Most people think she’s indestructible.
How she wished it were true.
People think she’s a Gryffindor through and through, valiant enough to face the death eaters. Brave enough to stand tall against those who whisper the worlds mudblood behind her back.
The greatest Head Girl Hogwarts had ever seen.
At night, however, she crawls into his bed, gasping, struggling to breathe, because she’s deathly afraid.
She fears failure, all those years of learning and trying to be perfect, and for what? Just so various potioneers can write rejections to her because these are dark times and muggles are just not welcome in the field of work lest they want the whole building to be under a Dark Mark in a fortnight.
She fears dying, at seventeen, having done nothing but study and fight when she can but she has lost more battles than she won.
She fears the unlived life, having nothing to remember her by. She fears passing by, without anything substantial to have contributed.
She fears being trapped in fear itself, because we are all bound to lose one day but the only way we really fail is if we do not fight. So she wants to keep fighting, and struggling but there are days when she thinks fighting is difficult, and it would be simply easier to just give up.
She would tell him that, her fire red hair dark against the warm wine red of his bedspread, and he would rise above her, his warm eyes molten, burning pools of gold staring right into her and he would tell her that it doesn’t matter, if she fails today.
Who was it that once said it was impossible to live without failing, unless you have lived so cautiously you might as well not have lived at all?
Who cares if she doesn’t get into Borage’s research group? There is always the year after, and the year after that. There would be a time when the war ended, and she could be whomever she wanted to be, but she couldn’t give up.
Everyone can die tomorrow, even if you’re a Pureblood. No one can say when we get those heart attacks or Dragon Pox. You never know if you are going to die tomorrow, or sleep without waking. So death is not to be feared, it is not doing what you are meant to be doing that should have been feared by all men. To not live life, to merely exist is scary. And yes, it is easier to give up and take the easy way but sometimes we must make a choice between what is right and what is easy.
He would then hold her close because the tears would keep dripping down her cheeks and she’s so so scared of the future and of the unknown, so she clings to him because he makes her feel like a warrior. She clings to him because he believes she can, and she knows that he will pick up a sword and fight with her.
Until the end, he would be there, because we aren’t sure of always. The only possibility of a human person is to die, but one does not simply wait for death.
You expect death to come, so you’re ready when he does. You have lived, you have no regrets, you have fought and won and lost, but what matters is you fought.
You have accepted the fact that you will die, and in this acceptance you have truly lived, because you have always seized the day and you have never let a single moment pass you by.
The last enemy to be destroyed is death and she has won victoriously in the war that is life, because in the middle of the war she is here, in his arms, warm and safe and strong.
She’s a hero, he makes her feel like a hero, because he takes her hand and twirls her in a dance and dares her to fight her demons, because she can.
So she clings to him, this man she loves, this man she married under the star-lit sky, in a dress sewn from dreams with flowers in her hair and their friends all cheering.
She clings to this man who fathered her son, who came into the world at a time where she thought everything to be hopeless but then there was this new life and there was utter joy in it.
She clings to this man who was her friend, confidante and champion, the man who walked beside her never in front, the man who held her hand as they both charged, side by side into battle.
And she isn’t afraid anymore.
Because whatever happens, she was a hero, and she has fought her battles and most importantly she loved and was loved in return.
And at the end of the line, what more apart from that can you really want?
janainaart
areudirty
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dailybridgerton
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