with blood on my sleeve— Delilah, avenge my grief

...i rant about my life on here // 19 \\ he/they

[my-messy-melody]

It's august 8th, 2023. I'm a different person from who I was when I made my last post, but I feel like the same girl I was the summer I was 17. Only rotten. A reanimated shell of my former self who used to know who she was but doesn't anymore. A version that doesn't even know what goddamn gender I am. Besides the point-- my parents still fight, my sister is still a cunt, my brother makes my heart hurt, every time my dad walks into a room or says something to me, I just repeat "fuck you fuck you fuck you" in my head, and my mom has good intentions but still tries to control me. Life repeats and stays the same in cycles. I want to stay here-- a part of me does, anyway-- but there's a nagging feeling that this cannot remain. I cannot keep going in this direction or it will gut me.

[fuckyeahcoffins]

[ohi5xa5]

[humblebumble]

[my-messy-melody]

i had a dream last night that I was playing dnd with the dropout crew and it was so fun but then I slowly started to realize that I never auditioned to do it and how lucky it was that they were based in salt lake. and then I looked at my hands and I was like wait... is this a dream? I don't even remember roleplaying or even what my character is. Idk it was so crazy and also in my dream i realized how intimidating Brennan is with his smartness. parasocial relationships at their finest but tbh it's been much much worse in the past. for now they are just my blorbos.

[gender0bender]

IDs: A black and white graphic of four open mouths with the words “It’s not blasphemy God wronged me first.” The second image is the same graphic inverted. ED.

[my-messy-melody]

I was not prepared for the psychic damage Beast would deal me. Odasaku in the ADA, Dazai rejecting Akutagawa, the fact that Atsushi and Akutagawa are just the same person in different circumstances. AHHHH

[my-messy-melody]

gettin my ass on the aluminum-free deodorant train by craving the open roads and wanting to live in my car for a year. lol. If Oregon doesn't work out I'm taking a gap semester/year.

[my-messy-melody]

my Neverafter theory is that Alphonse is the one behind it all

[my-messy-melody]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Dazai x Chuuya fanfic on AO3

Silence filled the gaps between their desks. “So,” Chuuya said, his head light in the pressure from Dazai’s eyes. “You want to live forever?” “Not at all. I don’t think anyone does.” “I do,” Chuuya said. “I’d rather live forever than die young.” Dazai smiled slowly. “What interesting friends we’ll turn out to be.”

Bringing Chuuya back from the dead wasn’t the problem; it was keeping him alive afterwards.

[plasmastar2]

[coolart403]

[dykescooby]

came back normal but everyone you loved is irreparably different due to their grief and mourning of you

[babynailz]

[my-messy-melody]

Miss this and dreading it

[ayumilky]

[my-messy-melody]

I feel like Sylvia Plath would have been a terf if she was alive in this generation

also makes me wonder how many Sylvia Plaths we're missing out on since lots of people are on bpd meds now

[catonhottinroof-deactivated2023]

Markus Matthias Krüger (b. 1981)

Populierenlaan (Poplar avenue) in the storm, 2010