I literally do not know where to start with this episode so I feel like my best option is to get the stuff I don't like out of the way first 😬
I do not like Mon-El, I do not like how much he is in this episode, I do not like that he has to be talked into helping, and I absolutely despise the way he talks to Kara.
Also, I fail to understand where they were going with the climate change thing. It feels like one of these moments (which will come more and more often) when the writers of this show decided to do something "big" and "relevant" and "political" but it's not actually that important to the plot and also does a major disservice to an issue that is very much real.
I'm also not super fond of James here. He radiates entitlement for the whole episode ; Winn has to make him a suit and the suit has to be ready right now and he has to be the one who saves Kara (which, by the way, how did he think that was going to go ? Kara was drained and almost died and she's extremely powerful, he's just human 🤨).
And I'm fairly certain that Kara did in fact irradiate at least a full city block so even though I do like how cocky she gets sometimes when she fights I think that this wasn't a particularly smart move.
But I did like (loved (I'm on the floor about it)) M'gann saving J'onn even though she knows it will ultimately expose her 😭 If she does not help him, he will die, but helping him means changing him in the worst of ways, and she knows he will not forgive her about this !
But she does it anyway ! And then ! She stays ! With him ! Until ! He falls asleep !
When I think about Alex I often think about her in the way she developed in the later seasons (Director Danvers is peak Alex to me) and so I tend to forget how fucking tiny she is.
But look at her ! She is small and she is scared and she is about to do one of the hardest thing she's ever had to do 🥲
I know her coming out means a lot to a lot of people and I'm not sure I can do justice to it because quite frankly my notes about this amount to : "Alex :( :( :("
But I do love this scene, and the thing I love most about it is how fucking realistic it is. This is a show about aliens, about a woman from outer space who shoots beams out of her eyes and lifts spaceship. This is a show that requires a massive amount of suspension of disbelief, and in the midst of it, there is this quiet, normal moment, that depicts perfectly what a lot of us have gone through.
And I didn't go through exactly what Alex went through. I came out to my friends at 17, to my parents at 19, and it wasn't particularly revolutionary (my mum wasn't cool with it at first but she came around, it's fine), but I do know that heart stopping moment when you want/have to share a part of yourself with someone who means the world to you and when you don't know how it's going to go, only that it's going to radically alter the perception they have of you and nothing will ever be the same.
Kara is the most important person in Alex's life, and if she reacts badly, it'll break her.
And then there is the repression... Which feels so fucking real...
She knew about this part of herself, or at least, had an inkling, and she shoved it so far down she forgot about it, and now that it's all coming out, she has to reevaluate her whole knowledge of herself, of her life, and maybe one day she'll be able to look back on this, on her entire life, and laugh at all the little details she should have picked up on, but right now, in the raw beginning of it, it fucking hurts.
Fortunate then that Kara is here with her and that Kara is, in fact, okay with it.
I LOVE their conversation in Kara's apartment. I love how even though Alex is unsure, even if she's scared, she still goes to Kara because she cannot leave this thing to fester, and I love how Kara apologises and acknowledges that a lot of their teenage years where about her, and that this left no space for Alex to understand herself. I love also that Alex's first instinct is still to tell Kara it's not her fault, to protect her, even though this time, this space, is for Alex herself.
And I think ultimately, Alex could do this on her own. At some point in your life you have to do the thing regardless of whether or not you have the support of your loved ones, but this is definitely made easier by the fact that Kara is here, that Kara will not leave her to do this alone. Alex has shared this huge, difficult part of herself, and there was someone here to hold her hand the whole way through
(Fuck, I'm going to make myself cry)
I don't want to dwell too much on the actual rejection from Maggie (I've been there, girl who seems into you and is not actually, it sucks 🤷). I'm in two minds about it anyway. I feel like Alex should not come out just to be with Maggie, but also that it's perfectly alright that Maggie is the catalyst (and also that's something that happens a lot in real life). And I also feel like Maggie has been acting in a way that is outright confusing to Alex and that has nothing to do with Alex being freshly out.
The main takeaway for me is that Alex gets her heart broken in a way that is achingly realistic and this leads to yet another incredible scene between the sisters.
I did not cry watching this, but by the time Kara forces her way into Alex's apartment I was teary eyed. Because Kara promised Alex she would not face this alone, and so she will not leave her alone.
Because beyond coming out (but certainly heightened by it), it is horrible to put yourself out there only to be rejected.
And the awkwardness that transpired from that rejection, how clearly uncomfortable Maggie was with the whole thing, it is humiliating and it does fucking hurt.
But Kara will not leave her sister to suffer through that pain alone.
I feel like I can't end on Alex bawling her eyes out or it's going to haunt me forever, so, here, have this very funny line that I couldn't fit in earlier ^^
