Cheating in the beginning...
I met my husband about 7 years ago. I was in a really bad relationship at the time and just had my son. I met him at a club and really we never took things past a cordial public encounter. In Nov 2017, I get a message in my inbox on facebook. It was hard not to recognized who it was...there is no mistaking this man. Heâs as yellow as light skinned men come with a missing tooth. Thatâs one thing I admired about him because he was never ashamed of it. We messaged each other back and forth. Him telling me how he wanted to have a relationship with me, that he always thought I was sexy, all the corny bullshit a man would tell a woman whoâs trying to get some. I wasnât trying to fall for it. I told him that I was just coming out of one bad relationship that I was still repairing from. He insisted on being in a relationship with me. I told him that Iâm bad off...that Iâm still healing from the pain another man caused. He was persistent for about 5 months. Finally he asked me to go with him on a âdateâ. Really it was that he bought tickets to a fashion show and he didn't want his money to go to waste. I was a last minute date choice or at least it felt that way. We had a fun night with each other. After our date, I went on with life thinking that I wasnât going to really see this man again. Here he was again...in my phone messaging me. I had to give him the booty call shpeel...Look bro...it was fun but thatâs all this was..I donât want anything else. He wouldnât take no for an answer.Â
At the time he was living with his play sister. He was on the verge of moving away from there. He didnât really have his own space there and plus with every house hold they have problems behind closed doors (thatâs a whole ânother blog). I didnât blame him for wanting to leave. Eventually I gave into him and and started to see him more and more. Next thing you know...I had another boyfriend and he was living with me. Everyone speculated that this is too fast. I never think love can be too fast. There have been people who would fall in love at first sight and next think you know they are married for 60 years. I still believe in that kind of love. I really did feel that this could be that kind of love. He called me his chocolate queen and I then wanted to see if we could spend 60+ years together.
My husband and I clicked right away. Heâs the opposite of me...Iâm such a serious person with a dormant goofy side that only ones I trust see. He brings that out of me with ease. Heâs a goofy character straight of a cartoon. He made me laugh so hard one time, I got up the next day and my abs were sore. I remember talking all night long about all the cartoons we loved as children. For the most part, the beginning of our relationship was pleasant.Â
April 2018 he asked me to be in a relationship and June 2018 he asked me to marry him. OMG I know what youâre saying...this is too fast. All I knew is that this man, despite my protest to take my guard down, he was able to get me to fall in love with him. After out engagement, his attitude started changing and I started seeing a change in our relationship. We werenât having sex that much, heâs being very selfish, and he wasnât treating me well. Some where down the road a opportunity was brought up by him. He told me that if I had any doubts that I could check his phone. He said that he had nothing to hide. I fell for it. I wanted to believe by him making this gesture it meant that he was either telling the truth or bluffing. I couldnât help but think that he might be bluffing. Usually a change in emotional state and how one expresses himself negatively means that something is wrong in the relationship. I grabbed his phone and headed to the bathroom as soon as he passed out. I couldnât believe my eyes.
My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest, my face flushed from all itâs chocolaty color, my skin was sticky with sweat, and it felt like someone was stabbing me with needles. As I read through his facebook messenger there was messages upon messages.Numerous amounts of women he had been contacting. Most of them didn't respond. He was calling all these women queens, wishing that they are doing well, and trying to be sexual with them. Lots and lots of sexual propositions. One conversation stood out. He found a girl that he worked with on fb and was telling her how good she looked and what he would like to do with her. As much and I wanted to stop reading, I didnt have the strength to turn it off. The icing on the cake...that there were messages to women going all the way back to the beginning of our relationship...including even on the day that he asked me to marry him.Â
I went back in the room crying. He woke up asking me what was wrong. I told him that I would talk to him later. He said no...lets talk about it now...youâre upset. I asked him....So you said you have nothing to hide? He just looked at me with this confused face like he know what I was talking about but he was trying to look clueless at the same time. He sat there in silence waiting for me to say the words. I asked if he had anything to come clean about. He said no...what is this about? I pulled his phone out....and said the girls name asking who she was. I told him about how there were so many messages going way back. He had no explanation. He immediately start apologizing. Telling me that he was going to block all the women, that he was gonna fix this, and that this would never happen again.
I wanted to believe him. Love always has room for benefit of doubt. But little did I know it was just the beginning
