REFLEXED

he's a whisper lost upon wind, he's the ember that will burn you down, he's the water that'll drown you, he's a star that's just a BLACK HOLE now, he's a terrifying danger, he's fruit decaying on the ground, he's the tree that falls and makes no sound. if he stands up he'll break his bones, + everyone loves to see a fall unfold, ain't nobody giving up, cause nobody gives a fuck! ain't nobody praying for him. // spencer smith ( artificial adomopath )

[saintlips]

“I agree, that’s probably the best thing to do right now,” she said, turning away from the view of the destruction. She wanted desperately to change the subject, but the woman found herself at a loss for words. What could someone say? What ounce of anything could she offer him – an apology? Jane felt as though things were a little too far gone to apologize for the monstrosity that was HYDRA.

“Have you been to the tower yet?” she asked, part of her mind curious and another part hoping to start a new conversation.

[mvsclememcry-blog]

as jane fell in stride with him, spencer picked up his pace. the easier way for someone like him to operate was to select ONE goal and work towards it, a stepping stone. when things moved quickly and were so easily erased, that was the only way to move forward. all they had to do now was get back to the tower -- the rest would follow. 

‘ i made it back there a few days ago -- came out to see if there was anyone who hadn’t. ’

[ofcrock-blog]

     the freshly adhered bandages on daisy’s forearms glistened in the slivers of natural light seeping into the room. just underneath that layer of cloth, resting inside her bones, inside her hands, her power rested. it twisted her gut, wanting out, so badly, but she fought the temptation, clenching her fists to release her frustration. her once polished nails left deep imprints on the soft of her palms, trapping the urge to let it all out. 

     ‘ trust me, i know the feeling. i hate the feeling of someone being in your head. there’s a lot of weird shit that goes down in there, and they’re probably saving themselves by just staying out of it. can i get you anything?? a glass of water?? a hug?? ’ she offered, parting her dry, cracked lips to speak. ‘ ibuprofen, maybe? that usually clears headaches. i haven’t ever used it on a magical headache, but.. we could try it. ’

[mvsclememcry-blog]

' something like that. ’ spencer mumbled. he was thankful for daisy’s sympathy, he really was -- but ISOLATION was the reflex that came to the surface [ that sickening feeling that when he himself could barely understand it, how was anyone else going to come close ]. he shook his head, ‘ advil doesn’t usually help. water maybe. ’ he paused, letting out a slow breath.

‘  listen -- weird question, yeah ? could you help me get to my room ? -- i’ve got a journal there .. there might be something on this. ‘ spenecr’s journal was his most valued possession -- half record of the days he couldn’t remember, half explanation to himself on WHAT WORKED & WHAT DIDN”T. there was a chance -- a slim one -- he had dealt with something like this before successfully.

[raisedhunter-deactivated2019061]

☠ Drabble list-- You can send one anytime.

[wiccvn-blog]

Keep reading

[a-crimsonmalice]

SEND A SYMBOL FOR MY MUSE’S REACTION TO YOURS:

▼ kissing them

♢ stabbing them

♞ shooting them

✖ punching them

➶ slapping them

☠ poisoning them

☎ hugging them

☂ picking them up

✗ bringing them alcohol

✣ bringing them food

☯ coming home late

♀ proposing marriage

[ofbrilliance-blog1]

     when the news of a new enhanced ( —— mutant, or so she had to remind herself time and time again ) had first reached those in her lab, helen hadn’t given the idea much thought. with her days spent living in close quarters and constant exposure to the world’s ‘ mightiest heroes ‘ and whatever brand of crazy they dragged in behind them, helen KNEW weird. hell, her life’s work was based on the weird. so another up and coming mutant hitting the streets? another name signed to the accords? it just hadn’t been a priority. how could it be? when she had millions of other projects to work on, and so many other cases to solve. a brilliant mind meant more WORK, and less play, unlike some other, flashier engineers that she would save the embarrassment and leave unnamed ( though her thoughts were tinged with a s p e c i a l kind of endearment ) and so spencer smith, as great as mutants could be, had been pushed to the back burner of her thoughts. ————  that was of course, until she had figured out who the new mutant was, and god, what he could DO.

    spencer smith had certainly been nothing like she had expected, and yet, as she sat with his, recalling and remembering, more than anything she KNEW she had lucked out to land with him of all people while the world crumbled down.   ‘   or so you SAY. i’m a scientist, spencer, not a psychic.   ’    and though her words came accompanied by a small roll of her eyes, her tone remained just as light hearted; showing she meant no actual offence.   ‘   it’s sweet of you to care for my interest levels, but i promise. i’ve done the whole kids and their questions thing —— i have two nephews, and you are much, much easier to deal with. if you have questions, ask them, please. it’s better than you always having to second guess something i could help you confirm. i promise i don’t mind.. if i did, you’d know.   ’

[mvsclememcry-blog]

' the jury’s still out on that one, doc. ’ he replied, tucking his hands back into his pockets and beginning to walk. however, he was joking. spencer knew well what helen was, and admired her greatly -- not because of physic powers, but because of sheer ability. helen cho was EXACTLY what spencer knew he could never be. she was the other side of the spectrum, completely his opposite. if anything, he was lucky to have her. not the other way around. he may not remember those first days and weeks he spent with her, he knew he was lucky that she was the one who picked up his case file. spencer had an natural ( no .. it wasn’t natural, it was just as artificial, created by the same monsters, as he was ) distaste for scientists -- a reflex ingrained in him from a different time .. but helen made it easier. simply put -- he trusted her, and trust was not something that came easily to him. 

he nodded, her words helping him relax. even if it was a JOKE -- spencer did worry about the possible repeats he was burdening her with. ‘ that’s good to hear, ’ he replied nodding, shifting his weight and looking out at the expanse before them. the city was falling. ‘ we should probably aim to get to the tower. ’ he squinted into the bright sun, looking at the tower in the distance -- setting the goal in his mind. ‘ i’m sure tony’s already got a IDEA of what to do, and we might want to get back in time for you to redirect him to something more reasonable. ’

[sergeanted-blog]

      bucky knows better than to hold GRUDGES, especially in the wake of a problem much bigger than the both of them–that doesn’t make it any easier for him though. they might be working under the same cause, yet that didn’t seem to ease the tension between them. 

         he’s tempted to scoff in spencer’s face, but thinks better of it, instead shrugging the comment off.  ❝ alright, buddy, let’s get back to the tower before pouring our hearts out, ‘kay ? ❞  bucky tilts his head as he looks back at spencer, mustering a barely-there smile that looks just a little hollow. he waits then, crossing his arms and staring at spencer like he could wait all damn day. 

[mvsclememcry-blog]

spencer isn’t a idiot. he can feel that something OFF between him and the other male. he turns, crossing his arms and returning the other’s cold stare with equal ferocity.. he inhaled, closing his eyes, before letting out a deep sigh. ‘ did i KICK YOUR ASS and can’t remember it ?? or are you just this friendly to everyone you meet ? cause if there’s something i should know about, you might want to give me the reader’s digest on the way back to the tower. ’

he never knew how to navigate these  situations, but he hated when someone was upset with him and he couldn’t remember why. it was possibly one of the worst parts of his .. condition. he finished his sentence, stuffing his hands back into his pockets and starting walking back towards the tower. 

[saintlips]

“No, I wasn’t assigned to your case. But I was working in the labs at the time, so I’m familiar with the case,” she explained, memories of working at SHIELD rushing back to the girl. Biology and mutations weren’t exactly her level of expertise, and her knowledge was limited – but she knew enough to know exactly what had happened to him, and to know that it would be nearly impossible to correct his modifications.

“I don’t think I would want to remember this sorry sight either,” she agreed, her voice quiet as she looked down to where he gestured. The brunette saw nothing but ruins of the city that once stood.

[mvsclememcry-blog]

spencer nods his head, listening to the woman speak. ' we should , uh , probably head back. ’ it never got EASIER, listening to people talk about you from a time you didn’t remember. it should be normal for him, but SPENCER WASN’T BORN LIKE THIS -- and even now parts of his brain ( parts he can’t completely access ) fight against what was done to him, telling him it shouldn’t be like this. ‘ they’re going to need all the help they can get. ’

[shieldling-blog]

      steve knew for a fact that nobody blamed him —— not because his team was just that great; full of people who knew not to point fingers and played patience like a mastered art ( not that he would ever expect something that impossible when he himself got antsy being told to wait ) but because everyone was smart enough to know what roles they played, and what roles they didn’t. so when it was time to FIGHT, with the cowl over his eyes and his shield familiar in his hands, he knew that was his time and place to put actions before words—— to take the LEAD. 

      that by no means, however, carried over to situations that took place off the field. neither with things that he couldn’t make which whatever way sense of. so with their brightest minds gathered in the labs, a constant wave of newcomers coming and going with whatever information they had to offer, steve knew to take the hint and realise when he just wasn’t needed. not when he had already given his own two cents, and whatever jargon they were then beginning to throw around continued to go straight over his head. 

      his effectiveness had run its course, for the time being at the very least, and with his stomach rumbling, and his muscles pulling in all the WRONG ways beneath his uniform, even super soldiers took the time to retire where they could. with his mind and body torn between the comfort of a hot meal, or a much needed shower, the decision was eventually made for him when his feet led him not towards his chosen bunk for the time being, but the communal kitchen he had long since become familiar with. even with the constant coffee grinds clogging the sink drain, and the mess of cereal crumbs that always seemed to sit scattered across the counter tops, the avenger’s tower kitchen had become a comfort place of sorts will all the memories it had become host to.

     so whereas a shower could wait, his stomach apparently couldn’t. it wouldn’t have, at least, if it weren’t for the body that almost knocked into his own at the ‘round the bend.   ‘   hey —— no harm, no foul. don’t worry about it. i think we’re all a little out of it right now, understandably.   ’   besides, steve was just at just as much of a fault as the other was, what with the both of them turning corners.‘   you doin’ alright though, kid? not that anyone looks too good right now, but you especially look like you could use a good few hours of sleep.   ’

[mvsclememcry-blog]

   eating hadn’t helped the taste in his mouth go away. billy’s message WHILE HELPFUL, had made spencer feel even further off balance then he had before. it felt like the world was swinging with too many cooks and his brain was the pot. all the hands that had ever touched his skull had left their marks -- and he had to live with it. sometimes he wondered if maybe this was HIS FAULT.  he would never know, and there was always a chance that he had asked for this. maybe he had volunteered. maybe he had no one to blame but himself for his current condition. 

these thoughts spun around the empty chaos of his mind since the message -- along with his feelings of uselessness. he KNEW the best thing to do would be to push it aside, to pick himself up and keep moving, that’s what he had always done. the small pack of notebooks that told his story for a year before s.h.i.e.l.d. had found him through the registration program told him he had at least been doing it then. moving from location to location before the questions became too difficult and he ‘ knew ’ too many people he couldn’t remember. that was always the hardest: smiling back and waving like he knew, when he could never be sure. there was always a sense of dread that he had forgotten someone important or “ remember ” someone he had never met.

all of this was at the forefront of his brain when the other posed the question are you doing alright ? he looked at the stranger, trying to place him. 

‘ look, you’re really going to have to forgive me, but, uhm -- HAVE I MET YOU ? if i have, i’m really sorry -- but i’m sure you understand.. debriefs and whatnot. ’ spencer physically winced as he said the words. it never got easier, but it was better than pretending. he was thankful for that at the very least. 

[ofcrock-blog]

     not an hour had gone by that daisy hadn’t thought of flying off into the ruins of new york in search of her long lost friends. the message from billy had been grave, though, as was everything else shield related – so goddamn solemn, so formal. that was her least favorite part of being a shield agent. although there had been numerous times when her team refused to play it by the book, the fact that there was an extensive book made her want to go back to being a hacktivist. maybe. alternative endings aside, daisy decided to busy herself by browsing through the broken floors of stark tower instead of quake-ing off into the distance dangerously.

     ‘ it’s fine. wouldn’t be the first time i’ve stepped into a room only to hear groaning. ’ daisy consoled, stepping towards spencer. ‘ and that wasn’t an innuendo, i swear. ’ she gingerly inspected the spot next to him before sitting down and crossing her legs, causing a cloud of dust to come together just an inch away from her face. ‘ are you doing okay, spencer?? i know that’s probably not the safest way to start off a conversation, but that seems to be the first words out of everyone’s mouths. ’

[mvsclememcry-blog]

‘ i think so. ’ spencer was so used to SURVIVING like this, he thought maybe he wasn’t really sure what okay was. on the other hand, he really didn’t have control to go off of. everything was new. constantly. he rubbed his temples, trying to get the feeling to leave, but he had a feeling it was a phantom -- a ghost of a forgotten memory lingering, trying to make itself known -- and neither of them were going to win. he wasn’t going to remember, and no amount of painkillers or temple messages could kill a psychosomatic pain. he was just going to have to wait it out. 

it was the same with the taste. he had tried eating already, thinking he might be able to wash the taste away. instead, everything else just tasted WRONG.  ‘ i’m not exactly a fan of mental .. whatever for obvious reasons. it just doesn’t sit with me well. ’

[richardmaddan]

(✿◠‿◠)

[mvsclememcry-blog]

while spencer was happy that his input had been heard, he couldn’t help but wish the method of contact was ANYTHING ELSE. any of of mental intrusion always left him with a bad taste in his mouth. LITERALLY.  the distinct metallic taste was still at the back of his throat hours later, and the headache on his temples was just beginning to subside. he sat in one of the rooms that had been too destroyed to be used at the moment, but not one so far gone as to be unsafe, leaning against the wall, eyes closed. he just wanted to clear his mind. he let out a breath of air, listening to the quiet.

but then it wasn’t. he heard footsteps and groaned slightly. ‘ sorry -- ’ he said, ‘ it’s not you. it’s .. ’ he trailed off, tapping the side of his head by way of explanation. 

[mvsclememcry-blog]

FEELS LIKE I’M WALKING IN CIRCLES FOR DAYS. I MAY NEVER REACH THE GATES.

i. fortunate son ( catey shaw ) “ some folks inherit star spangled eyes, they send you down to war, + when you ask them ‘how much should we give?’ they only answer ‘more, more, more’ ” ii. control ( halsey ) “ i sat alone in bed ‘till the morning, crying ‘they’re coming for me’ + i tried to hold these secrets inside me, my mind’s like a deadly disease ” iii. blood red ( the maine ) “ once upon a time your eyes were wide not dead, then all the energy reversed the chemistry, your blood it mixed with all the chemicals in your head, now all you see is red ” iv. r.i.p. 2 my youth ( the neighbourhood ) “ might go to hell + there ain’t no stopping, might be a sinner + i might be a saint, i’d like to be proud, but somehow i’m ashamed, sweet little baby in a world full of pain ” v. nobody praying for me ( seether ) “ rust is showing on my armor, i am wheezing like a old man done, i’m a product of my anger, i’m the bullet in a loaded gun ” vi. alibi ( banks ) “ something i should’ve known will be the death of me, i tried i promise, i’m usually better than this, + now i can’t even recognize myself anymore,  ” vii. lock in ( william beckett ) “ i hear whispers, hear them talking, might be lost but not forgotten, i’m a tin man, i’m a lock in, politicians + semantics add a flair for the dramatics, when it crumbles down, they come knocking  ” viii. no closer to heaven ( the wonder years ) “ the future feels bright, like the glow of a city out across the great plains, where the closer i get the further i feel away.  ”

                                                                            -- I’M NO CLOSER TO HEAVEN

[stcrkstruck-blog]

      “ AVENGER ? it’s just a title. just a word, y’know ? we should all be avengers now. avenging the planet we’ve called home for… forever, really. it should come naturally. ” but tony understood, to a degree, because even speaking those words he didn’t feel like a true avenger. not one that actually protected and made a DIFFERENCE as he was supposed to.

        he sighed, unsteady fingers combing through his hair. he was relieved, to say the least, that spencer’s loyalty had yet to waver. he offered a thin smile before shaking his head. “ well, i’m sure there’s a decent handful that are too busy tossing BLAME to even consider it. you’d be surprised how many often think that starting a riot will somehow make things better. give it another 48 hours and we’ll be killing each other before thanos has a chance to. ”

                    ( if we get that long. ) 

[mvsclememcry-blog]

‘ just a title, but it’s still IMPORTANT, tony. it’s important because you’re right about the blame and the CHAOS that’s coming. ’ he might not remember much, but spencer thought that, just maybe, he understood something about human nature. trust was a hard thing for spencer to give, and when he did he based it off of personal records he kept -- PAST HISTORIES. the avengers had a past. he gestured offhandedly to the world beyond the windows, to everything that was and wasn’t. ‘ hear me out, yeah ? ’

‘ if i get out my soapbox and advocate for THIS -- ’ his gesture switched to a vague motion towards the other, ‘ plan .. who’s going to listen to me ? hell, if you do it, people might not listen either. BUT -- if you get up there together , as THE AVENGERS .. the name holds more power than you think. you can add as many new recruits as you’d like -- but don’t forget that you guys have a presence. not everyone’s going to listen, you know that. but you need to maximize your possibilities. ’

[mvsclememcry-blog]

@shieldling

spencer’s particular skill set only became useful when the fighting started, and stopped being so as soon as it ended. sure, he could perfectly recreate the movement banner or stark used to piece together equipment, but understanding when to do so -- another story altogether. and so, as tired as he was ( and thereby, thankful for the time to take it easy ), the dark haired male couldn’t help but feeling a little bit USELESS as everyone moved around him. 

a nearly deserted stark tower had turned into a hub of activity since billy sent out his message. spencer watched, perched on the edge of the kitchen counter. in his hands was a bowl of cereal, but it was to clear that he had become DISTRACTED. a moment later the bowl was placed onto the counter, and he pushed himself off. he couldn’t sit still any longer. he would go to the gym, or find something he could help with.. anything.

he picked up the bowl and ( feeling a slight guilt for only finishing three quarters of it ) cleaned it out, leaving it upturned to dry. then, he began to move. he turned the corner leaving the kitchen a bit TOO QUICKLY though, and found himself almost crashing into someone else. it didn’t happen though. his neurons did what they were reprogramed to do, it wasn’t an active thought, but rather a passive reaction. 

      ‘ sorry. ’   spencer said, furrowing his brow. ‘ i , uh , need to watch where i’m going. ’

[richardmaddan]

[ofbrilliance-blog1]

     when the end of the world came ( or so the vast amounts of fleeing citizens claimed it to be ) helen cho dug in her heels and faced it the same way she did most things in her life —— with terrifying degrees of efficiency. sure, it would have been much easier to panic, and the population more than likely would have appreciated that EVERYONE be as stupidly hysterical as they all were, if only to make their own anxiety justified, but when things went to shit, there had to be the people who rolled up their sleeves and got to work in fixing it. it was by no means looking out to be an easy job, but she had survived more than one insane attack in her life, and she would survive this one just the same. 

    at least, as she eyed her solemn companion beside her, this time she wasn’t set up to face things alone.   ‘  you say that like it’s the end of the world or something.   ’   or perhaps that was a bit insensitive of her. ‘  sorry … too soon? ————  it’s just. you’re talking like this is it or something … like it’s over. everything that’s gone can be rebuilt, you know? it’s just a matter of engineering and effort. cities have fallen before, that doesn’t mean they have to stay destroyed.   ’

[mvsclememcry-blog]

anyone else might have found helen’s particular approach UNSETTLING, but spencer found a strange comfort in her words. he had done this before, and he could do it again. it didn’t make it better, not really, but it reminded him that this wasn’t a new concern. HE HAD LIVED WITH IT BEFORE. a small smile played at his lips, thankful for her unique brand of reassurance. friendship was a difficult thing for spencer, but he was glad to have her around.‘ you know what i meant, helen. ’ he was certain, despite a lack of proof, they must have had a similar conversation before. 

‘ does it get boring talking to me ? ’ he asked, the smile getting a little bit larger, hoping to make her smile, even be it at his expense, ‘ i’m aware it’s COMPLETELY possible i just keep asking you the same thing over and over. like a little kid who just keeps asking why. ‘ 

[saintlips]

“Your memories,” Jane thought aloud for a moment, watching the boy with fixed amber eyes. “They’re gone, aren’t they?” She let out a breath that she hadn’t realized she had been holding.

She could recall a research case, involving a HYDRA-made adomopath who was operating with little to no memories of anything. The subject had been in the Avenger’s labs as they worked hard to discover what exact modifications had been done to him, but their research had not been completed, that much Jane knew for sure through whispers around the labs.

She felt sympathy flood through her at the thought of never being able to remember more than a few events. It was no way for someone to live.

[mvsclememcry-blog]

‘ not yet . ’ YET was the crucial word. give it some time. spencer looked up, looking over to the other ( SHE HE HAD FORGOTTEN ). ‘ did you .. ? ’ it was question that was left incomplete while he tried his best to find how best to phrase it. ‘ were you assigned to my case ? ‘ he remembered helen because of regular sightings, but the rest of the team didn’t really keep in touch. because of which they all slipped away, becoming faceless ideas from an event he knew happened, but couldn’t place.

' NOT YET. ‘ he repeated the words, firmer this time. ‘ but i’m not looking forward to when this, ’ he gestured to the silent chaos surrounding them and filling the city, ‘ is all i remember. ’