mq writes poems (amongst other things) @mq-writes-ig - Tumblr Blog

Intro

system: Multiple people exist in this body. Posts are tagged accordingly.

collective pronouns: they/them

about us: disabled, artist, author. Poet.

DNI: you know who you are.

please interact: anyone who feels like their soul is eating them alive.

-Corviis & Aster

it’s a hot summer this year.

everything makes me think of you.

i shouldn’t miss you,

i don’t even think i do.

i will never be the same as when you knew me.

i believe now.

choose faith over fear like everything is the same as when you were there,

as if god could have helped me when you did what you did.

#faith #csa #poetryblr

I think you like me best when I’m sleeping

I won’t bother you at all

I think you like when I’m not eating

I’ll be weak, I’ll be weak for you

You can tell yourself it’s love

If you feel like you need to

I will stay for you

I can’t bear to leave

I think you like when I’m dying

But only if I’m dying for you

I’m so black and blue for you, baby

I’ll take all of your bruises

i sliced my own skin

for you to pour salt into the wound

i think you felt brave, holding me, holding me as I bled

#canary #songwriting #abusive friendships #poetry #actually mdd

There is something that still rests across my skin

I feel thirteen years old today

I am leagues from the mind I used to have

The person I used to be

I used to talk about stars in eyes

Used to wax poetic about a girl and a hurricane

I’m not that person anymore

It feels like a lie to say I miss it

I miss people

Everyone I used to know in the before

Sometimes I wish for ignorance

For the way I loved like it was something easy

-aster june

#nostalgia #poetry #thoughts #writing #spilled ink #actually mdd #writers of tumblr #poems and poetry #I don’t miss me but I miss you

I am only allowed to be sad at night

In the morning I will paint a smile onto my face and pretend I love the sun

I am only allowed to be sick at night

To hold my heart in my hands and breathe

I have to be recovered in the morning

My playlists of sad songs are only for after twelve

Before that, i am healing

I hold others’ grief and limit mine to when only I can see it

Mom, I’m so lonely

Will you hold my heart for a while?

It is so blue, it makes me cry

Mom, I cannot be your friend anymore

I am not allowed to forgive you

But I can cry for you

Only in the night

In the night, I will mourn

I will scorn your name when the sun rises

-astre

#mommy issues #recovery is not linear #I feel like I’m lying #when I say im recovering #because the nights are preciously reserved for my sadness #poetry #thoughts #writing #anxiety disorder #small writer #mentally fucked #tw depressing stuff #can you tell I wrote this listening to Mitski

Tw csa, implied child ab\/se?

It is January,

And I am a child again.

I am afraid of the dark and the deep end of the pool.

I am a child, and my mother is untouchable, a deity.

She will never hurt me.

There is sunlight in my window and I am called “a brave girl”

It it February,

And I am still young, but the world is beginning to feel scarier.

I trust my best friend unquestionably.

I am a child, but I am uncertain.

My father’s hands shake, and I wonder why.

I do not understand.

It is March, and I am older.

I am a “clever child” and I am always the best.

I wonder why my sisters friend looks at me the way she does.

I am older, and I am being told how special I am.

How good at keeping secrets, how mature.

It’s okay, I’m old for my age anyway

It is April, and my own hands shake.

I am shedding my innocence like snakeskin.

I long to be a child again.

I do not trust my mother.

I cannot look at my best friend.

I cannot think about my sister’s friend.

May has come, and I am born anew.

Uncertain and sure,

A puzzle of people.

I am a mystery,

But I am brave.

I do not need anybody to tell me that.

I welcome June, and I want to be older.

I am frustrated by my inadequacy.

Is it normal to feel dark inside?

I wish desperately to be an adult.

To direct my own life.

I do not know what to do with the voices in my head.

July is cold. I am cold.

I avoid my gaze in the mirror.

Things are different now.

I cannot think clearly.

My best friend is a distant memory.

I want my mom, but she will not come.

It is August now, and I am trying to be brave.

But my body is betraying me.

I shout, but nobody can hear me.

I wish my mother was like my friend’s.

I do not understand her coldness.

My father loves me behind closed doors.

September, and the leaves are greening.

I am uncertain, a growing thing.

I remember my childhood with a sad sort of longing.

I am angry now.

Childishly, I wish things were different.

I cry often.

October and I am broken.

My body hurts in a way I didn’t know was possible.

I am told I am strong. it feels like a dismissal.

There is grey-blue hospital carpet, and I feel shrouded in cotton wool.

But it is safe.

I am told I am safe, over and over until the word loses its meaning.

November has come, and I am still growing.

My childhood is a distant memory.

And I am angry for how little of it there is.

I cannot breathe when I recall some years.

I wish my childhood self was safer.

I am safe now.

It is finally December, and I am alive.

I make eye contact with the mirror, and my body will listen to me.

I will listen to my body also.

I am not whole,

But I am healing.

It is December, and I am grown.

-unsure, potentially multiple people

#long poem #a recollection of my childhood #or what little there was of it #chronic pain #growing up mentally unwell #self portrait #self portrait poetry #poetry #writing #anxiety disorder #actually mdd #csa #tw sa mention #childhood trauma #chronic illness #tw depressing stuff #sort of sad?#reflective poetry

I am holding the stars in my arms and she smells like strawberries and forests

-Juliet

#poetry #wlw positivity #poets of tumblr #thoughts #writing #wlw love #osdd things #love is a scary word #my girlfriend is a forest

Tw for minor body horror descriptions

There is something rotten inside me

I think I was born bleeding

I will hold my mouth closed as it fills with bile and blood

Quiet, quiet. Do not let it out

-aster and maybe ivy or quartz

#childhood trauma #mental illness #thoughts #poetry #writing #anxiety disorder #small writer

I feel as though I am chasing one-sided relationships

Texting a friend knowing they will take days to text me back

They will leave without warning in the middle of speaking

I put too much effort into people that don’t put effort into me, I think

I just want to speak to them

But I’m chasing something that isn’t there

And I don’t think it’s fair

-Teagan/Aster

#kind of aimed #word vomit really #spilled ink #thoughts #poetry #writing #anxiety disorder #small writer

I am an embryo,

A growing thing.

Contained within my own wicked humanness.

But you.

Oh, you.

Tell me why flowers now bloom,

Bleeding out from my cracked-open chest.

Bellflowers and breath,

Bursting from my open mouth.

I am loving.

I am breathing.

Thank you.

-aster june

#zine #poetry #writing #thoughts #spilled ink #small writer #metaphors #bellflowers #flowers #wish I could show the zine that goes with this poem #love ig #you cannot contain a heart and all it feels in a metaphor #but we will try #it is the way of poets and writers alike

(This is written about my ed but I do not believe it needs any specific tw)

I am staring my illness in its eyes

It is a chasm and a mirror

I see the parts of myself it has taken

I am tangled in it

To abandon it

I must abandon myself also

Everything I gave to it must be left

It is a death, of sorts

I am staring my illness in the eye and I think it sees me too

It is a wounded thing, sometimes

I am a bleeding heart and it is holding a knife

I am a wounded thing, now

To detach is to leave myself behind

My grief is a growing thing

I will not be the same again

But metamorphosis is not isolated to illness

I am no longer a child with her toothbrush in a painted mug

I am no longer painted with illness

I am no longer a girl with a missing feeling in her heart

I am no longer a whole person

I never was

-? Aster with someone else

#ed recovery #pro ed people fuck right off please #I am a growing thing #recovering means leaving behind everything you gave to your illness #it is 5:24am and I haven’t slept #tw ana recovery #prose #poetry #thoughts #writing #tw depressing stuff #because maybe I do want to get better

ilovehersomuchh

she’s so beautiful

she's so beautiful

Tell me, do you really know us?

Really understand?

You do not just know one person.

You know a fractured kaleidoscope of people and fragments

No, you are not always speaking to your friend

Your girlfriend

Your sibling, your child

A lot of us are scared

Some of us are mean

Most of us are sad

And I am angry

Not always, but today

Because nobody seems to understand

We are plural

A system

Multiple

Whatever the fuck you want to call it

But don’t treat us like one person

For gods sake

I exist

My friends exist and so do my family

I hate that you overlook us in favour of the one person you bothered to know

- embre & aster

#angry post #not specifically aimed #but anyone that knows us probably could use the reminder #did osdd #system posting #did system #actually did #did alter #upset and angry bc it feels like people choose not to see us #thoughts #non cohesive thoughts #writing #mentally fucked

Wound

Seeing you feels like picking as scab (pressing on a wound)

You’re kissing me but I’m pulling teeth

And suddenly I am the wound

There I go again

One more time

How many times will you let me break you?

Kiss me like you think that I’m pretty

And pretend I’m not bleeding into your mouth

Can you do that for me?

-aster maybe idk

#songwriting #yes tumblr this is a song #lyrics #writers of tumblr #being depressed but making it poetic >>#poetry #thoughts #writing #anxiety disorder #small writer #mentally fucked #is it wrong to tag this as poetry? idk #don’t feel bad for me bye #this whole song is about me being toxic #tw depressing stuff #self h@rm

i am rotting

help me, mother

disease is growing from my flesh

decay has settled under my skin

give me love, give me sunlight

i will deserve it one day, i will make it up to you

give me softness, your hand on my cheek

she will give me neither. and i will leave my childhood as a forest, a graveyard

#poetry #thoughts #writing #childhood trauma #abuse if you squint ig #anxiety disorder #small writer #mentally fucked #growing up in a house that was not a home #prose #tw depressing stuff

Tell me why I am still drawn to you

Please

I left for a reason

But I can’t remember anymore

I cannot stop thinking about you

It makes me nauseous to know that it has been so long

And yet

With every breath I want you still

This cannot end well

But I am not a good person

And I cannot forget about you

-aster

#hers always #wlw #post relationship poetry #I miss her #and I don’t have any right to #poetry #thoughts #writing #small writer #mentally fucked

oh, i have such a tender, bleeding heart

but i fear it will remain cradled in my hands forever

seeping under my nails

oh, i can love so well, i promise

but i do not think i can let myself

can’t release that bleeding heart

because how can i let it go

when nobody can care for it as well as i?

it will bleed in my hands forever

protected

safe

caged

-aster june

#poetry #thoughts #writing #anxiety disorder #small writer #mentally fucked #i’m sad and now tumblr has to hear about it

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mq writes poems (amongst other things)