izzy's playlists!
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@mrbleedingheart
Okay I'm actually getting followers for some reason so I guess I should introduce myself??
Uhh hi I'm Eoghan (Irish spelling of Owen), I'm 25, I use he/they pronouns, and I'm originally from Northern Ireland, but now I live in Scotland.
The rest is easy✨
It’s all just a dream 🪽
Genuinely curious, in what ways do you see Lute having BPD?
I myself have Borderline so I'll get that out of the way and I'll speak how my experience is like hers
Lute had a favorite person and now shes highly disregulated after Adams death. Not just in a way of mourning, but shes angry and feels like its everyones fault because no one cared enough as shown in her alley way crash out
Borderline also has hallucinations as part of it sometimes. her favorite person coming back as a hallucination so she could cope AND support her own irrational outbursts is something that I have done as well
her black and white thinking is genuinely how I experience my own too. Its extreme and everyone and everything can and will fall on one side or the other. One second shes protecting heaven because its her home, the next she's telling everyone to fuck off. Her mood swings seem just violent and angry, but also anger is a secondary emotion and is never just pure rage. She is deeply hurt and will take it out on everyone because shes defaulted them as being unimportant and soft after Adam dies. One comment and she is a whirlwind. Shown in the court scene in season 2
The court seen made me realize shes borderline to begin with. Shes screaming and crying and putting people down, but then she just as quickly begs Sera to listen because she is burning and no one understands how every emotion feels like a cliff with BPD
Her masking on her way to the alley afterwards to cry, shoving people and being pissed only to rip off her mask and sob till it hurts. She of course will never get taught how to process things so her pain will always come out as violence and no one understands how much that hurts to be mad all of the time
Gravity solidifies her BPD to me. Her emotions are at a boiling point, she is genuinely splitting. Her violence and breaking Adams things, shes honestly mad at him too and doesn't know why. "How dare you leave me!" Kind of feeling is what I get from her, and abandonment in any form causes horrible things within individuals with borderline
She speaks of being gravity itself cuz she's convinced that she alone will bring justice by slaughtering those who did her wrong. She describes in detail how upset she is and how she'll make people bleed and watch. The extreme she is riding on throughout the whole song is palpable. The thrashing and trashing stuff but then the gripping her hair while feeling vulnerable (like she did in the court scene) its a small form of self harm. She literally full on tugged on it previously just because she knew she herself was crying
Lute is a character I think no one quite understands like I do as someone with BPD and how our function extremely similarly. What trauma caused her to have it? Maybe its being made to only kill people and watching your favorite person die
Shes extreme and violent and angry, yes, but shes also cried more than some of the main cast as well. She cant regulate and she doesnt know how to cope, so she does what she has been trained and taught.
Hey so uh I'm not dead unfortunately and I kinda maybe wrote this at 4am last night
https://archiveofourown.org/works/78905766
That is all gbye.
Depressing Canon Guitarspear and Lute thoughts
Tw: Mentioned of Adam not loving lute but this isn't anti guitarspear or anything, just my personal thoughts of how tragic lute as a character is.
I don't think Lute ever had a chance with Adam. Not because he's in love with Lilith or Eve or Lucifer or whoever you wanna ship him with, but because I don't think he considered the exorcists as People. I am pretty sure he saw them as tools on a good day. He made them women because he doesn't respect women that much, and finally, after thousands of years, he finally has women he can control and keep in line.
And I've seen people say "But he was so mad when an excersist died! He cares about them?" no. He was mad cuz a Sinner DARED to fight back, and somehow WON! he didn't care that one of his girls died. He cared that someone went against HIM and HEAVEN. If he cared about his girls, he would have cared about Lute tearing off Vaggies wings and taking her eye out. But he just watched and smirked as one of his "best girls" was literally tormented and left to die Infront of him. And in season two, we saw how he enjoyed watching lute hurt the other girls to keep them in line.
He does not respect them, he does not love them. He may find lute to be his favorite of the girls, but you don't date your favorite knife. He may fuck her but he could never love her. So if she had confessed her feelings for him, he'd have fucking laughed in her face and I'm pretty sure she knew that. That's the most fucked up part. She knew. That's why she didn't tell him. Man's a horn dog, if she wanted to have sex with him, we all knew she could have, but that's not what she wanted.
She wanted him to see her as a person and love her. But he never could. Not cuz he's incapable of love but because he made sure he himself would NEVER care about these women. She doesn't even care about the other women. You saw how easily she dropped Vaggie when he could. And she knows he feels the same way about her. If she disappointed him once, hed throw her away too. And yet she still wants to destroy hell for him. Still wants to punish them for taking him away from her so she never had the chance to tell him how she felt.
The smile at the end of his life I think, wasn't really ment for her. He was just glad SOMEONE cared even if it was one of his tools. Someone was there for him. It felt nice. And he didn't really have time to think about it. Lute will NEVER have meant half as much to adam a he meant to her. AND ITS SAD!
Lute is a very tragic character because of this to me. I know for a fact that woman is gonna die and not a single fucking person is going to care. And she knows it too, that's part of why she's mad at heaven for not being angry about adam. If they don't even care that HES gone, when HE mattered and has been in heaven for so long and has done so much for the creation of humanity and has suffered the most from Lucifers sins (according to Adam at least) then that means she means nothing to heaven either. And worst part is. She's right. She doesn't matter. She's suffering and not one god damn person cares. Abel doesn't care, (not that he should, those two people seem to have been terrible to him) the other exorcists probably don't care because Lute is their tormentor. Sera doesn't care cuz she's got bigger fish to fry. Emily doesn't care because lute has been a big player in the exterminations. SHE HAS LITERALY NO ONE. Which, honestly, may be partly her fault for only making connections with a man who didn't even see her as a person. And that's fucking sad.
Ok, I'm done with my Lute ramble now.
Soooo I kinda maybe have a Hazbin OC and obviously I have him end up with Lute (after a very long and slow journey of self discovery and healing. Like it takes literal years for anything to happen.) an I was thinking about them and I realised this scene from Princess Mononoke I literally them
Lute, honey, sweetie, baby girl, this cannot be comfortable for you why the fuck are you sitting like a freaky little gargoyle 😭
Someone on here once said that Lute was a pigeon and I think they were joking but I thought about it too much and now I can't unsee the similarities.
In the First and Second World Wars, the British used carrier pigeons to communicate/send letters, many pigeons earned honours and medals to commemorate their bravery and intelligence. Nowadays, though, a lot of people mistreat pigeons. They're seen as dirty, as nuisances, like vermin in a world that used to love them so much.
Lute was trained to kill sinners. She was told her goal was to kill as many as possible to keep the population of Hell under control, and she fulfilled that purpose - putting her life on the line to protect Heaven... Until Adam died, a sinner got redeemed and now Heaven is switching up on her, stripping her of her authority, seemingly without filling her in on anything which has left her angry, confused, and full of grief she's unable to process... Sounds very similar to the pigeons' story to me.
since I was recently asked to repost some stuff from the old account, here's part 1/3: the requests 💕
thanks to everyone sending one, these were fun to do 💕💜🌸 (sorry in case I forgot some, my phone is a chaotic place)
lute + guitarspear doodles because yeah they’re canon I don’t make the rules 💛
No context ss
I got a Adam body pillow at comic con and could resist drawing this 😭😭
last drink.
The Most powerful Angels' quartet 🫣 I ended up loving them ngl ngl
*sigh* once again I get distracted and am late to a trend or something 😩 BUT you can’t tell me this meme isn’t ✨THEM ✨ coded
The brainrot is real ATM, 3 fanfics on the way (yes I’m writing again and moving to AO3, screw Wattpad) a surprise you’ll have to stay tuned for 😉 aaaaand 1000+ WIPS in progress hahaha (I’m half joking about the WIPS but I’m also not)
