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Curly Girl World: Blasian Woman Talks Hair

Welcome to my new Curly Girl column on Multiracial Media! I am so excited to share my experiences as a Blasian woman in Asia. I am of African American and South Korean heritage and have lived in Singapore for 3 years. I have also previously lived in Seoul and have traveled extensively in Asia.

I have been a curly girl rocking natural hair for almost 16 years. I was the first person I knew who had ever decided to go natural. I had been growing out my hair for months. On September 22, 2001, I finally did the “big chop”. As those of you who have gone through the process of transitioning from relaxed hair to natural hair, the experience of cutting off your chemically processed hair is a huge decision, so the date was absolutely seared into my memory. It was a traumatic time.

Raised by an Asian mom, my knowledge of how to do my hair was very limited. As a child, I had natural hair until I was 11, but it was always a very short fro. Even when I had relaxer, my hair know-how was just passing. My hair never quite looked right. Choosing to go natural as an adult, I was completely taking my haircare into my own hands for the first time.

Since then I have truly learned that our hair is a living, growing entity. We need to be mindful of its needs and take special care of it. Natural hair is a responsibility, but it brings such joy. It’s vibrant and can be a reflection of who we are as beautiful people of color.

This is what I look like today.

What I Will Discuss in Future Curly Girl Pieces

Through this column, I will share my experiences using different types of products and techniques with my naturally curly hair over the years, as well as my challenges in taking care of my unique hair type in Asia. I look forward to opening a dialogue with the multiracial community about mixed race hair care.

If there is anything you would like to learn more about or any questions you need answers to, please let me know in the comments below or on Facebook, and I will do my best to address your interests.

A little about me. I am Blasian behind the “Blasians Defined” blog. I am a proud Louisianan, although my studies and career have led me to live in 10 different states and 3 countries. My husband and I live in the island city-state of Singapore. I am Biracial (Black and Korean).

Curly Girl World: Blasian Woman Talks Hair if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

Ask Lisa Advice: Anticipating Microaggressions

This week, I counsel a Black Woman whose White Fiancé calls her out for Anticipating Microaggressions

Dear Lisa,

I am not “Multiracial” but I am in a mixed relationship, which is why I am writing here. I am Black, my fiancé is White and he changes the subject every time I suggest that someone might be racist. Examples are, the classic, overly “polite” sales clerks at nice clothing stores going “Um… can I help you?” Or the taxi driver who scoots by me every time. Or my fiancé’s old “friend” we ran into, who heard he got engaged but fails to get that I’m the fiancée and, without looking at me, asks him “who the lucky lady is.” Like he couldn’t possibly be engaged to a Black chick.

I asked my fiancé why he refuses to get into discussions with me about these things. He says he hates reminders that we have very different backgrounds when we have so much else in common. (We do!)

Lately, I am afraid to complain to him about these annoying encounters even though they happen all the time. (Life, right?) I love him and I don’t want to call attention to anything that makes more of our differences if it bothers him. I don’t want to seem oversensitive, but I am starting to resent keeping these “microaggressions” (I don’t know what else to call them) to myself. I have dated 2 White guys before this (in my line of work there are not many Black men) and at some point both told me I was overreacting to things I called racist.

Not sure how to handle it this time.

Dear RL,

Of course you are anticipating microaggressions! It’s bad enough that these things happen routinely, but worse that you can’t go home and vent about them to your fiancé. By challenging your statements or changing the subject, he is failing to validate your very real experiences. Your fiancé’s response leads you to censor yourself, which is making you resent him. I am sure I don’t need to tell you how unaddressed resentment impacts a relationship.

Since He is not the one Anticipating Microaggressions (or Noticing them in Any Way) it is Up to You to Turn This Around

Clearly—judging from the fact that you are engaged—you love him; he loves you, and you are both invested in making this better. So set the stage. Don’t bring this up in the heat of a spat. Do it when you are both calm. You want to be heard, so don’t start the discussion by scolding either. However, do be direct.

Say, “My love, you are planning to marry a Black woman. My being Black and your being White makes us different. These differences are okay and something to cherish, not deny, because they are real. There are things you need to know about my existence as a Black woman, things you will have to take my word for.

“For example, I am always anticipating microaggressions—small daily interactions characterized by subtle, often unintentional racism on the part of others. When I describe these things to you, I need you to listen and support me, even if makes you feel uncomfortable to hear all that.”

Then you might ask if it makes him uncomfortable to talk about race and racism. Of course it does, or he wouldn’t be changing the subject all the time. But this—here and now—is the beginning of your life together. You are setting the tone for open dialogue, providing the template for talking about race. So hold his hand and continue:

“For example, the receptionist at the dentist’s office asked to touch my hair again today.” Tell him how frustrating that was for you. If he doesn’t know what to say, tell him what to say so he knows the next time.

As a Black Woman, You are Not Oversensitive for Anticipating Microagressions

There are a zillion other Black women out there to validate your experiences. But it is crucial that your fiancé learns to validate you too. If he is truly worth your love, he will be open to learning about your world view (as you must learn his, marriage being a two-way street). You must be patient with one another and have realistic expectations given the racial learning curve. The best interracial relationships work because both members of the couple learn to see the world through each other’s eyes. If you teach your guy well, sooner or later he will enter restaurants anticipating microaggressions right along with you.

Ask Lisa Advice: Anticipating Microaggressions if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

#Black #interracial #Microaggressions #White

Aladdin Casting: Is Our Problem White-Washing or That Hollywood Thinks All PoCs are Interchangeable?

Egyptian-Canadian actor Mena Massoud cast as Aladdin. Photo credit: YouTube

I honestly don’t know what my issue is with this. Am I upset at the endless White-washing of Hollywood films or that Hollywood thinks all PoCs are interchangeable?

Hollywood has a long history of White-washing roles, from Natalie Wood playing Maria in West Side Story and Elizabeth Taylor playing Cleopatra in the movie of the same name, to, more recently, Emma Stone playing a Hawaiian and Chinese woman in Aloha. The list gets longer when including roles from books that were non-White characters, only to be played by a White actress when turned into film. It’s hardly debatable that these women named were and are incredibly talented individuals that practically any movie studio would want in their cast list. What is up for debate is how studios should approach casting characters whose racial and ethnic background is pre-determined.

They All Look Alike to Hollywood: Hollywood Seems to Think All PoCs are Interchangeable

The most recent manifestation of this debate surrounds the live-action version of Aladdin. News reports everywhere claimed that Hollywood absolutely could not find anyone who suited the role. Upon hearing this, people took to their keyboards to throw in what seemed like an endless list of actors they found suitable for the part, including Avan Jogia, best known for his roles in Victorious and Twisted, and Dev Patel of Slumdog Millionaire and Lion.

Most notable about the list? The people on it were of all different backgrounds. Many of the suggestions were indeed of Middle Eastern descent, but many of the actors had South American or South Asian lineage instead, leading people to claim that Hollywood studios (and apparently bored people on Twitter) think “all PoCs are interchangeable.” This has been seen several times in many demographics, including Chinese actress Zhang Ziyi being cast as a Japanese woman in Memoirs of a Geisha. The Indian actors suggested may have been because of the original Aladdin folk tale’s setting in Central Asia, but as the Disney version was set in the fictional town of Agrabah near the Jordan River, the general consensus seems to be that the actors should be of Middle Eastern descent.

Aladdin finally cast Egyptian-Canadian actor Mena Massoud as Aladdin and half-Indian actress Naomi Scott as Princess Jasmine. While people appear to be mostly content about Massoud’s casting, many folks were disappointed that an Arab actress was not cast as Jasmine.

What do you think? In a world where so few roles go to PoCs as it is, what is the role of racial and ethnic specificity in casting, especially when these characteristics are so crucial to the character’s story? Should we settle for vaguely accurate skin tones and facial features? If modern-day studios try to cast Cleopatra and get criticized for casting an actress that is not of Cleopatra’s exact racial or ethnic background, will the critics win? Or will we just go back to total Whitewash because trying to be racially and politically correct is too difficult? Will we see more PoCs in films or fewer PoC-inclusive films being made altogether?

I’m asking because I genuinely don’t know what I think. Where should we draw the line? Obviously I know it’s complete insanity to think all PoCs are interchangeable. Many of today’s actors are multiracial, and when we add country of origin and other factors into the mix, the line gets blurrier and blurrier. It wasn’t long ago that Samuel L. Jackson complained that British Black actors were stealing all of the parts for Black men in American films and television shows, including parts that deeply involved the portrayal of the struggles of being a Black male in America. But is the fuel for this anger stemming from the racial and ethnic disparities in these parts, or is it runoff from an anger about the lack of roles for PoCs in general? Or both? If there were more parts for PoCs, would people be as nitpicky? Should talent overshadow racial and ethnic accuracy, which is often the justification given by the studios making these decisions? Is talent a code word for box office pull in these curated statements? You tell me.

Aladdin Casting: Is Our Problem White-Washing or That Hollywood Thinks All PoCs are Interchangeable? if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

#Aladdin #Avan Jogia #Cleopatra #Dev Patel #Elizabeth Taylor #Lion #Memoirs of a Geisha #Mena Massoud #Naomi Scott #Natalie Wood #Samuel L. Jackson #Slumdog Millionaire #Will Smith #Zhang Ziyi

Was Charles Schulz a Racist? All Depends on Your Perspective

Was Charles Schulz a racist? Well, it all depends on your perspective.

Yesterday my cousin Jason asked if I’d seen this meme, which was created from using a still from The Peanuts Thanksgiving television special that originally aired in 1968. We got into a discussion about the Peanuts creator, the late Charles M. Schulz. I immediately defended Schulz by saying he wasn’t a racist, despite how this cartoon appears. “It all depends on perspective,” I told him.

Jason responded with reason, “That’s a good point. However, we as Black folks watched these cartoons and I did realize there was only one Black character. So, although progressive for the times, it still had a subliminal effect on everyone that watched it.”

And I agree, but accusing Charles Schulz of racism is a stretch without having all the facts in hand.

I made the mistake of clicking on the image, which took me to a Facebook page exclusively for Black people. Response after response folks vilified Charles Schulz, accusing him of racism. The problem is that without context about what was going on at the time, along with the background of how Franklin even became a Peanut, what we have is despite the progressiveness of Charles Schulz, long after his death people of color vilify him.

Here’s an example of the comments:

Was Charles Schulz a Racist or Maybe Was He a Progressive Man Who was Actually an Activist?

Was Charles Schulz a racist? I certainly get why it’s easier for many PoC to jump on the bandwagon and assume based off this meme alone that Charles Schulz was, but let’s look at what led up to the Thanksgiving television special behind the meme.

In April 1968, a Los Angeles schoolteacher named Harriet Glickman wrote to Charles Schulz about his Peanuts comic strip.

Why is this significant? Mrs. Glickman gives us a clue in the opening of her letter. Dr. King had been assassinated less than two weeks earlier. Other very significant things to consider before thinking this letter is, well, insignificant and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

Mrs. Glickman was a White woman, meaning, someone who had privilege (especially in the 1960s) and had no reason to make such a request … and yet she did. She didn’t know what kind of person was on the receiving end of that letter. Was Charles Schulz a racist and that’s why he wasn’t including a Black (then called Negro), character in the Peanuts comic strip or was it simply a sign of the times?

Before pondering that, consider the expression, Sign of the Times. What was taking place in the United States and abroad that could influence Charles Schulz’s decision not to have a “Negro” character in the Peanuts comic strip?

Let’s look at a few:

The Civil Rights Movement was nearing its end, having achieved some basic rights for Negros (by no means definitive, but it was a start). Laws may change but this doesn’t mean people’s perceptions and ideologies do so at the same speed.

Although the Supreme Court ruled in 1954 to integrate public schools (Brown vs. The Board of Education), some states, like Alabama, Virginia and Oklahoma, were slow to embrace the change. (Reluctantly, they finally did in 1963.)

If you are part of an interracial couple, you already know that while interracial marriage was legal in many states prior to 1967, because there were 16 holdout states, Virginia being one of them, Mildred and Richard Loving took their case all the way to the United States Supreme Court and won. This is why on June 12 of every year, we celebrate Loving Day.

For some perspective, it was 9 months before Mrs. Glickman’s wrote her letter that interracial couples nationwide could legally marry. Well, there’s an exception. Alabama held on as long as they could and didn’t ban their anti-miscgenation laws until the year 2000!

South Africa was in in its 24th year of Apartheid. Apartheid only ended in 1991.

Katherine Hepburn, Joanna Drayton and Sidney Poitier in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Following the nationwide legalization of interracial marriage, the extremely controversial movie Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? with Sidney Poitier and Joanna Drayton opened (in December 1967). It was the first featuring an interracial couple and if you’ve never seen it, the parents of Joanna Drayton’s character lost their minds!

Television’s first interracial kiss: Nichelle Nichols and William Shatner on Star Trek’s episode “Plato’s Stepchildren.” It aired on November 22, 1968.

Television’s first interracial kiss hadn’t yet even occurred.

All of the above are very adult themes and each one to major opposition by White Supremacists and racists. Imagine now the idea of a Negro character joining an all-White ensemble in a children’s cartoon strip! It’s “bad enough” that adults have to grapple with the idea of whether to expose themselves to these themes but now imagine racist parents trying to explain why their beloved Peanuts had a Negro child in it. Do they stop reading the comic strip to their kids / allow their kids to stop reading it? These are decisions that have to be made and not under the backdrop of today’s standards, but under the backdrop of what’s going on around the world and people’s views about integration.

Maybe now people can begin to realize the tremendous chutzpah Mrs. Glickman had and now the pressure she has placed on Charles Schulz—the beloved creator of the most popular comic strip of its time.

As you read through the following mail exchange (no email, my friends) and see for yourself. Based on the ultimate response, was Charles Schulz a racist?

And Mrs. Glickman’s reply:

And Charles Schulz’s reply:

Obviously considering it, Charles Schulz received a letter in early June 1968 from man named Kenneth C. Kelly, a “Negro” friend of Mrs. Glickman. In Mr. Kelly’s letter he reassures Schulz that by adding a Negro character to the Peanuts comic strip it won’t come off as condescending and moreover, he would not receive any criticism from the “Negro” community.

While it seems like nothing happened quickly, keep in mind it’s all about how long things take by mail at a time when people didn’t have email or even fax machines.

Given this, it didn’t take long for Charles Schulz to make up his mind. He wrote Mrs. Glickman back. It’s pretty clear her request and Mr. Kelly’s letter made big impressions on Schulz.

True to his word, Schulz introduced us all to a character named Franklin. However, rather than make a big deal out of things and call attention to himself, like all other new editions to the Peanuts gang, Franklin just appeared one day.

And the followup appeared in newspapers across the U.S. the next day.

Not only did Franklin appear on the scene and ask Charlie Brown if this was his ball, he made a more impressive sand castle than Charlie Brown had made. Charlie Brown immediately liked Franklin and asked him to come over and spend the night. Does this sound like a racist to you? Well, you’d have to be a fan know that Charlie Brown was Charles Schulz—shy, introverted and very unsure of himself.

So was Charles Schulz a racist? I suppose it depends on two things: not having all the relevant facts in hand and your perspective. In case you care, Snopes weighed in on the matter on Christmas Day 2015.

Charles Schulz was never shy about crediting Harriet Glickman for suggesting he add a Negro / Black character into the Peanuts gang. He made these letters available through his museum. And He also sent Mrs. Glickman an autographed edition of the very first strip that included Franklin.

Was Charles Schulz a Racist? All Depends on Your Perspective if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

#Black #Charles Schulz #Charlie Brown #Franklin #Harriet Glickman #Negro #Snoopy #The Peanuts

7 MUST TRY Products for Mixed Kids Hair Care

Lost and confused as to what to try in your Multiracial / Biracial / mixed kids hair? Don’t worry… you aren’t alone in being overwhelmed. Multiracial kids hair come with a unique set of skills to conquer. With the help of the following products you can start to feel like SUPER MOM (or SUPER DAD) who can conquer all the curls! These are my picks for 7 must try products for mixed kids hair.

(Disclaimer: This post may contain affiliate links but all opinions are my own)

7 MUST TRY Products for Mixed Kids Hair Care

Puff Cuff: Seriously… this thing is amazing. It is an updated version of a product we used to use in the 80s (don’t you dare call it that though!). It comes in multiple sizes and is a lovely and easy way to put up curls into a easy hairstyle or into a pineapple for sleeping. Wonder what a pineapple is? Check out our Common Curly Hair Care Terms post from last weeks column.Satin Sleep Cap : This is a great way to keep curls and hairstyles smooth while sleeping. This protects the hair from rubbing all over the bed and getting tangles and frizzy. Great inexpensive investment that can save parents tons of time and headache. Satin Pillowcase : Another great option, especially if your kid won’t keep the satin sleep cap on, or it falls off in the middle of the night. Same concept… hair will slide on it instead of rubbing and causing friction thus less frizz and knots. Bonus with this one? Comes in MANY colors and has a hidden zipper to keep it on!

Thermal Hair Care’s Little Hot Head Deep Conditioning Cap : This is a great tool to use to deep condition your kids hair. If you didn’t know you should be deep conditioning biracial kids hair at least once per month (usually… they are on the dryer side). This tool is not only beneficial in helping the moisture get deep into the hair follicles, it is also SUPER CUTE! Bonus: You can get the set and get the spray that smells delicious and makes deep conditioning an experience! You can check out my full review and more details and information on this here.

Righteous Roots Pre-Poo Hair Oil: This is a great product to use when deep conditioning underneath the Little Hot Head. The page linked gives instructions on how to use, but basics are to use this before washing hair to help aid in the process. It can also be used as the O in the LOC/LCO method (again.. not sure what that is? Check out last weeks column post) Also… it smells like CUPCAKES. Its seriously smells soooo good. I love rubbing it into my skin after I’m done using it on my daughters hair.Swim Cap for Kids with Long / Curly / Thick Hair : This is a MUST HAVE product for the Summer time. If its a requirement for kids to wear a swim cap in the pool at school or community this is a great option. It’s also protective even if they don’t have to wear one. If you want to know some other Swimming Hair Tips for Mixed Kids check out this post over on my blog.

Wide Tooth Comb: I, along with MANY others, don’t believe you should ever brush curly hair. So what do you do? Comb it with a wide tooth comb. Its best to only do this while it is wet and coated in conditioner to help the comb ‘slip’ through and detangle. Because of this I really like the Shower Comb by Conair because it has a handle to hook onto the faucet with you are done as well as giving something a little extra to hold onto so it doesn’t slip out of your hand in the tub.

How Do I Know My 7 Must Try Products for Mixed Kids Hair Work?

Well those are my 7 current products that are MUST TRY for Mixed Kids Hair Care. If you would like to see some more recommendations on products we use check out my Top 10 Products post on The Mixed Mama Blog.

Disclaimer- I am not a professional… this is just what I’ve learned through research and trial & error. We are always learning and I am not afraid to admit if I am wrong and made a mistake. It’s ok if you do too. We, as parents, aren’t perfect. That’s ok. As long as we try as hard as we can for our children.

Again, if there are any specific topics you are interested in learning about or reading please let me know either down in the comments below or by emailing me directly at: [email protected] with “Multiracial Media Column Question” as your Subject line.

Thanks for reading and see you next week!

7 MUST TRY Products for Mixed Kids Hair Care if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

The Top 10 List of the Most Visible Multiracial Actors and Actresses

Last week we talked about favorite movies and television shows featuring interracial couples. Or, at least, we provided our suggested list of top 10 movies and television shows featuring interracial couples that had the effect of advancing acceptance within society of interracial couples and Multiracial families.

Creating that list was a thought-provoking exercise. It made us think about how far society has come in terms of accepting interracial dating and marriage. But, it also made us realize how much progress is to be made. How much progress? Well, we submit that the ultimate line of demarcation will be when the appearance of an interracial couple in a movie or television show or a commercial will elicit no reaction, when the fact of an interracial couple will be no more eyebrow-raising or eye-catching than a couple where one partner has Brown hair and one has Blonde hair.

In addition, compiling our list of top 10 movies and television shows featuring interracial couples made us think about another top 10 list – a list of multiracial actors and actresses whose visibility and prominence has raised the acceptance of and visibility of Multiracial people in society.

So, without further ado, we present our next top 10 list of Multiracial actors and actresses whose success, prominence, and celebrity have most advanced the acceptance of Multiracial people in society.

Before we present the list, remember, this is a hugely subjective exercise. We recognize that others may disagree. That’s fine.We don’t want to fight with you. We’re just providing this list to get people thinking. If you have criticisms or feedback, we welcome it.

With that caveat, here’s our Top 10 list:

Halle Berry

Jennifer Beals

Vin Diesel

Rosario Dawson

Lisa Bonet

Dwayne Johnson

Maya Rudolph

Rashida Jones

Tracee Ellis Ross

Thandie Newton

Now, of course, this list is not exhaustive. It’s limited to 10 people, and there are many more, very many, exceptionally-talented, Multiracial actors and actresses whose work has advanced society’s acceptance and awareness of Multiracial people and experience.

These are just the 10 we thought of right away, the ones who first leapt to mind, whose work has been so visible, that people don’t need to rack their brains to think “what was he/she in?”

So, we offer you our list. Again, it’s just ours. We’re sure that others will have other, maybe even an entirely different top 10 list. We welcome your input. Use the comments section below or comment on Facebook or Twitter.

The Top 10 List of the Most Visible Multiracial Actors and Actresses if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

#acting #actor #actresses #biracial #Hollywood #interracial #mixed-race #Multiracial

Cultural Appropriation, Assimilation or Appreciation

Ever since Jenn M. Jackson accused Bruno Mars of cultural appropriation on her Twitter page, everyone and their cousins have been weighing on what’s cultural appropriation. Somebody wrote an article suggesting that White people with dreadlocs is another example of cultural appropriation. We even took sides when two in the infamous Kardashian / Jenner clan decided to rename cornrows “Boxer Braids,” and make it seem as though this was some new phenomenon. It got me thinking about what’s really cultural appropriation, assimilation or appreciation.

And so I put it to our fans and followers. I will list ten examples of things that could be put into one of the three boxes: cultural appropriation, assimilation or appreciation and ask you to decide. Ready?

By responding a), b) or c) in the comments section of this blog or on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, a) is cultural appropriation, b) is assimilation and c) is appreciation.

Cultural Appropriation, Assimilation or Appreciation: Bruno Mars

Cultural Appropriation, Assimilation or Appreciation: White People Wearing Locs

Cultural Appropriation, Assimilation or Appreciation: Black Opera Singers (Leontyne Price, Jessye Norman, et al

Jessye Norman

Cultural Appropriation, Assimilation or Appreciation: Black and Multiracial People with Textured and Curly Hair Relaxing Their Hair

Cultural Appropriation, Assimilation or Appreciation: Hispanic and Latino People Using a Blow Dryer and Flat Iron to Straighten Hair

Cultural Appropriation, Assimilation or Appreciation: Bo Derek Braids in the Movie 10

Cultural Appropriation, Assimilation or Appreciation: Teena Marie Sings Funk in the 1970s and 80s

Cultural Appropriation, Assimilation or Appreciation: Elvis Presley Sings The Blues

Cultural Appropriation, Assimilation or Appreciation: White and Very Light Complected People Getting Tans

Cultural Appropriation, Assimilation or Appreciation: White People Doing Rock Music*

Oh you didn’t know it was a Black person who created rock and roll?

There you have it. Now please give me your responses in the comments section below or on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.

Cultural Appropriation, Assimilation or Appreciation if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

Ask Lisa Advice: Moving For Diversity's Sake - Follow Up

Last week I asked you whether Multiracial families living in monochromatic towns should move for diversity’s sake. Here’s how the community responded.

Almost everyone who answered the title question of this 2-part column gave me a resounding, if qualified in some cases, YES: Families should move for diversity’s sake.

Who responded to my very informal poll?

Mixed-race adults who had grown up both in racially diverse and racially homogenous communities.

Parents of Multiracial children and parents of transracially adopted children, living either in racially diverse or racially homogenous communities.

All responded on one of five Multiracial Facebook communities or the Multiracial Media Facebook page itself.

What do I mean by Racially Homogenous?

For the purposes of last week’s and this week’s column: racially homogenous refers to majority White communities, where the child or family responding is Non-White and underrepresented.

What do I mean by Racially Diverse?

One reader made the excellent point that the word “diverse” itself is subjective. She noted that her version is very specific, describing a place with “enough Black people.”

So, in this column, “diverse” describes a community with families and individuals of a variety of racial backgrounds, including that of the child or family responding. This might mean “enough Black people,” or “enough transracial adoptive families,” or “enough Asian and Hispanic families,” or enough of anything that provides a Multiracial individual or family with a sense of belonging.

Hot Button Issue: Diversity vs. School Quality

Most people who gave detailed responses mentioned education and school setting as their biggest concerns. They raised a dilemma: the choice between racial diversity and a high-quality education. (I admit, this surprised me. I am fortunate to live in a town where those features are not mutually exclusive.)

One reader said she had removed her Multiracial son from a gifted program where he was subjected to bullying as a result of being the only child of color. The boy felt more comfortable when he was in a more diverse classroom, but the mother was disheartened over having to sacrifice the gifted program to which her son had been accepted.

Some parents admitted to prioritizing test scores over diversity when choosing a home. Many were having second thoughts now that their children are experiencing subtle or outright racism.

Another reader shared: “I have two cousins who were the only Black kids in their classes for several years. I couldn’t believe the racist things they were told by kids who were in elementary and middle school.”

Yet another reader, whose family had moved from a diverse community to a primarily White one, expressed ambivalence about her high school: “Being seen as a freak of nature for being one of few Mixed/Black students in class was the hardest. Heard lots of racist things about us but it made me stronger!”

What Stops People from Relocating for Diversity’s Sake? Cost, Family, Jobs

Some respondents stated that cost was prohibitive. Moving is a huge expense, under any circumstances. Many towns that are both racially diverse and known for great public schools are located in pricey corners of the country.

Other readers felt bound to less diverse areas because of extended family members on whom they relied for childcare.

Still others said that employment, not demographics, had driven their decisions regarding where to live. If there were a variety of towns near workplaces, people had made efforts to choose the most diverse ones, but that wasn’t always an option.

Bottom Line

Based on most responses, it seems like the best (if not always doable) plan would be a pre-emptive strike. Find a diverse neck of the woods to live in first so a move later isn’t necessary. It would be wonderful if young interracial couples set down roots for the first time in places where they were in good company. Likewise, it would be ideal if transracial adoptive families could do the same: plan for a diverse community before their children arrive.

Of course, as a parent, I know that life doesn’t always present ideal circumstances. Nevertheless, the consensus among Multiracial Media readers is that it’s worth the move—for diversity’s sake.

Ask Lisa Advice: Moving For Diversity’s Sake – Follow Up if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

Beyoncé’s Twins Have Arrived!

In case you’ve been living under a rock with no access to news sites, Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, ebBay, FarmersOnly.com, and any other site with a comment section or social feature, The Beyhive has grown by two!

Beyoncé set the bar for celebrity baby announcements so high when she opened her jacket mid-performance at the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards and revealed a baby bump.

Beyoncé’s announcement about Blue Ivy at the 2011 VMA Awards. Credit: Images Complex

From then on, the baby watch was on as people speculated on the details of what was arguably the highest-profile Black celebrity birth in at least the last few decades. The hype heightened when it was announced that the baby’s name was “Blue Ivy,” sparking an uproar of appreciation and disapproval from all ends while continuing a long history of celebrities naming their children unique (and sometimes strange) names.

So how was Beyoncé, known for her theatrical announcements (Hello, does anyone else remember the number one album she released with no warning or marketing?), going to top her first announcement-pregnancy-birth sequence? By having twins, of course.

If you heard the announcement and are anything like me, this was your reaction.

http://gph.is/2tDa4BY

As soon as the twin announcement was revealed, fans went wild with theories of what hints she may have dropped prior to the announcement and went into typical levels of Beyhive excitement, claiming that Beyoncé had “saved” 2017. The more astronomically-inclined members of the fan base ogled over the fact that as her pregnancy progressed, it looked like Beyoncé would doubly out-Beyoncé herself by not only having twins, but Gemini twins.

Beyoncé and her twins. Photo credit: Beyoncé’s Instagram page.

Now that they’re here, it has been confirmed—Sir Carter and Rumi (as she named them in her Instagram post) were born June 14. Yes, that is how she presented it. Not Sir and Rumi Carter. Sir Carter and Rumi. Many fans wondered following the post if this meant she had named her son Sir Carter Carter, or if this was just a syntax issue. Tina Knowles, Bey’s mother, clarified later, calling the two “Sir Carter” and “Rumi Carter.” While the jury’s still out on where Sir’s name came from, the consensus seems to be that Rumi got her name from the 13th century Sufi poet.

Blue Ivy (center) in Formation video.

Beyoncé’s path to motherhood has been bittersweet, as she suffered a miscarriage before Blue Ivy was born. Since Blue was born, the internet has been ablaze with comments on Blue’s looks, including her resemblance to her father and especially Beyoncé’s decision to embrace Blue’s natural hair, with words like “nappy” being thrown around. The controversy led her to clap back in her song “Formation,” as she told critics, “I like my baby hair, with baby hair and afros.” Even Beyoncé can’t catch a break as a mom.

With two new babies in the spotlight, it will be interesting to see how they’re raised in years to come and what the media will have to say about it. Celebrity children are always under intense scrutiny, but since Beyoncé is a non-White celebrity in mainstream culture, her children will likely be facing conflicting beauty and behavioral standards at ages too tender to be subjected to any beauty standards and, together with the children of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, could potentially set a precedent of what ultra high-profile non-White celebrity kids look like. But for now, I’ll go back to squealing over those adorable little faces.

What do you think of the names Sir and Rumi? What’s next for the Beyhive, triplets?

Beyoncé’s Twins Have Arrived! if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

#Beyoncé #Beyoncé's twins #Sir and Rumi Carter #the Beyhive

Common Curly Hair Care Terms: Definitions & Explanations

Pineappling? Co-washing? Shingling? 3a? 4b? What the hell is everybody talking about? Naturally Multiracial / curly hair comes with a lot of terms that look confusing as heck if you haven’t heard them before. That’s ok. There is no way to know everything. We are here to help.

This week for the Multiracial Media’s Multiracial Kids Hair Care Column we are going to explore common terms that one may hear in the Multiracial / natural / curly hair care world. Continue reading for the definitions and explanations.

Common Curly Hair Care Terms – Definitions & Explanations

(Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links but all opinions are my own)

Co-Washing : Basically? Washing with conditioner instead of shampoo. This is the preferred method of those with naturally curly hair because it is less drying and doesn’t strip the oils off the strands. Curly hair needs all the moisture it can get so this is a popular technique. For more details on using a conditioner vs. a co-wash I recommend checking out this article by Naturally Curly comparing the two. It does require more effort though. So get to scrubbing!

Pineapple : This is for those that like to leave their curls loose and out of a protective style. It is flipping ones head upside down, gathering all the curls, and putting a loose hair tie / hair scrunchie / buff around all the curls to keep them together. Do NOT tighten the hair tie as this could dent and mess up the curls. This helps keep the curls nice for the next day and helps give volume as well all while sleeping. Here is a helpful Q & A from CurlyNikki on Essence on pineappling.

Buff : Putting a buff on your hair is basically a big, long headband that helps protect the curls. They can be worn for sleeping, working out, while your hair is drying, etc. They come in different colors and patterns so you can really play up your style if you want. Here is a helpful video to show you how to use the buff while you sleep.

How to wear a hair buff

Protective Style : A protective style is a hairstyle that protects (duh!) the hair from breakage, knots, promotes growth, and keeps curly hair under control! They protect the hair. They can be cornrows, braids, twists, and a bunch of other combinations. Many adult women also will braid up their hair and put a wig over it to protect their natural hair or wear various weaves to also reduce wear and tear on their own hair. Over on The Mixed Mama Blog I have a few examples of some kid friendly styles we did (here, here, and here).

Cornrow : This is a type of braid that include braiding close to the scalp. It is similar to French braids (which a lot of Caucasian parents are more familiar with) except instead of pulling the hair over to add it you pull it under. This video is a great video for beginners trying to learn how to cornrow. [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9_aGpT7CZ4&w=560&h=315]

Shingling : Have a lot of time on your hands? Try shingling. It involved dividing the hair up into sections, twisting the curls individually, and letting dry. It leads to AMAZING curls and definition… it just is time consuming. This post on Naturally Curly links 3 great videos on shingling if you want to check them out (you should!)

LCO / LOC Method : Basically L = liquid , O = Oil, & C = Crème. Its a technique used to seal in moisture. Some people find the putting liquid, THEN oil, THEN crème works better and some people find liquid, THEN crème, THEN oil works best. Trial and error is what you should do until you figure out what works for you. Personally I like the LCO steps. This is what you do after washing/co-washing the hair. Natural Hair Kids has a great infographic on some options you can use for this LCO / LOC method.

Box Braids : This one is simple. Its a braiding technique that basically involves dividing the hair into little boxes and then braiding it. The size of the box changes and some people also feed weave into the braids to extend their natural hair. I did big boxes on my girl in the pic below because she was NOT going to sit for how long it would’ve taken to do smaller ones all over.

Curl Type / Pattern: What kind of curl pattern does your kid have? 3a? 4b? Huh?! What? This handy little curl pattern chart I found on Curls & Potions will help you determine that.

Hair Porosity : This is one you may hear less often but it is a great thing to know to help you determine how much moisture you need to add to your kids hair. The basics are that porosity determines how well you hair holds moisture. Low Porosity means it accepts moisture into the strands less (less pores) and High Porosity means it accepts more moisture, but also lets it go more (more pores). This post on Natural Hair Kids about Porosity & Density is a GREAT read and it also goes over how to test hair to determine its porosity.

Curly Girl Method : This is a GREAT and popular hair care technique that is based on a Best Selling Book: Curly Girl: The Handbook by Lorraine Massey. The Basics? No shampoo, avoid heat (diffusing on low is ok), co-washing, no brushes (finger comb or wide tooth comb only), no sulfates, and no non-water-soluble ingredients (i.e. silicones, petroleum, mineral oil). There are lists of products that are considered CG Friendly. If you aren’t sure if it fits the technique there is an entire CG Method Facebook Group with almost 100k members and tons of graphics to help. But just a word to the wise… only talking about products that follow the CG rules are allowed.

Some CG Friendly and Budget friendly options: VO5 Moisture Milk Strawberries & Crème Conditioner, Cantu Care for Kids Leave-in Conditioner, Cantu Natural Hair Coil Calm Detangler, Cantu Natural Hair Conditioning Creamy Hair Lotion, Garnier Ultimate Blends Conditioner – The Silky Smoother with Vanilla Milk & Papaya, Suave Essentials Conditioner – Tropical Coconut.

Let me know down below if there are any terms not listed that you’d like more information about. I will do my best to answer.

Thanks for reading and good luck!

Common Curly Hair Care Terms: Definitions & Explanations if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

The Top 10 Interracial Couples in Movies and Television

Katherine Hepburn, Joanna Drayton and Sidney Poitier in “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner,” which was extremely controversial when it was released on December 11, 1967.

Who are the top 10 interracial couples in movies and television . . . and why do we care?

Let’s be honest, we all like looking at ourselves. One need look no further than the ubiquity of selfies to know how much we all are enamored with our own images. And, when we can’t look at our own faces and those of our loved ones, the next best substitute is looking at representations of ourselves. That is why (or at least part of the reason why) we love to see those who look like us in movies and on tv. In addition, images in movies and on tv have powerful ripple effects in society. Particularly for those who are in the minority or are disenfranchised in some respect, seeing a character with the same physical traits as oneself (be they skin color, facial or bodily features, or hair type and color) succeeding, it can indeed be very empowering.

It with this as backdrop that we at Multiracial Media thought we’d put together our suggested list of the top 10 interracial couples from movies or tv. Major caveat – this list is, of course, subjective. You may have a different view. You likely do. That’s fine. We understand and appreciate that.

But, from our perspective, this is the list one would put together if the reasons for a particular couple being added to the list is the couple’s effect on moving society and culture forward to greater acceptance of interracial couples, multiracial families and multiracial people. By the way, not every couple we’ve added to the list had a smooth and terrific relationship. In some instances, there have been rocky or even adulterous relationships that, nevertheless, still broadened society’s willingness to accept interracial relationships.

So, With That as Preface, Here is Our List of the Top 10 Interracial Couples in Movies and Television:

Joanna Drayton and Sidney Poitier in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Roxie Roker and Franklin Cover in The Jeffersons

Annabella Sciorra and Wesley Snipes in Jungle Fever

Sarita Choudhury and Denzel Washington in Mississippi Masala

Sanaa Lathan and Simon Baker in Something New

Ruth Negga and Joel Egerton in Loving (and Lela Rochon and Timothy Hutton in Mr. and Mrs. Loving)

Kerry Washington and Tony Goldwyn in Scandal

Elizabeth Hartman and Sidney Poitier in A Patch of Blue

Parminder Nagra and Jonathan Rhys Meyers in Bend It Like Beckham

Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard

Television’s first interracial kiss: Nichelle Nichols and William Shatner on Star Trek’s episode “Plato’s Stepchildren.” It aired on November 22, 1968.

*And, honorable mention to Nichelle Nichols and William Shatner in Star Trek (because, though their characters were not really a couple as that is traditionally thought of, they were involved in one of the first interracial kiss scenes show on American tv)

Again, there are many other instances of interracial couples, and an increasing number in modern times. However, these were the ones that leapt to our mind as significant for the role they’ve played in advancing the acceptance of interracial relationships in society. Some may argue with that premise. If so, we’d love to hear from you. Do you agree or disagree? Why or why not? Please let us know. If you have a list of your own, please let us know that as well, and please let us know why you chose the selections for your list.

Photo credits: YouTube

The Top 10 Interracial Couples in Movies and Television if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

#biracial #couples #dating #interracial #interracial couples #interracial dating #Interracial love #interracial relation #Loving Day #marriage #mixed-race #Multiracial #race #relationship

Cultural Appropriation: Kendall and Kylie Jenner

Photo courtesy of YouTube and Clevver News.

It seems the Kardashian/Jenner clan are back in the news, and as usual, for all the wrong reasons: this time it’s Kendall and Kylie Jenner. They’re under fire again for cultural appropriation.

The Kardashian/Jenner family has long been accused of appropriating Black culture and otherwise using prominent Black figures for their benefit—sporting cornrows known in White media as “boxer braids” and constantly gracing covers of tabloids with prominent boyfriends and husbands like Kanye West, A$AP Rocky, and Travis Scott. Sisters Kendall and Kylie Jenner, dating the two latter rappers named, respectively, have been under particular scrutiny for cultural insensitivity in recent months.

Kylie Jenner and Tyga at a Kanye West concert in 2015.

A brief highlight reel of some of their mishaps: Kylie continues to make millions from her makeup brand Kylie Cosmetics, started after receiving praise for her looks following a combination of her suddenly darker complexion and controversial lip filler procedure leaving her with much larger lips and several accusations of wanting to look black. If that wasn’t enough controversy, she was then accused of stealing her line of camoflage sports bras and sweatpants from a black designer named Tizita Balemlay, from whom she has ordered clothing in the past. Kendall Jenner earned her criticism by appearing in a now-infamous Pepsi commercial in which she hands a Pepsi to an officer stopping what appears to be a Black Lives Matter-esque protest, and her action suddenly makes everyone get along. The commercial was widely received as a trivialization of the Black Lives Matter movement and Kendall has been laying low since.

But not for long. In yet another bad PR move for the Jenner sisters this year, the anger recently skyrocketed as Kendall and Kylie, who just might be the reigning queen of appropriation, released a “vintage” line of T-shirts from their Kendall + Kylie clothing collection a couple of weeks ago. The shirts, retailing at $125 each, featured icons like Ozzy Osbourne, Tupac, and Notorious B.I.G. with Instagram photos of either Kendall or Kylie layered on top. Not only were the shirts laughed out of the room by many who felt it was a stretch for the Jenner sisters to compare themselves to these figures, but the Jenners are now receiving multiple lawsuits from the estates of Tupac and B.I.G., photographers who took the photos, and family members who all insist they did not give permission for the images to be used.

While Sharon Osbourne was just as enraged about her husband Ozzy’s likeness being used for one of the T-shirts, perhaps more interesting than the Jenner sisters’ blatant lack of ethical business practices is how this relates to their ongoing appropriation accusations. Defenders of the Kardashian/Jenner family, including myself at times, have wondered whether their love of black beauty and fashion trends combined with their family’s long-lived history of dating black men should get them criticized or just get them an invite to the “cookout” about which Black Twitter often debates. But PR stunts like this may prove where their loyalty really lies. Because the shirts were released without receiving permission or even giving credit or a cut of the profits to any of the parties involved, whether white or black, it is clear that to the Jenners, profits come first. When then adding this to their not-so-woke Pepsi commercials and Instagram posts covered in black beauty and fashion trends but very few genuine acts of solidarity or uses of their platform to call attention to real issues being faced by the very people from whom much of what contributes to their success originates? The use of two figures so prominent in black culture (and also unable to consent to this themselves, unlike Ozzy who could have been consulted but wasn’t) with zero permission for it brings a new meaning to what Voletta Wallace, Notorious B.I.G’s mother, calls “exploitative.”

Are Kendall and Kylie Jenner Guilty of Cultural Appropriation or Simply Admiration?

Biracial Actress Amandla Stenberg (The Hunger Games) was pretty clear in 2015 what Kendall and Kylie Jenner were doing back that was cultural appropriation.

Photo credit: YouTube and The Young Turks

Sharing and appreciating other people’s culture is beautiful and should be encouraged, but there are ways to do it while still remaining respectful. The Kardashians and Jenners enjoy such wild amounts of success that it would be so easy for them to use their platform to raise awareness to issues and acknowledge the roots (no pun intended) of many of their most profitable ventures and popular looks. One quick Google search of “cultural appropriation” clarifies that people seem to completely disagree on what counts as respectful and disrespectful which is often used in defense of this family’s actions—that it’s simply too hard to tell where to draw the line. Whether that is true or not, at the moment, it looks as if the Jenner sisters aren’t even trying.

What do you think? Cultural appropriation, admiration or unsure?

Cultural Appropriation: Kendall and Kylie Jenner if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

#cultural appropriation #Jenners #Kardashians #Kendall and Kylie Jenner

Ask Lisa Advice: Should You Move For Diversity's Sake?

Would You Consider a Move for Diversity’s Sake?

This week, I’m asking for your opinions about a dilemma faced by Multiracial families living in monochromatic towns: For diversity’s sake—should they move?

With the exception of those who already live in ethnically heterogeneous communities, every Multiracial family I know has pondered the question of moving for diversity’s sake. In my therapy practice, this comes up all the time, initially with young couples planning a life together or, a little further down the line, for families adopting a child of another race. Location and environment do have consequences for the health of a Multiracial couple or family. How easy is it, for example, to relax when you walk down the street hand in hand? How much does it bother you when people stare, sneer, or—on the other hand—make ingratiating comments? What will it be like when your Multiracial child hits the local public school? Will she be in good company? Or will she have to explain every day to someone new that, yes, the brown lady is her mother?

As a family and couples’ therapist, I know that moving is one of the biggest sources of stress there is—right up there with debilitating personal injury and death of a family member. And then there’s the cost, the inconvenience. How essential is such a move, anyway?

Growing up as a Biracial child in New York City in the 1970s, I was in very good company. In my classes at school, I was always one of a few other Mixed kids. In my neighborhood, Black/White Biracial kids like me abounded. Since I was “unusually dark for a Mixed child” (as one of our neighbors noisily remarked one day), my White mother was often questioned about where she got me or how I could be hers. But, as upsetting as this may have been for her, there were always three or four other moms she could turn to—on our block, in our building—and say, “It happened again.” And they’d say, “It happened to me too.” Then they’d laugh and move on to sharing tips on getting the tangles out of our hair.

It was validating to have so many other Multiracial kids and families around, whether we knew them or not. To our Upper West Side interracial parents, raising Biracial kids felt pretty much like, well, raising kids. If you threw a dime on a street corner, you might hit six of us. I was lucky.

On the other hand, when I talk to Multiracial or transracially adopted adults my age—those who grew up in majority white—or “exclusively-white-except-for-me” communities, I hear vastly different experiences. One Biracial (Black-White) friend was called “The Jungle Girl” by White kids, “Oreo” by Black kids and essentially ostracized by both. A transracially adopted Asian client who grew up in a White (except for her) town in the Midwest, was called every name in the Big Racist Book of Clichés. Feeling alone. Feeling like a freak. Feeling like no one got it. These phrases tumble from the lips of my thirty-, forty-, and-fifty-something-year-old acquaintances as they reminisce about the bullying and rejection they and their families experienced. When questioned as to why their families didn’t move, these friends and clients cite proximity to extended family, their parents’ jobs, the higher cost of living in big cities.

As for transracially adoptive families in the 60s and 70s there was less emphasis than there is now on staying connected to the child’s culture of origin. Adoptive parents back then were raising their children as they would their genetic offspring: in the parents’ own culture and community. The wisdom was: love was all that you needed to provide a child with a sense of belonging.

By the 90s, however, when I was working for the Spence Chapin Adoption agency, education was a big part of the homestudy process. White Families were instructed about the need for Non-White children to see their races reflected in the community around them—not just in caretaking and service roles. The agency would push transracial adoptive families-to-be who lived in majority-White towns to consider moving for diversity’s sake. As a new social worker, I remember thinking, “Wow—isn’t that a lot to ask?” But then I reflected on my own childhood and the ethnic rainbow I took for granted. Why shouldn’t a transracially adopted child enjoy the same?

Some couples balked: “But we chose our town because the schools are so good.” “It’s full of nice families with kids. Why should race matter?” But when encouraged to consider how their nice neighbors might react when a brown child joined their family, they were uncertain. Looking at their towns through the eyes of the child-to-be, many families who had the means to do so moved. Some however simply couldn’t swing a relocation, especially if they were depending on nearby extended family members for childcare.

Regarding young interracial couples, most are aware of the challenges they would face in a homogenous community. But for some, especially starry-eyed newlyweds, it can be hard to imagine moving for diversity’s sake alone. Several young couples have come into my therapy practice, experiencing tension for the first time, having moved to a neighborhood or town that is less than hospitable to the darker member of the couple. Often this fact comes as a surprise to both parties. When they married, they began home-hunting with an eye on the best property they could find for their income, the lowest taxes, the best schools. Vis-à-vis diversity, they thought: We’ll create it wherever we land! Often when the couple consists of one White member and one non-White member, the latter is either in denial of his or her discomfort, or hesitates to express to express it, for fear of creating a storm in paradise. In any case the notion of moving for diversity’s sake can be sticky.

Before I say more on this issue, I would like to hear your thoughts, then follow with a round-up of opinions in next week’s column. You can respond to the question below using the comment section or the one our Facebook page, or email me at [email protected].

As a multiracial person, as a member of a multiracial family or couple:

Can you imagine moving for diversity’s sake?

Thanks.

Lisa

Ask Lisa Advice: Should You Move For Diversity’s Sake? if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

#Asian #biracial #Black #For diversity's sake #mixed-race #Multiracial #White

Parent of a Multiracial Kid? Here are 7 Key Hair Tips you need to know.

A few years ago I realized that my daughter was walking around with her hair looking a hot mess. I realized quickly that I needed to learn how to do her hair, and do it well.

I am a White woman, married to a Black man. We have 2 mixed / multiracial / biracial children. I have felt the pressure to make sure my children look put together because I knew we were already under a microscope of judgement from others and I didn’t want to add “she has her kids out here looking raggedy” on top of the pile of opinions.

Because of this I decided to learn as much as I can. Being raised in a diverse neighborhood and growing up around my Black girlfriends getting their hair done combined with my own Type A research skills already had me set up better than some other parents out there who may be reading this. I also am lucky to be close to my husband’s family so I have been able to ask them (especially my sister-in-law Salley Nycole Crews) questions when I wasn’t sure what to do.

So I started my own page, The Mixed Mama Blog, to share what I have learned with others that may not have the resources I do. Now I am here to share this information with the Multiracial Media audience. To start out we decided a post on Multiracial Hair Care Basics would be a good beginning. If there are any specific topics you are interested in learning about or reading please let me know either down in the comments below or by emailing me directly at: [email protected] with “Multiracial Media Column Question” as your Subject line.

7 Key Hair Tips you NEED to know

(Disclosure – This post may contain affiliate links but all opinions are my own)

1 – THROW AWAY THE BRUSH

Seriously parents. Do NOT brush your kids hair. Unless they are one of the few multiracial kids that don’t have any curl in their hair. But if they are like a majority of biracial kids then do.not.ever. brush their hair. It should only be combed while wet. My personal favorite comb is the Conair Wide Tooth Shower Comb.

2 – CONDITION, CONDITION, CONDITION

You should be using some form of, some combination of, some concoction of conditioner. Whether that is a leave-in, or moisturizing conditioner in the bath, and/or a deep conditioner. Honestly I recommend doing all of the above. If you would like to find out more specifics of some of the products I recommend you can check out my post CHEAT SHEET- Mixed Kid Hair Care – The Basics .

3 – FIND AN OIL THAT WORKS FOR THEIR HAIR

You have probably heard of the LOC or LCO method. The method basically means LIQUID. OIL. CONDITIONER or LIQUID. CONDITIONER. OIL. Its a layering technique to seal in moisture. The thing is though…. not all oils work for all hair. Try out different kinds until you figure out what works. Check out this post for a list of Top Hair Oils.

4 – LEARN A SIMPLE PROTECTIVE HAIR STYLE

Mixed kids hair has special needs and precautions you have to take as a parent. It is your responsibility to learn them. One of the basics is to keep their hair in a protective style, especially at night time while they sleep, or while they are swimming, or running around playing. This will help prevent knots and keep their hair healthy. If you need some ideas I have already done a few simple tutorial posts that you can check out here, here, and here on The Mixed Mama Blog.

Finding a hair salon nearby or making friends with someone who knows how to do natural hair is also a must have if you don’t know how to do hair.

5 – DO NOT OVERWASH HAIR!

Simply put… multiracial/curly hair has different needs than other races hair. I could technically wash my hair everyday and it would be fine. But… if I washed my kids hair everyday?! It would be SO DRY. Don’t do it. We wash once per week. But that is only because my daughter has a more oily scalp like I do. When we wash we use a nourishing shampoo and only shampoo her roots. ONLY THE ROOTS. Some people can go even longer without washing. Figure out what works for your children and don’t be afraid to try something that is different.

6 – MAKE A REFRESH SPRAY

Ok… what am I even talking about. Basically go to the dollar store, get a spray bottle, and fill it with water, some hair oil, and some conditioner, shake up, and use this throughout the week. This can be used in between washes to help “refresh” the hair and add some moisture. This also makes it easier to re-do hairstyles and revive curls mid-week. Even if we could go an entire week without doing my daughter’s hair, we usually re-do it at least once during the week to try to prevent knots. But that just happens to be what works for us. There are also pre-made sprays out there that you can use. We have a couple that we like and love: Soft & Precious Baby Products – Detangling Moisturizer and Lusti Organics – Olive Oil Hair Sheen.

7 – TEACH YOUR KIDS TO LOVE THEIR HAIR

This is the MOST IMPORTANT tip in my opinion. We as parents have the responsibility to teach our children to love their hair. Even if it is different than all the other kids in school, even if they want straight hair like you, even if it makes them stand out. Teach them that their uniqueness is GREAT. I don’t know how many times I’ve read parents wanting to straighten their kids hair because they want to be like the other kids in school. In my mind this teaches them that they have to change who they are to be like others. NOOOOO. NO. NO. NO. NO. Our biracial, multiracial, mixed, curly kids are already going to have to face so much resistance in their lives for their differences. Start as young as possible teaching them to be proud and accepting of their traits. Especially vulnerable will be our multiracial daughters and sons with black mixed in. Society tells black/brown people that their natural/curly hair isn’t professional, isn’t acceptable, isn’t desirable… We have to fight that! I want my children to love their natural hair. It is our responsibility as parents to try as hard as we can to accomplish that.

Comment from HD Young that stood out to me on the original post that started this whole column on Multiracial Media

BONUS TIP: Get a satin sleep cap for your kids hair at night time or a satin pillow case. Also… put it into braids before bed.

Thanks for reading and good luck!

Parent of a Multiracial Kid? Here are 7 Key Hair Tips you need to know. if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

My Rebuttal to My Piece About PoC-Only Spaces and the Refusal to Educate White People

So I took a lot of flack for writing What’s Up with PoC-Only Spaces and Not Wanting to Educate to White People. Hey, I get the anger, I do. Although you may not believe I do, I do get it! I get the need for PoC-only spaces. I also get why many PoC are through educating White people about the shit we go through day in and day out.

Maybe saying I took a lot of flack doesn’t quite describe it. Some said my piece was “the epitome of White entitlement.” Others said I was delusional. Some called me a segregationist. <—– This one I don’t get at all since my goal is about INclusion not EXclusion. Be that as it may, those are some of the unanimous insults many PoC hurled my way.

That many PoC got exactly what I was trying to say and didn’t personalize it, thank you! But don’t think I don’t get why many other PoC didn’t get my point.

So here’s my rebuttal addressing the comments, the blog and clarifying exactly why I feel as strongly as I do.

The Upside and Downside to PoC-Only Spaces

The upside: Like-minded people flock together. I think we’re all familiar with the expression: “Birds of a feather flock together.” It’s natural for this to happen. Folks piss us off with their racist crap; we’re sick and tired when another cop uses another PoC adult—or worse—a kid or a single mom as target practice; we’ve had enough of cops (or cop wanna-bes in Trayvon Martin’s case) are either not even indicted or stand trial and is acquitted.

Where are we going to gripe? I know I am tired of talking about it and White people responding with either, “oh, that’s sad” or they bring up the Black on Black crime.

Needing a place that’s our own so we can gripe uncensored is necessary. Or maybe we aren’t even in a griping mood and we want to talk about things that are unique to being a PoC or need help with something—hair issues, being passed over yet again or being DWBd. And sometimes ordinary and extraordinary things come up and we need to share with our own people: family reunions, kids graduating from high school or college or getting an advanced degree. Sometimes when we share these important events with some White people we get stupid questions that imply our niece, daughter, son, brother, cousin was on scholarship or shock that a family member got into Harvard or Yale, but assume it’s based on merit that those same kids got into Spelman, Howard, et al. because they don’t have a clue what the HBCUs represent. Having a place to talk about the multiple times we have to do the eye roll is necessary.

This represents the upside to having a PoC-only space. Where else will you go for someone to get your issue without having to explain the As and Bs?

But here’s the downside: you’re preaching to the choir. To affect any change—any substantive change—your message has to travel behind the confines of those walls of familiarity and safety—the online group you belong to, the event that only permits PoC or a specific race / ethnicity.

Like it or not, at some point in order to actually change how fucked up the situation is, tackle the institutionalized racism and break down barriers, you have to leave that comfort zone. Like it or not, letting people in who you see as potential allies, definite allies and eventually those who you might never have imagined could turn into allies will become necessary.

Why do we need White people?

As I alluded to in my previous piece, even if for only practical purposes, we are outnumbered. The Man has done a great job of dividing and conquering all PoC: Black especially, but also Asians, Hispanics, Latinos and of course combinations of those together or one or two of those mixed with White: Multiracial people. Jeez, look how quick Black folks were quick to call me out, saying I was White, “not really Black,” and things like “see this shit coming out her mouth? This is why Multiracial people will never really be Black,” and so on. I suppose I could have waved my parents’ ethnicities and races in their faces but for what? I am not here to justify why I have a clue about how fucked up it is for Blacks in the United States and around the world.

Let me repeat that in case you missed it: The Man has done a great job of dividing and conquering all people of color!

Even if you think you can rally up all PoC (and in this instance I am referring to all who aren’t White) to band together and become one formidable force against The Man, as Billy Crystal said in the Princes Bride, “Have fun storming the castle.”

The establishment, you know, the Man: that entity sitting in the White House, the ones in the Senate, the lobbyists, big corporations, the police and the joke a criminal justice system are all bought and owned by White supremacists. And not just any ole White supremacists: the extremely rich and powerful type who’ll stop at nothing to continue to silencing us.

Do you honestly think they care what we have to say, what we go through and that our sibling, cousin, parent, child was DWBd or shot dead by yet another cop?

Um that would be a big, fat no!

So who speaks their language and is willing to learn our language? That would be the allies who are White. If you think you don’t need White people, it is you who is delusional.

And I don’t know about you but I’d rather have a White ally who’s entirely hip to the shit all PoC experience on a daily basis than someone I was dismissive toward and I directed to the Internet to figure out what it’s like to be a PoC and the issues we go through. I’d rather be able to guarantee this person or this willing group of people hears it from me, from you, from our friends and family—not the Internet, which gets things wrong all the time.

If you still think I am delusional, the epitome of White entitlement, that’s cool. Seriously, but while you are gathering amongst yourselves only, I am inviting White people into my circle because when the time comes that we need to stand up for what we believe in and know to be true, I know in the eyes of Donald Trump and the racist bastards in his cabinet don’t give a shit about me, you and all other people of color. But they may actually listen to a White person—who are hip-to-the-shit-we-go-through White person.

Apart from all that, I have had enough of the segregationist mentality. It was done to Black people for 500 years until the Civil Rights Movement and I don’t think it’s necessary to repeat their mistakes just to make a fucking point. Maybe you do, but how has that been working out for you? I am done making a point. I want actual change—lasting and real change. You want to keep on bitching about yet another Black kid getting shot and killed by cops, you go ahead. I want it to stop—along with the rest of the fucked up shit that goes on each and every day to people of color.

Keep on laughing and calling me names. I can handle it. But what I can’t handle is the mentality that folks are willing to cut off their noses to spite their faces. Refusing to let White people into your spaces may seem like a great idea but the end result is you are just talking to yourselves. So in the long run, it’s a bad idea.

Peace out people!

My Rebuttal to My Piece About PoC-Only Spaces and the Refusal to Educate White People if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

#PoC-only spaces #white entitlement #White privilege

What's Up with PoC-Only Spaces and Refusing to Educate White People

I’ve had something on my mind for weeks and I thought I could wait to address it until I had my thoughts entirely straight but it looks like I can’t. I want to talk directly to People of Color about the long-term damage of PoC-only spaces and refusing to educate White people.

What brought on this need to get this out there today, of all days, is an exchange between a good friend of mine. Let’s call her Brandy.

Similar to the video I posted on social media this morning that I shared from the Social Renaissance Project that is a slightly tongue-in-cheek caution of tale of the things White people shouldn’t say to any PoC, whether monoracial or mixed race, I shared something like that on my own Facebook wall yesterday.

My friend Brandy, whom I’ve known for over ten years, messages me and says she’s mortified at the thought that she, a White woman, could have inadvertently committed some of the offenses against her friends and family members who are PoC. She asked me how she can call herself an ally if she committed one of those offenses?

It made me think of this week’s Ask Lisa Advice column in which a White woman was concerned she might, in her genuine desire to welcome her son’s Black girlfriend into her home and family, offend her, come off as anything but an ally and/or feel she must feel self-conscious about the fact that she and her husband are well-off White people.

I felt Lisa’s advice was spot on. The tenor of that advice was to hang back, be loose and don’t overthink things. In other words, be yourself, be welcoming and treat her as you would anyone else your son was dating and feeling serious about. By going out of her way to make her son’s girlfriend feel welcome, the mother could actually make things worse.

Lisa also told the White mother that the very fact that she is concerned means that she is in fact an ally and that overdoing it isn’t necessary. It’s the same advice I had for Brandy. Be who you are. I’ve known Brandy for a long time. I knew she was White when I met her (we used to work together) and what won me over about Brandy is that she treated everyone the same … period. She made no distinction between races, ethnicities, gender, sexual orientation, national origin or religion. She was and remains one of those very few people I know who can be described as color-blind. She classifies people according to who’s nice and who’s not and she has no other criteria.

So if she screws up now and again, whatever. I am happy to educate her. Well, I have been called to task by some PoC who say it’s not their place to educate White people.

Why not?

If White people are born White, how will they know what it’s like to be Black, Hispanic, Asian, Latino or Multiracial? In the same way as a cisgender, straight woman who’s married to a man, who can I be expected to know what it’s like to be gay or a transgender person? I can’t. I ask my friends and family who are members of the LGBTQ for guidance all the time because I want to be a good ally. Thankfully none of them has ever said, “it’s not my place to educate you.”

So Brandy and other White people, this person of color doesn’t expect you to always know the right thing to say.

And What’s Up With PoC-only Spaces?

While I am in a ranting mood, what’s up with PoC-only spaces? I have gotten into my discussions with PoC who say if they were in a serious relationship with a White person and were going to attend an event that is a PoC-only space, event, protest, etc., they would expect their partner to stay home. Really? Seriously? Why?

If I am in a relationship with someone, regardless of race, religion, born in the same country as me or not, I would hope that he would want to support me enough to go with me. And if he did, I’d be proud to have him attend. And trust me, if anyone so much as looked at us funny or suggested that he leave because he’s not a PoC, guess what? We’re both leaving and never returning.

Why? Because his being there is not only about supporting me but it’s about taking on the struggles of all PoC. His being there says he is in this for the long-term, both for me and for the betterment of humanity.

As it happens I am married to a Black man, so the point is moot, but I have dated White men (and Asian men, and Hispanic men and other Black men) and I would be insulted if one of them didn’t want to be there to support something I feel strongly about—especially something that involves race and equality. If he didn’t want to support me, I’d have to wonder if he is actually about equality for all.

Another thing about PoC-only spaces is that like it or not, if we were to combine all Black in the U.S., our numbers aren’t going to be the same as the White population. How do Black folks thing we’re going to achieve equality on our own? We are seriously outnumbered.

I find it odd enough that Black people don’t want White people at PoC-only spaces but why would a Black person who’s in a serious relationship with a White person (who could have a child with said person) not want him or her there? Do they not realize they may one day have a Mixed race child? Will this child only allow half of him or her to attend this PoC-only space, event, protest, etc?

And what of the Multiracial people who have a White parent, who’ve told me emphatically they don’t want White people at their PoC-only space, event, protest? Um, have you looked in the mirror lately? You too are also White.

That’s my rant for a Saturday night. Now over to you, members of the Multiracial Community.

What’s Up with PoC-Only Spaces and Refusing to Educate White People if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

Ask Lisa Advice: Not the Parents in Get Out

Today I counsel a White woman who fears her son’s Black girlfriend will compare her to the parents in Get Out.

Dear Lisa,

I have recently seen the film Get Out and while I was deeply moved and affected by it, I can’t shake the dread that I am one of those affluent, “enlightened-but-ignorant” White people depicted in the film. I hate the idea of being a stereotype, but my husband and I are in our late fifties, White, affluent, liberal, highly educated and have three children who are in their twenties.

I am reaching out to you at this time because my younger son, who will be a junior in college in the fall, has an African American girlfriend whom we have yet to meet, but whom we have invited to stay with us at our beach home this summer. We are eager and delighted to meet this young woman because my son seems to be truly in love with her and we want him to be happy. In addition, I admit that I am thrilled that she is African American. This means that we have successfully raised our children to be liberal like we are, fully accepting of all cultures, as well as of those who come from lesser means than ourselves.

After seeing the film, I am concerned about unwittingly behaving in ways that make my son’s girlfriend feel uncomfortable. For example, I am self-conscious that our generosity in opening our (relatively) lavish home might be taken as a flaunting of privilege. How can I break the ice and make sure our son’s girlfriend knows she is absolutely and in all ways welcome in our lives?

Please help.

E.C.R.

Dear E.C.R.

If you are writing this letter, you are NOT the parents in Get Out. So first, I must encourage you to relax. If your son’s Black girlfriend senses how badly you want to please her and how anxious you are about making her uncomfortable, she will feel uncomfortable. Here are a handful of “Don’ts” and one very big “Do.”

Don’t get hung up on her Blackness as something you must accommodate.

Don’t, for example, play R&B music or serve fried chicken, cornbread and collard greens because you think that’s what she will like.

Don’t walk on egg-shells, trying to overcompensate for whatever race or class gap you may be anticipating.

Don’t assume anything about her experience at all, for that matter.

Don’t be overly solicitous, like the parents in “Get Out,” who couldn’t wait to reveal that they would have voted for Obama for a third time. And along those lines:

Don’t flaunt your liberal values in effort to please her. For all you know, she may be a conservative Republican!

Do, instead, view this young woman as an individual first and foremost.

While her experiences and views may be vastly different from your own, never assume you know what they are until she trusts you enough to talk about them—in her own time. You must also be open to the possibility that this young, Black woman has more in common with you than not. If your son met her in college, she may come from socioeconomic privilege and would be offended if you suggested there were a class difference between your families.

If you want to learn something about her background before you meet, you might ask your son beforehand—though this could backfire, depending on your relationship with him. He may be sensitive on his girlfriend’s behalf and may suspect you are probing for a negative reason.

Remember, unlike the parents in Get Out, you have one motive: to share your son’s joy in his new relationship. So instead of focusing on not offending her, be yourself, share your home and enjoy her company.

Ask Lisa Advice: Not the Parents in Get Out if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

#African-American #Black #the parents in Get Out #White

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