Gwen still prays, that’s what gets him.
She still prays like there’s anything out there that can do anything for him. She still prays like God has ever been anything but cruel to the family. She still prays like she actually believes.
Finn keeps hearing “thank God you survived,” “Oh bless your heart,” and whatever other 70 variations people come up with. As if God had anything to do with living, escaping—anything beyond being absent during the worst weeks of his life.
As if it wasn’t him who did it.
As if he wasn’t the one who fought for his damn life with the nagging terror he might lose, and then had to live with the aftermath anyway. There’s not a damn thing God did for him.
He loves Gwen. He does. He always has, he always will—one of the things he thought of most in that basement besides 1. Dying and 2. Robin was Gwen.
Gwen alone at home. Gwen scared. Gwen stuck with dad. Gwen stuck with her dreams. As if Gwen was the one who was going through hell.
As if Gwen knew what it felt like to starve.
As if Gwen knew what it felt like to be touched.
As if Gwen knew what it felt like to be watched.
As if Gwen knew what it felt like to almost be gutted like a pig.
As if Gwen knew what it felt like to fight desperately for your life and just barely not lose.
He loves Gwen. He does. He just wishes she’d fuck off once in a while. Stop acting like he’s something to be taken care of. Stop asking so many questions and being so pushy and caring so much.
For her to stop acting like she has any right to. To stop acting like she has any claim to the trauma and misery he felt.
He just wants to be sick and twisted and ruined privately. Without someone constantly prying as if they deserve to.
God help Ernesto if he starts taking after Gwen, though Finn had already learned God was rather useless.
Uhhh this one isn’t as thought out or proper like my other ones, it’s just a general stream of my conscious thoughts mushed together. But you can have it anyway. @acid-miwi @d1sapp01ntm3nt @2tonedwolf @cheap-lemons-and-theatrics @watered-down-lemonade @zombiegrains @arteei
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