September 10- World Suicide Prevention Day
Did you know?
Every 43 seconds someone attempts suicide. Over 8,00,000 people die every year. The indigenous suicide rate keeps increasing exponentially.
Suicide is an iceberg. There's more than what we see on the surface. Because you find it's much easier to hide behind a mask. I just want to say to those of you out there who have considered suicide: It's okay to ask for help.
I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling.
I know what it takes to act like it doesn't hurt. A smile is painful, but it's easier to smile- than to have to explain what hurts to the world. It takes much less effort to sit down and embrace that pain, then articulate it so others can understand. And god, do you ever dream of words to describe it.
They called you a mean name- it hurts you. But it's not that simple.They can hate you- that's fine, because that hate, is one tenth of the hate you feel for yourself. Useless, despicable - the people around you would be better without you.
And, for apparently no reason at all, you start to distance yourself from them. Because they'd be better off without you, they just don't know it. And when they call you out on this barrier you've created, you flat-out deny it, you lie between your teeth. Make them hate you, because if you do that… Just make them a little happier- then maybe you can hate yourself less. But then, that's just a completely selfish notion.
You're sinking deeper. You feel numb. For some reason, they haven't given up on you yet, and they are still calling your name. You just want to be what they want. You smile blindly, and do as they say; whatever they say, without a fight. The false happiness, you start to believe, is worse. You don't know what is real anymore. Because you are laughing and so is everyone else with you. But something is missing, it's a shallow laugh, and there is something missing. And you start driving yourself crazy- looking, researching for what component is missing. You never feel complete. You feel broken, worthless and pathetic.
You don't reach out, don't want to be touched. Because you don't feel you’re worth it. As if their hands would be tainted by trash. You don't want to disappoint them anymore- because things are just, finally, getting better. How can you ever describe this feeling anyway? You can't. Because you can't even remember what it is. You convince yourself, that you've always felt this way. That you've never laughed truly, and heartily since you were a child. And you believe this is normal. This is a stage.
Until it hits; it’s like the weight you've been carrying on your shoulders, just suddenly taps you on your shoulder. It whispers all to you, all your fears. Tells you how broken you are- how you aren't normal. You'll never amount to anything, never be like the people around you.
The part that comes next may sound like a great leap, but it hardly is. Because it has honestly been creeping in the back of your mind for a while now. And when you think about it, it is just a great relief. And the most disgusting thing is that you consider it rationally. In a more calm, and upright matter than you've dealt with anything in a long time. Because now that you've decided, all that is left are the details. The little things. Like how you'll do it and where you will do it.
And, often or not, it isn't long after those details that you do it. And it's over. You are over.
You think so? No, I disagree.
You can't just hope to die easily and painlessly. Many people who have tried suicide and failed have got severe brain or organ damage in the process. Do you want to be stuck in a mere vegetable like state and be forced to live a helpless, miserable life than before?
It may feel as though you are living in a nightmare and feel completely hopeless, but continue to push through each day. By never giving up you are essentially building inner strength and resilience that nobody can ever take away.
If you feel as though you can no longer weather the storm of depressive emotion, this exactly when you need to dig deeper and push yourself to survive this challenge. Depression is never permanent – feelings of pleasure and happiness will return, and when they do – you’ll be glad you were strong enough to continue living.
When giving up seems like the easiest option and odds are stacked against you, always keep pushing and always keep going. Sometimes life challenges us to keep going even when we feel as though recovery is impossible.
At those times, think of your friends in the ambulance who would blame themselves for seeing the sign. Think of your parents for blaming themselves for not seeing the truth sooner. Because that’s the thing about suicide, no matter how many times you write “it’s not your fault”, “there’s nothing you could have done”, “this was all me”, “please don’t blame yourselves” in a letter, every person who knows you will blame themselves.
If you feel suicidal, or just lost; whether you’ve been feeling like it for one minute or for years, please reach out to someone. So, please put down the broken mirror, the razor blade of the scissors. Take a deep breath, wipe your eyes and know that there are a lotta people out there who care for you. Yes, that includes me.
Whilst I can’t promise you that I will have any brilliant advice or that I’ll even know what to say, I can promise you 100% I won’t say “I know what you’re going through” because no one ever does. No matter how similar a situation you have had with another person you will both have different feelings about it.
I believe it takes a strong person who has a high pain threshold and someone who can keep calm in the process of actually committing such act, without trying to back out in the final moments. Why not use a sliver of that courage to keep fighting to live another day.
Who knows if you continue to live for another year, week, or even day – it may result in a radical transformation of your mood from doom and gloom to happiness.
I hope you guys know that suicide is never the answer, and that sounds really cliche, but it's true. If you ever need anyone to talk to, please call a hotline or a friend. Someone will always be there.
Even if you don’t believe in yourself, let me believe in you. Your life and you, are worthy.
'No matter how hard life gets, the sun will always come out the next day, so does the rainbow after the storm.’