I’m Trying To Do My Best

Type 1 Diabetic I’m doing as well as I can considering my situation...

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

I’ve been in a stable and healthy relationship since December 16th 2021 and I just thought my few followers might like to know…

He is still in college and I work full time in the trades but last week he gave me a promise ring… so my life isn’t a total dumpster fire

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

Well fuck, I got lead on.

[hairstylesbeauty]

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

I forgot. I forgot how nice it is to be held by arms that are not your own, to talk with someone instead of just staying inside your head, how nice it is to be with someone who you don’t have to worry about embarrassing yourself in front of, someone who makes you feel safe. I just hope it lasts.

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

I want someone to hold me tight and tell me they’ve got me and it’s gonna be ok. Guy or girl, doesn’t matter. I just need physical human contact that’s more than a courteous handshake or brief hug.

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

I Know it’s Fathers Day Tomorrow But...

I want to talk about how fortunate I am to have my mom. I grew up in a shitty home life full of verbal and emotional abuse from my dad who is an alcoholic and does drugs. Despite all that my mom has been so strong and even got her own art business off the ground(she just sold three huge originals yesterday, so proud!). She knows communication is important but also know to talk to me like an adult and not a small child. She’s so patient with my emotions on life and especially when I’m having a hard day keeping the eating disorder thoughts away. She has always reminded me I can do so much despite how I grew up and where I’ve come from. I have done so much without my dad I got my first job without his help, learned to fish without his help, I know how to fix a toilet on my own, and I even got my own car without his help. I don’t miss him because I’ve never known a healthy relationship with him. I can’t miss what I never had and I’m 1000% better without him in my life. My mom has grown in confidence over the years and it’s been so great to see that...

So to all the kids that have grown up without a dad or are living with an abusive father but your mom is trying her best, give her an extra hug. Remind her she is amazing. Let her know you appreciate that she has to do the job of two parents. To all the single moms out there, Happy Fathers Mother’s Day 2.0.

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

New celebrity portrait this time of Timothée Chalamet.

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

Fuck yeah.

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

Will the loud as fuck frog in my broken ass pool please shut the hell up?

I’m tryna relax in my quarantine blanket burrito over here.

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

Covid-19: *coming closer to my state every day*

Me: *has type 1 Diabetes and is immunocompromised*

Ok but seriously just wash your hands, practice good hygiene, and if you are sick cover your cough and stay home. If you think your sickness is serious talk to your doctor.

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

My Latest Poem:

Jar of Self Worth

We are told to go towards to light and keep away from the dark. In young children’s minds this instills a fear so deep it creates visions of an unfriendly and harsh world.

But the darkness has become a friend, over time and through difficulty I have found it to be soft and welcoming. It surrounds me and fills me with a cold so deep it feels like a new kind of heat.

The darkness has taken my tears and bottled them all for safe keeping, held on the same shelf as my emotion and self worth. I like to visit them at night when I am at my must vulnerable, so close yet so far out of reach.

Some nights I reach so far in for them I knock them right off and the tears pour out carrying with them a torrent of emotion and my now damaged self worth.

Soon however the darkness scoops them up and places them back on their shelf in a new jar, my self worth lying in the corner examining and picking itself apart. It’s the one thing I have to put back myself and it’s getting so hard to keep it

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

My ode to Shawn Mendes, enjoy.

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

Throwback to a beautiful day of pond skating.

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

I’m cold and sick and all I want is some fucking ramen but my stomach is saying no to everything my brain is craving. On the bright side I have a party to go to on the 14th, at least I won’t be lonely as shit on Valentine’s Day.

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

Plot twist, Ishmael’s gay.

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

From Someone Else’s Eyes

I wish I could see myself from someone else’s eyes and not just my own as I look into this mirror of self-hatred.

I go day after day depleting my body of what it needs even though those around me have always taught me my body is a temple, something almost sacred.

When I see that number on the ever tipping scale it's not just a number but a measure of my worth.

As thoughts of failure creep into my mind the floodgates of anxiety are opened and I am frightened by the depression it starts to unearth.

My breath is short as my heart beats like a thousand drums, worried glances are shot my way like a hail of bullets.

My days of perfection are coming to an end as are the feelings of achievement and leaning over toilets.

I have been found out but they still don't understand my methods.

I'm supposed to finally be healthy but now they're telling me to eat more salads.

Why do I try so damn hard when everything was easier before you cared?

Besides, I fear it won't be long before I'm once again ensnared.

[archae-heart-deactivated2021012]

My first autumn in Maine was one for the ages.

[mylifeisabookthatsonfire]

So happy and proud to call this beautiful state home.