still dreaming about it

       

[wormsermonizer]

a horse is a horse

[zegalba]

Leandro Erlich: swimming pool (1999)

[fadedlovemp3]

the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only

[bad-moodboard]

Stages of Decomposition, Embroidery by calicoranger

[girljeremystrong]

your twenties are all about waiting to get that email

[exitwound]

90% of sufferers quit right before they figure out how to give their suffering meaning

[holy-branches]

Visit Original Link

ichiko aoba

[mushroomsporecloud]

cloudy morning; summer again

come to the realization that i've disappointed my mother enough that she'll be happy if i do anything with my life. and it's like... that wasn't so hard, was it? in truth it's possible it was a choice i never had to make in the first place. i just thought i did. which begs the question: what is it really you were so afraid of? your own footsteps, your own shadow. fear i feel must be a stored energy of some sorts. grows stronger the longer you let it sit. the longer you stare at it. like a cup of tea. and the whole time the door is there waiting to be opened. and beyond... there's something out there. but what, i don't know - i haven't gotten that far. not quite there yet. still, still not there yet. but i know that there's something or at least i have to believe.

need... to eat more protein. track macros, whatever. need to do my roots. clean my room. go back to school, get a real job or something. make art. learn how to knit. try pilates. reply to my messages. read more nonfiction. read more classics. read more. practice instruments. tell people i love them more. cook at home more. be more consistent with cardio and stretching post-workout. clean my water bottle. and my makeup brushes. and my car. if it doesn't rain today. start drawing again, just for funsies. sell all my kpop merch. return my library books. take my vitamins. declutter. run a yard sale. volunteer. get out of the house. go for a walk. look people in the eye. say something nice. work on my posture. listen to new music. finish playing one of my million games. dust the furniture. other things i'm sure. there's always more i could be doing with my life. but then why did god make it so easy to just lie here, waking up at odd hours, wishing i hadn't slept, or that i was in dream longer, sometimes doing just that until i can't anymore, the light of my room always different but the same, the day always different but the same, blurring together into a fine sand & scattering in the wind as i watch, and think about what to have for dinner, and the door is still there. pulsing with meaning. but even if i open the door it won't be the last. there will be more doors beyond it. and i know nothing of what comes beyond it. and it is so so easy to just lie here like i always have. but all this doesn't mean i should leave the door unopened. but i can't. not now. but i have to. i know i have to. i know. i know. why is it so hard.

[tenmillionpoundsofsludge-deacti]

I hate when I drink all of my drink and there's no drink left. What the fuckkkkkkk. #sickandtwisted

[mushroomsporecloud]

hole joke

[mushroomsporecloud]

it's just you dig the hole to fill the hole and you dig the hole to fill the hole and you dig the hole to fill the hole and yet the hole remains the hole remains!!! its size invariably the same if not bigger*, composed of absence, a void - you've just shifted it elsewhere in a sisyphean attempt to escape from the emptiness of it all!!!!!!!!!!

[mushroomsporecloud]

knowing what you want out of life is a blessing. i'm still searching for it all these years later with nothing to my name, no substance no truth. such a sorry state to be in for so long, stasis still, meandering. equivocating. hard to be honest with yourself when you don't know yourself to begin with but the soul searching has to stop somewhere. or go deeper, like uncomfortably deeper, like excruciatingly viscerally disgustingly deeper. plunging into the core. it's like, what the fuck have i been doing all this time. where has all this time gone. that sort of thing. spoken from the depths. on the floor. from the center of the ruins. live and directly to you. lmao

[peoplegettingkindamadatfood]

[sweetlikeacherry]

[ibroughtyoumybullets]

sunday is just i have to set my computer on fire i have to do laundry i have to find god i have to make tea i have to quit my job and start a new life in a different state i have to be more honest with the people around me i have to clean my room i have to cut my hair i have to be more deliberate with my hobbies and downtime i have to make a doctors appointment i have to go back to therapy i have to start dating i have to make more friends i have to go on a long drive i have to spend 4 hours disassociating in a target i have to paint my nails i have to tell my mother i love her. but instead i will simply sit. 

[lilcowgirl7-deactivated20210223]

Kristi Coulter, Nothing Good Can Come from This

[bitcoitus]

Please remember that almost everyone around you is traumatized. I didn’t understand this when I was younger. I wondered why people acted so strangely and irrationally. Maybe all children wonder this. The author Robert Anton Wilson said (paraphrasing), “We have never seen a completely sane adult human.” No one makes it out of this life alive. It’s not their fault. Mercy, kindness, forgiving — these are what makes one human. They are other names for love. People break in the strangest of ways.

[bitcoitus]

“Under the present brutal and primitive conditions on this planet, every person you meet should be regarded as one of the walking wounded. we have never seen a man or woman not slightly deranged by either anxiety or grief. we have never seen a totally sane human being." — Robert Anton Wilson