed in frustration. “I don’t fear him because I think he deserves it.” Jasper planted another soft kiss on Aiden’s neck and Aiden could feel the tips of his fangs brush his skin. To his surprise he felt none of the fear he usually felt at the brush of fangs on his neck. “I fear him because he’s hurt me. I fear him because he owns me.”
Jasper hummed as he kissed Aiden’s neck again. “He doesn’t have to own you. You just have to let him think he does.”
“What do you mean?” Aiden asked, leaning into Jasper’s touch. He shuddered as Jasper’s fangs brushed his skin again, a small noise escaping the back of his throat.
He wasn’t afraid of the man in front of him. Despite everything, he wasn’t afraid.
“Let him think he owns you, let him think you’re afraid. Then you have the upper hand. He’ll drop his guard eventually. He has to. If he thinks you fear him, you can take advantage of that.” Jasper looked up at Aiden, “you don’t have to live in fear of him forever.”
Aiden closed his eyes, trying to take comfort in Jasper’s words. Trying to believe that there was a future where he was free. He took a deep breath. He didn’t want to be afraid of Nick any more. He didn’t want Nick to have such power over him. He wanted…
What did he want?
The hand on his waist traveled lower and he flushed in anticipation of teeth in his neck. Jasper’s hold on him remained light, the soft kisses against Aiden’s neck insistent but not demanding.
He wanted to make his own choices.
“Bite me.”
Jasper looked up at him in surprise. “Are you sure?”
Aiden nodded, unable to use his voice. The moment of impulse had passed and he was beginning to think of all the ways this could go wrong.
“I’m not going to if you’re not sure. I need you to say it.”
“I…” Aiden started, clearing his throat and tilting his head to the side, his face turning red. “Can you make sure you don’t leave a mark?”
Jasper nodded, his eyes glued to Aiden’s pulse point. “No one will be able to tell.”
Aiden took a deep breath. “Okay. Yeah. I’m sure. I want you to bite me. I want to know what it’s like, to choose for myself.”
Jasper hesitated a moment longer, as if giving Aiden a last chance to back out. Aiden smiled a little bit at him, hoping he looked confident and not scared. Jasper tangled his hand in Aiden’s hair again and pulled his head to the side gently, lowering his mouth to Aiden’s neck. He ran his tongue lightly along Aiden’s pulse, as if he was choosing a spot with care. Aiden shivered as Jasper pressed his fangs against his neck. He looked up through his eyelashes at Aiden, looking for a last confirmation that this was okay. Aiden bit his lip and nodded, his breath growing heavier. He felt warm, anticipation growing in his stomach. Jasper’s breath was cold against his neck and he relaxed against the wall behind him. Every touch of fang made him shiver, his breath catching as Jasper’s fangs pushed into his neck.
He’d never felt this way when Nick bit him. There was none of the pain he was used to. He felt euphoria. He moaned softly as he felt Jasper swallow, ice spreading through his veins in sharp contrast to the warmth radiating from the pit of his stomach. The fangs left his neck and Jasper pushed him harder against the wall, long fingers digging into his back as he fed. Aiden felt his face flush at the intimacy of the moment. Euphoria flooded his body with each pull on his blood. It was completely unlike anything he’d ever felt. He was lost in this moment, Jasper’s touch was all that mattered. He allowed himself to surrender completely, allowed himself to trust this man he had truly only just met, just for a moment where he could be his own person.
In a dark alleyway, Aiden felt his first real moment of freedom.
Jasper ran his tongue along the puncture marks, cleaning them as they continued to bleed slowly. Even as the hand in his hair tightened, the way that Jasper touched Aiden remained slow and gentle. Jasper made a small noise of satisfaction against Aiden’s neck before he pulled away, his eyes traveling over Aiden’s face.
Aiden brought a hand to where Jasper had bitten him, feeling the faint impression of quickly healing wounds. Jasper’s mouth was stained in his blood and it was strange how confident that made Aiden feel. Aiden grinned at Jasper, his brain slowly coming back to him.
“Thanks.”
“I should be thanking you, love.” Jasper said with a satisfied smile.
Aiden felt a tingle up his spine as he blushed. He let his forehead fall onto Jasper’s shoulder and sighed. “I suspect you won’t be welcome at any of these events anymore.” He said softly, all his worries and anxiety slowly coming back to him. He’d been out here for so long… “I need to get back inside…”
Jasper didn’t move immediately, for which Aiden was glad. He wasn’t sure he would be able to stand on his own yet.
“I can leave a number with you, call if you need help.”
“I…okay.” Aiden took a deep breath and lifted his head from Jasper’s shoulder. Jasper pulled a business card out of his pocket and turned it over, scribbling a phone number on the back with a pen he had also retrieved from his pockets. He pressed the card into Aiden’s hand and smirked.
“Call for any reason, really. I’d love to do this again.” He said, teasing.
“Do you do this often?” Aiden asked with a snort.
“Hm, it’s never quite this romantic.”
Aiden laughed and pushed Jasper away from him lightly. “I have to go back in.”
Jasper sulked a little as Aiden pushed him away and reached down to take his hand. He bowed over Aiden’s hand and kissed it, looking up to make eye contact as he did so. “I’ll see you around, love.”
Aiden blushed and slipped back into the building, hoping his absence hadn’t been noticed.
Content/Warning Tags: Transphobia, Abuse, some Blood and Gore, Mild Sexual Content
Updates on Thursday
Chapter 2
Aiden followed Vengeance out of the building, moving carefully. His side hadn't completely healed and his body hurt from the fight. He could feel his skin slowly knitting itself back together but he wasn’t strong enough to fully heal yet. It had just made his hunger more apparent. He tried to keep his eyes on their surroundings so that he knew where Vengeance was taking him, but his attention kept straying to the fading puncture marks in his neck. The farther they got from a part of the city he was beginning to become familiar with, the more his anxiety began to overtake his hunger.
Why was this man helping him?
Where was he being taken?
His steps slowed and his distraction lessened as Vengeance continued moving away from him. He could no longer pick up the scent of Vengeance’s blood. He felt his thoughts clear and his survival instinct began to kick in.
What was he doing, following a stranger just because he had been promised a meal?
Vengeance turned when Aiden stopped walking and he raised an eyebrow.
"Why are you helping me?" Aiden asked, taking a step back as Vengeance walked over to him. He needed to keep his clear head. He couldn't keep letting his hunger make decisions for him.
"Does it matter?"
Aiden took another step back but hesitated to answer. How was Vengeance doing this? Why did he want to trust him?
"Yeah, it matters.” Aiden said, crossing his arms tightly over his chest. “How do I know I can trust you? How do I know you're not...not tricking me or something?"
"This isn't exactly a good conversation to have here." Vengeance said, gesturing at the street around them.
"So I should just follow you to who knows where with no explanation of who you are or why you're helping me? How do I know you're not just going to turn me in? How do I know you weren't just trying to lull me into a false sense of security?"
"I don't plan on turning you in, love." Vengeance had stopped trying to close the gap between them and Aiden relaxed a little bit. "I also don't plan on killing you. Right now we're headed to my apartment, I have more there that can help you, including blood. You can stay here, if you would like, and let yourself be hunted down. The bounty on your head is high, I doubt you'll survive the night on your own like this."
Aiden hesitated, tugging at the front of his shirt. He took a deep breath, inhaling until the fresh skin on his side tightened and ace bandages around his chest began to feel constrictive. He exhaled and then nodded. "Okay. I expect a better explanation later."
Vengeance rolled his eyes a little bit and turned. "You stick out in the underground, love."
Aiden flushed slightly as he followed, still staying a little further from Vengeance than was necessary. He wanted to keep his wits about him. Close proximity to Vengeance was an unnecessary distraction.
Vengeance seemed to notice his hesitation and he slowed down to close the gap between them. Aiden kept his eyes on his feet as they walked. "Distracted?"
Aiden glared at him before shifting his gaze back to the street. "You mean it wasn't intentional? You know, like trying to seduce me into trusting you or something.”
"Only a little. What can I say, I've got a weakness for a pretty face." Vengeance winked at him and smirked. "I also didn't want to have to carry you all the way to my apartment while you were bleeding out."
"Oh, yeah..." Aiden was glad it was dark out so Vengeance couldn't see how flustered he was. Or, at least, couldn't see it as well. Probably.
Vengeance led him through an alleyway and pulled a set of keys out of his pocket. He had to try a few times to get the door to unlock and Aiden's uncertainties increased. There was nothing about this situation that made him feel better. Well, almost nothing. He was becoming more comfortable with how much he wanted to trust Vengeance.
The building was dark and dirty, with small hallways and ratty carpet. They passed a stain on the stairs that looked like blood and Aiden could feel himself becoming more anxious. He'd been turned a few years ago, blood stains weren’t that unusual to him, but he had spent the last few years in a position of privilege. Or, in a position that many would consider privileged. Those who didn't know how trapped he had been or how he'd been turned. Many of his fellow vampires forgot, perhaps intentionally, the trauma of being turned.
Vengeance unlocked the door to apartment 204 and pushed it open. “Come on in.” He said, as if it were second nature to him to invite vampires across the threshold of his home.
Vengeance's apartment was cleaner than the rest of the building and there was something sterile about the way it smelled. There were large blackout curtains over every window and it was sparsely furnished. An antique-looking black couch was pushed against one wall, facing a TV, with a large armchair in a corner.
“Let me grab you an intact shirt.” Vengeance said, gesturing at Aiden’s side. Before Aiden could stop him he’d disappeared into a room, leaving Aiden to stand uncomfortably by the door. He pulled at the front of his shirt, anxiety rising at the idea of having to take it off in front of a stranger. Vengeance returned quickly and Aiden stepped away reflexively to put space between them as he held out a faded black t-shirt.
Vengeance frowned slightly and tilted his head, a crease between his eyebrows as he considered Aiden.
“I’ll get blood on it.” Aiden said, trying to hide his anxiety. He pulled at the front of his shirt again without thinking about it.
“Pretty sure there’re already bloodstains on this shirt.” Vengeance said after a moment. He held the shirt out to Aiden again, leaving the space between them. "Have a seat, I’ll go grab you something to drink."
Aiden frowned, feeling panic rise in his chest. Was he expected to feed here? Vengeance disappeared into the kitchen and Aiden chose to follow him. He didn't like not knowing what was going on.
The kitchen was the source of the sterile smell. There was a small collection of medical equipment in a corner next to a leather chair. It looked more like a medical office than a kitchen, apart from the large fridge and other kitchen appliances that had no doubt come with the apartment. Aiden raised an eyebrow at Vengeance.
"Wait. What do you do?"
Vengeance opened the fridge and glanced over at Aiden. "I sell blood to those who don't want to kill." He grabbed a medical blood bag out of the fridge and sliced open the top with one of his nails. The smell of blood was overwhelming and Aiden felt his hunger grow stronger.
Vengeance grabbed his hand and raised an eyebrow.
Aiden blinked. He hadn't felt himself move.
He looked between the blood bag and Vengeance's finger nail.
"A little impatient, love.” Vengeance said with a smirk.
Aiden flushed and forced himself to take a step back. Vengeance grabbed a large mug and let go of Aiden's hand slowly, as if he wanted to make sure Aiden would behave himself. Aiden tried to keep his breathing even as Vengeance filled the mug and disposed of the empty bag. He ran his tongue over his teeth, trying to think about anything other than blood.
“As cute as you are when you’re desperate,” Vengeance said, not handing over the mug, which irritated Aiden, “go sit down. Relax. I don’t need you blood drunk in my kitchen.”
Aiden didn’t move, his eyes glued to the mug.
Vengeance sighed and rolled his eyes a little bit. “C’mon.” He grabbed Aiden’s hand, pulled him back into the living room, and pushed him onto the couch. “Don’t drink it all at once. You’ll want to and then you’ll feel terrible. Oh, and try not to get too much blood on the couch.”
Aiden grabbed the mug from him with shaking hands and glared at Vengeance before downing the contents. He closed his eyes while he felt his body fix itself and the nagging hunger subsided. A sense of giddiness came over him as he relaxed into the couch. He’d definitely drank more than was strictly necessary in order to heal himself. He felt warm now. It was a feeling he thought he’d never really get used to.
“I did warn you.” He heard Vengeance say and he opened his eyes, enjoying the buzz and the focus.
“I’m not a child.” Aiden said indignantly, running a finger along the sides of the mug to catch any blood he’d missed. Vengeance raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m not! I’m 26. I was turned years ago.”
“And yet you willingly went without blood for long enough that you couldn’t protect yourself?”
“I…I didn’t think it was safe to hunt.”
“You should put on that shirt. I’ll put this away.” He said, holding out a hand to take the mug. Something inside of Aiden panicked at the idea of wasting the remnants of blood in the mug. Vengeance leaned over Aiden, red bleeding into his eyes, and raised an eyebrow. “You’re not going to starve but I’m not feeding you any more until we figure out payment.” He pulled the mug out of Aiden’s hand and stepped back, eyeing the remnants on Aiden’s fingers. “Try not to drip on the couch, love.”
Aiden cleaned his fingers and forced himself to change shirts before curling up on the couch, a little sulky but mostly anxious. He was beginning to feel more like himself as the warmth continued to fill his body. Maybe he should’ve taken Vengeance’s advice and drank slower…He needed his wits about him and Vengeance was making that difficult.
Vengeance settled into the armchair, watching Aiden with an unreadable expression on his face. Aiden felt his face flush under Vengeance’s gaze and he averted his eyes, trying to ignore the way his heart raced. “I don’t…” He started, “I don’t have any money.”
“You can pay with information, if you know anything useful. I also have a few clients who enjoy vampire blood, if you don’t know anything useful.” Vengeance said, crossing his arms. Aiden could still feel his gaze. “You could start with a little something about yourself. It’s unusual that someone ends up with such a high bounty on their head.”
“What do you want to know?” Aiden asked, anxiety rising in his chest.
“Your name, why you’re on the run, take your pick. Something tells me the information being passed around about you isn’t completely accurate.”
Aiden hadn’t thought of that before Vengeance pointed it out. Of course. Everyone was looking for a woman, everyone hunting him thought he was a woman, none of them knew anything about him.
And Vengeance knew.
So why had he waited until now to say something?
“My name’s Aiden. I don’t know what they’re saying about me.” He knew but he wasn’t going to explain it to Vengeance. He didn’t care if this man knew who he really was. He didn’t care that Vengeance had been flirting with him and probably only because he thought Aiden was a woman. His thoughts didn’t stray to the way Vengeance had pushed him against a wall and offered his blood. Definitely not. “I was married, I guess. I don’t know how legal it was. It wasn’t like, a real relationship…He was vampire nobility, fairly important as far as I was aware but I was only really arm candy for him. We had…we had a fight.” He trailed off, his hands shaking slightly.
“And now he’s dead.” Vengeance said, his voice unreadable. Something like rage or guilt traveled across his face as he studied Aiden.
Aiden nodded.
“Did he turn you?”
Aiden didn’t respond, he didn’t want to talk about that aspect of his previous relationship.
“Well, it’s not everything I wanted but it explains a few things.” Vengeance tilted his head as he considered Aiden. “The nobility have always been old fashioned, as if their age can be used as an excuse for their bigotry.”
Years ago, when Aiden was still human, he would have considered bigotry to be the least of the nobility’s crimes.
“It probably isn’t safe for you to leave just yet, we should let the hunters move on. This apartment is warded so they should have lost your trail. I have a few people picking up tonight, but no vampires so you’ll be safe for the moment.” Vengeance said, “Just try and stay out of the way.”
Aiden nodded, surprised. “Thank you…are you sure it’s okay?”
Vengeance smirked at him, showing more fang than necessary. “Cute boys are always welcome in my apartment.”
Aiden’s breath caught as euphoria flooded his body. He had no idea how to respond.
Vengeance knew. He knew and he was…actually respectful, if not completely accepting.
Content/Warning Tags: Transphobia, Abuse, some Blood and Gore, Mild Sexual Content
Updates on Thursday
Chapter 1
Aiden pulled his hood up to cover his face. His hoodie was dark and it was easy for him to blend in with the shadows near buildings. Hunger gnawed at him but hunting was too dangerous right now. He ran his tongue over his teeth while he waited in an alleyway, out of the light of the street lamp. It was almost 3am, there weren’t many people out, but it wasn’t people he was worried about. He was pretty sure he had someone on his tail tonight.
He was tired of this. It had been over a week of no sleep and barely any food. He waited anxiously each day for the sun to set and tried to cover as much ground as possible each night. It was running him ragged. The last time he’d eaten had been days ago and three states away. It wasn’t safe. The people hunting him would be on the lookout for mysterious deaths or injuries. They were too close right now.
Once he was certain he wasn’t being followed he stepped out into the street, continuing to stick to the shadows as much as he could. The only perk of being out at night was that no one looked twice at any skulking figures. He could blend in with his surroundings without risking any questions that could get him caught. He had no one he could trust. He couldn’t go back to his college friends, they’d have too many questions. He’d changed too much. He couldn’t trust anyone like him either. They’d all turn him in in a heartbeat.
Of course, that’s what happened when you killed a member of the vampire nobility.
He was distracted by a nearby heartbeat and ducked into another alley, trying to ignore how hungry it made him. His fangs ached with the desire to plunge into the soft skin of a neck, to release the warm gush of blood that would bring him satisfaction. He crouched down and held his breath, waiting on the balls of his feet for the human to pass. His hands shook as he waited and once the heartbeat faded he collapsed against the wall behind him, letting his breath go slowly.
He always thought it was odd that he needed to breathe.
“Oh look, how suspicious.” A low voice commented from farther in the alley. “Who’re we hiding from, love?”
Aiden scrambled to his feet as the speaker moved closer. How had he not noticed earlier?
The man who had spoken was not tall but carried an air of danger that made him an imposing figure. His long dark hair was pulled back into a half ponytail that revealed the shaved and tattooed sides of his head. On his hands were gothic style rings that drew attention to slender fingers and fingernails that were painted black. His tattoos curled in lines of magic up his dark arms and disappeared under the black tank top he was wearing. He smirked at Aiden’s surprise, revealing pointed fangs.
“How can you tell I’m hiding?” Aiden asked, taking a step away from the man.
“Please, you’re not doing a very good job of hiding your hunger but you’re not hunting or else you would have been on that man in a heartbeat…” The man crossed his arms and looked Aiden up and down. “Unless, of course, you’re new to this.”
Aiden frowned at the man. At least he didn’t seem to recognize Aiden. “What do you mean?” He asked suspiciously. A vampire that didn’t recognize him could be a useful ally. Or a worse enemy.
“New to hunting, love. Newly turned.”
“No, I’m not, I’m just…”
“Hiding.” The man finished helpfully. He stepped closer and the street light glinted off of two lower lip piercings that mirrored the tips of his fangs. “I could help you, for a price.”
“I don’t have any money.” Aiden was reluctant to accept help so soon, but he had a hard time thinking past his hunger.
“I’m sure we can figure something out. Consider it a favor, for now.” When Aiden didn’t respond the man shrugged and held out a card. “If you reconsider, here’s how to find me.”
Aiden hesitated and then took the card.
Vengeance
(555)555-1234
“Call me.” The man said with a grin and a wink as he walked past Aiden to the street.
Aiden blushed faintly, staring at the card. Help would be nice, but he didn’t intend to stay in one place for that long and he didn’t want to get anyone else caught up in his mess.
Besides.
Had he been flirting?
—
The next night Aiden hadn’t managed to move on. Other vampires had caught his trail again and he’d been forced to hide in an abandoned building until night fell again. He was pretty sure there were human hunters on his trail too but where they’d come from and who they were working for was a mystery to him. Had word of his crimes gotten far enough to inspire monster hunters to try and take him down? If so, they’d be disappointed. The only reason he had any power now was because of his vampiric abilities. Against trained fighters he was bound to lose.
He pulled Vengeance’s card out of his pocket and stared at the number again. He was hungry. Maybe it was worth it. Maybe he’d be able to get a good meal and stay somewhere warm and safe for a few hours…
He shook his head and shoved the card back into his pocket before he pushed himself up from the floor. His tail had to have moved on at this point. He was fairly sure no one had seen him duck into the building. He shook a little as he stood. He was starting to feel weak from the lack of food. That wasn’t a good sign. He had to keep moving tonight, though. The longer he stayed in one place the more likely it was he would be found and killed. Or worse.
He stepped out onto the street and a figure jumped from a rooftop to meet him.
“No one believed me when I said you’d have to emerge soon!” They exclaimed, grinning down at him, their mask unable to hide the dangerous tips of their fangs.
Aiden froze and glanced around. There was a back door or maybe he could jump out a window…
He made eye contact with his assailant before he turned and ran. He expended a small amount of his waning energy to appear at the top of the stairs.
Pain exploded from his side and the scent of blood was overwhelming. He felt claws dig into his side, twisting painfully as he turned to face the person chasing him.
“It’s been too long since you fed, hasn’t it?” The vampire said with a grin. “At least this will be easy.”
The claws retracted from his side as he was flung against the railing of the stairs, crashing through it and hitting the floor hard. He tried to push himself up, stunned, as he heard a thud next to him. A foot collided with his ribs and he gasped in pain.
“There’s a pretty nice bounty on your head, you should have known you couldn’t run forever.”
He was barely healing as he pushed himself shakily to his feet. He could get away. He knew he could. He felt another blow connect with his abdomen and he hit the wall, winded. His vision swam.
He should have eaten.
He should have gone with Vengeance.
He was going to be caught.
There was a cry and a crash. Aiden struggled to focus his sight on his assailant as they lay lifeless, slowly turning to ash from a stake in their chest.
In front of him a man stretched his arm out and smirked at Aiden.
“I told you to call me.” Vengeance said, reaching out to help Aiden up.
Aiden winced as he stood and put a hand to the wound in his side. It should have closed up by now. It would have, before. Vengeance caught him before he fell. He was stronger than he looked…
Aiden’s head fell against Vengeance’s shoulder and he became acutely aware of how the other man smelled. Had he just fed? It was close enough to the scent of fresh human blood that it aggravated his hunger. A small feral noise escaped the back of his throat and his fangs ached.
Vengeance tilted his head slightly to expose more of his neck.
“This is a one time offer, love. Don’t go so long between meals next time.”
Aiden looked up, red bleeding into his eyes. He shook his head slightly, focusing on keeping his balance as he pushed himself off of Vengeance.
“I’ll be fine. I don’t want to be in your debt.”
“Free of charge.” Vengeance pushed into his space. “I don’t need you dying on me because you refused a snack.”
He ran his fingers into Aiden’s hair and pulled him close, settling in to hold Aiden’s weight as the other man weakened.
“Thank you…” He said, still hesitating. He’d never fed from another vampire before.
“You’d better hurry, love. They weren’t alone.”
Aiden grumbled and hesitated a moment longer before giving in to his hunger. He sank his fangs into Vengeance’s neck and felt the pain in his side subside almost immediately. He started to lose himself in the sensation, the fog in his brain lifting somewhat as he fed. It tasted better than he had anticipated… The hand in his hair tightened after a long moment and tugged. Aiden looked up reluctantly, a drop of blood falling down his chin as he met Vengeance’s eyes.
“Better?” Vengeance said with a smirk.
Aiden nodded, his eyes straying to the puncture marks in the other man’s neck.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get you a real meal soon.” Vengeance said, bringing his hand up to the bite and wiping away some of the blood. Aiden’s eyes followed his hand and Vengeance stepped away, his smirk widening. “Unless you still don’t want my help, of course.”
Aiden felt his still-healing side and then looked back at Vengeance as he left the building. He’d just accept the meal and then leave. It would be easier to run with his strength returned.
Time to play a game: Guess what my newest project is!
I've gotten to a point with my novel that I'm just editing and waiting for feedback so I've begun a few fanfic projects. I've already started posting one on my AO3 but I just started a new one this week hehe
so, without further ado, a leak:
"He told himself that it was so they could talk through the plan for taking down these paladins. It was all just part of his plan. Get allies. Convince them he was worth fighting for. Convince them he had something to offer."
Warnings: Transphobia, mentions of abuse, mentions of stalking, alcoholism, cannabis
Words: 3.8k
6 years later
Aiden stood outside a ratty apartment building and checked his phone. This was the right address, according to the text from Josh. Why Josh couldn’t be the one to pick up the weed, Aiden didn’t know. He’d said something about trying to get Aiden to live a little. It was only a few months since Aiden had been able to move away from his ex, only a few months living with his real name, only a few months on T, only a few months of real healing. Josh said the errand would be good for him, that he needed to meet people as himself and stop worrying that Nick was always going to find him. His light brown hair was much shorter now, with an undercut, and he’d gotten a septum piercing the day his divorce was settled. Testosterone had lowered his voice but it still cracked frequently. It had only been a few months, after all.
The last six years, his marriage, coming out, divorce. He was cut off from his family now, they still “mourned” their daughter and refused to acknowledge him, claiming that his selfishness had destroyed their family and if it hadn’t been for Josh he wouldn’t have ever found the strength to keep going through it. He supposed he should be grateful that Josh was trying to look out for him and get him out of the house, but in this moment, looking at the door of this apartment building he wondered if Josh was right. He’d never picked up drugs before and despite Josh’s walk through of how it was supposed to work, he was tempted to just leave and make Josh come back and do it himself.
He checked the address again and then took a deep breath. He could do this.
Aiden stepped up to the front door and rang the buzzer. He was buzzed into the apartment almost immediately. He checked the address again, anxiety taking over as he stepped across the threshold. Apartment 204. Up the stairs and to the left, the instructions said.
He knocked on the apartment door and waited anxiously. Had he not knocked loud enough? What if this was the wrong apartment? He glanced up and down the dingy hallway and then back at the door just as it opened.
The man on the other side of the door had long black hair that was tied away from his face, revealing the shaved and tattooed sides of his head. His skin was dark where it wasn’t covered in tattoos. He wore a tight ripped tank top and black jeans. His arms were folded across his chest as he leaned on the doorway, looking at Aiden with tired dark brown eyes.
Aiden nearly lost his breath.
This man was incredibly attractive.
“Josh said he was sending someone else, that you?” The man said, raising an eyebrow at Aiden’s silence. His voice was a little raspy and there was something vaguely familiar about it.
There was something just a little bit familiar about his face too.
“Oh, uh, yeah, sorry.”
A fluffy white cat wound its way around the man’s feet and meowed up at Aiden. The man looked at the cat and then back up at Aiden with an odd look on his face. “Come on in.”
Aiden stepped across the threshold and the man closed the door behind him. “I’ll be right back.” The man said, crossing the living room and disappearing into a bedroom. Aiden shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets as he took in his surroundings. The apartment was cleaner than the hallway, and brighter. There was a rack of shoes by the door, mostly taken over by a large collection of heels. Farther into the apartment was a couch, TV, and a desk in the corner. The desk was messy and there were a few jackets strewn across the couch but Aiden was too anxious to step farther into the apartment and get a better look at everything.
The man reappeared with a plastic bag and held out a ring-covered hand. His tattoos spread out from the backs of his hands up his (very muscular) arms, a large vine tattoo beginning at his elbow and disappearing under his shirt at the shoulder. He looked expectantly at Aiden and then raised an eyebrow. “Josh gave you cash, yeah?”
Aiden tore his eyes away from the man’s arms, startled. “Yeah, yeah, sorry.” He dug in his pocket for the cash and the man smirked.
“See something you like, sunshine?”
Aiden felt his face turn red as his heart rate increased. Sunshine? No one called him sunshine. Not since Vengeance. He fumbled with the cash, hands shaking slightly. That was someone he hadn’t thought about in years and now that he had remembered it felt like his emotions were hit by a truck. “Sorry I don’t, uh, I don’t do this often.”
“I never would have guessed.” The man deadpanned and Aiden flushed an even deeper red.
Their hands brushed as he handed over the cash and the man gave him the bag.
This was where Josh’s instructions failed him. Did Aiden just…leave now? His decision was made for him as the cat rubbed against his legs and meowed for attention.
“Gremlin likes you.” The man said, considering. “I’m Jasper, by the way.”
“Oh, I’m Aiden, I’m Josh’s roommate.”
“You must be new, he didn’t mention you last time he picked up.”
“Yeah, I moved in just the other month.” Aiden crouched down to pet Gremlin in order to hide how incredibly awkward he felt, standing practically in the doorway of this apartment.
“Can’t imagine anyone would want to move here, stupid ass small town.” Jasper said with a scowl.
“Yeah, well, not many options and I went to school with Josh so he offered me a room.” Aiden felt himself getting a little irritated, what did this guy know about his life? This small town was better than getting stalked. “Anyways, I should probably get going, it’s getting dark.” He straightened up and met Jasper’s eyes. The other man had crossed his arms and was watching him closely. There was something strange about the way he looked at Aiden that Aiden couldn’t place.
“You walk here?” He asked, leaning against the wall.
“Huh? Yeah, why?” Aiden asked, taken aback.
“Want a ride? Can’t let a cute guy like you walk home alone, that’d be rude.” Jasper smirked at him and Aiden felt his face turn red.
“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”
Jasper grabbed a set of keys off the wall and they left the apartment. Aiden noticed that Jasper checked the locks a few times before setting off down the hallway. Was it paranoia or issues with the building? “Have you ever ridden a motorcycle before?” He asked as they walked.
Aiden’s anxiety spiked. “No, why?”
They entered an underground parking lot and Jasper led them to a red motorcycle that read “Vengeance” on one side.
Aiden slowed abruptly and his thoughts went into overdrive.
Jasper swung his leg over the motorcycle and smirked at Aiden. “You might wanna hold on.”
Aiden felt his body move as his brain tried to process what was happening.
It was him.
“This doesn’t seem very safe.” He heard himself say and Jasper smirked, leaning back and getting close.
“Might wanna hold on tight then, sunshine.”
Aiden flushed a deep red as his thoughts were thrown back into disarray. He was hyper aware of every place their bodies touched as the motorcycle exited the parking lot and sped off. He could feel Jasper’s abs under his shirt and the way his chest moved under his binder as he leaned against Jasper’s back. He could feel every move Jasper made as they rode.
Had Josh known?
Had Jasper recognized him?
No, he can’t have. Aiden had changed too much. They’d never really met. He probably hadn’t figured it out. Maybe he just called everyone “sunshine.” Josh…if Josh had known Aiden wasn’t sure he’d forgive him for not giving Aiden a heads up, for making Aiden run this errand, for not telling him his drug dealer was the first person Aiden had ever fallen for.
Vengeance had ghosted him. It wasn’t like they’d been together. It had been a silly dream and Aiden had moved on. Right?
They got to Aiden’s apartment and he dismounted in silence. Did he say something? Did he want to say something? Did he want this man to know who he was?
“Thanks for the ride.” He said lamely, trying to not think too hard about the tug in his chest prompting him to say something.
Jasper reached into his pocket and took Aiden’s hand, turning it palm up. Aiden’s face turned red as Jasper pulled out a sharpie and wrote something on Aiden’s hand. His hands were a little chilled from the wind during the ride over and at this distance Aiden could see little scars under the tattoos. “Don’t mention it, sunshine. Have a good night.” He said, looking up from his writing with a smirk. He let go of Aiden’s hand and Aiden took a step back, looking down at his palm while Jasper sped off back down the road.
It was a phone number.
When Aiden entered his apartment he was still reeling. Josh poked his head around the corner from the kitchen and frowned. “Hey babe, what’s up?” He took a look at Aiden’s face and frowned. “What happened?”
Aiden pulled the plastic bag from Jasper out of his pocket and faced Josh. “Did you know?” He demanded, hands shaking.
“Know what?” Josh asked, concern deepening.
“Jasper. Vengeance. Remember?” Aiden pushed the bag into Josh’s hands and moved into the living room, sinking down into a large armchair along the wall.
“Aiden, what are you talking about? Wasn’t Vengeance that guy you almost hooked up with in college?” Josh followed him into the living room. “Slow down, Aiden. Here, uh, gimme a sec.” Josh disappeared quickly into the other room and returned with a drink and his vape. He handed Aiden the drink first. “You gotta chill, babe. Take a second, have a drink, deep breaths."
Aiden ran a hand through his hair and squeezed his eyes closed, trying to sort through his thoughts. He took a drink and nearly choked as he swallowed. “How much alcohol did you put in this???”
“Enough?”
Aiden rolled his eyes. “Sure. Uh. Okay. Jasper. He’s got a motorcycle.” Once he started speaking it felt hard to stop. “It says Vengeance on it. I thought he looked familiar but it’s been so long and I never met him in person and then I saw the bike and I think it’s him and you knew him and never said anything.”
“We didn’t like, talk in high school. He was in a gang, babe. I think he killed someone. We kind of ran in different circles.” Josh said, settling down on the couch with a concerned frown. “I like, trust him enough to buy weed from him, not really enough to have spent time around him. I’ve never even seen his bike. Besides, I’m pretty sure he’s straight.”
Aiden snorted and took another drink. “Yeah, no, he was definitely hitting on me. He fucking gave me a ride home. What do you mean he killed someone?”
“Apparently it was self defense, there was a whole thing our senior year, I never really knew many details and there were so many versions of the story. I guess Jasper pissed off the leader of the gang he was in and a bunch of kids got abducted. Calling it a gang is probably stupid, honestly, It was more like a couple of psychotic assholes who realized they could scare teens into selling drugs for them. Anyways, Jasper’s girlfriend was one of them and he and another kid in our class snuck into their hideout and shot the leader. That’s the version the newspapers ran with, at least.”
“Jesus christ…” Aiden finished the drink and made a face. “What the fuck do I do.”
Josh passed him the vape. “He’s got issues, Aiden. I’d probably just stay away from him if I were you. Hot, yes. Dateable? I don’t think so.”
Aiden looked down at the number on his palm and groaned. This was a mess.
Josh followed Aiden’s gaze and raised his eyebrows. “Wow, he really was hitting on you. Do you think he recognized you?”
“I don’t know…god, how did I end up moving to the same town as Vengeance. I hadn’t even thought about him in years and now…I have his fucking phone number and he knows where I live.”
“I’m getting you another drink.” Josh grabbed his glass and got up. “If he didn’t recognize you there aren’t like, many reasons for you to have to see him, at least for now.” He called from the kitchen. “It’s a small town but if you don’t want to run into him you probably don’t have to.”
“This is so fucking STUPID.” Aiden exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air in frustration. Frustration at himself for being so taken aback by this, for having such anxiety over a guy he hadn’t thought about in years, for being so thrown off by something that seemed so insignificant, for his mind continually straying to what Jasper’s hair had smelled like and how his body had felt against Aiden’s. “It was stupid when I was 19 and couldn’t stop myself from falling for him and it’s stupid now! He didn’t even recognize me! Or maybe he did and really is straight and only hit on me because he’s a transphobic asshole!”
“I doubt it, to be honest.” Josh had a drink for himself as well when he reemerged from the kitchen. “He almost sent a guy to the hospital in high school for bullying a trans girl. Would it be easier for you if he had recognized you?”
“I don’t fucking know.” Aiden downed half his drink in one gulp and Josh raised an eyebrow.
“Alrighty, babe, slow down a bit. I’ve been making these pretty strong.”
“The asshole ghosted me. He kept saying he’d help me get out and he ghosted me.” Aiden finished his drink and stood suddenly. The room felt stifling. He couldn’t think straight. “I need to take a walk.”
Josh followed him to the door in concern. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? Aiden.” He grabbed Aiden’s shoulders and forced him to face him. “Scale of 1 to 10. You just chugged that drink. Be honest.”
Aiden shook Josh off and grabbed his keys. “I’ll be fine I just…I need to be alone. I need to think.”
With that he pulled the door open and slammed it behind him, cutting off Josh’s protest.
Aiden wasn’t paying attention while he walked. Sure enough his second drink started to hit a few blocks from the apartment and he stumbled a bit on an uneven patch of sidewalk. This only frustrated him more. How dare Vengeance come back into his life like this. Aiden couldn’t decide if he was mad or relieved that Jasper hadn’t recognized him. The rational part of him knew that nothing that had happened to him had been Jasper’s fault but he was still angry. All the hurt and betrayal he had felt six years ago had reappeared so quickly and he had nothing to do with it. No where to put it.
It was all so much.
He stumbled again and stopped.
What was the use in just wondering. There was somewhere he could direct all this frustration. Looking around he realized he was already nearly halfway there. Had his feet been directing him this way the whole time?
He started walking again with more purpose.
For the second time today he found himself standing outside Jasper’s apartment building. This time he wasted no time buzzing the apartment. When there was no reply he buzzed again. Part of him thought that maybe no one was home but it didn’t matter to the rest of him. He was fueled by betrayal and confusion and alcohol.
He buzzed up to the apartment again and again, intent on getting Jasper’s attention.
Finally the front door opened and he turned, planning on sneaking past whoever was leaving, and found himself face to face with Jasper and a knife.
“What the fuck is your problem?!?”
Ignoring the knife, Aiden pushed his way into Jasper’s space and into the narrow lobby of the building. “You are, Vengeance.” He saw Jasper’s defense fall briefly when he said the name and pushed in closer. “You can’t tell me that no part of you recognizes me.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jasper countered but he didn’t sound certain. He took a step back and hit the wall. “No one’s called me that in years.”
“Oh yeah? ‘Cause it was your secret tinder name or something?”
Aiden had him cornered now and he didn’t plan on retreating. “Come on, I haven’t changed that much, or does the transition confuse you?”
“Transition? I…” The hand with the knife had dropped to Jasper’s side but it twitched as Aiden moved in closer. “I don’t know who you are.”
Aiden grabbed the front of Jasper’s shirt, his plan falling apart in front of him but his frustration building. “Really, Ven? You’re a fucking asshole, you know that?”
Jasper’s breath hitched. “You said,” He started, eyes narrowing. “You said ‘transition,’ did you mean…”
A small part of Aiden was elated that it had taken Jasper so long to figure out he was trans. “Yeah.”
“You’re trans. So Aiden-” He was cut off by someone opening the apartment building door. The man gave them a glance but thankfully ignored them. They stood frozen while the man’s footsteps disappeared. Aiden’s head was swimming now from the alcohol now and he leaned into Jasper, holding himself steady with the hand buried in the neck of Jasper’s shirt. “Hey, sunshine, are you okay?”
Aiden nodded, his face flushing at the nickname.
“Jesus, how much did you drink before coming over here?” Jasper asked, a loose arm coming around Aiden’s waist.
“I fucking loved you.” Aiden said angrily as his head fell against Jasper’s shoulder.
“I…I know you did.”
“You never showed up. Never texted me. Never explained.”
Jasper was quiet for a moment and then he ruffled Aiden’s hair. “C’mon, sunshine. Not a good conversation for my shitty apartment lobby.”
He took Aiden’s hand and Aiden let him be led up the stairs to Jasper’s apartment. Once inside Jasper let go of his hand. “I’m going to get you water. Sit down.”
Aiden collapsed onto the couch, trying to get his emotions under control. The alcohol made that significantly harder. He’d been right. He’d been right and now he didn’t know what to do.
A glass of water was pushed into his hands and the couch next to him dipped as Jasper sat down.
“You’re really…” Jasper started, sounding unsure. Aiden nodded. “When did you…when did you transition?”
“Last year.”
“So when we met-”
“I’m not the one who was using a fake name.” Aiden said, cutting him off. “When you called me ‘sunshine’ today was it because you recognized me or do you just call everyone ‘sunshine?’”
“It just fit your vibe, I guess. I don’t know. I don’t call everyone sunshine.”
“You know what I fucking mean.” Aiden snapped. “You hurt me. I got married and divorced and stalked and cut off and you…you kept saying you’d help me get out and you didn’t.”
“Yeah, well, I got sent to rehab.” Jasper started, sounding irritated. Aiden looked at him and raised an eyebrow, as if questioning his honesty, and he continued less aggressively “My ex came and tried to convince me to go and my friend was helping and there was a fight. My phone got smashed. I couldn’t get a new one until I was out and then you weren’t…I couldn’t find a way to contact you. I just assumed you’d moved on. My ex wanted to get back together and I thought I didn’t know how to live without her and I thought you’d moved on so I guess I just stopped trying. I really meant to show up. I did.”
Aiden was silent as he processed this. “What were you in rehab for?” He asked finally.
“That time it was alcohol, mostly. I was…not a good person and I was not in a good place. I’ve been to rehab a lot, sunshine.”
“Josh told me about high school. You…you killed someone.”
“I did. A lot of kids would have died instead if I hadn’t. A lot of my friends.”
A heavy silence fell between them.
Aiden took a drink of his water, trying to think through the alcohol haze. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah. I said Josh told me about it. I guess I just…wanted to hear about it from you.” Aiden looked up from his water and studied Jasper’s face. There was a light smattering of freckles across his nose that Aiden hadn’t noticed before. “You did tell me you weren’t relationship material, I knew you had a bad past.”
“That’s true…” Jasper said, unable to meet Aiden’s gaze. Aiden moved closer to him.
“I wanted to blame you for everything that went wrong in the last six years but actually….” Their faces were inches away from each other, Aiden emboldened by his frustration and the alcohol. “I can’t get you out of my head.”
Jasper finally met his eyes and Aiden kissed him.
Jasper froze.
Aiden pulled away, his cheeks blazing.
“Sorry…I’m, uh, I’m just drunk, I didn’t-”
Jasper moved forward quickly and cut him off, pushing him against the couch and kissing him.
They melted together and all of Aiden’s worries left his brain, replaced only by Jasper’s lips on his and his hands tangling in Jasper’s ponytail.
“I know I fucked up,” Jasper said, breaking their kiss but his hands continued to run along the edge of Aiden’s hoodie, “and I don’t know what I’m doing, but would you let me make up for leaving you alone all those years ago? When you’re not drunk, of course. We could go on a date?”
Aiden shivered a little as Jasper’s fingers made contact with his skin and his blush crept down his neck. “Yeah. I’d like that.”
Kate lay on her back on her dorm room bed, phone held above her in the dark. A classmate had convinced her to get a dating app, despite the fact that her parents disapproved heavily of them. She told herself over and over as she looked up at her phone that there was no way her parents could find this account, they didn't even know about this phone. She had gotten it the same day that she'd set up her alternate bank account, one her parents couldn't track the way they tracked the account she used for her allowance. The freedom that had come with her move to college was only dented a little by the anxiety that her parents would find out about her job (that deposited directly to her secret bank account), her new phone (that she paid for from her secret bank account), or the fact that she was actively pursuing dating people her parents hadn't vetted for her (from an account on an app her parents definitely didn't approve of).
This was the first time she'd even opened the app since making the account. She'd forced her classmate to set it up for her because she hated looking at pictures of herself. She barely even knew what it said or what pictures had been chosen. All she knew is that she had wanted it to reflect who she actually was and not who her parents wanted her to be. She'd almost asked to have it made under a fake name but she couldn't think of one she hated less than "Kate."
Her hands shook a little every time she swiped left on the app, paranoid that she would do something wrong and end up having to talk to one of these fish-catching, rich white boy college students. Exactly the kind of men her parents would approve of. Exactly what she wasn't interested in.
Eventually rejecting the options provided by the app started to become endlessly repetitive. Swipe, scroll through the profile of the seventeenth white guy named "Matt," bio full of some bullshit about the kind of woman they were looking for or lists of music and artists she'd never heard of, swipe again. Rinse and repeat.
This is stupid, she thought as she was given the profile of another white guy with a fish. This is going nowhere, it's just a waste of time.
She swiped left again and paused.
The face looking at her from the phone was aggressive. He had darkly tanned skin, his black hair styled into a messy mohawk. He was scowling at the camera and flipping it off. She could see tattoos on his hands and fingers but couldn't figure out what they were as they were partially covered up by rings and bruises. He was wearing a spiked collar and a ripped black tank top and looked like he was actively bleeding from a cut on his forehead.
Kind of scary picture to choose for a dating app...
Vengeance
18
ACAB
Bigots and posers DNI
Hookups only (unless interested in arson)
She snorted and rolled her eyes, scrolling through his profile. There was only one other picture and no additional information. The second picture was only a little less aggressive than the first one. He was seated on the step of a dirty, run down building in ripped jeans and ratty combat boots. There was a cigarette in one hand and he was flipping the camera off with his other hand. She still couldn't make out any of his tattoos but the second picture revealed more tattoos and bruises on his upper arms.
She stared at the picture for another minute.
He was kind of hot.
Actually, more than kind of. Beneath the bruises and tattoos he was absolutely ripped. His eyes were a deep, dark brown and the quirk of his lips as he scowled at the camera was almost cute. His fingernails were painted black in both photos, the paint chipping at the edges.
What would her mother say if she knew Kate was looking at an angry, punk guy covered in tattoos and blood and thought that he was hot.
Impulsively she swiped right and her phone dinged as a banner appeared:
It's a match!
She panicked and threw her phone across the room to her roommates bed.
What had her classmate put in her profile that made this Vengeance guy think she was...an option? Hot? Easy? Was he just swiping right on everyone in his quest for meaningless sex?
She covered her face in her hands, panic ebbing away as she considered.
Maybe it would be worth it. She'd never had sex before. The idea of being naked in front of another person was almost repulsive to her, baring her whole body and everything she hated about herself to another person was absolutely out of the question. But...what if she just got it over with? If this guy was just looking for meaningless hookups he didn't need to know how much she hated her boobs, how uncomfortable she was in her own body, how much she wished she'd never been born like this. There was also the added benefit that her parents would absolutely hate it if they knew what she'd done and who she'd done it with.
Hesitantly she got up and crossed the room to retrieve her phone.
There was no harm in just messaging the guy.
Right?
She sat down on the edge of her bed and stared at the empty chat, her fingers hovering over the keyboard.
Hey ; )
She deleted the message.
Arson?
Delete.
What does ACAB mean?
Delete.
Vengeance:
hi sunshine, you're pretty cute.
She panicked again and considered throwing her phone across the room again.
Taking a deep breath she responded, trying to not worry if she was sounding like an absolute moron.
Kate:
Thanks : )
Vengeance:
whatcha up to
She paused again, anxiety taking over for a second. What was she doing? This was stupid. Her parents were going to find out. She was going to get disowned, or cut off, or...something. What if she hooked up with this guy and he ended up just as violent as he looked? Was he hot enough that she would let him ruin her life?
Kate:
Mostly just avoiding homework, what about you?
Vengeance:
came to town for a show but it was lame so now i'm bored
you're in school here?
Kate:
Yeah
Vengeance:
surprised you swiped right
The panic rose in her chest again. How did he expect her to respond to that?
Vengeance:
not that i'm complaining, sunshine
Kate felt herself blush and typed out a message before her brain could respond.
Kate:
What show were you at?
Vengeance didn't respond right away and Kate felt disappointment within her anxiety.
Why am I disappointed? I barely know this guy.
Vengeance:
just a punk show at this place called the castle
it was just some guys basement
Kate:
Is that normal?
Vengeance:
yeah pretty normal, i'm crashing upstairs, it kinda sucks but my ride brought his gf and she kicked me out of their room
Kate:
That's pretty crummy, why'd she do that?
Vengeance:
i didn't wanna fuck her
also, crummy? you're more of a good girl than i expected
Kate blushed hard at that, even as her gut twisted at the word "girl."
Kate:
My parents don't approve of cuss words
Vengeance:
you say that like they're gonna come bust down your door if you say shit
you're an adult, i'm not gonna narc if you swear
Kate:
I guess it's just habit at this point. Swearing isn't really necessary
Vengeance:
you're cute
c'mon, be a bit rebellious
i promise it'll stay between us
Kate:
You want me to just swear for no reason?
Vengeance:
if you tell me where you're at i could give you a good reason ; )
promise your parents don't have to know about that either
Kate buried her face in her pillow, her anxiety slowly being replaced by a feeling of want. Slowly the idea of hooking up with this guy was getting less and less scary.
As if the universe knew that she was breaking every single one of her parents rules about men, her roommate walked in. She was a friend from high school and with every passing day Kate was starting to regret rooming with her. Kate shoved her phone under her pillow and looked up, hoping that her blush had subsided.
Her roommate looked over and raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Kate waited for her roommate to open her laptop and get settled in, which took what felt like a thousand years to happen. She felt her phone buzz under her pillow and nearly held her breath, anxious that her roommate would have heard it. Once she felt like it wouldn't be suspicious, Kate retreated to the bathroom. It was a shitty bathroom that she shared with five other girls on her floor, but the stalls locked, which was slightly safer than her room for this conversation.
New Message
Vengeance:
c'mon sunshine
Kate:
My roommate just got home
There was no response. Kate leaned her head against the cool metal of the bathroom stall and squeezed her eyes closed. Why was she so disappointed about that? Had she really thought he'd be interested if they weren't going to hook up? He was just some guy on an app who probably didn't even live here. A guy she definitely had no future with. Why was she so stupid?
Her phone buzzed.
New Message
Vengeance:
that's disappointing
i was gonna blow your mind
Kate felt relief blossom in her chest against her will.
Kate:
Sorry
Fucking roommates
She grinned a little as she typed it. Why did this guy make her feel so good?
Vengeance:
i knew you could do it
fuck your roommate
she sounds like a bitch
Kate:
You don't even know her
Vengeance:
i'm being cockblocked by her, that's all i need to know
Kate laughed and felt herself blush again.
Kate:
She kind of is a bitch, but my parents like her
Vengeance:
your parents sound controlling
Kate wanted to unload all her frustrations at her parents into the chat. Something about Vengeance made her feel comfortable venting. She started to type and then deleted it.
Kate:
Yeah
They definitely wouldn't like you
They don't approve of hooking up or arson
Vengeance:
parents don't usually like me
if you're feeling rebellious i've got a really nice mattress on this floor here and a bottle of shitty tequila
you could come over
Kate:
That sounds unsafe
Vengeance:
yeah probably
send pics at least?
c'mon sunshine, give me something
Her anxiety came back in full force. Sending pictures to a guy she had only talked to for less than an hour? She could almost hear her mom's voice scolding her for even thinking about it. Not to mention having to take a picture of herself, something she actively avoided doing.
She stared at the message, her fingers hovering over the keyboard.
Vengeance:
did you really match with me because you wanted to hook up
Kate felt like she was going to cry.
Her phone buzzed and an email notification from her mom displayed over the chat.
Kate,
We are picking you up tomorrow at 10am, dress nice. Your father’s coworker has a very nice son your age and they will be joining us at lunch. It would be in your best interest to make a good impression.
Kate felt the panic start to overwhelm her and she squeezed her eyes shut again, trying to take deep breaths. Her phone buzzed again and she stared at the message from Vengeance:
i don’t mind being a rebellion fuck i just want to know what you want
Kate began to type, trying to contain her panic.
I don’t know what I want. I’ve never had sex before. My friend made this account for me, I didn’t even think I’d use it. My mom apparently has set up a date for me tomorrow. They have a whole plan for me and I hate it. I’m sorry. I just wanted to do something that was my choice but I guess I don’t know how to do that.
She stared at the message, shaking thumb hovering over the send button. Was she really going to send this to someone she’d never really met? Someone who was only interested in her because he wanted to hook up?
She sent the message.
The panic hit almost immediately. It felt like she was drowning. Her phone buzzed and her breathing felt impossible to get under control. She couldn’t be the daughter her parents wanted. She couldn’t be the person she wanted to be. She couldn’t even figure out who that person was. How could she have thought she was the kind of person to hook up with anyone, much less an aggressive punk guy she’d never met? What was she thinking? She was ruining her life. Or maybe her parents were ruining her life. She hated this.
The door of the bathroom opened and she froze, tears streaming down her face as she held her breath, hoping that whoever it was would leave quickly.
She got lucky and was left alone in the bathroom in minutes. She felt drained. She had unopened notifications from Vengeance that she didn’t think she had the strength to read. What kind of reaction did she expect? What reaction would make her feel better?
After what felt like hours she finally opened the message.
your parents can suck a dick.
i can fight your date if you want
Relief flooded her body and she laughed a little.
Kate:
Sorry I’m such a mess. Not trying to drag anyone into my problems.
Probably shouldn’t fight my date, there’s a high probability that his dad’s a cop or politician or something.
Also I might get disowned.
Vengeance:
offer is always open
both offers
i like fighting cops
Kate:
I’ll keep that in mind
Thanks
Vengeance:
nah don’t mention it
i don’t do hookups often, really, just drunk and you’re cute
Kate:
Wow, underage drinking? I think my mom would try and ground me for just knowing that exists.
Vengeance:
you can do all kinds of things when your parents are dead
no rules, you just gotta make sure to avoid therapy
therapists love rules
Kate:
Wow we’re very different people
Sorry about your parents though
Vengeance:
don’t worry about it
my dad was an abusive dick
only things he ever gave me were scars and a drinking problem
Kate:
Sure you’re not just a walking red flag?
She panicked as she sent the message. This guy made her too comfortable.
Vengeance:
lol
probably
listen, i’m gonna smoke a bowl and pass out, good luck on your date tomorrow, hit me up if you ever wanna destress a bit
Kate frowned a little at the message. She’d eventually have to come clean and let him know how much she didn’t know about the world.
As if she thought they’d ever speak again.
Kate:
No problem, I should get back to my room. I’ve been hiding in the bathroom so my roommate can’t ask nosy questions.
Vengeance:
sounds terrible
your roommate can suck a dick too
night, sunshine
---
It was almost a week before Kate heard from Vengeance again. She tried to ignore her disappointment. What had she expected? It wasn’t like they were friends or dating or anything. Still, it was a stressful week and she was definitely disappointed. The lunch with her parents hadn’t gone terribly but she’d kept comparing the guy her parents were trying to set her up with to Vengeance. His name was Nick Meyerson and he was exactly what she’d expected. Rich politician father, in the police academy, if she hadn’t been dreading it so much he may have been attractive.
She sat in the campus library, her laptop open and both phones out on the table. She’d promised her mom that she would try and keep up with Nick, going on whatever date he wanted. It wasn’t like she had much choice. Her mom had made it clear that her tuition and housing payments depended on her at least giving Nick a chance. Her other phone was just in case Vengeance decided to reach out. She knew it was stupid to hope, she hadn’t even had time to message him, why would he message her? It was better to focus on her studies and whatever plan her parents had for her. Trying to fight against it was only causing her pain.
She stared at her textbook, reading the same sentence over and over, trying to get her brain to focus on anything other than her parents expectations and her own desires. It was a stupid communications class but she knew her parents would want to check her grades at the end of the semester.
A bag crashed down onto her table and the owner threw themselves into the chair across from her. She frantically moved her phones and looked up at the newcomer. He was in her intro to psychology class and they sat next to each other occasionally, but she hadn’t thought they were good enough friends for this kind of behavior.
“Hey Kate. Sorry if I startled you. My ex is here and he keeps trying to talk to me.” The man sitting across from her, Josh, was someone her parents definitely wouldn’t approve of. He had dark brown hair that was heavily styled off his forehead over an undercut and wore tight jeans and tight shirts. Every week he had a new boyfriend and Kate secretly loved hanging out with him. She’d never been allowed to befriend any of the gay kids at her high school but she’d always felt so much more comfortable around them.
“It’s no problem. I’m not doing a good job of studying.”
“A lot on your mind? Anything I can help with?” Josh asked leaning forward to read her textbook upside down.
“Not really, unless you know how to stop pining for an asshole punk you tried to hook up with over the weekend.” Kate said, her mouth moving before she could stop herself.
Josh nearly shrieked. A girl at a table near them cast him a glare and he barely contained his excitement. “Ooooooh give me all the details. This is very out of character for you, girl.”
“Can you not?” Kate said, making a face when he said “girl.”
“Huh?”
“Calling me girl. It feels weird.”
“Huh, yeah, sure.” Josh gave her a look she couldn’t place and then leaned forward. “Still, details please.”
“Mandy made me a Tinder profile, she said I needed to date someone my parents wouldn’t approve of. I…matched with a guy. He was only in town for the one night, though.” Kate said, sighing and turning back to her textbook. “He was only looking for hookups. I couldn’t do it. Story over.”
As if on cue her phone buzzed and the notification read ‘Vengeance sent you a message.’
Kate grinned before she could stop herself and then looked up to see Josh laugh at her. “Damn, that him? Looks like he wasn’t just looking for a hookup.”
Kate flushed and shook her head. “It was stupid. He goes by Vengeance. Can you imagine me with someone like that? He was literally bleeding in his profile pic.”
“And you swiped right?” Josh said, raising an eyebrow.
“He’s hot, it was a moment of weakness.”
“So, what does he say?”
Kate rolled her eyes but internally thanked Josh for the excuse to read the message.
Vengeance:
hey sunshine
whatcha doing?
She responded before she thought about how it looked to Josh.
Kate:
Just homework
It kind of sucks
Josh grinned at her. “Seems like you’re still interested too.”
“My parents would hate this….” Kate said as her phone buzzed again.
“What’s he saying?”
Vengeance:
want a distraction?
“He’s offering a distraction.” Kate said with a frown.
Josh’s eyebrows rose quickly. “And? I can watch your things if you need to uh, take care of some business elsewhere.”
Kate blushed and glared at him. “I’m not going to…” She started, a little louder than she wanted to. She lowered her voice and blushed harder. “I’m not going to go sext in the bathroom. Jeez.”
“Just saying, no judgement.”
Kate rolled her eyes and turned back to her phone.
Kate:
I’m at the library with a friend
Unfortunately
Vengeance:
library is kinda sexy tho
how was your arranged date
Kate:
It was fine
I was right, he’s in the police academy
Josh pulled out his textbooks and grinned at her. “I’m just gonna sit here and study while you do you flirting.” He teased.
Kate felt her face grow red again. “I’m not flirting, just talking. Stop jumping to conclusions.”
“Babe, he started a conversation with you to see if you wanted to fuck. You’re flirting.”
Kate glared at him again. He wasn’t entirely wrong, which made her anxious. There was no way this could end well.
Vengeance:
you shouldn’t date a cop
Kate:
I wasn’t really given a choice.
Vengeance:
i’ll still come fight him for you
Kate:
Can you also pay my tuition and make sure I’m not homeless?
Vengeance:
sunshine, i can’t even pay my own rent
Kate groaned a little and let her head fall onto the table top in front of her.
Josh raised an eyebrow at her. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Who would I be if my parents didn’t exist?” Kate asked, not raising her head from the table.
“Kate, friend, your parents are some of the most controlling I’ve ever heard about, but I can’t answer that question for you. I can just support you.” It was the most serious she had ever heard Josh and she looked up to see his concerned face and grimaced.
“I’ve never been away from them long enough to answer that question for myself and I’m too anxious to even google things I want to know about. It feels stupid to even try and figure it out. It’s not like that’s an option I get.”
“Well.” Josh took a deep breath, “I can be google for you. What do you want to know?”
Kate dropped her head back down to the table. “Want to start easy or hard?”
“Vengeance sounds pretty hard right now.” Josh said and Kate could hear the teasing grin in his voice.
“Jesus Christ…” She said, blushing and running her hands through her hair in frustration. She leaned back in her chair and considered Josh. “Nothing can leave this table.”
“Of course. Babe, I was the first kid at my high school to come out as gay and my graduating class was barely fifty people, I know a thing or two about secrets. Pinky promise.” He reached his hand over the table and Kate grinned, linking pinkies with him for a second.
“Vengeance is…it’s nice to talk to someone my parents didn’t choose for me. I definitely have feelings for him, which was not the plan. He calls me sunshine and it makes me giddy. But I’ve actually never dated anyone, I wasn’t allowed to in high school, I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know why some things feel good and others feel terrible.”
“What feels terrible?”
Kate paused. “I don’t think…I don’t think I like being a girl but there aren’t really any other options are there?”
“Do you want the truth?” Josh asked after a moment. He sounded too serious and Kate frowned at him.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, babe, it sounds like you’re questioning your gender.”
Kate’s eyes went wide and she shook her head, panic rising in her chest. “Absolutely not. Conversation over. Time to study!”
Josh looked concerned but nodded. “Yeah, okay. You should respond to your boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend.” She grumbled as she grabbed her phone.
---
Vengeance messaged more frequently in the next weeks. Talking to him became something that Kate actively looked forward to each night. Josh never mentioned anything about their library conversation, even as their study sessions became more frequent. They kept their conversations to updates on Vengeance and the occasional dates she’d gone on with Nick. Nick had been a gentleman on their dates but he had taken to ordering food for her when they went out to dinner and had tried to kiss her on their last date. She’d panicked and said she’d never kissed anyone and wasn’t ready. Josh had sounded concerned when she’d told him about it but hadn’t tried to give her advice, which she’d appreciated.
She started escaping her dorm room by studying a few floors up in Josh’s room, letting him distract her from her relationship problems by telling her about his own problems. They were approaching midterms and she didn’t have the energy to deal with both Vengeance and Nick. She got to his room one night after an evening class and collapsed on his bed with a groan.
“Wanna talk about it?” He asked from where he was seated at the desk.
“Nick wants to go on another date. He wants me to come over.” Kate said into his mattress. “Ven wants to call me tonight and keeps offering to come beat Nick up so he leaves me alone.”
“Babe, if a hot punk was offering to beat up a guy I wasn’t in to, I’d take it.”
“Even if it would get you cut off from your parents and only financial support?”
“That’s harder, but are you going to keep letting your parents manipulate you into seeing a guy you dread being alone with?”
“Josh. My parents don’t even know I have a job because they’d make me quit. I can’t support myself and I can’t just cut them out of my life, it’s my parents.”
“Sometimes parents need to be cut out of your life.”
Kate felt the bed dip as Josh moved closer.
“It’s not that bad. Nick’s not terrible.”
“What about Vengeance?”
Kate groaned and pushed herself up into a seated position. “I’ve fallen hard. I want to agree to the call. I need to stop talking to him. It makes me think I have options and I don’t. He’s made it clear he’s not a relationship kind of person. Not to mention…” She paused and ran her hands through her hair. “There’s some stuff I’m pretty concerned about. He’s got some paranoia and definitely has anger issues. He’s also an alcoholic.”
Josh made a noise and raised his eyebrows. “Those are definitely some red flags.”
“I don’t think he’s a bad guy, he’s been really nice to me. But I can’t call him from my dorm room, my roommate knows my parents.”
“My roommate’s out for the night, you could call him from here. I’ll put on my headphones and you can pretend I’m not here. Just, no hanky panky in my bed please.”
Kate turned red and rolled her eyes. “Thanks, I guess?”
Josh grinned and pulled his headphones on. “No problem, babe. Have a nice call with your boyfriend.”
As promised, Josh was quiet as he studied, leaving Kate to worry about the call. She opened her messages with Vengeance and stressed for a second before messaging him.
Kate:
I’m hiding in a friends dorm room, if you wanna call
Less than a minute later her phone buzzed with the incoming call.
“Hey Ven.” She said, trying to ignore her anxiety.
“Hey sunshine.” The voice on the other end of the line said. His voice wasn’t deep but it was low and raspy in her ear. She blushed, hearing the nickname spoken aloud. “You sound just as cute as I thought you would.”
“Oh, uh, thanks.” She never really liked her voice but it made her feel better to know that he did. “How’re you?”
“Eh, okay I guess? I got evicted yesterday and I’m crashing on a friends couch, but it’s better than being on the streets.” Vengeance said, “You alone?”
“Not really, but my friend promised he’d stay out of our business.”
“That’s a disappointment. I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”
Kate could almost hear the smile in his voice. “It’s kinda hard to be alone when you live in a dorm. I’m pretty sure my parents made me have a roommate in order to keep me from doing exactly what you’re thinking about.”
“Hm. I don’t like your parents.”
“They probably wouldn’t like you, to be fair.” Kate said, grinning a little bit. She could feel the stress of the day and her anxiety over Nick and her parents easing as Vengeance spoke.
“I’m surprised you took time out of your busy midterm study schedule to talk to me.”
“Well,” Kate flushed a little, “I’ve been thinking about you a lot too.”
“I’m flattered, sunshine. Is your friend distracted enough for you to tell me what you’ve been thinking about?” Talking to Vengeance was different when he was flirting low and heavy in her ear and Kate had to take a deep breath to keep herself from getting too distracted by it. “Sounds pretty interesting from the sound of that breath you just took.”
On accident Kate made eye contact with Josh and he waggled his eyebrows at her. “Unfortunately he may not be able to hear us but he’s making himself a problem nonetheless.”
“Damn, you even talk like a rich girl.” Vengeance teased, “Nice SAT words.”
“Jesus christ…” Kate said, rolling her eyes. “You’re infuriating.”
“You agreed to this, sunshine.”
“Didn’t think you’d be an asshole.”
“Me? You didn’t think I’d be an asshole? Sunshine, I’m a professional asshole.”
“Yeah, sure. Anyways, why’d you get evicted?”
“I got in a fight with my landlord. No big deal, I live in a pretty small town and a lot of people know who I am. He didn’t like that I was dealing from my apartment.” Vengeance said casually and Kate frowned.
“I…didn’t know that about you.”
Vengeance snorted softly, “That I deal? Gotta make money somehow, can’t really get a real job.”
“Oh.” Kate said, her anxiety growing again.
“There really are worse things in this world than selling drugs.”
“Yeah, it’s just a surprise, I guess.”
“C’mon, relax. It’s not a big deal. Besides, not why I wanted to call you.” Vengeance sounded a little bit irritated and Kate frowned. Josh made eye contact again and Kate shook her head a little at him.
“Yeah, I know, you wanted to call me because you’re horny.” She said, trying to relax.
“Aw fuck, you caught me, sunshine.” Vengeance teased.
“You’re a problem, Ven.” Kate said with a laugh.
“God damn, your laugh is adorable. There was another reason, though.”
Vengeance paused and Kate tried to contain her anxiety. “I’m going to a show near you again this weekend, I wanted to know if you wanted to meet up.”
“Oh, um,” Kate felt her face turn red and she fidgeted with the edge of her backpack strap on the bed in front of her. “That sounds nice. I can’t have you over to my dorm, though. I’m pretty sure my roommate is keeping my mom updated on what I’m doing.”
“What about your friend?”
“I could ask Josh, yeah. I’m sure he’d be over the moon about us meeting in real life. But also…” Kate took a deep breath, “You remember that guy my mom is trying to set me up with?”
“The cop? Yeah.” Vengeance said, his voice growing dark.
“He wants me to come over to his place this weekend.”
“Fucker.”
“Yeah…” Kate started picking at a loose stitch on her backpack strap, growing agitated. “I kind of have to, though.”
“I told you, I don’t mind being a rebellion fuck. I’m sure he’ll let you choose the night, at least? I promise if you tell me things about him I won’t go beat him up unless you say so.”
“Yeah, probably. I don’t have a lot of choices in any of this, though. I…don’t really want you to just be like, a… fuck buddy or something.” Kate said quietly.
“Sunshine, I know this isn’t easy for you, I just want to give you some fun before you’re trapped in a relationship with a cop.” Vengeance said, still sounding irritated. “If I had the money to be more than a fuck buddy I would and I don’t think you’d be very good at dealing.”
“I know.” Kate took a deep breath, “I appreciate it. I just don’t want him or my parents to find out, you know?”
“Someday I’ll get you out of there, sunshine. But for now, you just said the word fuck and I need to hear that again. I gotta appreciate that I’m a bad influence.”
Kate laughed and felt her anxiety ease. “Yeah, you are, and at some point I’m going to swear in front of my parents and they’re going to kick my ass.”
“If someone ever puts their hands on you-” Vengeance said darkly and Kate cut him off.
“I know. I…need to talk about something else. Anything else. I don’t want to remember how trapped I am right now.”
“I’ll be there on Saturday and, honestly? I’d rather see you than go to this show. You said you use a phone your parents don’t know about? Does the cop know about it?”
“Oh, um, no. Why?”
“Good, keep that phone on you more often, call me if you have trouble.”
“And what, you’ll come running? Ven, you said you live hours away.”
“I got my bike back.” Kate could hear something dark in Vengeance’s voice as he said it. “I’m a little more mobile now.”
“Ven. Please. I don’t…You said you’re not relationship material and I’m not going to throw my life away for someone who isn’t going to commit.” Kate was getting frustrated, it was so much easier to ignore Vengeance’s possessiveness over text.
“Yeah, okay. Sure. Anyways, my friend is back home so I’ll have to call you later. See you Saturday?” Vengeance sounded irritated, almost dismissive of her frustration. Kate sighed and squeezed her eyes shut.
“Yeah, Saturday.”
“Talk to you later, sunshine.”
The line disconnected and Kate let the phone fall to the bed. She ran her hands through her hair and groaned. Why was she doing this? Why was she falling for this man?
Josh pulled off his headphones and pulled her into a loose side-hug. “Looks like that wasn’t as stress relieving as you wanted. Need to talk about it?”
Kate shook her head, pulling her knees into her chest and resting her forehead on them. “I just feel stupid. I don’t know why I’m doing this. My parents just want the best for me, even if they’re controlling. I don’t know why I keep trying to ruin that.”
“It’s not stupid to want to make your own choices. What if what they think is best isn’t really?”
Kate looked up, feeling exhausted. “Ven isn’t an option. He really isn’t. I just can’t stop…I can’t stop wanting to talk to him. I don’t know. He’s going to be here on Saturday, maybe things will seem different then.”
Josh considered her, his expression unreadable, and then nodded. “Yeah, okay. You know you can talk to me, right? If you need resources, there’s lots of options on campus, the LGBTQ+ resource center, there’s a legal clinic, you don’t have to feel trapped like this, you know? Your parents sound…they sound abusive, Kate.”
Kate closed her eyes and tried to breathe through the panic that was threatening to overwhelm her. “Can we just study? Please?”
“Yeah.”
---
Saturday came with very little fanfare. Kate hadn’t heard from Vengeance since their call and chose to spend the day alone in her dorm room, despite Josh’s offer to hang out. Josh hadn’t pressed the issue about her parents since the other night, but she was afraid that what he had to say would turn out to be true. Her parents weren’t abusive. They couldn’t be. They just wanted her to be safe and successful. This was just their way of showing it. Everyone who was financially dependent on their parents had to follow certain rules for that money, right? It wasn’t like she could get her own job to support herself, she could barely keep up with her few hours a week at her student job. She wouldn’t be able to pay her own tuition. If she defied her parents she’d have to drop out of college and her life would be ruined. Right?
The evening approached and she laid on her back on her bed, staring at her phone. Her date with Nick was set up for the next night. Maybe if this worked out with Vengeance she would be able to get out of her family obligations. Maybe if she could prove that there were people who wanted to support her she could be allowed to make her own choices. Josh had said he had resources, things that could help her. Maybe she just had to go along with her parents for long enough to get her feet under her and then Josh and Vengeance could help and she could stop feeling so trapped. At least Vengeance offered an opportunity, a choice that wasn’t her parents, a mistake she could make with her own agency. There was freedom in that, even if it ended up hurting her. There was enough freedom that it made her wonder if she could manage to find more somehow.
Kate:
Hey Ven, you still coming?
Hours ticked by.
Kate eventually opened her laptop and tried to study, glancing at her phone every few minutes.
She opened her messages, wondering if she had just missed a notification.
Nothing.
Kate:
How is the show?
Her roommate came home and she buried herself in her homework, dread creeping on the fringes of her mind, like fog.
Midnight passed.
Kate:
Ven. Please don’t ghost me like this.
Her phone buzzed and hope exploded out of her chest.
New Message
Josh:
Any word?
Tears welled up in her eyes and dread turned to panic.
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