A million feathers, A million paths @msatgriacnge - Tumblr Blog

Hey. I'm Strange, a Median system of (3?) this is a blog move from my old one, because.. Well, I'll explain later.

I'm a spiritual person with an abnormal focus on the astral, a study of apotheosis, etc.

I'm also a godkin, as in I believe I am a magic deity. Spiritual Godkin to be precise.

I'm poly with two partners, And I love them both deeply. They know my worst and accept me anyways, even if it comes with anger and frustrations.

Anyways. Aspect Intros:

Strange: The Simulacrum, the Human-Pretender. Organic but false, just-off, uncanny valley, is my vibe. He/Him, They/Them, It/Its.

Magic/The Pointed One: A real name and a few fake ones. The god, the many-handed. Our biggest, the protected one, the most inhuman. He/Him, They/Them, Mal/Malhic/Malhiz.

Wrath: Anger, Justification, Binds and What Breaks Them. No pronouns save for those of who Wrath cofronts with- though we all accept masc referentials either way.

I don't tag well, so my blog will be unsorted. I'll usually rb info I find good for cute things, and any custom post will be processing things, or magic things. Make it a guessing game to see which aspect posted what, We will deeply enjoy.

"with anything but childish rage"

“See the sky and all the land together again..”

Mm.

Well, it's funny.

I thought there would be consequences. kinda hoped for it.

But, well. It's better like this, I know.

Even compromised, it's my house.

Wanting attention like a child doesn't mean i get it, no matter how many strings I play.

I've overindulged in grief.

still burning that red, unpleasant hue.

Is it guilty? is it honest.

Does it even matter if you can't tell?

slightly-sigilant

Plurality Over Time - Ask Game

Hi! I made another ask game since folks liked the last one. This one is oriented towards folks who've been plural for a while and would like to talk about how their plural experience has changed over time. However, there are no rules around how old or experienced you and your system have to be. If these questions resonate with you, then you can participate!

As before, all systems are welcome to participate as long as you respect the spirit of the post and don't drag discourse onto it. Feel free to copy and paste this wherever with or without credit, a bunch of these questions were lifted from other places anyway. I tried to pick or at least phrase questions to be as inclusive as possible, but I've almost certainly missed things - plurality is diverse and my system only experiences a small corner of it. I encourage people to make their own ask games!

🚂 (train) - How has your understanding of yourselves, and of plurality in general, changed over time?

⛵ (sailboat) - What are some things that were important to you that no longer are? Or things that weren't important to you that are now?

⛴️ (ferry ship) - What changes in the plural community have you observed over your time there?

🚌 (bus) - How has your system specifically changed over time? What about individual members? (If they want to answer!)

✈️ (airplane) - What's something about your system now that would have surprised your younger selves? How do you feel about it in the present?

🚁 (helicopter) - Which things have gotten easier with time? Which things are still hard? (Examples: doubt, communication, conflict resolution, and so on)

🛹 (skateboard) - Is there an accomplishment that you're proud of?

🛴 (kick scooter) - What's some advice that you would give to your younger selves? What would have helped you the most back when you were new to plurality?

🚕 (taxi) - What would you tell or ask your future selves? What are you still trying to learn?

🏍️ (motorcycle) - What have you tried that didn't work for your system? Why didn't it work? Do you do something else instead?

🚲 (bicycle) - What does day-to-day life look like for you all now, compared to back when you were new to plurality?

🚀 (rocket) - What future do you all want for yourselves?

#I want to play the ask game #it's worth a try

Thinking about Wrath lately. about my anger. It's easy to be angry.

Kind of, anyways.

I can feel frustrated, for example. I was playing a minecraft mod today and it pissed me off so terribly (bad design) that I just.. gave up and cheated it.

But that was frustration. When I am angry- When I want to hit, or scream, or truly harm? It's not mine anymore.

When I want to scream at old ex-friends, find them and ask them “WHAT WAS SO WRONG WITH ME!! WHY COULD YOU NOT SEE IT!!” that pain, that rage? that desire to hold them down and break them until they see me.. is Wrath.

and it's also me. Because Median.

I'm thinking about it because of TADC and Jax's finale, actually.

That.. if you can't accept help, you will die. Didn't I do that? Don't I do that?

am I not still choking out the “pomnis” and “ragathas” who put up with me?

And so I try harder, whatever that means, but I just don't know.

Unlike Jax, my terror at being a terrible person is not met with rejecting help with abuse and anger. I hope it isn't abuse.

It's just.. fading out. wandering away and dying. I feel unfair emotions, that I know aren't logical or sound or helpful, such as the sheer fucking caliber of rage, and I just.. fold it up and away.

I do that because I feel like it's.. easier to manage myself and my own expectations.

You can't expect mom to have the energy to deal with you.

You can't expect dad to remember to do a chore.

You can't expect your siblings to to be stable enough to help you.

So.. it's just you. And you're taught to be good, to be helpful, and you realize that you feel burdened a lot by being good, and you logic out the following:

Taking on Emotional Labour is Tiring.

and then you look at yourself. and You really see what you are.

And you decide that trying to unravel this knot would be exhausting.

I mean.. fuck!

I had to tell myself, teach myself, it was ok.

I may be a murderer (at least, astral side) but that's ok.

I may be cold-hearted and violent, but so's everyone else, right?

I was 14. I wanted to die so badly, because why did I take to the violence so easily?

why was it so easy.

And so, I wanted to die. and I clung to people.

and I clung to life.

And I clung to people some more.

and I tried to say sorry, and it failed, and I pulled the right strings until it worked.

I think about how I never got better for Briar.

I think about how I was there during Void's lowest point, and I didn't even notice Void become Ardent.

I think about how I might be failing prince for souta.

I don't know how to repair anything. I don't know.. How to make it easy. Or kind.

I know I am burdensome, and so I close off

and then I get so angry, angry, angry that people cannot find their way through my walls.

or worse.. that they grow bitter about what lays within.

I'm sorry, Wren. I left because I hated myself, but also because I fell into the same pattern.

Still just the violent god who has no purpose other than to be violence. And not paying attention unless swords must be drawn.

What else am I good for, though?

I'm helpless, and so I am angry.

I'm useless, and so I beat my own arms with my full strength.

I don't know what I need. I don't know how to communicate until it's in the moment.

I have a shit memory, and I am caught off-guard by my own behaviors.

I'm afraid it's not worth trying to help me.

But that's the same fear I'm supposed to be killing.

Because.. because it hurts others, to not trust them. To not let them in.

Even when it's so sharp. Even when I could kill them.

Even when I know, deep down, that if I stop managing my anger, and my rage, terrible things will happen.

I want to be MAGIC. I want to be [Truename.] But.. that person is violent. That person is sharp. That person is ignorant of boundaries, and pushy.

That person changes people by force, and cries when it is changed.

That person is a hypocrite.

So I stay Strange, connected to the god. And I'm happy enough.

But I want.. so, so badly. to feel like I can just be a problem, and not need to be fixed. even for a minute.

that's what the weed does for me. I'm a problem on weed. And I can't manage myself. But it doesn't matter. I can't be held responsible, so it's all ok.

Except I know that now, so I keep trying to talk myself out of it.

Because I can't be a problem.

I can't be a burden.

How will I ever, ever be heard then?

Who will love you when you exhaust them?

It seems pathetic. But I left my mother behind over this, and so I know; it's real. I must manage it.

I must manage myself.

And that's where I am. Walking in a circle. Helpless, and angry, and so upset with myself.

and trying uselessly.

formerlyluckymanticore

Reblog if you will never. Ever. Use AI in your writing.

sugar-and-spite

so i was like "i haven't been annoying enough about being polyamorous yet this pride month, let me reblog some poly posts and fix that"

...except all the poly tags are totally flooded with random ship bullshit. the only posts from real poly people i could find were ones from years ago that i've already seen

so i guess i really haven't been annoying enough about it! here's your regular dose of it then: poly people exist! in real life! we're here and we're queer! we deserve community! polyamory isn't just a thing for ships! we're real!!!

got high, made days good as expected, back to the A little Sad grinset.

we rock. I will pry myself open even if it kills me

come home.

I fear someday, I will be forced to express what is wrong with me.

I fear I want that, a little.

#Deprivation is a state of mind.#starve yourself of all your joy #carve away the inhuman #and you will be Deprived.#I will not do it again.#I'm sorry.

“hope is not a noose.”

long ago, Strange said that.

I exist. Is that ok?

“We’re back/You're home.”

An empty shell fights the whole, and that was a parallel I drew.

cruel, cruel, cruel.

Are you cruel?

Am I cruel?

My hands reach up and pull down the sky, my hands reach down and pull up the ground.

The world slams in the center of my being, and creation is found anew through magic.

What is truly new?

Thaumaturgy, the creation of new magic, is not Creation Magic. it is simply innovation.

The stolen godhead of a creator.

A crueler part of me. Catherine Foundling, perhaps. Wants to rip the godhood from the dawn. From the sanctuary.

I know the threat,

but I cannot bring myself to wield that weight.

I am no dawn.

instead, here's an idea.

Fatewood and Chaoswood have evolved so much in these shprt few months, the sheer quality of material has drastically improved.

While Caesdail is still a godly weapon, it was formed originally in perfection-pursuing mania. Still, I hold its core, better resources, and an idea of what to do.

It is reforging time, everyone.

Scream and Sing. the arm of magic is wrenched open and recreated.

Is this why my physical arm has a bruise?

Or is it simply because I punch too hard.

Whispers.

I want to get high soon.

I created a two-hearted power source of growing chaos and fate. Trees.

Entropy and Creation, feeding eachother properly.

They could be independent, but tpgether they flourish.

The fatewood no longer edits the same stories.

The chaoswood is pruned, then grows stronger.

Disharmoniant Harmony.

Complementary Element.

recoverr-deactivated20250621

i don't know who needs to hear this, but guilt, self-hatred and shame are not sustainable sources of growth and healing. you can't hate yourself into feeling better, or being better. you can't repeatedly punish yourself for your flawed humanity and expect wholesome results.

#fucking watch me #or something like that #I am a shell and my drive is to stop hurting others