todays bird
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
#extradirty
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
$LAYYYTER
EXPECTATIONS
Kaledo Art
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
KIROKAZE
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art blog(derogatory)
Product Placement
trying on a metaphor
macklin celebrini has autism
pixel skylines
Three Goblin Art
hello vonnie
Stranger Things
if i look back, i am lost
Jules of Nature
seen from Brunei
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@muted-dreams
i grieve for the past, for all the pain and hurt, the missed signs, the missed opportunities, the bad decisions, and worse consequences.
but that probably doesn't compare at all, to the hurt you experienced, all because of me;
i'm sorry
is it too little too late?
would you do it
if I asked you to wait
only recently have I come to realise, just how much you hurt me. what the reason I had for slowly drifting, further away from your grasp had been all along.
we were nothing, yet I was naive; so close, yet so distant, I convinced myself only seemed that way because of my own inability to move forward.
perhaps it was my own complacency, that allowed the opportunity to slip from my grasp. yet I was wrong.
wrong to believe those kisses were meant for someone as wretched as I; those eyes were looking at me, but rather beyond,
towards a future without me. goodbye
u ever just... have a complete mental breakdown and go insane before dissociating for two whole weeks bc same
the thoughts in my head begin to race, as soon as night falls.
music blasts, movies play, I consume all that I can.
yet I take nothing in; nothing but those words running lap after lap
I wish I was dead
they say that we learn from our mistakes
and that learning about history helps prevent it from repeating.
yet I make the same mistake over and over and over and over
regretting it, trying to learn from it every. fucking. time.
what will it fucking take
all these thoughts, flying through my mind, incomprehensible, nonsensical drivel.
yet within the calm, there's nothing but you; oblivious, unaware, orchestrator of the chaos.
yearn, want, covet. my heart, a bud waiting to bloom.
yet I wither, soon as I blossom, shying from the light.
too fearful, of again being taken, as just another decoration
til all the petals fall.
oh
sometimes I get the urge to destroy everything I own, scream and wail and cry, or throw myself off a bridge.
but it fades as quickly as it comes, nothing but a fleeting, visceral, human moment;
then I return, to nothing. nothing but a sack of flesh.
caged, chained, shackled to the floor.
muted, smothered, deafened by the silence.
the boy, writhing, crying, screaming
stuck inside my head.
this feeling.
an unscratchable itch, an insatiable thirst, deep within.
writhing, grasping, twisting, turning, deep within.
aching, breaking, crumbling, to dust in my chest.
a dream I covet, so easily forgotten, a whisper in the wind.
an ethereal embrace eludes my grasp, a fistful of sand.
of you, I dream.
I'm so tired of
being directionless, feeling worthless,
longing, wishing staring at the ceiling.
watching, as the days just pass me by,
falling asleep, waking up day after day
with naught to show, but faint memories of days gone by.
I'm so, so tired
of myself.
im sinking again, deeper into the void. a senseless, thoughtless, mindless space.
to the darkness that envelops me, its gentle caress;
i succumb.
again, I lie. all I do is fucking lie to myself to myself to myself.
to what end; will I trample over the shattered pieces
of my tired heart.
i'm okay with sitting on the sidelines. i'm okay if nothing ever happens between us. i'm okay if it isn't me that you love.
as long as you're safe. as long as you're happy. as long as you're smiling.
i'm okay.