Doctor Trafalgar, Love Expert?
Law gives terrible love advice to Penguin while clearly ignoring his own painfully obvious crush on you.
Law X gn! reader | ONE SHOT
tags: fluff, sfw, friends-to-lovers typeshi(?) law being timid
a/n: this js me trying to write ffs, this is experimental and for fun only, so expect this ffs a bit cringe
word count: 1.1k
If there was one thing Trafalgar Law wasn’t qualified to do, it was give romantic advice.
Sure, he was a brilliant surgeon, a pirate captain, and had a smirk that could make a nun sin, but when it came to feelings—specifically his own—he was a flaming shipwreck in a storm of emotional denial.
And yet, here he was, arms crossed, giving unsolicited love advice to Penguin like he was the therapist from a soap opera.
“Just tell her she’s inefficient,” Law said with a straight face. “It’s a compliment.”
Bepo blinked up at him. “...Captain, I don’t think calling Penguin’s crush inefficient is going to help his chances.”
“You asked for honesty,” Law muttered, flipping through his medical journal like it was more interesting than this disaster in progress. “Efficiency is attractive.”
You, meanwhile, were watching this entire trainwreck from the galley door with a cup of tea and the kind of secondhand embarrassment that deserved its own trauma counseling.
“Law,” you called. “Did you just say ‘inefficient’ as a flirting tactic?”
He didn’t even look up. “It’s a practical compliment.”
You snorted. “What’s next? ‘Your presence improves my survival odds by 6.4%’?”
“…Depending on the environment, that’s a generous estimate.”
You and Bepo shared a look. A look that screamed, Why is this our captain?
The whole thing had started that morning when Penguin had walked into the common area in a flurry of nerves and confessed, “I think I like someone.”
Law, who’d been reading while pretending not to be listening to music in one earbud (yes, he still used wired ones, don’t ask), barely lifted his gaze. “Then tell them.”
Penguin shuffled. “It’s not that easy.”
“And what if they don’t like me back?”
Law gave the emotional equivalent of a shrug. “Then adapt. Rejection is survivable.”
Penguin groaned from the couch. “Cap, you can’t treat love like it’s battle tactics.”
“It’s a high-risk operation involving fragile variables and potential bloodshed. Sounds pretty accurate.”
Shachi nodded. “Okay, that’s fair, but also incredibly bleak.”
And that’s when Law was voluntold by everyone that if he was going to act like he knew how love worked, he had to give actual advice.
Hence: Doctor Trafalgar, Love Expert?
“Okay,” you said, taking the empty seat beside him and plucking the journal from his hands. “If you’re so good at giving advice, help me out.”
Law narrowed his eyes. “With what?”
“I think someone likes me,” you said casually, leaning back like you weren’t about to stir up the most delicious chaos. “But I can’t tell if they’re just awkward or trying to be subtle.”
His jaw tightened. “Who is it?”
You shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s why I need your expert opinion.”
Law closed the journal and set it down very deliberately.
Everyone in the room went very still. Bepo, Penguin, and Shachi exchanged silent screams with their eyebrows.
“Well,” Law said coolly. “What are the signs?”
“Hmm,” you hummed. “They hover a lot. Make excuses to talk to me. Kind of avoid eye contact but also stare when they think I’m not looking.”
His eye twitched. “Stare?”
“Yeah. And once, they brought me extra rice even though I didn’t ask.”
Law stood up. “That’s suspicious.”
“Sounds like they’re trying too hard.”
“Ohhh?” you said, biting back a smile.
“They’re probably nervous. Emotionally constipated. Bad at expressing feelings.” He said all this like he wasn’t describing himself to an absurdly accurate degree. “Possibly repressed.”
“Should I confront them?”
“No,” he said quickly, a little too quickly. “Absolutely not.”
“It might scare them away.”
“Then wait for them to say something first.”
Bepo coughed. “So… basically just let them suffer in silence?”
“It builds character,” Law said.
You covered your mouth to hide your grin. “You’re such a romantic.”
Law’s ears turned pink. “Shut up.”
Later that day, Shachi cornered you near the engine room with a look of deep judgment.
“I have no idea what you mean.”
He pointed a wrench at you. “You know he likes you.”
“You’ve been fake-flirting with a ghost for the last week just to get him to react!”
You smirked. “It’s good cardio.”
Shachi groaned. “He’s gonna combust. I saw him look up love confession rituals on his snail phone last night.”
“Yes! And he accidentally joined a forum for single dads in North Blue.”
You wheezed. “He’s going through it.”
The opportunity came the next morning when you walked into the kitchen and found Law staring at a mug of coffee like it had personally betrayed him.
He didn’t look up when you entered, just mumbled, “Morning.”
“Morning,” you said, walking over. “Sleep okay?”
He made a grunt of vague disapproval.
You sat beside him. “Thinking about your crush?”
“I mean,” you said, oh-so-innocently. “That mystery person you gave advice about.”
His eyes narrowed. “You’re very nosy.”
He gave you a look. “I don’t have a crush.”
You tilted your head. “Are you sure? Because everyone on this ship seems to think you do.”
“Everyone on this ship is bored.”
“Bored enough to notice how you go quiet when I talk, how you walk into rooms I’m in and pretend it’s for unrelated reasons, or how you stare at my lips when I eat dessert?”
You leaned closer. “So. Doctor Trafalgar. Any prescriptions for yourself?”
“…Shut up,” he muttered, face flushed.
You blinked. “Wait. That was a confession.”
“Hey,” you said, suddenly softer. “I like you too, dumbass.”
You reached into your pocket and pulled out a little red candy. “I was going to make you say it first, but you looked like you were about to diagnose yourself with heartbreak.”
“God, yes. Even when you’re being a brick wall with nice tattoos.”
“…I have more than just tattoos,” he muttered.
You grinned. “Yeah, you’ve also got a charming inability to express affection. It’s cute.”
He shook his head. “You’re insufferable.”
“You’re still holding my hand.”
You laughed and tugged him back down. “Stay.”
Later, Penguin came in to find the two of you sitting shoulder to shoulder, quietly sharing a plate of snacks.
“Captain?” Penguin said, tilting his head. “Did you take your own advice?”
Law didn’t look up. “No.”
You grinned. “He took mine.”
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