So, I can actually add more information here–less about coming out, and more about afterwards. Since then, in middle school, I’d actually had both girlfriends and boyfriends (because though I’d realized I liked girls, I hadn’t realized I only like girls). Either way, my mom and dad acted the same way, and never even gave an inkling that one might be unacceptable. The only time it ever came up was when my mom mentioned sleepovers (the general rule was no guys and girls at the same time), and was worried about me and my girlfriend in the same bed. And, I mean, that’s a valid concern. And after middle school, in 9th grade, I came into her bedroom one afternoon, where she was folding laundry, and said “I just realized that I never technically came out. I know it’s pointless now, but ta-da! I’m gay!” And she just looked at me and said “Yes…?” (As you can see in the previous story, this was actually more obvious to her than to me, but she let me find that out for myself through exploration instead of just telling me) and then there was an awkward pause where I was kinda just like “yep… I’m gay. I just realized that I hadn’t technically come out yet…” and she just paused, looked up at me, and said “Oh, ok.” And then queue another awkward silence while I walked out of the room.
Since that point, the only times me being gay have come up are situations where there’s some discussion, and people being gay just comes up as an honest part of the discussion, like the apparently eternal debate of whether men and women can be friends without sexual tension, and the impact of people being gay on that dynamic. Or, once, one of my mom’s friends called something gay as a negative trait, and my mom said to him, “Hey! My daughter identifies as gay! Are you saying that’s a bad thing?” (and my mom is, in all honesty, a BAMF), and he just looked at her and said he was sorry, and I don’t think he’s used the word gay as a diss in her presence since.
My mom has only ever brought up me being gay in situations where it is honestly relevant, and has defended being gay even though she herself is straight and married to a straight man. And I really respect her for that, and I really appreciate that. And in hindsight, I really appreciate how she told me “have you considered” girls. It was still my body; still my mind. If I had told her “Yes, I’ve considered girls, and they’re no better”, I’m sure her response would have been something like “Aw, I’m sorry sweetie. Maybe you don’t need a crush this year? Maybe you could just focus on making awesome friends.”, and I really respect my mom for that, and it’s allowed us to continue to be open. I love my mom.
