[myheavenlyvessel]

I have to delete this app in order to recover. So goodbye for now. Stay safe xx

[soybeansweet]

🌷Beautiful🌷

“All bodies are beautiful.” I say as I reach my final hour of fasting, my vision spotting as I stand up too quickly, nausea pooling in my gut.

“All bodies are beautiful.” I say as I pop three times the recommended number of laxatives, the sweet taste they leave behind making me gag, already preparing for the worst.

“All bodies are beautiful.” I say as I nibble at a stalk of celery, the crunchiness uncomfortable to swallow, a chore to keep down.

“All bodies are beautiful.” I say as I shove my fingers down my throat, heaving until nothing but stomach acid and bile remain, my nose burning horribly.

“All bodies are beautiful.” I say as I sit there under the cold shower water, my form shaking and quivering uncontrollably, knees drawn up to my chest, a perfect way to disguise the fat rolls of my tummy.

“All bodies are beautiful.” I say as I lay alone in my bed, tears in my eyes, lips pressed into a tight line, determined not to cry, hunger pangs physically painful, head spinning.

But if “All bodies are beautiful.” then why isn’t mine?

[myheavenlyvessel]

I have refused to socialise for about a month now due to weight gain. I feel disgusting. I literally HAVE to lose weight in order to stay mentally sane, it's not even just about my body...my entire life is effected. It's never JUST about my body.

[thinspo92838482]

Ugh I binged and now I feel so sick and disgusting

[fix-a-h3eart-today]

i figured out why i look so bad in pictures!! im ugly

[silver-hair-rainbow-eyes]

I feel attacked.

[betrayedsuggestions]

Tell me… Who are you? Really?

[fideks-suggestion-deactivated20]

someone horrible.

[confusingsuggestion]

someone broken

[interstellarsuggestion]

someone stellar 

[splitsuggestion-blog]

someone unknowing

[whisperingsuggestion]

someone unknown

[tyrannicalsuggestion]

Someone unappreciated. 

[lavishsuggestions]

someone trying

[a-catholic-raven]

Someone worthless

[princesuggestions]

Someone unworthy.

[confessionsuggestion]

someone restless

[starsuggestions]

someone celestial

[ventfulsuggestion-blog-deactiva]

someone angry.

[aninevitablehamartia]

someone desperate

[hartwraught]

someone reckless

[amiablesuggestion]

Someone growing.

[donotbealrmed]

someone caring

[romansrambles]

Someone finding themselves

[faded-skies-tired-eyes-deactiva]

Someone alone

[art-of-pretending-deactivated20]

Someone fighting

[iwillbecomethin]

Someone confused

[thinn-wannabe]

Someone lost

[addicted-little-belle]

Someone invisable

[myheavenlyvessel]

the real slim shady

[an-invincibl3-summer]

It’s happened! I’ve finally hit my original ultimate goal weight, 140lbs down from 205lbs. Still not satisfied but so proud of myself 🙌🏻

[artheavenly123]

I literally trust NO. ONE. Everybody has a secret agenda. Nobody is ever true. Nobody is ever nice without wanting something in return. I can’t deal with it anymore. I don’t understand why people always have different intentions to me.

[myheavenlyvessel]

Day 5.

Lunch- Small little bowl of muesli w/ Greek yoghurt & honey

Dinner- a slice of pizza

Lots and lots and lots of alcohol

And then a hash brown and a half and a sausage Mc muffin and a coke (drunk eating)

Definitely consumed waaaaaay too much thanks to the alcohol haha!

[artheavenly123]

Day 4.

Morning snack- 5 rice cake crackers

Lunch- 5 chickpea falafel style balls

Dinner- a home made burger with heaps of vegetables and a handful of home made chips

Snack- cobs natural brand popcorn & 4 wafer biscuits again

I definitely think I’m overeating but I don’t want to calculate calories and over obsess and then feel obsessive and compulsive and tormented. If I gain weight. I gain weight. Until my mindset is ok then that’s just life

[pleasestopeatingthat]

The issue of developing an ED when you’re overweight

Your goal weight is someone’s else’s starting weight

[starvingxwallflowerr]

:(

[simseklerintanrisi]

[thinpleasee]

🥀🥀

[skinny-until-sunday]

everytime i see a skinny girl walking down the street

maybe she’s born with it

maybe it’s

anorexia

[ryanonscale]

Im sorry i just laughed so hard at this I’m a terrible human being

[artheavenly123]

Day 3.

Still binge free but I’m in soooo much pain bc my stomach is not agreeing with the coke I’ve had :( I also feel a bit guilty for over eating but also a strange sense of freedom from not binging/fasting/restricting like it’s SO STRANGE to not obsess over stuffing my face or counting calories or stepping in the scales or staring at my body. Idk what’s happening but id like it to keep going.

Late breakfast, morning snack & lunch-

I grazed on some chickpea and paprika crackers and I ate the whole box but I grazed on them slowly over the course of about 3 hours which is soooo strange for me.

Also had a can of Diet Coke which made my stomach bloat out and I was in so much pain then it went away.

Random snack- 2 small wafer biscuits (you know those cruddy black & gold ones that actually taste amazing haha)

Then I went out so I had two glasses of wine, and one small glass of normal coke (thought maybe it would be less painful than Diet Coke or more wine) and omg my stomach swelled out so massively and now I’m in absolute agony like I can’t walk. (I have so many illnesses that mean I shouldn’t eat this shit) also…I only ate total crap foods today so my tummy wouldn’t be very happy with me right now.

Very late dinner- a bowl of homemade pumpkin soup (😍😍😍)

Note: a part of me is super upset that I had wine because I would be in a very high caloric intake today and yesterday as well but I’m trying to shake that off and just look at the bigger picture instead of only today. Some days I’m going to eat huge amounts and others small. That’s just life.)

[melodyshealthylife]

[couturexdoll]

[artheavenly123]

I’m trying to do recovery on my own until my appointments and so far it’s only been two days b/p free but I’m just gonna record them on here to keep track of the beginning.

Day 1.

Breakfast- Apple cut up

Late lunch- 1 sweet potato chopped into chips with a teaspoon of extra virgin olive oil, a teaspoon of paprika and a teaspoon of rosemary

Dinner- 1 cup of muesli, half a cup of Greek yoghurt, a tablespoon of honey

Day 2.

Lunch- a plain Turkish bread roll toasted with some almond butter (didn’t measure)

Dinner- a slice of vegan lasagne my Mum made and two pieces of broccoli (this upset me bc I couldn’t calculate the calories and throws everything out of balance)

Tea- a cup and a half of oats with water, heaped tablespoon and a half of raw honey, tablespoon of peanut butter, heaped tablespoon and a half of milo powder. (I didn’t realise until I’d made it and then calculated the calories how much this was and it’s horrified me but I’m trying to not let it trigger me to binge because I’ve had carb carb after carb all day)

Sigh. At least I’m 2 days without b/p