BOND VILLAIN APPRENTICE IS A RASPUTIN WANNABE
– unhinged rant by the Canuck Crank
"Musk: a greasy secretion with a powerful odor"
– American Heritage Dictionary
Judging from countless rants, memes, videos, and comments online, many Americans evidently have accepted the official 2024 election results – and consequently, have resigned themselves to four more years of insane misrule by a TREASONOUS PSYCHOPATH and his misbegotten coven of DELUSIONAL MISCREANTS. This phenomenon is bizarre, to say the least.
For one thing, the ATTENTION WHORE IN CHIEF has actually won less than 50 percent of the popular vote. But that has not stopped the legacy media from feeding into the dubious narrative that MAGA has somehow mysteriously acquired a BIGLY YUGE MANDATE to usher in the agenda outlined in the FASCIST BIBLE known as Project 2025.
This is happening despite the fact that a lot of people have been raising serious concerns about the integrity of the election over the past several weeks. So far, no absolute empirical proof of fraud has been revealed; but too many questions still need to be satisfactorily answered as soon as possible, before DOUBLE AGENT ORANGE ascends to America's rusty Iron Throne.
Indeed, there are good, solid reasons to wonder whether the election result may have been SABOTAGED by various bad actors. If that was proven to be the case, the perpetrators would doubtless include tech trickster ELON MUSK; couch connoisseur JD VANCE; reliably devious RUSSIAN AGENTS; stupidly unscrupulous MAGA operatives; and certain FAUX NOISE propaganda parrots.
But sadly, many Democrats and antifascists seem to have suddenly come down with a kind of STOCKHOLM SYNDROME – meekly acquiescing to the NEW ABNORMAL, and falling for the corporate MEDIA GASLIGHTING aimed at trying to discredit these concerns. The understandable suspicions about the election are being glibly and condescendingly dismissed as mere conspiracy theories – allegedly the product of something called 'BLUE ANON', a supposed left-wing equivalent of QAnon.
But this is obviously a totally different situation, with none of the factors that spawned Trump's unhinged STOP THE STEAL movement. Democrats did not prime their base for months on end with dubious propaganda predicting rigged elections. They perpetrated no insurrections. And they have not engineered countless frivolous lawsuits promoting idiotic speculations. They are simply wondering how anyone can be stupid enough to think that voters in the swing states went for Trump, but also voted blue on so many other key races.
Of course, it is indeed possible that election skeptics are grasping at straws as consolation. But the documented irregularities cited by various observers are clearly legitimate red flags. A comprehensive recount and FORENSIC AUDIT are absolutely warranted, before the election results should be taken as gospel. After all, in 2021, Trumpers were allowed to file more than 60 fricking COURT CASES challenging the results. So why should the Dems just roll over and placidly accept this outcome?
If the election was sabotaged, one of the motives was surely to perpetrate a DIABOLICAL PSYOP, whose purpose was manyfold: to provoke Americans ever further into fearing and hating each other; to hoodwink them into drowning in profound despair; to get them to accept the notion that they are part of an incurably failed nation; and to motivate them to give up on the idea of ever returning to democracy.
In the face of all these suspicions, if Democrats don't vehemently insist on conducting an immediate autopsy of their WOUNDED BODY POLITIC, it would constitute a feckless dereliction of duty. Instead of standing up for democracy, they would be joining the ranks of too many media pundits and money-grubbing CEOs, who are capitulating to encroaching fascism.They would essentially be handing their country over to the psychotic GOP LOONIES on a red white and blue platter – and giving them a license to CANCEL LADY LIBERTY.
But this is no time to give up. While valid concerns about the election will doubtless be dismissed by cynical skeptics as conspiratorial LIBTARD FANTASIZING motivated by wishful thinking, I maintain that there are more than enough valid reasons to justify a thorough investigation. Most notably, a recent PLANET CRITICAL article presents a sobering scenario:
"Computer scientists and hacking experts have detailed how the USA’s election software was compromised – and the relatively simple hack which could have then been used to FIX THE RESULTS in the seven swing states. They are calling for an immediate hand recount in key precincts which, they say, should swiftly show that a number of these ballots NEVER EXISTED."
Furthermore, as cyber threat expert JACKIE SINGH recently stated on X, America's enemies "want us to believe our society is DISINTEGRATING, and that our streets aren't safe. This is part of the KREMLIN PLAN to foment suspicion and violence amongst Americans. Their gambit relies on us being unable to put the dots together…. They muddy the waters by using American or deep cover local intermediaries to provide the impression of organic DOMESTIC EMOTION – when in reality, the events and resultant emotions endured by the manipulated public are often fully manufactured and paid for by PUTIN."
Judging from the variety of allegations, there are many other plausible scenarios that need to be explored. Some claim that ballot drop boxes were BURNED in blue districts, and areas with a lot of minority voters; that thousands of mail-in votes were simply left uncounted, or discarded; that some ballots were stolen from post offices; and that seals were broken on 13 ballot tabulators in Milwaukee.
More than a million Democrats were apparently PURGED from voter rolls in Texas; Dems in red states were not sent the mail-in ballots they requested; postal employees were accused of ballot theft, and forging ballot signatures; some Dem mail-in ballots were rejected for supposedly mismatched signatures in swing states; and in one district, ballots were allegedly sent to an estimated 325,000 people who were not registered voters.
Disturbingly, voters in some Dem-leaning locales were reportedly threatened by MAGA voters. Even more troubling is the fact that over 50 phony BOMB THREATS, evidently originating with Russian agents, forced evacuations at various left-leaning sites in battleground states. During the distractions caused by all this chaos, saboteurs could quite possibly have manipulated voting machines.
Despite vociferous media assurances that Musk's STARLINK system was not involved in some way, it is nevertheless a real possibility. Considering his tech expertise, the SPACEX CADET could have found a way to surreptitiously connect a satellite to vote tabulating systems, to alter the counts in swing states. It is well known that Musk did a variety of unethical things to install PRECEDENT TRUMPERY in the Oval Office; so it is hardly far-fetched to think he might have tried to hijack the vote via technology.
Elon retweeted Tenet Media's Russian disinformation multiple times; he also approved DEEPFAKE ATTACK ADS; and disseminated propaganda filled with grotesque distortions of Kamala Harris' beliefs and political positions. Most concerning is Joe Rogan's claim that Tesla's boy genius actually possessed an app that gave him the election results FOUR HOURS before they were officially revealed. W the actual F????
There were also evidently a record number of new VOTER REGISTRATIONS this year. Does it sound plausible that there were 20 million fewer people voting this year than in 2020, when the pandemic kept many folks housebound? Considering how much malfeasance has been revealed about the TRAITOR IN CHIEF since that election, it beggars the imagination to think Democrats would NOT have turned up in overwhelming droves to make certain he could not possibly win.
Why would so many voters choose Democrat senators and congress people, but then turn around and vote for a CONVICTED FELON – who is also an exhaustively documented LIAR, a financial FRAUDSTER, an adjudicated RAPIST, a dangerous INSURRECTIONIST, and a traitor stealing NUCLEAR SECRETS? Are Americans' memories really that fucking short?
Dems won down-ballot congressional races in swing states; but mysteriously, those same voters also supposedly chose the CELEBRITY INMATE APPRENTICE as their top guy. Given the vast amount of evidence demonstrating the manifold crimes of the FELON IN CHIEF, why the actual fuck would any sane Democrat choose him over Kamala? And how credible is it, that Trump would win ALL SEVEN of the swing states? None of this makes any sense whatsoever, dammit!
Further, prior to this election, MAGA agents were known to have tampered with voting system technology. The most high profile culprit was TINA PETERS, a Colorado operative who recently got a richly deserved nine year sentence for a data-breach scheme she engineered a few years ago.
Also, as Rachel Maddow reported, several times at rallies Trump told followers he didn't NEED ANYMORE VOTES. He also stated that he and Speaker Mikey 'Moses' Johnson had a cute "LITTLE SECRET" that would guarantee they won. He promised he would divulge the secret after the election. We're still waiting, dumbass!
Of course, it is obvious that the USEFUL IDIOT IN CHIEF owes much of his "victory" to his close personal dominatrix CZAR VLADIMIR. Russian official Nikolai Patrushev recently confirmed this, asserting: "To achieve success in this election, Donald Trump relied on certain forces, to which he has corresponding obligations."
America now faces the consequences of allowing an arrogant SMIRKING SOCIOPATH like Elong MuskRat to purchase and install a sexual predator, adjudicated felon, and archtraitor in the White House. Since DEMENTIA DONOLD's slimy orange hands will be on the NUCLEAR CODES once again, it is crystal clear that drastic action is required. Thus, while some will doubtless dismiss the following scenario as naive and far-fetched, I happily offer this MODEST PROPOSAL for what it's worth.
Before he becomes a milkshake guzzling retiree, JOLTIN' JOE needs to cut the malarkey and unleash his inner DARK BRANDON one last time, to prevent the fascist heist of his nation. He should exercise the prerogative granted to him by the SCOTUS IMMUNITY decision, and order the FBI to conduct an independent investigation of any credible allegations of election cheating. Ideally, a detailed DOJ report on the results could be made public before INAUGURATION DAY. But if necessary, Biden could simply order that the inauguration ceremony be postponed till the process is finished.
If there is sufficient concrete evidence that the November 5th results were indeed hijacked, then Musk, Trump, Vance, Johnson, and any other MAGA cronies that are seriously implicated in the crime, should be detained in GITMO, pending trial for treason. The subsequent legal proceedings should be televised, live and unedited, to reassure a terrified world that the USA has indeed learned from the deadly mistake of the ghastly TRUMP ERROR.
Alternatively, Brandon could use his immunity to release all the evidence accumulated by JACK SMITH, regarding the Insurrection, the stolen classified documents, and Trump's many obstructions of justice. This would demonstrate that Joe has every reason to reopen ALCATRAZ to corral Donnie and dozens of complicit MAGA MINIONS. The next step would be to ANNUL the 2024 election and order a shiny new one, rigorously overseen by CYBERSECURITY agents and U.N. ELECTION MONITORS. Under the obvious emergency conditions, these would all definitely be legitimate "OFFICIAL ACTS."
But to be entirely realistic, we must also contemplate an even more troubling scenario than the ones I've outlined. What if the election was NOT stolen by the MAGAGOP? This would mean that a majority of the electorate, who were sufficiently motivated to get off their asses to vote, were also comfortable with the idea of having their country's worst WHITE COLLAR CRIMINAL be put in charge of their nation's destiny and their children's future.
Thus, they were content to basically trash America's legacy of FIGHTING FASCISM; metaphorically, they casually pissed on all the graves in ARLINGTON CEMETERY. How very disgraceful, and monumentally tragic, such an outcome would be. Now emboldened, the RAPIST IN CHIEF could very well take a wrecking ball to the USA, to satisfy his vengeance, and suck up to BIG DADDY VLADDY. If this happens, it will be a literal miracle if America survives the next four years.
By handing him the White House, myriad incredibly stupid voters have made it almost certain that he will NEVER FACE JUSTICE for his many documented crimes – and everything good about America will be run into the ground, by the most sickening lawbreaker in its history. But those who idolize this treacherous barbarian have nothing to gloat about. God help them if they ever have to face the truth about what they have ENABLED. We'll see who will be weeping in the end.
All that said, I still refuse to underestimate the tenacity and courage of the true patriots and "BETTER ANGELS" of the USA. So while the Yankee homeland won't be the Land Of The Free for the next several years, we will hopefully soon find out that this nation is indeed still the HOME OF THE BRAVE. It may still not be too late to witness the downfall and comeuppance of MUSKPUTIN and his MAGAMOBSTERS.
Best wishes to every one of America's citizens who still treasure democracy. To them I say: Many of us living outside your borders still care deeply about what happens to you. So STAND STRONG – and please don't give up! This is no time for despair, or to wallow in disgust. It's time to get determined – and hopeful. As labor union martyr JOE HILL put it just before he was executed: "DON'T MOURN – ORGANIZE!"
In conclusion: If y'all think I'm just a gullible type, over-reacting and living in a dream world, feel free to call me DON QUIXOTE – then just saddle me up, and point me to the nearest WINDMILL! But to make my case, I submit a very comprehensive archive of related news items, editorials, and satirical videos; I respectfully challenge you to check them out with an open mind.
If enough American voters become sufficiently aware of the deadly serious reasons for the aforementioned concerns, it may not be too late for them to demand that Dark Brandon rescue their nation from the UNBRIDLED DEPRAVITY of Trumpism before it's too late. You'll find the archive at the first link below. I urge you to share it as widely as possible.
HOW MAGA MINIONS & KREMLIN GREMLINS STOLE XMAS
https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/42536218614/
TRUMPERY’S FOLLY VS THE MOMALA FACTOR
https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/766200584914288640/
DARK BRANDON PASSES THE TORCH
https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/736140385977597952/
THE KARMALA PHENOMENON
https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/721712158853955584/
MARALARDO’S BROMANCE FOR THE AGES
https://www.flickr.com/photos/aeon999/54233325168/in/album-72177720322854833/lightbox/
HOW LORD MUSKPUTIN CONQUERED MARS
https://www.flickr.com/photos/aeon999/54233312564/in/album-72177720322832375/lightbox/
FINAL DISPATCHES FROM THE KAMBRAT ZONE
https://musemash.tumblr.com/post/771191287661690880/
