don't let our fervor die

small thoughts about big men - reader insert, dark content

[mydeimoed]

TO A FLOCK OF SHEEP -

fandoms: honkai star rail, zenless zone zero, genshin

alias: red, they/them

welcome ! please be cautious of explicit +18 content and problematic themes such as dubious consent and non consent. all such content will be tagged appropriately. author is 21+.

i do not write requests, but i answer general asks and thirsts.

header credit: LX_starthief

... even a yawn from a wolf is enough to send them into hysteria.

Red's preferred characters to yap about ;

Mydeimos, Jing Yuan, Von Lycaon, Lighter, Komano Manato, Jane Doe, Neuvillette, Arataki Itto

[mydeimoed]

I'm beginning to realize that I genuinely don't care for tragic meta destruction God Phainon and all I really care about is tragic farmboy Phainon

[mydeimoed]

tw ; yandere, light descriptions of blood and violence

I like the idea that there's a version of Mydei somewhere that can't cope with the idea of softness. It's something that he thinks he wants, but can't begin to comprehend once it's offered to him.

Falling for you is a brutal and violent affair, and it's entirely one sided. You return his feelings, but not in the way he knows how to express them.

You love him like a civilian would. Someone untainted by war. You love him with soft words and gentle touches, a kiss on the cheek and a patient tone in your voice. It's enough to make him squirm.

Mydei tries to blend in. He tries to accept your soft, kind love, and he tries to learn how to reciprocate. But it's difficult. It's got him squirming in the sheets at night, trying not to rouse you beside him as an itch claws inside his chest that he can't ignore the longer it goes on.

That's when Mydei begins going out at night. Shortly after you fall asleep, he puts his armor back on and creeps outside. He wouldn't want you to wake. And then he heads far to the edge of the city and he lets that festering itch tell him what to do.

It's the only way he knows how to express himself. This primal, destructive part of him is hard to let go. And it's so, so satisfying, once he finally gets his hands on someone, tearing them apart piece by piece. The blood is everywhere and it's warm and comforting.

It reminds him of you. It's as if Mydei can only feel safe enough to accept the way you love him when he's tearing skin and bone. He knows you're too soft to accept this kind of cruelty- and you shouldn't have to.

So Mydei lets you love him during the day. He accepts each kiss and smile, his shoulders tightening and that itch returning as the day goes on. And then he lets out all that tension at night, finding someone new to plunder.

He isn't sure when he begins to imagine that it's you when he's got someone helpless and crying underneath him. But it happens at some point and he's shivering - maybe it's fear. Maybe it's pleasure.

Of course, it can only go on for so long. It's only a matter of time before the people are scared and security tightens because why are so many people disappearing at night? Why's there blood on the street and no body left behind?

You worry for him. Of course you do (it itches). You insist that he stay at home with you, and that neither of you go out when it's dark. Not until the mystery is solved. Not until people stop going missing.

He tells you that you're silly to worry for him. No one will hurt him. You shouldn't worry at all. No one will harm you, either.

No one will hurt you except for him. And that's a promise.

[mydeimoed]

Casual sex with Mydeimos... I wonder what it would be like to be friends with benefits first.

Perhaps it was through you and the way your friendship (relationship?) turned out that Mydei realized just how starved for intimacy and touch he really was. It turned his world upside down entirely that you were an option. You were there, this real physical person that he could touch whenever he wanted. If he mindlessly reached for you, his hand trailing up your back, you wouldn't question it. Just lean into it. Give him that familiar look as you ask him if he's hungry.

It isn't often that Mydei gets to touch another person in this way. Something gentle and achingly simple, instead of torn and bloody. He finds that he prefers to touch you than for you to touch him- it isn't anything against you. He's a warrior who's bled and fought more than he's slept, and you reaching for his hand without warning will never feel comfortable (not yet).

But in the context of sex- sex is different. Touch is desired and expected here, so once the two of you find your way to bed- or whatever other unlucky surface you can find- then he can say without hesitation that he wants you to touch him more. To never spare a moment without that boiling source of contact and connection.

In fact, the more that this "beneficial relationship" goes on for, the more greedy Mydei finds himself becoming. For someone who was once so uptight and rigid beneath you, he slowly transforms into this needy little thing. Demanding in his own way, as much as he was allowed to be.

Perhaps it's no surprise that Mydei fell for you. There was an understanding that your physical relationship was casual, but because Mydei wasn't one to simply go out and find a partner- for so, so many reasons- you were his only outlet. This wasn't mutually exclusive, and he respected that. As much as he could, because he respects you.

Mydei cannot commit himself to you. He can't promise you anything because in the end he's a Prince to a struggling city- and don't even get him started on his supposed demigod status. The only way he really feels like a demigod is the fact he cannot be human- he cannot simply relax and let go, he cannot join the masses in love and relaxation because there is so much more he has to do. Especially for his people, who rely on him, who need him to succeed.

All this frustration- because yes, after you wore him down and yelled and pushed him enough, he finally admitted of course I am frustrated- it definitely comes out a few times during your time together. It's nothing cruel, if anything it makes the sex better. More painful for Mydei, perhaps, because when he's done fucking you with all that rage you always run your hands through his hair and kiss his temple and say does that feel better now? Maybe it does. Maybe it feels worse and makes his heart melt in a way it's not supposed to.

But you aren't going anywhere. Like this, no commitment, you're still his ally. His friend. Even if he finds himself thinking idly about how dangerously content he would be if you were in his bed not only to spread yourself but to relax and recover, he doesn't need it. Can live without it, has lived without it. It's better if you remain friends, he thinks. He knows how to do that, at least he thinks he does. And it is less likely that he will hurt you like this than if he tried to be a lover, and less likely that you will leave. Isn't that better?

[mydeimoed]

It wasn't Mydei's plan to walk you home. But the decision was pretty much made for him when you began stumbling and twirling between different people's arms, clearly looking for the right set that would carry you away.

His only guided you to steady yourself as he nudged you away from stumbling on a crack in the pavement.

The sneer in his face was obvious, and something you couldn't help but laugh at, even if it made a pang of something hit in your chest. "You act like you've never been drunk before. Don't you know how to have fun?"

Mydei huffs, and doesn't stop you when you stumble next. You catch yourself just fine- maybe he knew you would. "I haven't." His voice is deep and smooth like always.

"Haven't? Haven't what?" You ask, utterly distracted with the buzz in your skin and ... everything about Mydei being the one to make sure you got home safe.

The prince gives you another look. "Haven't gotten drunk before. I don't know why I would do that to myself."

At this information, you balk, slightly swaying as you stop walking to look him in the eye. "You haven't? Why?"

"It's bad for you. Keep walking." He doesn't like the idea of stopping, and his hand is baren from its usual gauntlet when it holds your elbow and moves you forward to keep walking beside- or more so in front of him. You feel like you're being patrolled by an officer.

"But you drink wine. Whenever we go out, you've got a glass full. I've seen it."

"...It's juice."

You can't help but snort, and then you chortle, and then you laugh. All one after the other, unable to keep your entertainment at bay. You hold a hand up to your flushed face.

"You're a child," you try to slander him, but he merely raises an eyebrow at you.

"The only one acting childish is you. Why are you walking?"

"Because you told me to?"

"We're at your house already. Are you really so helpless?"

You blink, and when you look up, you realize that Mydei is right. He's already brought you all the way up to your porch, which means the night is over. Your body sags in realization. "Aw... I don't want to be home yet." The words slip out thoughtlessly.

Mydei doesn't seem to understand, his eyebrow furrowed. "Why not? You look exhausted. Come on." Seemingly out of nowhere, the man jangles your key in hand and unlocks your door, waiting for you to step inside. When you make no move to, he just sighs and opens the door himself, his hand on your back as he nudges you forward.

It doesn't help with the prisoner feeling, like he's your warden who's bringing you back to your cell- but how would Mydei know just how uncomfortable you are at home?

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

You blink. "Like what?" You ask, and Mydei doesn't look pleased. That same scowl as always that you like to pretend doesn't bother you.

Wordlessly, he steps in, and you can only stand dumbly in place as you watch him take a seat on the footstool you have set up in the doorway. He begins to take off his boots- ever the respectful boy- and then he looks up at you expectantly as he holds out his hand. "Your foot," he says, voice low.

It's rather hard for you to think because of the alcohol in your system, and you're grateful for that. It's much easier to do as you're told, and he seems pleased as well, helping take off each shoe with a gentle touch that's hard to process at the moment.

"Get to bed. I'll bring you water and medicine." Mydei says once he's finished, coming to stand and towering over you once again. The way he so easily orders you around feels strange, but perhaps it's just simple work for him. He's a Prince, after all, more than used to commanding people much more stubborn than you.

But he doesn't treat you like his soldiers, you know that. It's much easier to think of it that way, because it stops the flutter in your stomach that can easily be confused with nausea if you're not careful.

When you find yourself in your bed, successfully coddled and cared for, Mydei leaves only after he gives you a stern instruction to finish all your water before going to sleep. Maybe you won't remember this in the morning, but you don't think you're that far gone.

In fact, you don't think you drank nearly enough to justify this amount of care from Mydei, but maybe you'll exaggerate a little further to convince the both of you that you needed it as much as he seemed to think. You'll pretend to forget in the morning, and that will be the best way to thank him.

[mydeimoed]

I like to think of Mydei being your power bottom. Something about a man who is more than happy to service you and dominate you, and yet willing to entertain the idea of having you try to do the same for him.

He leads you through the process. Guides each step with an amused look and yet an impatient grip. Do I look like I'm made of glass? I've survived the sea of souls, do you think this is enough to shake me? Do you think you're enough to shake me?

Mydei and his low, pleased groans as you do what you're told, as you find a rhythm- Mydei and his strong leg caught on your hip, forcing you to go a little deeper, his gaze expectant. You almost cry as he pushes you to your limits- he's made it look so easy, fucking you, but you can't stand the burn in your thighs and hips any longer. He doesn't care. Keep going, he tells you. Expects you to listen and of course you do.

Power bottom Mydei wringing you dry just so you can make him cum the one time, and he's not done with you yet.