Mrs. Detective Ryan...New York?

Wife to Detective Kevin Ryan and Mother to darling Sarah Grace. ((Independent RP blog. No pictures are mine.))

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

2/??? moments of Mrs. Jenny Ryan...because I need to prove to someone that Jenny is amazing

2. Fire's Out

They tried their best to forget the fire, and the smoke, and the flames. They both had nightmares almost every night for awhile. Jenny's were of being in the ambulance, listening to another section of the building collapse and wondering if it was on her husband. Of Kevin's voice as he said what they thought were going to be their goodbyes. Of knowing that in only a handful of days, he was going back to the precinct no matter what she could do.

Kevin's was of Jenny alone, scared, and giving birth to Sarah Grace without him there. He had thanked Lanie over and over again for staying with her, but all those tears, all that fear in her voice over the phone haunted him every time he blinked, every time he woke up in the middle of the night and found her--thankfully--asleep. Jenny was a center in the messed up world he lived in at work and he had almost hurt her in the worst way possible.

Sarah started to cry, again, in the middle of the night. Kevin had woken up first, and Jenny was just beginning to stir as he was trying to get out of bed.

"Go back to bed, beautiful," Kevin murmured, kissing her temple. Jenny, still trapped in deep sleep, just nodded and turned over.

The bassinet in their room was only ten feet away, but it looked like a mile. The fire hadn't left much lingering damage, but his lungs were still sensitive and some burns on his legs left them weak. He hadn't exactly thought about that, but he wanted Jenny to stay asleep. Getting Sarah to go back to asleep wasn't too hard--a lullaby and some rocking solved that.

Just as he was about to get bed, though, his leg cramped. He held back a curse and eased his way onto the floor. Shit. Kevin let out a long, stressed sigh and tried her is best to stay quiet to let Jenny sleep.

He fell asleep on the floor, feeling like an idiot. Some hours later, Jenny woke up and panicked when her husband wasn't there. Had the fire gotten him? Was his survival only a sick dream?

She leaned over the bed and saw him on the floor. Oh, Kevin. Quietly, she got up and did her best to slip a pillow underneath his head. Sarah started to stir and Jenny took her from their room to let him sleep. Sarah was fed and changed, then Jenny carefully did her best to start a pot of coffee and breakfast for her and Kevin. Way too long later, she had Sarah in one arm, and a tediously supported tray with two cups off coffee and two bowls of cereal. That had been plan B.

Again, somehow, she managed to sit next to Kevin and everything managed okay. After setting the tray down, she slowly woke Kevin up.

"M-morning," he mumbled, rubbing his face. He twisted some and his back cracked audibly. Jenny winced.

"Morning, sunshine," she smiled. "I have breakfast. Sorry that it's not that great. Did your leg cramp last night?" Kevin nodded and reached for his mug.

"Yeah. Sorry I left you alone. You're much more comfortable than the floor," he winked. Jenny just laughed.

Thank God he was alive. She still got to hear his "smooth" words and he still got to hear her laugh.

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A Broken Promise // Jenny & Ryan

[ryanofthetwelfth]

"I know," he murmured, only realizing that his eyes were slipping closed when his surroundings started to blur and darken. That wasn’t right- nor was it welcome. He blinked rapidly, waiting for shapes and objects to refocus. "-Y’r good at everything." It was said in entire sincerity; Kevin was under the eternal impression that his wife was incredible at anything she undertook, and more than capable at handling what life threw her way.

As her fingers carded through his hair he made a noise of contentment, a low rumble in his chest and a loose, lagging smile. He kept up his own ministrations at her neck, frowning to himself when it took too long for his fingers to respond. It was wrong- he’d just been awake and fairly aware. And to the best of his knowledge he hadn’t sustained any other injuries in the span of his return to consciousness-

-His thoughts were spiraling, so it took him longer than it should have to realize that it was probably the drugs dragging him under. That wouldn’t do, not now. So he focused on Jenny, let his eyes stay glued to all of her that he could see: her head on his chest, the length of her arm. It was so much easier to stay in the present moment with her to latch onto. 

Thanks to his less than stellar cognitive abilities, those meandering thoughts translated into words, “Y’r my favorite, y’ know?” An errant thought crossed his mind and he winced. “Don’ tell Javi though. He gets pouty. I like him too but y’r my favorite.” 

Guilt ate away at him, realizing that it was entirely selfish of him to keep her here when there were still things she needed to do. He wanted to tell her to go, to take care of business, but the thought alone was enough to make his grip around her tighten a hair. The complex intertwining of emotion and logic was hard to put into words when painkillers had his lips heavy and his mind dulled.

"You- if you need to but I-" Beyond want, he realized that he needed her. His body was not complete without her weight on top of him. He wasn’t sure how to function here without her tucked up at his side. "Sorry. ‘M sorry. I-" It was frustrating enough to tarnish any sense of peace. Frustrating in every aspect: the inability to speak properly, the stress she was suffering because of him, his own petulant need and the fact that he couldn’t seem to do or say the right thing. 

But he couldn’t do it, as much as he should have. He couldn’t push her away. So he asked hesitantly, quiet and cracking at the edges, “-Stay?” 

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It wasn't hard to tell that the morphine, plus whatever else they had him on, was trying to drag him back to sleep. He had been injured badly--he needed to rest and he needed to get better. Jenny briefly remembered saying that he would probably be in the hospital for about a week to two weeks before being in physical therapy for at least eight to twelve weeks before being cleared back into work. He needed a lot of time to be her warrior again.

"Yes, I know," she giggled, though guilt was starting to gnaw at the back of her mind. She shouldn't have been so harsh to Javier...If Javi ever told Kevin, which he had every right to, Kevin would probably be pissed. Jenny didn't understand the relationship he had with Javier. She never would. How dare she yell at him, blame him for this...

But Jenny was Kevin's partner, too. Yeah, in a different way, but even while she felt guilty for treating Javier so harshly, all Jenny could see now while Kevin was in bed was imagining a life without him, raising Sarah alone, working extra hours...

And how Javier would still be there, stepping in for Kevin as much as he could. Just as Kevin would help out Javier in anything he needed, alive or dead.

Yeah, she owed Javier an apology.

There weren't very many people Kevin let his guard down to. She knew that. So seeing his eyes scared, and vulnerable, she knew she needed to let him rest, but she also knew she couldn't leave him. At least not yet.

"I'll stay, Kevin. Don't worry," she said quietly. The hand in his hair traveled down to his cheek, fingertips ghosting over the cheekbone she wasn't sure she was ever going to touch again.

"I'll stay. Don't worry."

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

//Anybody want to play with Jenny?

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

A Broken Promise // Jenny & Ryan

[ryanofthetwelfth]

Even though her sobs tore through him and trapped his heart in a vice, the moment Kevin felt Jenny’s head make contact with his chest the relief was almost as heady as the drugs. She was here and he could hold her, could now run his fingers properly through her hair and try to convey all the love and support he could. Which was an impossible task, of course, but the more he could do, the better. 

When the reminder of reality came, he winced. His hold tightened involuntary around her- not tight, not yet with the way his muscles wouldn’t really listen to him yet but still a little stronger than before. He wanted her to stay, of course he did. She grounded him, made the haze so much easier to cope with.

But the guilt and worry were even stronger than that desire. As if it wasn’t enough that she had to deal with him and the stress and everything that came with an injury like this- now she had to take care of the things that he should have been able to do himself.

"I’m sorry," he murmured into the top of her head, eyelids fluttering just a little more closed. "D’you want me to-" The thought was natural enough that he didn’t realize its impracticality until after he started to offer. "-Oh. Right. Can’t use cell phones in here." He felt his body sag a little, frustration and helplessness draining him of energy. 

His fingers dropped to trace gentle lines against the back of her neck when everything she’d said finally caught up with his sluggish thoughts. Morose listlessness vanished as he tensed, attempting to sit up straighter. The groan of pain was cut off in favor of using his energy in more important pursuits, “Sarah, ‘s she okay? ‘S your mom okay with her?”

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The feeling of being back in his arms brought her so much relief she felt like crying again. Jenny closed her eyes and held herself as close as she felt okay to. She didn't want to hurt him, especially sine he was just out of surgery and not even remotely healed yet.

"No, no,' she sighed, reaching up to touch his face. Of course, even in a hospital bed, Kevin would try to help her. Damn fool, Jenny thought with a small, honest smile. "I can do that, Kevin. It's okay," she said, brushing his hair back to it's usual slicked style. 

Honestly, it wasn't okay, but Jenny was good at coping and trudging forward, even if it tried to kill her. The gentle tracing against her neck relaxed her, though, and reminded her of the gentleness of her warrior husband.

"Sarah's fine. Um...I did kind of run out the door, though," Jenny thought aloud, rubbing her face. "I probably need to call her, too..."

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

A Broken Promise // Jenny & Ryan

[ryanofthetwelfth]

He almost protested again when Jenny fleetingly pulled away but her grip on his hand was back before the distress could mount again. Not being in their bed at home probably wasn’t the worst part but at the moment it absolutely felt like it. The lack of space made it nearly impossible to use his limited range of motion to bring her closer; Jenny was forced to make any and all overtures.

"Mmm, yeah definitely." It was likely why he’d had so much trouble waking up. There was still the conscious processing under the haze, but it didn’t quite make it to the surface. Or, at least, most of it didn’t. With Jenny there he had something to focus on which made translating his muddled thoughts into words easier.

Just- not easy enough. He wanted Jenny to be honest with him, always, but that didn’t mean that his stomach didn’t bottom out and his heart rate didn’t pick up when she finally let go. She deserved so much better than the constant fear and stress that was her life; his throat tightened and it wasn’t enough to continue stroking her side as she relayed all the things she’d had to deal with over the past day.

It wasn’t enough to just sit there. Thank God for the drugs stifling his senses; they and his own driving need to make sure that Jenny was alright allowed him to finally reach up to the point where he was able to hold onto her shoulder and tug her gently down to lean against his chest. That almost unidentifiable burning returned but he was prepared for it this time around and managed to keep himself quiet until he stopped moving.

“‘M sorry,” he whispered, sorrow breaking his voice. “I’m so sorry. It’s okay now, I’m here. I’m not going to leave you or Sarah. Ever. No idiot with a gun ‘s gonna change that.” It was more than a promise. Getting hurt was something he tried his hardest to avoid but no matter what happened he would never leave Jenny’s side- not unless she asked for it.

And there was that quiet, morbid voice of practicality that knew that if the unthinkable did happen, he wouldn’t even need to ask Javi to step in. 

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Jenny wept, chest shaking as she cried. She didn't even exactly realize that he was reaching for her and bring her close. Still crying, she curled up at his side and continued to cry, letting all of her stress out. The worst part had been just now knowing. If someone had told her he was alive, and he was okay, it would have been so much simpler.

Being married to a cop, though, was not a simple life. Jenny wished that she could say she was used to it.

"I have to go get Sarah from my mom's, eventually," she sighed, one arm around his chest to avoid his wound. However, she didn't want to leave his side. She didn't want to go home and spend another night without him next to her.

"I need to call her, too...and your parents," she sighed again, eyes sore and dry now. The duties of a wife were always endless. Deep and hard, she sighed, closing her eyes. She didn't want to leave him.

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

A Broken Promise // Jenny & Ryan

[ryanofthetwelfth]

Kevin smiled, echoing her laugh with a low, rumbling one of his own. “Mmm, definitely.” If he could have, he would have swept her up into a hug and kissed away the tears she was trying so hard to wipe away. But there was that little hitch in his plans of his range of movement being reduced to a few inches either way so he had to settle for increasing the gentle pressure of his grip on her waist.

It wasn’t enough. But then, he’d have to settle for that because nothing could ever really be enough. Jenny was above and beyond his wildest dreams; asking someone, anyone, to stick around when they had to constantly wait for the phone call in the middle of the night, when they had no definitive lock on what their future would hold- and then to add raising a child to that mix? Kevin Ryan was not a particularly self conscious man but even had to marvel at the fact that she time and again chose him.

"It’s okay- really." He wondered if he was lying. But, truth be told, even though the pain and the fatigue and something else he couldn’t define right under his skin were there they were all fairly dulled. He might have been straining but he could distinctly recall feeling much, much worse. "It all jus’ kinda feels like-" There was no way he could gesture his way through the explanation and the thought of trying struck him as oddly hilarious. So much so that he had to laugh again as he tilted his head closer to her hands.

"Sorry, I know that wasn’t funny," he added, still grinning languidly. "They have-" Oh right. That’s where the conversation started. Maybe he should move away from the topic of the good stuff. But it was light and distracting and the only thing he could think of to alleviate any of Jenny’s suffering. 

The thought sobered him up. His brow furrowed and his eyelids dropped as he studied her face, concerned. Exhaustion and fear were clearly written across her features and no small amount of guilt and worry bubbled up. “Hey- ‘f you need to let it out, ‘sokay.” He didn’t underestimate Jenny’s strength- far from it. Nine times out of ten hers far surpassed his own. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t do whatever he could for her. That urge was as natural as breathing. 

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

Jenny nodded and smiled at his small touch on her waist. She rested both of her hands on his, sighing and holding his hand tightly. Hopefully, not too tightly. God, what if she hurt him? It'd kill her. She let his hand go a little before grabbing it again. She couldn't handle not being so close to him.

God, he really was wacked out on the drugs they had him on. "It wasn't. It's okay. You're high as a kite," she sighed, shaking her head. Jenny wiped her eyes again, biting her lip to keep from crying.

After being together for so long, she was good at being strong. Holding out, pushing through, waiting up--she was good at it. She was good at being a wife, and she was good at being a mom. This, though. This was different. Jenny swallowed hard and covered her mouth as she watched him, a sob barely being stifled.

And there he was, day in and day out, thinking of her, still. After the fire, he had been there with ice chips and water for her with gauze still wrapped around half of his body. He was such...Jenny couldn't quite place it.

When Kevin gave her permission, though, to let it out, to break down, she couldn't help but weep. "God, Kevin, no one was telling me--" she sighed, head collapsing into her hands. "No one was telling me if you were okay and all I could see was the fire and all I could imagine was Sarah without you--" her voice cracked, tears breaking through her defenses. 

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

1/??? moments of Mrs. Jenny Ryan...because I need to prove to someone that Jenny is amazing.

1. Late Night Awakening

Keys shuffling, door cracking, floorboards creaking--Jenny stirred in her tiny studio apartment. Yawning, she sat up. Her clock, glowing an annoying neon green, read a painful time: 3:00 AM. That could only mean one of two things: someone was breaking into her apartment, or...

Mhm. Sure enough, there he was.

Detective Kevin Ryan was sleepily searching through her fridge and settled on some deli meat, cheese, mustard, and bread on a counter--and his favorite craft beer that Jenny kept stocked for long days, like the one she could clearly see on his face and in his body.

She just watched him for awhile, seeing how stiff he was. He turned a little quickly and groaned, rubbing his shoulder. Somehow, he was hurt, or at least sore for some reason or the other. Carefully, slowly, Ryan made his sandwich and turned to leave the kitchen.

"Jenny! Sh--oh, Jenny. God, I'm sorry I missed our date tonight," he sighed. 

"You definitely sounded that way on the phone," she said, eyes scanning him for any serious injury. "I figured you were going to just go back to your place."

"Yeah, I know I said I would. But, believe me when I say that this case was a pain in the ass. Even worse than Javi on a bad day. And I was just really tired and I was hoping that you'd forgive me on having to cancel our reservations," she smiled sleepily. It was cute, how sorry he was. She reached to hug him and he groaned, stiff.

"Kevin, what happened to you?" she asked, reaching to touch his face. Kevin looked down before back up at her. The hesitation in his eyes was...intense.

"I bruised a rib. And the muscle in my shoulder," he admitted, eyes cast down like a scared child

"What happened?" she repeated, softly reaching again to cradle his neck.

"Bastard suspect went running. The ice outside made me slip and I fell before the jackass kicked me in the rib," he coughed. "I'm fine, I promise, just sore," he half-lied. Yeah, he hurt like hell. That was the real truth.

"Kevin Ryan, don't lie to me," Jenny glared, Kevin half laughed, smirking a half smile.

"How could I have ever tried to outsmart the famous Jennifer O'Malley?" he half-laughed again, weaker this time. "But, yeah...Montgomery made me go to the ER to make sure I hadn't broken or cracked anything. It's why I'm so late. But, you're not mad?" Ryan asked. His baby blue, sweet and soft eyes were looking at her, half already blaming herself for anger she hadn't placed, half pleading that she'd be okay.

"The only person that I'm mad at is the guy who hurt you. C'mon, Kevin. You can eat your snack and drink your beer in bed with me. It's more comfortable than my couch," she smiled, offering her hand. Kevin visibly sighed in relief, shoulders relaxing a little. Jenny shook her head.

He hate his sandwich in about six minutes and finished his beer about thirty seconds after the sandwich was complete. Jenny helped him change into some sweats, but the only other thing he wore was an ice pack ACE-wrapped to his shoulder.

"Thanks, babe. I love you," he groggily smiled. Jenny rolled her eyes as she helped him lie back into her bed.

"I love you, too. Promise me that you'll actually sleep awhile tonight. You and I have the weekend off--let's actually enjoy it, Kevin." The lack of time together was the hardest part of their relationship, but Jenny was also thankful for the time they did have together. It brought them closer.

"Aye-aye, Captain," he mock-saluted with his good hand. Jenny replied with a kiss before crawling into bed and immediately back into his arms.

"I love you, baby," Kevin sighed, voice slurring already as he slipped off  into bed. By the time Jenny had gotten comfortable, Kevin was already out like a light. He really did need a break, she sighed.

Was this all going to be okay? Was he ever really going to be safe? Probably not, she thought, but as she looked at the engagement ring, Jenny wondered if she was really going to get him for the rest of her life.

Being a cop, however, was not only his career but the lifestyle had had been living long before he. And he never got any sleep and the hours were crap, no matter the pay and benefits--but as she looked at him sleeping, all the stress, all the missed reservations,, and all the missing him was worth it. Because he was still hers.

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

Wedding Plans Are Killer // Kate & Jenny

[dontcallmeamusearchived]

Kate nodded, sitting down in one of the chairs. She wished Alexis could have come too, but she understood the stress of college.She remembered it very clearly.

"I was going to ask you if I could get Sarah Grace to be the flower girl. I think she’d be perfect for that role. Castle was the one to suggest I ask you today, considering I was going to wait." She was already nervous with the wedding, and was terrified it wouldn’t go like she hopes.

"What are you planning, Lanie?"  

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Jenny squealed and clapped. “Sounds perfect to me! Sarah Grace accepts her duties as flower girl. Kevin’s going to go nuts for the photos,” she smiled. Kevin was a wonderful, loving father. Even with Sarah only a handful of months old, she had her father completely and totally wrapped around her lovely, tiny little fingers.

Lanie smirked. “That’s for me to know and you to find out,” she smiled, turning again to make sure the dress fit perfectly and everything.

"Gates already knows the dates—just plan to be kidnapped at any unsuspecting moment. Jenny and I are going to give you one last send off into wonderful married life with Writer Boy, don’t you worry."

[dontcallmeamusearchived]

Kate laughed at Jenny’s reaction, knowing how crazy Ryan would be going for pictures of his daughter as the flower girl. Her eyes softened and she silently wondered if it would be like when she and Castle had a kid. 

"Come on, Lanie." She said, rolling her eyes "You know I don’t like surprises." She stood and stretched out. Her back was stiff "I could always go ask Gates." 

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"Katherine Beckett, you underestimate us," Jenny smiled, slipping back into the dressing stall.

"Do you think she'd tell you? She's sworn to secrecy, but wishes her best," Lanie winked, still checking herself out in the mirror.

"Do you think Javi would like this?"

"Javier would love a paper bag on you, Lanie!" Jenny called, slipping her shirt and jacket back on. She checked her phone and smiled at a text from Ryan with a picture of Sarah sleeping on his chest. Jenny laughed. He was such a sap.

/text/ I'll be home soon. Love you both.

Jenny slung her bag over her shoulder and stepped out of the stall.

"What next, girls?"

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

A Broken Promise // Jenny & Ryan

[ryanofthetwelfth]

His wife’s distress was palpable and did more than the quiet edge of pain to wake him up. It wasn’t the first time that Jenny was suffering because of him, and like every other time it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to ask anything of her when she gave so willingly- when she loved him. Which wasn’t something he would ever question but it was during moments like these he had to wonder what good he’d done in his life that she continued to stay by his side.

Get it together, he told himself. It was easier when she moved closer, sitting on the space available at the edge of his bed. Better, and not ideal but it would have to do. He took a moment to breathe through the lingering flashes of pain, expression smoothing out as they faded away into near nothingness. 

"Yeah- Yeah, I will," he agreed, more softly but with less strain in his voice. "Bet I’ll be wishing for more of th’ good stuff, then." He tried not to mirror her panic, forced his lungs to contract in a steady, slow rhythm as he ran his thumb in a repetitive pattern against her waist. Even if it put him in this situation in the first place, it was probably good that he was a cop- years of training meant that if he couldn’t find true peace just yet he could reasonably fake it.

Then again, perhaps actual peace wasn’t that far out of his grasp. He was alive, after all. Which was honestly pretty good given his chosen field and the fact that his team had become a veritable danger magnet in recent years. And more importantly he had Jenny right there. A wife he loved, who loved him back, who was strong enough to choose into a life with him every single day. 

"Just you," he replied, thankful that his partner wasn’t in the room at the moment to point out that the statement was sugary enough to make him sick and he probably did need things like water or ice or extra meds. Practical things. Kevin didn’t feel too much like being practical. "So ‘s good that you’re already here." Too long sentences were starting to strain his muscles and he hoped he did a good enough job keeping it from showing. 

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Jenny laughed softly. "Yeah, probably," she swallowed, wiping away a stray cool tear. He always had a weird, slightly geeky sense of humor. After the fire, there was a stretch of about a week when he couldn't put much weight on one of his legs. Sarah had woken them up, but Kevin had insisted on being the one to check on their tiny newborn. Jenny nodded and rolled over and went back to sleep.

A few hours later, Kevin still wasn't in bed. Confused, Jenny sat up and found Kevin sleeping on the floor. His leg had cramped and he fell asleep next to their daughter's crib in their room. When he woke up, he joked and played it off that Sarah slept better with one of them closer. 

He was such a committed father. He loved their little girl so deeply--and even more, he loved Jenny. She knew he hated going off in the middle of the night, leaving Jenny behind without much of an explanation. And he always came back and always hugged her close, never the one to let go first.

"Ssh, baby," she sighed, brushing some of his hair back. "Don't speak too much," she swallowed, the tears becoming harder to hold back. He just had to come home...he had to be with her and Sarah where he was safe and comfortable and not surrounded by IVs and beeps and scratchy sheets and white walls...

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A Broken Promise // Jenny & Ryan

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

His fingertips in her soft blonde hair brought some clarity to her head. She closed her eyes and let him try and sooth her as much as he could. His touch was klutzy and slow, but it was something that she could focus on. It was another shred of proof to his life. He was alive. He was alive. It was going to be okay, because he was alive.

"Just don’t ask," she joked, moving her chin slightly to kiss his fingertips. They were "nauseating," or whatever Espoito called them, but she didn’t care. She loved her husband and her husband loved her and they had the most beautiful little girl in the world. 

The hiss, though, woke Jenny up from her flimsy  pseudo peace. She stiffened and sat up, moving to take his hand. He was in pain. And a decent amount of it. Maybe those drugs weren’t really enough. Jenny frowned and squeezed his hand. God, he tried too hard sometimes.

"I love you, too, Kevin," she sighed. Gently, her hand cupped his cheek. "Don’t feel like you have to talk or move. I don’t want you to hurt yourself." She tried to sound soothing, but it came out more in a whimpering, frightening, quiet plea. Her fingertips pushed his hair back and she bit her lip.

There had been too many times when she found herself like this: adjusting back to normal life after Kevin had nearly died. Especially after Sarah Grace’s birth…Those hours had been the most excruciating in her life. Sarah had been coming no matter what was Kevin wasn’t coming out of that building. Then there was that one phone call that stole the breath from her lungs.

"Just rest," she sighed, shoulders slumping some. "I need you to be okay."

[ryanofthetwelfth]

Kevin’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment as he relished in the sensation of her lips. It meant that Jenny was okay enough- at least for now. As soon as he could he’d dig deeper, make things the way they should be. He’d do it now if he could but the inability to move more than his arm or form a coherent sentence put a damper on that particular plan. So he contented himself with the unspoken promise to make things better the moment he could and in the interim stay as connected to his wife as he possibly could.

"If you say so." He looked at her through half lidded eyes, contentment and adoration plastered across his expression. The transition to waking wasn’t as painful as it probably should have been but it was frustrating and disorienting enough; the fact that Jenny was here, right beside him, her cheek against his hand, made it that much easier to navigate. He’d been aware of it before but he was struck again by just how lucky he was. 

The distress at Jenny pulling away hurt more than the slow, now noticeably persistent pain crawling up his side. He cursed his muted reflexes when a noise of anxiety escaped him that he couldn’t silence in time. Her weight was gone only momentarily but it was enough to set his world spinning until he felt her hand on his cheek and refocused his gaze on her expression. 

"I’ll be fine," he reassured her, quietly but fervently. "Sorry, I didn’t-" Ah, right, he wasn’t supposed to apologize. Kevin cut himself off, choosing to channel his energy into moving his irritatingly sluggish arm towards Jenny. He wanted to reach something closer but the burning made that nearly impossible. So he settled for draping his fingers against her waist, pulling just slightly to make sure that they did not lose contact again.

"I want to," he replied, "I just- I hate being so… fuzzy." If he really had been shot, even though just thinking about it was like watching a movie of someone else’s life, he supposed the fuzziness was necessary and better than the alternative. But not being in control of his mental and physical faculties was nerve wracking and if Jenny wasn’t beside him he was sure the panic would be unbearable. 

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His hand on her waist worried her--was he okay? Did it hurt anymore? The small whimper from his lips made her wince. She just wanted him to be okay, for her to be strong for him, but her panic was quickly rising. How many more times could she handle getting a call and learning that he nearly died? How many times was she was going to lie awake in the middle of the night and see the bruises and scars and wonder if he was ever going to sleep restfully?

"I know, baby, I know," she murmured, moving from her chair to sit on the edge of his bed. Not only would it probably help the length of his reach, but she needed to be closer to him, too. She needed to feel the warmth of his body and know that he was going to come home again, and come home again soon.

"It-It'll be okay. You'll be clearer soon," she swallowed. Damn it, Jenny. Keep it together. He needs you. Think about him--he was the one that was shot. Be okay. Be okay for him. She took a long, deep breath and held the hand on her waist, keeping her other on his cheek.

"What can I do for you, baby? Do you need anything?" she asked, though her eyes were trembling with tears she was desperately trying to hide. Keep it together, Jen. He needs you.

[makebreakfastcanon]

Oh look, a non-ship related fandom questionnaire. Do you love it? I do. Have people send you numbers, answer the questions. It's fun for the whole family.

1. Favorite one-off episode of any series. 2. Favorite villain 3. Least favorite “main character” of a show 4. Favorite “sidekick” 5. Character you love to hate. 6. Favorite friendship 7. Friendship that never felt real to you. 8. Favorite wise-guy/jokester character 9. Least favorite villain 10 Least favorite season long storyline 11. Talk about a character with a bad story or character arc. 12. Character that just pisses you off no matter how much you try to like them. 13. Plot device used too much in your favorite shows 14. Favorite character death scene 15. An abandoned or unanswered plot line that will always bug you.

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

A Broken Promise // Jenny & Ryan

[ryanofthetwelfth]

The new weight on his leg was more than welcome. In the same way her hand around his gave him a physical way to find his way out of the fog, her soft cheek gently resting right above his knee was an anchor to remind him where the borders between reality and drug-induced miscalculation were. Kevin felt his own smile brighten in return as he saw hers grow, and though it was a clumsy effort it was all the more genuine for it. 

They had been in this position so many times before that it would have been easy to think that they were tucked up in bed at home or sprawled out on their couch on a lazy, sun drenched afternoon. But there was no beeping in their apartment. No smell of clinical grade disinfectant, no tension in his wife’s shoulders despite her happy expression, no dull burning that had just begun to make itself known all down his side. 

Regardless, he moved by habit so that his fingers came in contact with the edges of her hair that had spilled into his reach. It took a little movement and he brushed the length of his finger lightly against her cheekbone in the process- offering the sentiments that were too many to articulate with his medically dulled reflexes; appreciation, worry, comfort. 

Even only halfway awake, Kevin was able to push down the initial panic that her needing some of his morphine would mean that she would have to be in a hospital and that was unthinkable- it was a momentary spike of concern that was unfortunately not so irrational given his line of work. But after a moment’s hesitation his expression sank back into calmness and her warm humor seeped into his bones. 

"Always," he replied. The laugh started in his mind so it was a little late in tumbling from his lips. “‘S that bad?" Noticeable was too many symbols for his uncooperative jaw but he had to assume that she’d know what he was trying to say. 

The moment he saw her frown he reacted without thinking, moving to brush the back of his hand against the lines marring her forehead. But he hadn’t realized that the quiet, almost unassuming burning was only that way because he’d been so still. It flared as he lifted his arm from its position and he was just a beat too late in silencing the hiss that cut its way from his lips. 

"I will," he promised, slightly more awake than he had been. Which was probably the only silver lining to his idiotic plan to aggravate what had to be the site of his injury. “‘Wish I was home with you." He had only just woken up but it wasn’t just this hospital; Kevin had always felt a bodily need to remain wrapped up in his work. And while it was still more a way of life than a job it didn’t mean that every moment he was away from Sarah and Jenny he ached with the desire to be right there beside them.

"Love you," he added, letting the brief sentence stand for all the words that he’d have the strength and dexterity to say later. 

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

His fingertips in her soft blonde hair brought some clarity to her head. She closed her eyes and let him try and sooth her as much as he could. His touch was klutzy and slow, but it was something that she could focus on. It was another shred of proof to his life. He was alive. He was alive. It was going to be okay, because he was alive.

"Just don't ask," she joked, moving her chin slightly to kiss his fingertips. They were "nauseating," or whatever Espoito called them, but she didn't care. She loved her husband and her husband loved her and they had the most beautiful little girl in the world. 

The hiss, though, woke Jenny up from her flimsy  pseudo peace. She stiffened and sat up, moving to take his hand. He was in pain. And a decent amount of it. Maybe those drugs weren't really enough. Jenny frowned and squeezed his hand. God, he tried too hard sometimes.

"I love you, too, Kevin," she sighed. Gently, her hand cupped his cheek. "Don't feel like you have to talk or move. I don't want you to hurt yourself." She tried to sound soothing, but it came out more in a whimpering, frightening, quiet plea. Her fingertips pushed his hair back and she bit her lip.

There had been too many times when she found herself like this: adjusting back to normal life after Kevin had nearly died. Especially after Sarah Grace's birth...Those hours had been the most excruciating in her life. Sarah had been coming no matter what was Kevin wasn't coming out of that building. Then there was that one phone call that stole the breath from her lungs.

"Just rest," she sighed, shoulders slumping some. "I need you to be okay."

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

//-fluffs hair for a RP-

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

Wedding Plans Are Killer // Kate & Jenny

[dontcallmeamusearchived]

Kate nodded, sitting down in one of the chairs. She wished Alexis could have come too, but she understood the stress of college.She remembered it very clearly.

"I was going to ask you if I could get Sarah Grace to be the flower girl. I think she’d be perfect for that role. Castle was the one to suggest I ask you today, considering I was going to wait." She was already nervous with the wedding, and was terrified it wouldn’t go like she hopes.

"What are you planning, Lanie?"  

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Jenny squealed and clapped. "Sounds perfect to me! Sarah Grace accepts her duties as flower girl. Kevin's going to go nuts for the photos," she smiled. Kevin was a wonderful, loving father. Even with Sarah only a handful of months old, she had her father completely and totally wrapped around her lovely, tiny little fingers.

Lanie smirked. "That's for me to know and you to find out," she smiled, turning again to make sure the dress fit perfectly and everything.

"Gates already knows the dates--just plan to be kidnapped at any unsuspecting moment. Jenny and I are going to give you one last send off into wonderful married life with Writer Boy, don't you worry."

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

A Broken Promise // Jenny & Ryan

[ryanofthetwelfth]

The moment that she stepped into the room, when he realized that she was actually here, the burgeoning panic quieted. It was difficult to make sense of the world and the mess in his mind was still fuzzy enough to keep him from processing clearly but a few things stood out: she was here, she was standing, she was okay. 

"Hey, Beautiful," he replied, words heavy on his tongue. But even though the words sounded a little slurred to his ears his smile was bright and warm and genuinely happy. He was genuinely happy- Jenny was here. Maybe when the nebulous memories and muted physical sensations resolved into clarity that would change but there were so few moments where he wasn’t happy to see his wife that he had to wonder if they existed at all.

-Was she okay? The leftover thought rolled through his drowsily pleasant haze, concern working its way back along with the panic that had been muffled when Jenny had come in. He recognized the tension in her voice, the feather light touch on his hand, the way her eyes were full and wet and oh God was she crying- 

-Right. He’d been shot (to the best of his recollections) so of course, of course she wasn’t alright. Kevin tightened his hand around hers and worked to clear some of the fogginess from his eyes as he found her gaze.

“‘M okay,” he answered, voice low and calm, helped in no small part by whatever they’d pumped into system (though it did thankfully align with the desire to exude as much reassurance as possible). “They have me on the good stuff.” His smile dimmed in worry as he made an effort to pull gently on her hand, asking without words for her to lean in closer.

"It’s okay," he murmured. "I’m sorry- it’s okay." It still felt clumsy to form the words but he hoped she heard the sincerity he tried to convey. 

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

His smile was silly and slacking at the edges which Jenny attributed to the painkillers her was still on, but even if it was a tired and groggy smile, it was a smile on his face and that was all Jenny needed to know. There was air in his lungs and he was alive and he was going to get to hold their tiny little Sarah Grace again. The overwhelming sense of relief at just those handful of thoughts took the breath from her lungs.

He's alive. It was a thought that pounded in her head over and over and over again, flooding her mind and heart with aching relief. He was shot and he wasn't okay, but he was alive.

Beautiful. Jenny's smile brightened. Always the charmer, she thought. On their wedding day, standing there at the altar, there he was and there she was, tux and wedding gown and rings present. Her bouquet was handed off to her sister and then she took his hands. Hey, beautiful. The first words off of his lips at their wedding. It seemed fitting now that those were the words softly murmured from him now.

"I can tell," she smiled, looking over at the morphine pump. "Care to share any?" she asked, though her voice was still raw and quiet from her tears. Gently, she squeezed his hand a little harder. He at least had the strength to respond to her touch. Jenny pulled the chair closer to his bed and tucked her legs up on the beige seat. Slowly, she leaned her head on his leg, looking up at him. For a few moments, it felt like home, like one of Kevin's rare days off. He'd be lying in bed, stroking Jenny's soft golden hair. Sarah would be just lying down for a nap and Jenny would be half way into collapsing into one. Kevin wouldn't say anything--just lie there and be comforting.

A frown crept her way onto his face as he apologized. No, this wasn't his fault. "Sssh, Kevin," she sighed, holding his hand with both of hers. "It's okay. You don't need to apologize--just get better. Sarah and I miss you," she sighed. Again, she traced shapes on the palm of his hand. Maybe this time, though, it was more for her comfort than his.

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

A Broken Promise // Jenny & Ryan

[ryanofthetwelfth]

He wondered fuzzily if he’d drifted again. Reality had been so close before but one moment he had been trying to pry the doctor for information and the next everything was quiet. But at least he knew, without a doubt that they were quiet. Maybe it was worth the drifting, then, to come back to a more definitive clarity. 

That would have to be his starting point- taking stock of whatever he was able to process. A firm bed, a thin sheet, the dependable beeps and hums that came with every hospital. Something against his arm- no in it. IV, then. His face, while still addled with the weight of drowsiness, was absent of anything else to the best of his knowledge. No nasal cannula meant that his lungs were probably fine.

His physical surroundings taken into account, he had to focus on the now clearer, more abundant memories. A sign of his blossoming consciousness was his mounting frustration at how hard it was to string together the things he saw and put them in some semblance of chronological order. Not to mention that he still couldn’t latch onto what exactly had put him in the hospital in the first place-

-Jesus Christ, had he been shot? He could hear the ringing register of a blast from a muzzle but the falling sensation felt so divorced from the sound and the flash that if he didn’t put pieces together for a living he’d say there was no way it could have happened to him. The monitors picked up again as his body tried to accept what his mind couldn’t.

That was why. That had to be why he couldn’t even think clearly. Except there was so much to do, he had to check in with his team he had to know that they were alive and oh my god he had to tell Jenny had he asked the doctor for her or had he been dreaming that-?

Distracted and disoriented he almost missed the sound of the door opening. But there was a voice that accompanied it which cut through the dizzying worry. It was so achingly familiar that it hurt to have to stop and manually decipher whose it was.

Idiot, you know this. Before his mind caught up he was already saying her name, trying to sit up and move towards her even though it resulted in little more than tilting his head forward, “Jenny. Jenny, hey.”

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

Briefly, all she could remember was two particular cases--when Jerry Tyson had returned and killed someone with Kevin's gun, and then when Kate had gotten shot. Both times, Kevin rarely came home. It was maybe hours at a time--and his eyes. All Jenny could see in him was a pain in his eyes she had no hope of healing.

He'd come home even later than he usually did and didn't talk much--just maybe eat something before collapsing for no longer than a handful of hours of leaving again. Life didn't return in his eyes again until the case had been solved. Or, in Beckett's case...well. Time could only solve that.

When he spoke her name, though, tears stung her eyes. She smiled at him, pulling a chair to his bedside. She softly held his hand, afraid that he'd just disappear if she was too hard or too intense.

"Hey, baby," she whispered. Her throat, thick and tense, cracked her voice. "How do you feel?" she asked. Gently, her fingers traces shapes on the back of his hand. 

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

A Broken Promise // Jenny & Ryan

[ryanofthetwelfth]

Okay, maybe he’d jumped the gun on trying to leave the cottony oblivion. Things came together more quickly, pieces slotting together. Which mean memories but it meant that he had more access to his senses- the sharp scent of antiseptic, the scratchy feeling of what was probably a thin blanket screamed hospital. 

It was enough to alert him to the more specific wrongness of injury. He was laying down- was it him? He didn’t hurt, per se. Not in one localized area. It was more of an all over, dull sort of pressure or ache that permeated every muscle. Probably not the best situation, then, especially since whatever landed him here would likely make itself known the more lucid he grew-

-Shit. He was here, in a hospital. He was injured. That meant that something had gone wrong and was the rest of the team okay? His eyes were still almost glued shut by their heaviness but there were more important things. Javi and- oh god and Jenny. He had promised her, hadn’t he? Something, he’d promised her- he couldn’t consciously remember but his body apparently did. He didn’t realize that his heart rate had picked up until it dawned on him that the distant beeping was synced with his pulse and had picked up speed.

There was someone else in the room and that was how he discovered that during his panic he’d opened his eyes. White coat, unfamiliar: doctor. Nurse? Technician? It didn’t matter. They’d be able to connect him to some information.

When he opened his mouth to speak, his throat decided on a fiery protest, dry and burning. His words sounded muffled, though he supposed they were a bit clearer in reality. At least, he hoped that was the case because it took too much effort to produce a single sound for the whole endeavor to be in vain.

"Jenny- Ryan? My wife she’s-" It would have to suffice. Praying they’d put the pieces together he continued on, "Detectives- Beckett and Esposito, are they-…" 

His efforts were rewarded with little more than bureaucratic hallmarks- “Hold on, we’ll get you information soon.” And he wanted to argue that he was a cop he knew that soon could mean hours but until he’d given his throat time to warm up he’d have to resign himself to waiting for someone else to come in. In the mean time he hoped that the doctor leaving was a sign that information was being shared. 

[mrsdetectiveryannypd-blog]

Jenny eventually quit fighting against Javi's grip on her body. She sobbed, terrified of the uncertain future of her husband. He had been in surgery for what--two hours by now? Three? Was he okay? That was all she wanted to know.

The case had woken up Ryan early that morning. Sarah had waken up Jenny even earlier. When the phone call came, it was maybe six AM at the latest. She'd groaned, frustrated that Ryan, of course, had to be on call again. And a body had to be found again right when both her and Ryan and Jenny had needed the rest.

Ryan had dressed in his usual 3-piece suit and kissed her forehead. Sorry he had said. I love you, and I'll call about dinner. Go back to sleep he had whispered. Jenny nodded, groggy with sleep still clouding her eyes, and let him leave. 

Was she ever going to see him again?

Kate and Javi guided Jenny to a seat and Castle brought Jenny a bottle of water. She mumbled a weak thanks and rubbed her tired eyes. 

Was he okay?

"Mrs. Ryan?" a doctor asked. Jenny sat up immediately.

"T-That's me. How is my husband? Is he okay?" she asked.

"He's alive and he'll be fine. He's stable, but still in critical condition. The bleeding was pretty bad, but we have it under control. We'll need to keep him for awhile to watch his vitals. I can let you see him now," he said, then looked to Javier, Beckett, and Castle.

"The rest of you can go home and rest. Your partner is all right." The doctor tried to smile at them, but all Esposito did was just give a death glare to the doctor.

Jenny swallowed hard and followed the doctor to Ryan's room, only thinking of how he wasn't walking quick enough.

"Be gentle with him. He's probably in some pain, and still groggy from being under. Be calm," the doctor guided. Jenny grimaced. I gave birth to my daughter while my husband was in a burning building. Don't tell me to be calm.

Slowly, Jenny opened Kevin's door.

"Kevin?"