Learning As I Go
One thing is abundantly clear when you’re raising five children: Every day is a new opportunity to learn and to fail. I long ago abandoned the idea that there is a right way to raise children and accepted that as long as they are decent little people with a few flaws and a lot of smiles, my other half and I are doing just fine.
We’ve had a few recent ups and downs. Our four-year-old, Jonah, has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and after some consideration we decided to try medication. There is a stigma attached to this decision that we are acutely aware of. It only reinforces my belief that we each have our own ways of being the best parents we know how to be and there is rarely a valid reason to be judgmental of another parent (I’m talking about genuine abuse or neglect here). No one knows my children better than I do and no one has a more invested interest in their well-being, so I trust my own decisions more than I trust someone else’s and that is the end of that. The results have been awesome. No longer does he run up and down the hallway for no reason or tackle his two-year-old sister and pin her to the floor until we step in… that is, as long as his medication is active. The trick to the particular medication he’s on is that it is short-acting and the effects can only be seen for a max of four hours. If he has one dose in the morning, he can have one in the afternoon and by dinnertime, he’s no longer under its influence. As a matter of fact, today he got his first dose a bit late and I decided to skip his second dose. A minute ago I had to rescue his little sister from his aggressive affections and placed him in a bath to help calm him. While I was preparing his bath, he was just screaming at the top of his lungs over and over because… just because. The bath helps.
Since Jonah’s diagnosis, our six-year-old, Julianna, has picked up on the additional attention Jonah’s been receiving and has started acting out in her own way. She is prone to jealousy and did not know how to express herself so she just cried. A lot. Over anything… or nothing. I’m glad to say that we recognized what was happening and she is pretty much back to normal. She and the other kids know that something is going on with Jonah, but although I have explained it to them in simple terms, they don’t really understand. We’ve had some other outlets of frustration from the others as they’ve adjusted to a new way of understanding Jonah’s behavior, but we’re getting there.
Our oldest is Superwoman. Or maybe Supergirl… or SuperTeenager. Annie lives with us half-time and when she’s here, she is such a source of support and encouragement to her dad and me. Being so much older than the others has its negatives, but mostly it is wonderful. She’s starting to drive now and the other kids are excited to have someone else to drive them around. Joke’s on them, though, since she won’t be able to drive them around until she’s had her license for a year, due to State law. Anyway, she’s kind of a dream and has really been no trouble at all her entire life. One of the biggest problems I have ever had with her was an argument over taking a bath when she was five. We’ve forgiven each other and moved past it.
Every day, I make decisions for myself and my children (and frequently my husband). The most important thing for me to remember is that this is my team. These crazy little people I created are my peeps. My crew. We are in this together and we will stumble and get back up together. Even if we are knee-deep in Jello.
Here’s another sweet picture. Jacob and Jonah in December 2009.