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@mylittleboxofthoughts
October, 8th 2024
I am 2 weeks away from boarding, half the people that count on me are not yet in the loop... I feel bad, really, I will tell them today and I am feeling terrible.
But it feels even worse because as it is I'm sure I'll have a couple more weeks grounded just because bureaucracy sucks.
this gets funnier every year
The year is 2042. Your daughter is awkwardly silent as she eats her dinner. “Something wrong sweetie?” She sighs and puts down her fork. “I was digging really deep in AO3 last night…Why didn’t you finish that coffee shop au?” It happened. Your past has come back to haunt you. Nay, it never truly left.
U CANNOT OUTRUN UR CRIME
OKAY BUT WAIT. This has happened to me. Recently. Because I am old and I have things out there from previous fandoms with previous pseuds and one day my teenager begins a rant at me about people never finishing any WIPs on the pit of voles (which he does not call the pit of voles because he has No Knowledge of such a thing but yet he still reads on which I didn’t think anyone did any longer) and he points out an example to me of something I WROTE AND LEFT WIPing for ages and he has NO IDEA #1 that his mom wrote this and #2 How much it still haunts me to this day that it will. sit. there. for. eternity. because I am too lazy to pull it down.
oh my god
#why didn’t you finish cleaning your room?#IDK MOM WHY DIDN’T YOU FINISH THE RON/DRACO MERMAID AU?
( @mrv3000 )
Every year, this becomes both more funny, and more painful, and for both of those reasons, it should never be lost or forgotten.
Jun, 4th 2024
I am so fucking tired of being me. A couple months ago I started chatting with a boy...we talked for a week and traded pictures and he said he wanted to see me in person. He ghosted me the day after.
Cut to February, he pops up again, he explains why he disappeared, said he wasn't in a great place in his head and he started a new job and it was tiring and demanding... I understood... I tried to understand and made excuses just so I'd keep talking to him, another week, more pics and one day he just never replied again. I should've known then what this was about.
I am just a sex doll for him, tho I don't hate this ideia, it's one sided, it's like it's unimportant if I am horny too... But then he came back last week and I fell for it all over again and now... Now he won't reply and I feel like shit. When will I ever learn? When will this change? I'm not looking for the love of my life, just some reciprocity
May, 11th 2024
I went to a party and I told my family that I would be back late, but my battery died so I didn't get a chance to let them know I was coming home.
When I entered I tried to be as silent as possible, my dad and my step mom usually sleep pretty early so I didn't want to wake 'em up, and I am very good at being silent... Too good... As soon as I closed the door I heard moans. I spent 5 minutes listening until they went quiet, I waited another 5 minutes then I opened the door again and slam it shut as loudly as possible.
I might not have sex for a few months after that...
April, 25th 2024
Today I finally played DnD after ages of schedule and postpone, the curse of the modern age role player, and I thought this would be a disaster and awkward... But I actually loved it!
I felt like I went back to the first few times I had played Dnd, it was light and fun. I was pretty useful and relevant for the story, it had been months since I last felt like I could help at all. It was a good homecoming game.
March, 29th 2024
Today I spent the whole day at the church setting up for Easter, I'm destroyed but there's the feeling of mission accomplished. However, I did want to make 'em bite the curb, I am THIS CLOSE to yelling 'fuck this shit I quit' in the middle of a service.
And later my friend had the guts to say I wasn't being a good fried. The lion, the witch and the audacity of that bitch. I'll not hold it against her, she was anxious, but that's still no excuse to go around triggering me... I should have talked about it...
March, 28th 2024
I am so fucking umhorny, that's a first. I don't know why, usually chatting trading pics gets me all hyped, but even tho there are two people after me I'm not feeling it, you know?
It's weird, maybe the seasonal depression just hut harder than usually, maybe I'm still shaken by what happened. Tho I'm still fapping just as regularly as always... But... I had a dream.
It's not about sex in any way, however I'm anxious and it got me thinking, maybe that's just anxiety...
March, 6th 2024
I just left Telegram, Twitter and my second Instagram account altogether. I fucked up bad... I'll not get into details, but I lost about 2k in reais, I've no idea how will pay for this now, I'll have this debt for the rest of the year and I'm fucked. Plain and simple. But I see a light at the end of the tunnel, I will focus more on myself and my studies and in God. If I was studying I wouldn't be doing shit on the internt so that's what I'm doing now. I'm studying ASL, French and I'll pick up my pace at Libras, I'm reading the bible and talking to God, I'm feeling already better, but sometimes I miss the things I used to do...
November 30th, 2023
So the month came to an end... I have failed my own writing schedule, BUT I have gotten the habit of writing.
My dream diary is almost full already and I have written on here more than ever. No chapters have been added to my novel but that's okay, I'm trying to not be so hard on me.
November 24th, 2023
I failed hard on my own challenge to write every day this month. It's okay, I've written more this month than I did in the last 2 years.
Completely changing the subject, it's so weird how I'm unable to regulate my mood, I don't even understand what is the concept of mood regulation.
November 21st, 2023
My ass is hurting like a bitch... I'm not sure I mentioned but I was diagnosed with HPV and I'm in treatment. I'm not sure if the misuse of the medicine is actually hurting me.
I hate everything.
November 5th, 2023
I nearly didn't get up to go to church... I'm just so tired. It's not like I don't want to go there, or that I don't believe in God, but the work I do is just way too demanding.
I know that on board a cruise ship I'll work double folded but I for some reason feel like it's actually a reduction in working hours from my current routine.
November 4th, 2023
I love swimming but I'm so not in the mood for it today... I will go to the pool tho, I need to make it a habit and maybe get some serotonin in... At least I'll RPG today, so I will have some serotonin.
November 3rd, 2023
Today I'm going down to the pool for the first time in a while, I'll walk over 3km to get get there. Hope I don't pass out.
Also this month you'll be hearing a lot, I'm trying to write something every day, be it for my books, short stories or journals.
Wish me strength and persistence.
October 18th, 2023
I will have to talk to my boss tomorrow about my plan for next year, this way we can talk about hiring a new worker and avoid leaving my girls in deep shit.
Don't misunderstand, I want to quit badly, it's just an uncertain condition and a long process and I'm really scared of taking this step. This will just make things too real.
Also... I feel... Bad, like I'm being selfish, people at work and in my church are saying things like, "Are you sure you want this?", "Can I convince you to stay?", "Let's see if it's God's plan" and it all just buns me out...
October 11th, 2023
I hate how this was supposed to be a daily practice but I'm either too forgetful or too fed up to actually write everyday.
I hate how my boss keeps complaining about us when we're carrying his dead weight.
I hate how tomorrow's a holiday and I have no one to cuddle in bed all day. It's not a romantic holiday, but I just wish I had someone to spend time with.
October 10th, 2023
So... Last Wednesday I got robbed, I'm fine, tho I did consider fighting back, it seems I don't want to die enough to actually wrestle an armed man.
I just got a new phone and oh boy... I'm broke no words to describe how much I hate being poor.
