Fate Has Given It A Second Chance

"You could not live with your failures, and look where that brought you: right back to me."

[prince-luffy]

A Halloween version of the intro art that I did for my good friends @jadpeanut and @mugiwara--jm's YouTube channel. Please consider checking out their channel and giving our Mouthwashing playthrough a watch!! 💕

[mugiwara--jm]

Against my better judgment, I have returned to Tumblr. Hello, everyone. It’s been a whi-- Tumblr:

[cheddar-baby]

[mugiwara--jm]

In about an hour, I will be beginning my playthrough of Pokémon Scarlet! I may or may not have people playing with me in the stream call, who knows? Follow me on Twitch to get notified when I go live! https://www.twitch.tv/mugiwarajm

[beelzbat]

[charismatic-cannibal]

[mugiwara--jm]

Mood

[kirbopher]

To John Markel,

You once apologized to me for things you honestly didn’t have to. You were a bigger man than me and I didn’t even respond to you. I didn’t even give you the time of day. Now it’s my turn to finally apologize for everything I said and did to you. I have a lot to take responsibility for when it comes to you.

First of all, I’m sure you know this and don’t need any reassurance from me, but you did absolutely nothing wrong during your time on the Fallout Shelter. Being a kid, or at worst being “annoying” is not a crime and not something worth being trashed by someone else. There is no other way to describe it; I bullied you. I acted like a type of person I hated and that is NOT okay, especially not to someone like you. Because you were a fellow creator, another artist who wanted to be a storyteller. What did I do? I stomped all over your creativity. We were all a bunch of kids exploring ourselves and just making stuff to have fun; criticism is one thing but harassing and dissenting words on another person’s work is inexcusable. I clearly, with no other reasoning, took personal offense to your flash animation series being very similar to TvTome Adventures. My stupid, overly fragile ego couldn’t handle the idea of someone else trying to imitate a presentation style that wasn’t even originally my idea in the first place, with sprites and textboxes and pixelated projectiles being flung around. It was completely immature of me, unfair to you and for any damage I may have caused to your need to create, I’m sorry.

Further, I remember even when I decided to accept your invitation to voice a character in your flash animation, after my incredibly rude response to such a harmless and what should have been taken as a flattering request, that I knew I was doing it for the wrong reasons. You didn’t need to have someone part of your personal vision who was only in it because everyone else was in it; I’m glad you replaced me. I should’ve been honored to have been offered a main character in a fellow up-and-coming amateur creator’s story, but I was nothing but an arrogant, mean-spirited jerk to you. The person that character was given to after my eventual departure was better off to have been part of your creation. I didn’t deserve it; I mean no sarcasm by that. In retrospect, I will say what I should have said over an entire decade ago: thank you for the opportunity.

I am utterly embarrassed thinking back to how I acted about your work. You were a kid…you were a FAN of mine, who despite how I treated you, continued to admire me. You were no threat to me or anything I did, yet I acted like somehow you were going to shake my whole world…ridiculous. So childish the way I treated you and that’s putting it lightly. I apologize for all the harsh and completely unnecessary things I said about not only your work, but you as a person. I will never forget the year of Otakon where I was completely awful to you, in public no less. Being flippant, anti-social and a complete jerk to you and your friends at our artist alley table. My self-obsessed and at the same time self-depreciating attitude was on full display and you were given the entire brunt of it. You were absolutely correct, I WAS paranoid. Looking at some of the things I said to you via messenger and otherwise, I am so disgusted with those words I can scarcely believe I said them, but I did. That is no way to speak to ANY other person. It gets worse and worse with that unbelievably aggressive livejournal post I made tearing you apart. Then even worse than that with my horrendous review of your animation that was a school project you probably put hours of effort into, just to knock you down a peg. There are simply too many individual terrible things I said to you, privately AND publicly to even count; I apologize for each and every single one of them.

But even with all of those things; that doesn’t top the worst thing of all: My negative impact on you nearly pushed you over the edge. I know what that feels like in adulthood; I cannot possibly imagine how much worse it probably is when you’re a teenager. I am ashamed of myself for treating a young person who looked up to me in such a morally destructive way. I made a developmental period for you a total nightmare; I was the living embodiment of “never meet your heroes”. I let you down and messed you up; I can never forgive myself for that. I’m only relieved you overcame such adversity and are in a better state of mind now.

The very last thing is something not nearly to as awful of an extent as what I just spoke about, but I wanted to share with you because I know this has been a valid concern and something I think we both have serious thoughts about. I promise you, I do not have a superiority complex to anyone else on the autism spectrum, asperger syndrome or otherwise. Further, I do not look down on anyone else who is high or low-functioning, but despite that, I have clearly given the wrong impression about that particular subject. To explain, I had experiences with people who did some really inappropriate things and used having a type of autism as an excuse to get away with their actions. That enraged me that someone would be self-aware enough to use that as basically a tool to get off scot-free for gross behavior. For the record, so there’s no confusion about this: you were NOT one of those people in question. But these experiences I had with others fostered a sense of discomfort that transformed into what very clearly came off as elitism. I may not have used having a disability as an excuse for awful things I have done, but that doesn’t make me any better than the people I was looking down on. Quite frankly, how I acted towards you is the type of behavior that I DO look down on people for…and I committed each and every single one of those acts, on you.

You did NOT have to apologize to me all those years later; I didn’t deserve it. Like with everything else, I should have apologized to you for every one of these actions all that time ago when you reached out. I’m so, so incredibly sorry I didn’t.

Keep doing what you love.

[mugiwara--jm]

First, a nitpick: in your masterpost, it may be a typo or it may still be a freudian slip of yours, but “Former Fellow Animator”? I still animate. Just not as much as I used to. Second, let me actually begin by thanking you for finally admitting your guilt in all of this. To see this on the day I signed up for mental health counseling, no, seeing ANYTHING at all from you is nothing short of a complete shock at best. And I will tell you why, and this is a confession of my own: I silently stood by you as a fan even after all the trauma you caused me, and even after all the testimony came out about your dealings with Bryon/Psy, your exes and your former friends because I wanted to see how you would respond. Because I wanted to believe that there was SOMETHING in you that was worth all the adoration and love I had for you and what you did. There had to be if I let how you treated me all those years slide, I told myself. That changed when you made that absolutely ridiculous Tumblr post that was to the affect of “I will never talk about this or anything related to the matter ever again” or something. You took the coward’s way out. For YEARS, you were getting pissed on and told yourself it was raining. The person I foolishly admired that made all those cartoons where characters preached about doing the right thing all of a sudden ran for the hills when faced with responsibility. But that wasn’t enough for you. You either sent colleagues of yours to hound your accusers and discredit their claims, or did nothing when your fans did instead because it protected your image while you kept running. I luckily only had one dissenter harass me, but others weren’t so fortunate. At best, I still get people asking where they can see that flash series “because I heard you worked with Kirbopher~”, not a genuine interest in the work itself. And among other reasons unrelated to you, I will not re-release it and I am beyond tired of relaying the story behind your abuse as part of why I will not put those animations back up. While I’m on the subject, where did these people come from? I flat out stopped talking about FCU OR you and your involvement before I graduated college 5 years ago, and outside a very select few, those works were relatively unknown to the general public. Each person brought up specifically it and YOU, and nothing else about it, so I have a sneaking suspicion, but I digress. I think admission of guilt is a great first step, but that’s just it. As far as I can see talking to the people you’ve also abused, you have a LONG way to go before you have earned forgiveness. This a footstep in what looks like an Everest Expedition. If you really, REALLY want to make it up to me, Chris? First, and I feel this one is long overdue, I would also like an apology from Mike Luckas, who you KNOW also played a role in how you treated with me. You may have been the big player, but he was the catalyst, and I distinctly recall him privately DMing me on DeviantART after your Otakon trashpost DEMANDING that I unfollow his pages because of all the things you said. I also want you to admit all of this to every single person you “warned” of me in that post. You considered me a plague and ended that post as such. Second, and most importantly, SHOW you’re sorry by working your ass off to make amends with the women you abused, the ex-friends and talents you screwed, everyone. The absolute best apology anyone can ask for is proven, changed behavior. But you’re not the only person in your circle who is guilty of harming others. You still pal around with Andrew Dickman, a rapist, and Martin “LittleKuriboh” Billany, another individual I used to admire, goes to bat for you, Dickman, and fucking CRIKEYDAVE, a PEDOPHILE. I DISTINCTLY recall the moment I wrote off Martin as good person. When Dickman’s accusations came to light, he said something to the effect of “If people paint you as the villain of their lives, you’ll never win” and that royally pissed me off. In short, everyone you’ve sent to gaslight or harass me and anyone else that has called you on your shit, you use your platform to get them to stop and encourage them to come forward and apologize. As far as you and I are concerned, I’m over it, but it is very nice to be vindicated after this decade an a half of convincing people outside my support network that you did any of this. But you’ve got work to do. I don’t care how hard it is, I don’t care how long it takes. You made this bed of roses, and now you have to sleep on the thorns.

[kirbopher]

Re: John Markel

Thank you again for taking the time to read my apology and further to respond to everything I have said, John. I’m sure this will be hard to believe, but redeeming myself towards you in even the slightest way means more to me than you can imagine. I have read through your response and will address everything you have graciously added.

To start with, I meant no harm with my description and apologize for the potential insensitivity for referring to you as a “former fellow animator and fan”. What I meant by this is that we were formerly “fellow” to each other in terms of being peers, not to imply you no longer do animation work. That said, my treatment of you should be no reason for me to describe either of us as peers to begin with, as I don’t deserve that. Nonetheless, I have edited the description to “Fellow Animator and Former Fan” and hope this is more fitting, but would be willing to change it to whatever specifications suit your liking. In addition, I hope my usage of the word ‘amateur’ animator in my apology was not offensive; I was referring to both of us being amateurs at the time we started purely from a descriptive standpoint and not a judgemental one. For the record, I am also aware you continue to do animation work and am very happy to hear that, despite everything I did that could’ve potentially discouraged you, you are still following your dreams.

I’m sorry for letting you down with my hollow and worthless eventual contribution to the Psyguy callout cause all those years ago. I have spoken a bit about this in some of my other apologies to people directly involved, but to reiterate: my reason for abstaining for joining them AND my eventual reasons for contributing later were absolutely selfish and discrediting to the many, many people who had been hurt by him. As someone close to him, bore witness and could have stopped many of the things he did, I could have had a chance to finally help others and I destroyed that chance. The fact that your dedicated but ultimately misplaced faith in me was shattered as well is completely deserving and I’m mortified that after everything, this had such a negative impact on you as it did. I was a coward and didn’t do the right thing when I so easily could have.

To explain further about the aftermath, I wish to put this out here: I have never once in all 5 years since my direct experience with any of the callout group ever asked ANYONE to defend me in any way shape or form. For all of my cowardice since the beginning, I could not in good conscience involve other people in my problems and potentially damage their lives. At best, I have asked any friends or colleagues (well-meaning, but ignorant to the full situation) who have ever publicly responded to people with negative opinions about me, to NOT respond to them or even straight-up delete tweets. That said, the amount of fans of mine that have clearly been misguided in their decisions to bother you and anyone else with the stances they have, has caused further damage. I’ve spoken about this in my most recent response to Cailen, but at everyone’s request, I will to be more diligent in keeping an eye on and preventing any fighting between my defenders and those with their justified opinions of me to prevent this conflict from happening.

That said, you yourself have clearly been a personal victim of this and I apologize for that too. The fact that Flash Comic Universe has now become a sore spot because of overeager fans pestering you specifically about me is incredibly embarrassing and while I do not blame you for wanting to distance yourself from that series, I’m sorry a piece of your creative history has been tainted as a result. I can assure you, while your suspicions are completely valid and understandable, I at no point ever asked anyone to bother you about anything relating to me, be it through my involvement with Flash Comic Universe or otherwise. You are not the only person who has had to deal with similar aggravation from those who I’m sure mean no harm, but have caused it all the same. If you still have suspicions, I accept that, but I hope you will believe my words that I would never go out of my way to intentionally make someone’s life miserable, though as we’ve spoken about, I played a huge part in making your life miserable all the same. I haven’t forgotten that and never will.

I know this is still just the beginning. I have much work to do in many, many different things, as far as continuing to take responsibility towards you and the others and working on myself as a human being. I have plans to make this happen, but I will not waste your time, as this is about you. I know that the following will disappoint you and possibly even invalidate everything else I’ve said so far that you may have even remotely accepted from my apologies, but I must reiterate what I said before: I cannot in good conscience involve other people in the problems *I* have caused. I can ONLY take responsibility and apologize to you for the things that *I* have done to you; as is the same for everyone else. Whether any others that you feel have personally wronged you are friends of mine are not, I simply cannot continued to spread pain and torment to them as a direct result of issues I have caused. I’m sorry; I feel awful even saying this because I know full well it is going to come off as an excuse. I am begging you to please understand, I don’t want to hurt anyone else and such a thing runs a huge risk of doing so. The only alternative I can offer is to reach out to anybody who has wronged you in the same way I have and request any sort of apology to them you feel is fitting. Again, if this is the mark of how you will likely never forgive me, I accept that and I cannot apologize enough for my potential lack of satisfying your request.

But as I also said, the things that I have done are my responsibility alone and I have tried my absolute best to make amends for them in my words to you. But you’re correct, it doesn’t matter how hard it is or how long it will take and it is not a concern of yours other than to flat-out SEE the change I am aiming to make. I’m overjoyed to hear that at the very least, you feel a sense of vindication ALL this time later for everything I did to hurt you. I have you to thank in no small part for a lesson learned; I will never treat anyone, especially not a fan AND a fellow animator, the way I did you. You’re a good person and a bigger man than I for standing up for yourself, overcoming adversity and finally listening to someone who doesn’t even deserve to be listened to. I don’t know if this will be the last time we ever communicate, but if it also means anything at all: you are free to reach out to me personally to discuss this or anything else you’d ever feel like. My extending my hand to you personally is something I should have done fifteen years ago. You do not have to accept that extended hand and I will fully understand if you never do, but if it’s any small penance for my past actions, I hope this is a small start. I will get back to work on the most important thing: changing to what is finally a better person.

Thank you again, good luck on your future artistic endeavors and nothing but happiness to you.

[mugiwara--jm]

If there’s anything to be taken from these “apologies” to me and the men and women you hurt, stepped on to get to where you are now, it’s that I have been validated, but I can see clearly you are NOT sorry because you went on to do even WORSE to your exes and other fans of yours down the road. That’s how I learned that I was not alone and the one who was wrong was YOU. I will reiterate my last response: the best apology is PROVEN, CHANGED, BEHAVIOR. ACTIONS. This has all just been words, and I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase about what speaks louder than that. Martin, yes, is another individual I looked up to who’s matters are unrelated to how you treated me, but he is complicit in other matters, and that is how I really want you to show me you’re truly sorry. Prove it by making true, actionable amends to everyone else you’ve done far worse to than you did me. I will live and can move forward after this, but others are not so fortunate. And until you do, I will continue to advocate for them and signal boost as much as I humanly can.

[kosmonin]

[zeroincorporated-deactivated201]

Regarding Chris Niosi, again

After reading Liz’s post regarding Chris Niosi (which can be read here), I am taking back the tiny sliver of hope that Chris could change into a decent human being. After I cut contact with him he barely waited a day before knocking on his ex-girlfriend’s door to harass her some more. Lining up more women to hound like it’s his day job. Chris Niosi is a creep to his core; always has been and always will be. There are just some things you can’t teach to a dog.

I am horrified and beyond disgusted at this point. I lived with this man for a year and a half and day after day I am learning things that even I didn’t know about. Every breath Chris Niosi takes is just another lie and another excuse. Another “I didn’t mean to” and another “it was an accident!” If it smells like bullshit and looks like bullshit then stop stepping in it. Enough is enough.

To Chris Niosi, you can laughably claim all you want that you cared about me but you absolutely did not. Your actions are telling me a completely different story and you are going to need some serious work to re-wire your disturbingly, problematic way of treating other people. You are only “sorry” because you got caught and I have no doubt in my mind now that you will still happily take advantage of the next opportunity (sorry, I meant HUMAN) you see.

To everyone else reading and listening, please, PLEASE believe the women and men affected by his monstrous and deplorable behavior. Here are other accounts of Chris Niosi’s long history of abuse that is worth a read. Something to keep in mind.

https://amethystlashiec.tumblr.com/post/149095962046/regarding-chris-kirbopher-niosi

https://cailencrow.tumblr.com/post/149322977286

https://mugiwara–jm.tumblr.com/post/149116789632/regarding-chris-kirbopher-niosi

https://audioerf.tumblr.com/post/149681058827/update-on-the-kirbopher-thing

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cBVHRhF3uLcNVZJ6B2s-kkrtrCRgLN9TJ5zs7nP4stk/edit

https://zeroincorporated.tumblr.com/post/186269506539/chris-kirbopher-niosi-is-an-emotionally-abusive

Again, thank you to all those who have been extremely supportive and sympathetic. You are heard and are immensely appreciated.

[moosi-boosi]

pics you can hear

[kurapika-r]

[seabinch]

About Chris “Kirbopher” Niosi

Okay, so I guess I never fully went into this before because my story seems like so little compared to other people, but I hope that this helps you to understand that his behavior is a pattern, not just individual bad decisions.

So hi! My name is Caelia. My main art blog is @caeliamer  (same as my username everywhere else) but I’m choosing to focus on art on that blog, so I’m writing this here. If you’ve been following Kirb for a long time, you might remember me as “Prismaya”, the name of one of my characters that I used to use as an alias when I met Kirb in 2004. Prismaya appeared in the original TTA (the result of a fan art contest) and even had a cameo in TOME (because I threw money at him for season 2).

Kirb was always the kind of person I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt, in part  because of his age. I practically watched that dude grow up from the age of 15. Much of his bad behavior I just kind of  dismissed for a long time because “lol teenagers”.

And of COURSE Kirb got pulled into what I’ve deemed in my head to be the “Psyguy Cult of Circular Abuse”. Psy had a platform, and Kirb, not unlike Psy, was always trying to rub elbows with people with larger platforms than himself. 

When it came to conflict between anyone in the group, Kirb would pretty much always side with the person with the bigger platform. This resulted in a significant amount of unchecked abuse within this group, much of which involved minors.

When allegations against Psyguy came out in 2014, Kirb was one of the only people in that circle that kept silent, then gave a half-assed testimony (after being dragged into it), then backpedaled to throw Psyguy’s victims under the bus to save his OWN image.

So we already know JUST from the Psyguy debacle that Kirb is more worried about his image than protecting vulnerable people. What else do we have to work with?

I remember firsthand when Kirb was abusive to John M. John was just trying to learn animation and storytelling and took inspiration from Kirb’s work (which was ALREADY derivative of SO MANY THINGS), and Kirb said some horrible nasty things to him and about him because he felt threatened (which was ridiculous). He said once in an AIM chat that he hoped that John would just give up on animating entirely so that Kirb “wouldn’t have to put up with him” anymore. 

Speaking of animations, y’all remember nin10doh? Kirb actually earned money from those animations through Newgrounds. Supposedly he paid the animators (though I’ve heard differently from other sources so that’s up in the air afaik), but you know who didn’t get paid? 

His voice talent!

I was the voice of Peach in the first nin10doh collab, and many people I still keep in touch with were also voice actors for that and other animations Kirb financially profited from. None of them got paid.

And speaking of nin10doh, I recorded lines for its sequel, s00pah nin10doh (god these names are so fucking stupid, even for the time). Several months after I had recorded Peach’s lines, Kirb messaged me and was like “hey uh sorry but I’m going to replace you with [famous voice actor] as Peach’s voice actress. Unlike you, she’s a REAL voice actor. You understand, riiight?”

Like what the heck was I going to say to that. I tried to be understanding and not show hurt feelings, but it really hurt. Not because I felt entitled to the role, but because he kicked me from a role that was supposed to be just for fun so that he could shove a well-known name into his project to give it some form of “legitimacy”, I guess?

This was the start of some bullshit. The more Niosi got to know other people in the VA and animation industry, the more important they became vs his other friends. Around that time (2008-2011), having him in a call was almost unbearable because all he ever wanted to talk about were his voice actor/celebrity friends and brag about all the contacts he was making. It got to a point where, again, people with larger platforms were prioritized over others. This was the case both socially and with his animation projects. When he DID talk to us “little people”, it became obvious that he was more interested in hearing our praise than  being our friend. For example, he would show us stuff that HE was working on or art that HE did, but if we showed our stuff, he didn’t show any interest .

My (already fairly infrequent) interactions with Kirb became rather spotty, until one day in 2011(?), Kirb became very VERY interested in talking with me all of a sudden. He got me and another friend of mine that he rarely talked to in a call. 

I thought at first, “hey, this is nice, kirb’s making time for other friends. Maybe he’s growing.”

Not so! 

See, he contacted us because his usual friends weren’t talking to him. 

Because he was being an angry, whiny, entitled asshole after his ex Audrey broke up with him and everyone was FUCKING TIRED OF HEARING IT. 

So he spent several hours whining about his ex, telling us how terrible she was (which by the way is a classic move for an abuser), and then showed off his animation thesis to us like it was a big freaking deal. Which was ironic because much of the animation for that thesis was done by Audrey, but he neglected to mention that. 

He didn’t show any interest in how we were doing or what we were doing or showed any indication that we were people he gave even the slightest shit about. That call, like so many things, was the Chris Niosi show.

Kirb basically used me and my friend to perform emotional labor for him and provide asspats because he couldn’t handle the fact that he was being a fucking dick. And we went along with it, not really realizing what was happening until it was over.

And THAT was legitimately the last time he ever deigned to speak to me. But it wasn’t because I was unfriendly to him. I tried casual conversation via twitter. I did fan art for TOME. I donated to TOME season 2. I always…ALWAYS gave Kirb the benefit of a doubt until he threw Psyguy’s victims under the bus in 2014, as mentioned above.

He has used MANY people to get where he is. He has financially benefited from the free labor of talented people. He has ridden the coattails of industry professionals. He has crossed picket lines to take jobs from striking voice actors. He takes advantage, he takes credit, he takes money, he takes control. Everything is about him and his image. Yes, even these so-called “apologies” he’s putting out right now. Apologies that completely gloss over the worst things he’s done.

But I’m writing about my experience - my VERY LIMITED EXPERIENCE. People that have lived with him or dated him or simply spoke to him more often have stories that line up with this horrible behavior, and I am begging you to listen to them and take them seriously.

[mugiwara--jm]

Fucking shit, I knew he desperately had it out for me, but the point to where he said he wish I’d stop animating altogether? Actually, what I saying? This shouldn’t surprise me, ugh.

[kirbopher]

To John Markel,

You once apologized to me for things you honestly didn’t have to. You were a bigger man than me and I didn’t even respond to you. I didn’t even give you the time of day. Now it’s my turn to finally apologize for everything I said and did to you. I have a lot to take responsibility for when it comes to you.

First of all, I’m sure you know this and don’t need any reassurance from me, but you did absolutely nothing wrong during your time on the Fallout Shelter. Being a kid, or at worst being “annoying” is not a crime and not something worth being trashed by someone else. There is no other way to describe it; I bullied you. I acted like a type of person I hated and that is NOT okay, especially not to someone like you. Because you were a fellow creator, another artist who wanted to be a storyteller. What did I do? I stomped all over your creativity. We were all a bunch of kids exploring ourselves and just making stuff to have fun; criticism is one thing but harassing and dissenting words on another person’s work is inexcusable. I clearly, with no other reasoning, took personal offense to your flash animation series being very similar to TvTome Adventures. My stupid, overly fragile ego couldn’t handle the idea of someone else trying to imitate a presentation style that wasn’t even originally my idea in the first place, with sprites and textboxes and pixelated projectiles being flung around. It was completely immature of me, unfair to you and for any damage I may have caused to your need to create, I’m sorry.

Further, I remember even when I decided to accept your invitation to voice a character in your flash animation, after my incredibly rude response to such a harmless and what should have been taken as a flattering request, that I knew I was doing it for the wrong reasons. You didn’t need to have someone part of your personal vision who was only in it because everyone else was in it; I’m glad you replaced me. I should’ve been honored to have been offered a main character in a fellow up-and-coming amateur creator’s story, but I was nothing but an arrogant, mean-spirited jerk to you. The person that character was given to after my eventual departure was better off to have been part of your creation. I didn’t deserve it; I mean no sarcasm by that. In retrospect, I will say what I should have said over an entire decade ago: thank you for the opportunity.

I am utterly embarrassed thinking back to how I acted about your work. You were a kid…you were a FAN of mine, who despite how I treated you, continued to admire me. You were no threat to me or anything I did, yet I acted like somehow you were going to shake my whole world…ridiculous. So childish the way I treated you and that’s putting it lightly. I apologize for all the harsh and completely unnecessary things I said about not only your work, but you as a person. I will never forget the year of Otakon where I was completely awful to you, in public no less. Being flippant, anti-social and a complete jerk to you and your friends at our artist alley table. My self-obsessed and at the same time self-depreciating attitude was on full display and you were given the entire brunt of it. You were absolutely correct, I WAS paranoid. Looking at some of the things I said to you via messenger and otherwise, I am so disgusted with those words I can scarcely believe I said them, but I did. That is no way to speak to ANY other person. It gets worse and worse with that unbelievably aggressive livejournal post I made tearing you apart. Then even worse than that with my horrendous review of your animation that was a school project you probably put hours of effort into, just to knock you down a peg. There are simply too many individual terrible things I said to you, privately AND publicly to even count; I apologize for each and every single one of them.

But even with all of those things; that doesn’t top the worst thing of all: My negative impact on you nearly pushed you over the edge. I know what that feels like in adulthood; I cannot possibly imagine how much worse it probably is when you’re a teenager. I am ashamed of myself for treating a young person who looked up to me in such a morally destructive way. I made a developmental period for you a total nightmare; I was the living embodiment of “never meet your heroes”. I let you down and messed you up; I can never forgive myself for that. I’m only relieved you overcame such adversity and are in a better state of mind now.

The very last thing is something not nearly to as awful of an extent as what I just spoke about, but I wanted to share with you because I know this has been a valid concern and something I think we both have serious thoughts about. I promise you, I do not have a superiority complex to anyone else on the autism spectrum, asperger syndrome or otherwise. Further, I do not look down on anyone else who is high or low-functioning, but despite that, I have clearly given the wrong impression about that particular subject. To explain, I had experiences with people who did some really inappropriate things and used having a type of autism as an excuse to get away with their actions. That enraged me that someone would be self-aware enough to use that as basically a tool to get off scot-free for gross behavior. For the record, so there’s no confusion about this: you were NOT one of those people in question. But these experiences I had with others fostered a sense of discomfort that transformed into what very clearly came off as elitism. I may not have used having a disability as an excuse for awful things I have done, but that doesn’t make me any better than the people I was looking down on. Quite frankly, how I acted towards you is the type of behavior that I DO look down on people for…and I committed each and every single one of those acts, on you.

You did NOT have to apologize to me all those years later; I didn’t deserve it. Like with everything else, I should have apologized to you for every one of these actions all that time ago when you reached out. I’m so, so incredibly sorry I didn’t.

Keep doing what you love.

[mugiwara--jm]

First, a nitpick: in your masterpost, it may be a typo or it may still be a freudian slip of yours, but “Former Fellow Animator”? I still animate. Just not as much as I used to. Second, let me actually begin by thanking you for finally admitting your guilt in all of this. To see this on the day I signed up for mental health counseling, no, seeing ANYTHING at all from you is nothing short of a complete shock at best. And I will tell you why, and this is a confession of my own: I silently stood by you as a fan even after all the trauma you caused me, and even after all the testimony came out about your dealings with Bryon/Psy, your exes and your former friends because I wanted to see how you would respond. Because I wanted to believe that there was SOMETHING in you that was worth all the adoration and love I had for you and what you did. There had to be if I let how you treated me all those years slide, I told myself. That changed when you made that absolutely ridiculous Tumblr post that was to the affect of “I will never talk about this or anything related to the matter ever again” or something. You took the coward’s way out. For YEARS, you were getting pissed on and told yourself it was raining. The person I foolishly admired that made all those cartoons where characters preached about doing the right thing all of a sudden ran for the hills when faced with responsibility. But that wasn’t enough for you. You either sent colleagues of yours to hound your accusers and discredit their claims, or did nothing when your fans did instead because it protected your image while you kept running. I luckily only had one dissenter harass me, but others weren’t so fortunate. At best, I still get people asking where they can see that flash series “because I heard you worked with Kirbopher~”, not a genuine interest in the work itself. And among other reasons unrelated to you, I will not re-release it and I am beyond tired of relaying the story behind your abuse as part of why I will not put those animations back up. While I’m on the subject, where did these people come from? I flat out stopped talking about FCU OR you and your involvement before I graduated college 5 years ago, and outside a very select few, those works were relatively unknown to the general public. Each person brought up specifically it and YOU, and nothing else about it, so I have a sneaking suspicion, but I digress. I think admission of guilt is a great first step, but that’s just it. As far as I can see talking to the people you’ve also abused, you have a LONG way to go before you have earned forgiveness. This a footstep in what looks like an Everest Expedition. If you really, REALLY want to make it up to me, Chris? SHOW you’re sorry by working your ass off to make amends with the women you abused, the ex-friends and talents you screwed, everyone. The absolute best apology anyone can ask for is proven, changed behavior. But you’re not the only person in your circle who is guilty of harming others. You still pal around with Andrew Dickman, a rapist, and Martin “LittleKuriboh” Billany, another individual I used to admire, goes to bat for you, Dickman, and fucking CRIKEYDAVE, a PEDOPHILE. I DISTINCTLY recall the moment I wrote off Martin as good person. When Dickman’s accusations came to light, he said something to the effect of “If people paint you as the villain of their lives, you’ll never win” and that royally pissed me off. In short, everyone you’ve sent to gaslight or harass me and anyone else that has called you on your shit, you use your platform to get them to stop and encourage them to come forward and apologize. As far as you and I are concerned, I’m over it, but it is very nice to be vindicated after this decade an a half of convincing people outside my support network that you did any of this. But you’ve got work to do. I don’t care how hard it is, I don’t care how long it takes. You made this bed of roses, and now you have to sleep on the thorns.

[kirbopher]

The following is a response to this post: https://zeroincorporated.tumblr.com/post/186269506539/chris-kirbopher-niosi-is-an-emotionally-abusive

Amy, I failed you.

No amount of apology I could ever give will ever make up for that. You were justified to leave me and you were equally justified to cut ties with me; I was a terrible partner and I made you feel awful. Thus, the absolute least I can do is to take full responsibility for my actions and respond to your feelings openly.

I failed in treating you with real respect. You should not have had to put up with my childish temper day in and day out and it’s even worse that it made you fearful. It was never my intention to manipulate you, but that’s no excuse; it was my fault you were made to feel this way. I should have taken more responsibility for my toxic behavior and changed. You did not, at any point, ever deserve to be treated that way, because none of it was your fault.

I failed in listening to you. I deeply regret this, because I feel I could have avoided so, so many of these problems if I had just really, truly listened. But I didn’t. I wasn’t there for you at a time when you needed me for emotional support, over something as insignificant as a party and a long drive; I’m ashamed to have left my own partner alone when she asked me to be there for her. I was immature and selfish in how I never gave you enough of the space or personal time you needed, all while constantly bombarding you with my attention-seeking nonsense. My needy pining for not only your physical, but emotional affection was so disrespectful and the way I would immaturely express myself about it was pathetic. Most of all, I couldn’t even respect your one request of me to lay off you when you would get home from work. I was supposed to care for you and ultimately I acted spoiled and self-serving, putting myself before you.

I failed at keeping your trust; the most important thing to me. The thing that our friendship was founded on well before our relationship; I ignorantly betrayed it. I never intended to mislead or keep anything from you, but it doesn’t matter, because a lie is still a lie and I understand full well how much that hurt you. Once again, I was selfish and placed several other peoples’ importance before yours, when you should’ve always been my number one priority. In addition, I could have and should have trusted you more in return. My jealousy and paranoia of your own life choices ran out of control. I should’ve been more supportive to the life you were forming for yourself and not been so obsessed with having you just be a part of my life and my friends and my world.

I failed at making you feel loved. This is exemplary of my lack of respect, my lack of listening and my lack of trust. I thrust you into a completely new environment out of your comfort zone, all the while thinking that I was helping you, when in reality I was mounting utterly unnecessary pressure on you. I would embarrass you like a complete idiot, in front of both your friends and mine. I wasn’t patient or understanding; I was ignorant and unfair to you. The amount of needless arguments I sparked when I should’ve just been calm and inviting was ridiculous. This WAS entirely on me. I thought that inviting you into my life and everything that came with it would be a haven, but instead, all of my stupid actions made it into a nightmare. There is no excuse for the way I made you feel while you were living in what should’ve been a place of happiness.

There is one specific point that I wish to go into further detail on. Regarding what happened on your birthday, I never once believed I had any form of “implied permission” to do anything like that to you. Somehow this wasn’t communicated properly, and I deeply apologize for that. I swear to you I never thought that and never had any intention of doing such a thing. Even that aside, while I know I have done a lot of horrible things, especially to you, I also know that I did not and would never, ever in my life try to sexually take advantage of anyone. But the fact that the takeaway from what I hoped was going to be a really special day for you is something as heinous as that? I have no words. I’m so, so sorry that I somehow gave you the impression that I had such intentions and I’m sorry that I made you feel that way.

With all of that said, the thing I’m most upset about, is the fact that the impression I left on you by the end of our time together is that I never really cared about you. That, more than anything, is why I failed you. I have no reason to blame you for feeling that way about me and I’m deeply ashamed that I drove you to this. I couldn’t even maintain what I genuinely wanted to be a close friendship; to just be someone who’d at least be a positive influence in your life. Breaking your trust even further by asking something as ridiculous as if you wanted to be friends with benefits, then failing further and further with every opportunity I had to be a friend to you; I can’t believe I did this. Just as much as you can probably never forgive me for any of this, I too may never be able to forgive myself either.

Even though it wasn’t my intention, there is no obliviousness to claim here. I knew what I was doing but realized far too late the full impact my actions had on you, time and again. It doesn’t matter how much I prattled on and on with excuses and justifications about how I was always trying to improve and learn from the mistakes I made. I should’ve paid closer attention; I should’ve worked harder to fix the issues we had, especially when you gave me so many chances. But I failed. If I could’ve been able to tell all of this to you in person, or over spoken word, I would’ve, but I respected your wishes of never speaking to you or interfering with your life again as you requested when you last contacted me. I wanted to honor that request after seeing the results of my actions; since trying to fix it was out of the question at that point. But now that it’s come to this, this is the absolute least I can do to start with and I know full well, it’s not enough. If there’s anything else I could ever do to make up for all that I did to hurt you, I would do it in a heartbeat. I can only hope that now you can be truly happy; that’s what you deserve.

To everyone else who has now read both Amy’s words and my response, I know I’ve let you all down. Again, an apology alone isn’t good enough. Making amends for this requires serious change in me. I have to change; this is it. I’ve been going back to my therapist to try and work harder than ever at being a better person; a decent human being, so that something like this never happens to another person I love. Something so simple should not be such a struggle, but I’ve lost so many friends, colleagues and even partners over awful behavior like this. The amount of relationships I’ve destroyed is living evidence that I absolutely need to do better.

That’s why I’ve chosen to own this and take responsibility; this is the right thing to do. I want, more than anything, to finally be a good person. I’ve tried and miserably failed with countless people to simply be a positive influence on others’ lives. But, I’m not going to run away. I’m going to keep trying, no matter what. It’s been because of my own choices that I’ve been the person I am, but I cannot be that same person until the day I die. I need to continue forward and just. Be Better.

To anyone and everyone who took the time to read through this, if you wish to disassociate from me, you are fully justified and I bear no ill will. I know there will be consequences for this and I accept them. If you wish to continue giving me another chance, then I will not waste your time asking for forgiveness, or to wish me luck, or offer any more meaningless apologies. I promise, I will keep doing my best to not let anyone else down again.

Thank you.

-Chris “Kirbopher” Niosi

[versusvices]

“Be better?”  You had years to be better.  You had years to grow and change as a person, post 2014.  Instead, you chose to apparently act just like Beaubien when it comes to how you treat people, specifically your romantic partner. Nah man, miss me with this thing.  You get no points from me.  Only way I even begin to listen to you on this “be better” thing is when you apologize to every. Single. Person.  Everyone you’ve wronged, everyone you used, everyone you treated like stepping stones, everyone who tried to help you see that you could do better that you blatantly ignored. After that, then I’ll listen.

[zeroincorporated-deactivated201]

Chris “Kirbopher” Niosi is an emotionally abusive asshole.

Chris Niosi is abusive and people need to know the truth about him. My name is Amy and I am, hopefully, his last ex-girlfriend. I dated him from September 2017 to April 2019 and it was a miserable experience to say the least. I try to be an open-minded person with an even more open heart but that was a waste of effort because this man is a piece of shit and it is entirely his choice to be one.

I knew Chris Niosi for several years but I’m not going into the full history of our relationship. What matters is how he treats women behind closed doors and that he shouldn’t be able to keep getting away with it. Overall he was a shitty boyfriend but sucking at dating isn’t a crime so I’m only going to talk about the things people deserve to know about him.

1. Chris Niosi has obvious anger management problems and would snap and blow up at the smallest things. He would tell me “that’s just how I am” and that I needed to deal with it. I hated playing Smash with him because I would win most of the time and he would rage and scream at the top of his lungs. Near the end of our relationship I was fearful of his meltdowns every day.

2. He would try to manipulate me whenever I told him I had an issue with his behavior. I would tell him things like “I have to walk on eggshells around you” and he would turn it around and say “but I’M walking on eggshells around YOU” to try to make me out to be the bad guy. He always tried to avoid taking responsibility for shitty things he’s done.

3. Chris Niosi had no respect for my bodily autonomy. I have a full-time job and when I came home from work my only request was that he wouldn’t jump on me the second I walked in. All I wanted was a little time to decompress from the day and get a shower but he would grope me every single day despite my protest. I told him to please not do that many, many times. He would pout and argue and continue doing it anyway.

4. Chris Niosi lied to me, twice, about how often he was communicating with his ex-girlfriend. I never had a problem with their friendship to begin with and he told me, without any questioning on my part, that they only talked “once a month.” I eventually found out that was a bold-faced lie and he was speaking to her every single day of our entire relationship. He claimed he didn’t “realize” how often he was talking to her (who would believe such nonsense?). He was intentionally hiding this from me and also probably her. I believe she was not aware of what he was doing either.

5. I asked him to set boundaries with his ex and he battled me so much that I asked him to cut contact completely. He fought tooth and nail to keep talking to her despite how much this shit was damaging me and he even called ME the unreasonable one. She contacted him one day out of the blue, and he came to my office to take me out to lunch only to keep me hostage in front of my OFFICE BUILDING that I MUST give him my blessing to respond to her. He refused to take no as an answer and was shouting at me. I felt forced to say yes even though I truly did not want to or else he would continue making a scene in front of my workplace.

6. He complained any time I wanted some time to myself. He gets so much more free time than me and whenever I wanted some damn space he would constantly try to butt in and gripe that I’m not spending time with him. I explained to him several times that I should be allowed to have just a tiny ounce of solitude. Never listened. He was also jealous of my friends and would whine any time I wanted to hang out with them without him. According to Chris my world had to absolutely revolve around him and never deviate.

7. He once physically manhandled me in front of my friends at a get-together because I wanted to get a drink. I stood up and he forcefully pushed me back down and scolded me in full view of my friends. I was extremely embarrassed.

8. Chris Niosi made it extremely difficult for me to get to know his friends. I clicked with some of them and others I needed more time to hit things off. But that was a problem for Chris. He would argue with me every time we came home from seeing his friends that I wasn’t “trying hard enough” and not talking enough. So many, many arguments. I could not for the life of me understand why he got so upset that I didn’t meet his bizarre standards for communicating with his friends. It made every encounter with them more and more stressful to the point that I was too afraid to see them anymore. They did nothing wrong, this was entirely on him.

9. Worst of all, Chris Niosi was planning to sexually take advantage of me when I was very intoxicated on my birthday last year. He even tried to tell a friend that he had implied permission from me when confronted about it (which is absolutely not true). That only gave me confirmation he knew exactly what he was doing. Thankfully I was aware enough at the time to tell him to back off, but it disturbs me to this day that he saw me being drunk on my birthday as an “opportunity.”

Chris Niosi is a bad person and he knows it. He would tell me he was just simply oblivious to all his wrong-doings but I refuse to believe it. He doesn’t get to claim ignorance and abuse women. Everything was intentional. I decided I had enough and moved on and he tried every trick in the book to manipulate me into staying. After I broke up with him he couldn’t even respect me enough to give me distance. He was aggressive about taking me out to dinner and asked me out at least 3 times in the week after I dumped him. Chris Niosi also had the audacity to ask me to be “friends-with-benefits.” No respect. No remorse. He knew exactly what he was doing at every turn. He chooses to be an asshole, and will continue to do so until he dies. This man will never change. It’s who he is and he clearly prefers it that way.

I have absolutely no reason to make this up. None. But you don’t have to take my word for it. Just maybe consider the many words of many people when they say Chris “Kirbopher” Niosi is an abusive man who will continue to use and abuse other people. He needs to come clean about all the horrible things he has done. To those who want to give him another chance and hope to see him better himself, I sincerely wish you the best. I know I tried

Thank you for reading.

[mugiwara--jm]

Coming back to Tumblr and then immediately fucking off again to remind you all that Chris Niosi is a scumfuck piece of garbage and needs to be held accountable and stop getting work in voice over for it. His presence is why I refuse to watch OK Ko or Mob Psycho, or play Octopath Traveler, etc.

[latex-salesman]

[literalforklift]

🎉🎉 HAPPY 1985 EVERYBODY!! 🎉🎉

[scruffyturtlesarchives-blog]

For reference, here are all the current AU Phantom Thief sheets w/ their personas! The only one missing is Boss, so stay tuned for his eventual release!

[world-of-cats]

[sirartwork]

reblog for noises

[marmarsoulless]

This makes me -extremely- uncomfortable

[atrailofblood]

pretty sure he just unleashed some nasty voodoo on op

[prince-luffy]

The other cats seem totally used to his demon talking