little place where i talk to myself a little

caylee. trans woman. unhinged, but not in the sexy way. she/her. 26. canadian, white, living on unceded mi'kmaq land. read my about/before you follow, please. i do not reblog porn, but i talk about sex kinda often, so i'd appreciate it if minors did not follow. this is a personal blog, and i post about trauma stuff. my selfies are tagged under "my icky face." take care friend.

[sentimentaldisorder]

callout post for my mutuals um. hi guys i love you

[musherum]

tried it lower below my jaw but above my adams apple. no dice, compressed jugulars but not carotids. gonna try below my adams apple and see if thats anything

[musherum]

bought whiskey. that should help

[musherum]

im not going to get this job with this resume. theres simply no fucking chance for me. the way it is going, literally everyone but me will get in. no job. no money. no housing. no point

[musherum]

half an hour in the rain until the next one gets here

[musherum]

bus just left me behind too. so thats fun

[musherum]

they wont notice if i dont get up in the morning. they wont get worried until afternoon. ill be gone by then

[musherum]

while theyre asleep

[musherum]

i can try this weekend. ill have to clear out my closet. lay something down so my parents dont hear me spasming in syncope

[musherum]

im picking up booze on the way home

[musherum]

but i dont have the fucking apartment free again until monday

[musherum]

i know how to do it right this time, i guess

[musherum]

they cant fit me into another session. lady i talked to basically laughed at the idea that three weeks of volunteer experience would make any difference. so thats that i guess. no chance now no chance later.

[musherum]

well. suicides on the table again, i guess

[musherum]

anyone have recommendations for relatively less expensive workboots that are also not total shit?

[musherum]

still wondering abt this

[exhaled-spirals]

« Suppose that, at a given moment, a certain number of people are engaged in the manufacture of pins. They make as many pins as the world needs, working (say) eight hours a day. Someone makes an invention by which the same number of men can make twice as many pins: pins are already so cheap that hardly any more will be bought at a lower price. In a sensible world, everybody concerned in the manufacturing of pins would take to working four hours instead of eight, and everything else would go on as before. But in the actual world this would be thought demoralizing. The men still work eight hours, there are too many pins, some employers go bankrupt, and half the men previously concerned in making pins are thrown out of work. There is, in the end, just as much leisure as on the other plan, but half the men are totally idle while half are still overworked. In this way, it is insured that the unavoidable leisure shall cause misery all round instead of being a universal source of happiness. Can anything more insane be imagined? »

— Bertrand Russell, In Praise of Idleness and Other Essays

[perkwunos]

John Stuart Mill says in his Principles of Political Economy: ‘It is questionable if all the mechanical inventions yet made have lightened the day’s toil of any human being.’ That is, however, by no means the aim of the application of machinery under capitalism. Like every other instrument for increasing the productivity of labour, machinery is intended to cheapen commodities and, by shortening the part of the working day in which the worker works for himself, to lengthen the other part, the part he gives to the capitalist for nothing. The machine is a means for producing surplus-value.

Karl Marx, Capital, vol. 1, ch. 15

[musherum]

this one dude in particular in my workshop, ex farmer, will never look at me. whenever he is talking he will deliberately turn his body to face away from me