Contraceptive Patch

Just detailing my journey of using the contraceptive patch. Feel free to take a read if you’re thinking of trying it :)

[mycontraceptivepatchjourney]

How easy is it to get the patch?

So, I have officially decided to move away from using condoms as my main use of contraception. I won’t lie to you, I’m very nervous about moving to the patch. Not many people have used or even heard of the patch so it makes me a bit panicky to do this without reading 500+ blogs on someone else’s experience. That’s why I’m writing this after all, for fellow stress heads wanting to learn all the intricate details that you can’t find on the NHS website.

I know it sounds daft but the clincher to make this change came from a wildlife documentary I watched a few months ago. It was about the effect plastic waste has on wildlife and one scene in particular really stuck with me. A small bird was found dead by the sea and when they cut open its stomach it was full of plastic. Turns out they eat the plastic thinking its food and because they can’t digest it they think they’re full so don’t eat and end up starving to death.

Humans truly are pieces of shit. But that documentary got me thinking about the use of condoms. The majority aren’t biodegradable so they end up in landfill or the sea. And to be honest the thought of a little Nemo swallowing my used love glove gave me greater eco-guilt than anything ever before. So yeah, it was time for a change. 

A few weeks ago I got in touch with my local doctors. Obviously, there’s still a pandemic going on so I couldn’t see anyone face-to-face but they did organise a phone call with the doctor instead. I was too nervous to come straight out and ask about contraception as I’m too much of a wuss (lol). So I led with my blocked ear and slipped in that I wanted to try the patch at the end of the call. The doctor said that he would put me on the nurse’s phone call list who could talk with me about my options.

Two days later, a very friendly Nurse (let’s call her Jen) called me and we discussed the options. She would occasionally misspeak and say “contraceptive pill” instead of “contraceptive patch”. Jen even said that she doesn’t prescribe the patch very often which goes to show just how little people are aware of it. Anyways, she went on to tell me that I would need to weigh myself and measure my blood pressure before I could get the patch. Apparently, the patch’s effectiveness is effected by these things. However, this is where I had an issue, I don’t own weighing scales or a blood pressure machine. Thankfully, lovely Jen arranged for me to come into the doctor’s reception area where I would just do the tests for myself and write the results down. Easy right? LOL not for me!

My first try did not go well at all! I don’t drive so I walked to the doctors and I was running slightly late and it was scorching hot so I was definitely getting a sweat on. I finally get there and I’m given a box full of everything I need. It includes a document I need to fill out that includes my weight, blood pressure and pulse rate (didn’t know about the pulse bit before but okay). I do my weight first because that’s the one I’m least likely to mess up. Weighing myself does not make me feel good about myself so my anxiety levels were rising. Next I do my pulse and to be honest it was quite high. I blamed it on the walk and the surprise of how much I actually weigh and thought I’d try again after I do my blood pressure. Let me just say the blood pressure machine is intimidating af. I had literally no idea what I was doing so I winged it. I strapped the armband onto my arm but had no clue if it was on tight enough. I looked around for the air pumpy things but turns out it was an automatic one. It should have been a piece of cake but I started to panic when it got super tight on me. I knew it was going to happen, I’ve had blood pressure tests before, but for some reason I thought it was malfunctioning. Don’t judge me. I just don’t like the doctors. Anyways, I managed to get a reading but then I realised I had no idea how to actual read the damn thing. There were so many numbers on the screen I had no clue which ones were actually relevant! I ended up writing them all down in hopes someone cleverer would be able to decode it. 

Thankfully, someone cleverer did indeed decode my anxious scribbles and Jen called me again. “Were you a little anxious when taking the test?” What an understatement! Stressed to high bloody heaven was more accurate! Turns out my blood pressure was slightly over the recommended level (no surprise) and so Jen couldn’t prescribe the patch to me without her having proof that my blood pressure is healthy. Luckily, lovely Jen came through for me and she organised for a nurse to take my blood pressure for me. All I needed to do was attend the appointment. So simple... but not for this dumb bitch!

Yup, I managed to mess up again! On my second visit I had timed it perfectly, I set three alarms to make sure I woke up on time and have some breakfast. I even arranged to leave the house at a certain time so I would have a window to calm myself before the test. Unfortunately, I slept through all three of those alarms. I’m honestly such an idiot. I managed to get out of the house in time to make it to my appointment. Unfortunately, I went to the wrong branch of my doctors. I spoke to someone through an intercom who told me my appointment was at the other doctors in 3 minutes. It was impossible to get there in time so I called them in tears explaining and thankfully managed to organise an appointment for later that day. 

The appointment was in the afternoon and my mum was kind enough to give me a lift so I wasn’t a sweaty, stressy mess! I had to wear a mask in the doctors and they are very uncomfortable. But that was nothing compared to the nurse who took my blood pressure! She wore a plastic apron, shoe coverings, gloves, hair tied back, mask and a visor! We really shouldn’t complain about wearing one single mask to go shopping when there are others wearing all of these things for 8+ hours a day. Anyways, she was so lovely and kind and actually told me that your blood pressure changes throughout the day. Apparently, the best time to take your blood pressure is the morning, just fyi. 

Skipping to a few days later and lovely Jen calls again. She says that my blood pressure is healthy and that I am safe to get the patch! Whoop whoop! She then started to tell me all the side effects that may come with the patch but that’s for another time...

[mycontraceptivepatchjourney]

Let’s start at the beginning...

“Have you ever thought of the pill?” I stared at my boyfriend’s text wondering how to reply. 

I won’t lie to you, I’m a massive hypochondriac! I’m always googling any and all of my symptoms and wondering if I’m near death’s door. A few months back I was having chest pains and couldn’t decide if I had Corona Virus or a serious heart condition. Turns out it was just bronchitis... 

Sadly, I also seem to have something my boyfriend likes to call “White Coat Syndrome”. Basically, I feel like I have terrible, serious illnesses but I will do everything to avoid seeing someone about it. I know it doesn’t make sense but I can’t seem to rid these anxieties. 

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that I’m the exact same when it comes to getting pregnant. I am terrified about becoming pregnant before I’m ready! I was one of those girls that would think they were pregnant before they lost their virginity so you can only imagine how anxious I was when I actually became sexually active. 

I don’t know about you, but I seem to be always coming across articles online about a girl using the pill and getting pregnant. I remember one article that has stuck with me of a woman who, after sleeping with a guy on the first date, became pregnant with triplets. TRIPLETS! Seriously, what luck! The most recent story that has been etched onto my brain is the woman who gave birth to her child who was HOLDING her contraceptive coil! I mean obviously the chances of these scenarios happening to me are extremely low. And yet...

Not only do we women hear horror stories such as these on the internet but our friends are our biggest informants for sure. Too many times have I heard about my friends bleeding for the majority of the month. Too many times have I heard my friends complain about their contraception making them gain weight. Too many times have my friends panicked that they haven’t taken their pill at the exact same time as they’re supposed to. Too many times have my friends became depressed as a result of their contraception. That last one is the one that truly terrifies me.

These constant stories and side effects are what circle round my mind whenever I think of contraception. That’s why I have always used condoms. Think about it, they come with no side effects, they protect you from STIs and you can see straight away if they haven’t worked. By the way, if you don’t understand that last bit you shouldn’t be having sex. 

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that I’ve never really thought about any other contraceptives other than condoms because the advantages seem to be way greater than the disadvantages of the alllll the other ones. That’s why when I received the text from my boyfriend I really didn’t know what to say. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been asked to go on the pill by guys before and they’ve tried to refuse to wear condoms with me too (Ladies make sure that those who refuse to wear a condom get kicked to the curb, those boys are not worth your time). But something told me to consider other forms of contraception so I thought I’d do some research. 

Now, let me first start off with the types of contraception I immediately disregarded. Female condoms and diaphragms were eliminated straight away, the fear of losing them inside me were far too great. I was put off the implant years ago by my sister showing me it by pushing it around in her arm making it poke at her skin. Honestly, it makes my legs go a bit weak just thinking of that one even after all this time. The contraception injection was a potential candidate, a friend of mine told me she has an injection in her butt every few months and doesn’t get a period. It sounded like a winner but sadly we are in the middle of a pandemic. I didn’t want to make to a doctor stop saving lives to stab me in the arse with a needle to stop my baby making ways, after all I am very considerate even if I do have white coat syndrome. 

That’s when I came across the contraceptive patch. My research showed me that it works pretty much the same as the combined pill. All you do is stick it to a part of your skin that doesn’t get rubbed much by clothes, change it every week and every fourth week have a break from the patch. It seemed so simple compared to taking a pill at the same time each day. It actually works more than the pill since it’s not in your stomach. That means if you vomit or have diarrhoea it still works, which is a massive bonus for someone who thinks they have a mild case of undiagnosed lactose intolerance - talking about a friend obviously. 

Anyhow, what brings me here is that after finding out all the information I could from the NHS website I tried to find a blog out there that catalogues their contraceptive patch story. I found a few vlogs of women describing the pros and cons of the patch and how to put one on. Although they are helpful I really wanted a day to day feel of what to expect from requesting the patch to a full cycle of using it. So this is why I’m here, I want to write about this experience to help other women who are considering this method of contraception. I promise I will be as open and honest as I can. If anyone out there wants to ask me something I am always here to listen.

Jess :)