alright I THINK I’ve clarified some thoughts on the pan discourse phenomenon - people using labels like heteroflexible or pansexual isn’t inherently harmful, but can we at least have a discussion about why they might not want to associate with the term bisexual without it being just hate towards each side? Because I do think that it’s a worthwhile conversation to have as to why there is a such a large portion of people who technically could call themselves bisexual but don’t want to.
This is how I feel sometimes! No matter what argument or debate on the basic bullshit “which sexuality deserves to be used more,” you cannot deny the person’s experience with themselves and how that helps define how they view sexuality to describe them.
I can give it my all but at the end of the day, I don’t identify with bisexual not because I have internalized biphobia or that I have a discrimination towards bisexual folk; But because pan sexuality clicks for me, and that’s the best way I can go describing myself. I can’t associate myself with bisexuality and it’s culture not because I have hate towards it, but because I simply don’t have that real connection to begin with.
Sure you can argue but at the end of the day, you can’t just declare who is what sexuality, the only real judge who can confirm it is the person on themselves.
Every experience is valid. So if you identify more with bisexual just because you just do, then hell yeah, that’s valid as fuck! Same thing with pansexuality.
It’s people’s job to respect that, not try to rule it.
So, I don’t disagree with you at all, that’s just not necessarily the point I was trying to get to - my point was more… Like for you personally. What about bisexuality doesn’t feel right for you? What about the label or culture doesn’t feel like it fits for you? Because if both could apply, what is it that draws you to one or the other? What images and connotations do you conjure for each? No hate at all if you don’t want to answer all or part of any of that btw, I’m just curious and trying to get as many perspectives on the topic as possible rn. As far as I’ve been able to gather, the initial definitions of pansexuality (and some individuals today unfortunately) hinge on defining themselves away from bisexuality, and I’m kind of trying to pick apart where that initially came from, since the bisexual community has not defined itself by the gender binary for the last 30-50 years, which is long before pansexuality in its current form was introduced (again this is just a summary of what I’ve seen so far as I understand it and I have not done in depth research bc tbh with you I simply do not have the brain capacity rn, and please feel free to correct me if any of that is incorrect, I’m in no way trying to offend).
You’re alright, my apologizes for not clarifying or focusing on the point as much either. I am writing at one in the morning as we speak. But it’s a very courageous and admirable project to work on!
I do agree with the concept that pansexuality is becoming more defined to further away from bisexuality. Although I don’t believe it’s for the reasons of trying to obtain higher importance/uniqueness, but most commonly out of pride—Especially from those who have experienced backlash of panphobia.
I don’t speak for everyone obviously. And I’m sorry if any word takes to offense as well! I’m still learning and open to new ideas. But to answer the following questions:
- Bisexuality doesn’t feel right applying on me because the variations of bisexuality felt complicated and difficult to perfectly define how I felt with attraction. It was like puzzle pieces but never fit right. It confused and concern me where I felt like I had to be specific. Pansexuality felt right for it’s simplicity in definition and other people’s experience.
( I understand that by term as well it doesn’t mean to confirm anyone to gender, and that not everyone associated with its definition and have many for it. And though bisexuality can be all gender inclusive. )
- Pansexuality drew to me first because I associated the sexuality to my freedom. I valued more of the person, their personality and their intentions. I never truly cared for the preference for gender, as it doesn’t weigh on how i view the person; And to know there was a culture mainly based on that principle, I was attracted to its community. I was introduced to bisexuality in a more confusing manner, and all the variations, though respected and valid, felt once again complicated to me.
- You know how there’s that ridiculous sims update list that had the most absurd changes? That’s how I view pansexuality culture. There’s this unhinge feral chaoticness that I’ve seen of it, the idea of not being attached and going ballistic is the most appealing image I see. It’s a mixture of wholesomeness, unwavering energy and what you find in a discord meme channel. I don’t have too much experience with bisexuality culture; But based off what I see, it’s often revolves around various romantic tropes, focusing on character appeal, and relatable pure of heart dumb of ass jokes. I associate bisexuality culture as strong, creative, and appreciating women juice.
I believe that’s the way way I can describe it for now. If anything sounds vague or isn’t explained well let me know! 💕
