The Last 5 Months
Some of you who have followed this blog for a long time may remember me talking about my Dad being diagnosed with terminal cancer during my final year of university. This blog has always been relatively private and not often does my personal life spill over in to the tumblrsphere. However, I made an exception because I know it's something a lot of people go through, and to be honest, I was looking for advice.
He was diagnosed well over a year and a half ago, and at the time, doctors said he had 6 - 9 months left. He battled for longer than anyone expected, but over the last 5 months he got progressively worse. The last few weeks he deteriorated rapidly, and unfortunately he passed away on September 2nd.
Obviously I've had mixed emotions about the whole thing. It's been rather surreal and I don't think it's fully sunk in yet. Growing up I didn't see my Dad too often and I got used to not seeing him for months at a time. I guess that's how I feel now. Deep down I know he's gone and I'm truly upset, but I still feel as if I'm going to see him again, and I'm not talking in a religious sense.
His spirit was always high until the end. Always making witty sarcastic comments, making the people around him laugh, and he maintained his habit of planning everything when he organised his own funeral.
His determination has become the catalyst I've needed to change my life. Over the last 5 months I've dramatically altered how I live, and unfortunately tumblr was something that needed cutting. I'd spend hours upon hours sifting through websites for content, and I'd meticulously construct posts that reflected my interests and were as near to perfect as I could create.
I'm now using that time to focus on bettering myself as well as maintaining relationships with family and friends. Instead of spending hours constructing posts, I'm spending hours reconstructing myself from the ground up. I've ditched the student lifestyle and I've become more driven than I've ever been.
I've changed a lot in the last 5 months. I've altered my diet, and I've cut out a lot of foods. I've started going to the gym every day, and I'm trying to become the best version of myself. I've lost 20kg in unnecessary weight, which is over 40lbs. I've had lasik eye surgery, so I have no excuses. I've changed how I dress and how I represent myself. I've changed my sleeping pattern and I've finally got a job that I'm actively using as a stepping stone rather than viewing it as "just another job".
Oddly, I'd say I'm actually rather happy. I feel great and I'm grateful for a lot of the things I took for granted not long ago. I'm also happy my Dad got to see all this before he passed away, and this is just the beginning.
I may return to regularly posting in the future, but if this is the end, I'm glad this blog was able to amass a rather large following and I'm proud of every single thing I posted here and I feel it fully represents me. I will not be deleting MyEDOL, and I do login from time to time to check messages, but other than that, I'm content.
I genuinely wish you all the best, and I hope you emerge from the other side a better person. It does get better.
- Jimmy
