knowing that plenty of people who later get diagnosed with DID present with depression and self-harm/suicidal ideation that hasn't been improved by medication makes me feel less alone but it certainly doesn't make me feel better. i feel like depression is so normalized and downplayed by society when it's like this shit has ruined parts of my life time and time again, and it's nearly taken my life away from me completely. i am not just really sad or down. my self-esteem is obliterated. nothing that i know i should enjoy doing brings me joy. i have no motivation except when i'm so anxious i can't function without doing something about it. i'm convinced everyone who cares about me or thinks i have worth or talent is either lying or being tricked by me. and no matter how many meds i'm put on and how many sessions of therapy i go to, nothing changes. i always end up back here.
