You're still here. Yet, another one arrives.
Most people don't remember their early years of life.
When you asked Alfred about his childhood, he admitted that he didn't remember much of his very early years.
You remember hearing distant footsteps pass your door at night. Heavy like steel, yet familiar.
You remember what it felt like when your brother kicked you in the face.
You witnessed with your own eyes how the man you came to know as the Joker smashed a reporter's head into paste on live television.
You couldn't get it out of your head, You couldn't stop seeing that poor man's face before his face was smashed in. You couldn't stop hearing that noise. You couldn't stop thinking of that Man's face. You could still remember how cold the remote felt under your fingertips as you hastily tried to shut the TV off. The urge to curl in on yourself and cry like you've done before.
It made you want to puke.
Your only comfort was your new hobbies and Alfred himself.
Even then, drawing now felt tainted.
And everything in your room was starting to feel wrong, too.
People's opinions were subject to change.
Of course, Change was inevitable. Alfred knew that.
He could understand no longer liking something, but this?
"What? Master (____), all of it? but all these are important to you; surely you don't mean that-"
"I'm just worried, this is all so sudden-"
"Of course I care for you-"
"...Alright, (____). I'll throw it away."
Alfred gazed solemnly at the boxes full of toys, clothes, bedsheets, notebooks, and tea set; why did (____) want all of this thrown away? Like it was trash to leave out in the rain?
You were swaddled in some of these blankets, slept with those stuffed animals, and learned to write your name in these books.
He was there for all of it. Maybe he was too sentimental, maybe he was holding onto stuff that would inevitably change, but he didn't care.
All of these meant memories.
Memories from when it was just you and him. He remembered every tea party he was forced to partake in, every stuffed plushie he purchased for you that brought such a joyful expression to your face, every colorful book he read to you while you laid in his lap and eventually fell asleep. Every single item in his hands is precious to him; he knows it's still precious to you, too.
For once, Alfred couldn't help but disobey you and hide the boxes of your belongings in the attic.
Maybe some day you would come to cherish them once more.
While you and Alfred were cleaning one of the many, many unused rooms in the manor, he couldn't help but notice your gaze drifting to the TV.
You were trying to hide your attention slowly turning towards the TV than cleaning; it didn't stop Alfred from noticing, though.
"(____), you're not wiping the drawer properly." He chuckled amused, reaching down to ruffle your hair.
"Mhm." You still weren't listening, hand raised to wipe at the thin air with your head turned.
Alfred shifted his gaze to see what caught your attention, eyebrows raising slightly to see what was captivating you.
It was a movie that had started on the kids channel you watched often, featuring a little ballerina struggling to find her confidence.
Alfred's eyes softened, putting the cloth down in a small bucket of sanitizer in favor of picking you up instead; A habit he had developed when it came to you. You liked that it was only reserved for you.
"Do you like them, (____)? The ballerinas?" Another question he knew the answer to, but Alfred could see that cheeky smile when you wanted to ramble.
"Yes, I like them. I like how high they jump, they're very pw-pretty. I want to be like them!" You exclaimed excitedly, putting your tiny hands on Alfred's shoulders for support.
"Is that so? would you like to attend some classes with some other kids your age-" Alfred stopped, noting how you stiffened in his grasp.
"... I'll ask your father if I can hire a private ballet instructor." Alfred could feel his heart melt a little when you let out a soft sigh of relief and snuggled closer into his arms.
"Thank you, Alfy." You murmured, pushing you face into his neck as he rubbed your back gently.
It had taken three days for you to have gotten a private ballet instructor.
You did have to go outside, though. It wasn't all bad, Alfred drove you to the private instructor's dance studio.
It was only supposed to be for two hours today. Your dad did pay for the private instructor's time but made it clear that it was only two times a week, 2 hours a day on the weekends.
It was better than nothing, you think.
You were looking out the window; watching as Alfred drove by houses, people walking their dogs, and people going out on an early morning jog.
A yawn escaped you. The classes you were going to attend were too early, especially for you. The sunrise had barely started yet!
"Alfy, it's too early for ballet." You whined, looking towards Alfred from the back passenger's seat.
Alfred gave you a glance through the rear view mirror, adjusting it for a moment. "I'm sorry, Master (____). I am required to bring you to your classes early because this is a schedule your father and the instructor have agreed upon. This is also a time that I have agreed upon because I will be very busy from now on."
"... You're not going to be there?" You asked quietly, your hands fiddling with the backpack that held your tutu, small ballet shoes, and the equipment ballerina's put on their feet as you sat in the back of the car with your seat belt on.
"I'm afraid not, Master (____). Your father has requested that I watch over Master Dick." Alfred explains, his hands steady on the steering wheel as he took a right turn.
Right, he did get in trouble for something a while back. You don't know what, but it was bad enough that he was forbidden from being Robin for the time being.
All you could do was nod sleepily, looking out the window at the passing buildings and cars driving about.
You hadn't been down these streets before. It was a part of Gotham that was made for the wealthy, but not super wealthy like your father.
It was upper middle class, you think. You weren't sure if Gotham even HAD a middle class here with all the crime.
"We're here, Master (____)," Alfred said, snapping you out of your thoughts.
You looked out the window of the car, and there was a small building on your left side. It was painted white with touches of pink with a cursive sign that read, 'Melody's ballet studio!'
Alfred parked by the sidewalk, opening the car door for you as you stepped out with the small purple bag over your shoulders.
"I must warn you of something (____) before I leave," Alfred admitted, his hand gently clasping your shoulders as you gazed up at him in confusion. "I am going to have to pick you up from now on with Master Dick present. Your father doesn't want your brother to be alone in the manor for too long and..." he trailed off before letting out a heavy sigh.
You stiffened slightly, your hands hugging your bag closer to yourself before responding meekly, "It's okay. I-I'm not scared of him anymore."
You weren't keen on seeing Richard and still avoided him. But even then, it's not like you got to see him often when he's out being Robin fighting crime at night and gone during the day.
Dick was up around 8 AM for breakfast, you were drawing or reading through a book Alfred has been helping you read for the hour by yourself in your bedroom or the living room, you had lunch with Alfred by 11 AM, Dick was already gone by 9 AM after being driven to school by Alfred. By the time he came back, you were usually in your room. Usually, he would go to sleep or something, then wake up for his patrols with your dad and fight crime.
It was routine not to see him, but you did pay attention to his schedule for a while for when it was okay to come out of your room.
Alfred didn't respond, instead ruffling your hair as you whined before leading you towards the doors of the dance studio.
It took only a couple of moments before a woman approached the door and opened it, a warm smile on her face, "Hello, I'm Melody. I'm assuming that you're the one who arranged to have an entire studio for this little girl?" She questioned, her voice soft as she regarded Alfred, sending a smile your way momentarily before she started talking with Alfred.
You stopped listening briefly as you and Alfred entered the dance studio. It was a decent sized studio with mirrors, double poles, polished wooden tile flooring, and even a portable stereo speaker.
"-So she'll just be learning the basics today, nothing too difficult or strenuous on her body." You tuned back into the conversation, glancing between the ginger haired woman and Alfred.
They were engrossed in the conversation they were having, Alfred's hand still on your shoulder as he communicated with the woman.
"You don't have to worry about a thing, sir. (____) here will have lots of fun today." Sje reassured, glancing downwards towards you and sending you another smile.
You peered up into her eyes, and you could see her smile falter slightly. Alfred didn't seem to notice as he closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh. "I will be leaving now (____)," his hand let go of your shoulder, "I'll be back at nine. Have fun."
Alfred gave you a kiss on the forehead before he left the studio, your eyes trailing after his form as he left.
"Hello, (____). Your father told me a lot about you." Melody said warmly, kneeling down to meet your eyes.
"Do you not like being near other children?" She questioned, a quizzical look on her face as if she was trying to figure you out.
"N-No, I don't." You admittedly softly, shaking your head, gazing down at the tiled flooring.
She frowned slightly, a contemplative expression on her face before nodding, "Okay, I understand. Do you have a uniform on you? I'm sure I have some spare uniforms your size if you need any." Melody offered, her hand outstretched towards you.
"That's okay, I have my uniform." You murmured softly, letting your bag fall off your shoulders and unzipped it; revealing the navy blue uniform inside. "Can you show me where the bathroom is?
"Of course, sweetie." Melody chirped happily, leading you down a hallway.
Once led to the bathroom, you quickly entered; shutting the door and locking it.
You put your bag down, took your uniform and ballet shoes out of the bag, and changed into your ballet uniform.
It was easy changing into the ballerina outfit, Alfred had showed you yesterday how to put on the uniform. Putting on the toe spacers, padding, and pads were easy.
"Put the toe padding over the big toe, the toe spacer between the big toe and second toe, the pad over all your toes..." You recited to yourself slowly, your hands grabbing the ballet shoes and slipping them on.
You held both ribbons for one shoe, slowly tying it around your ankle.
"Up, around the ankle, wrap and tie into a knot..."
Getting up from the floor, you washed your hand in the sink and grabbed your bag now stuffed with the clothes and shoes you wore prior and left the bathroom.
Melody was waiting in the hallway, leaning slightly against the wall before noticing your presence and sending a smile your way.
"You look like a little ballerina already. Come with me."
You followed Melody once more back to where you were before, trailing behind the woman as she ushered you towards the ballet double polls.
It was amusing to see the woman power walk to the stereo speaker, kneeling down and pressing the power button and selecting a song to play.
Coming back to you; her hands gripped the pole bars while you stood behind smaller ones.
"Today we are starting with the basics. (____), I want you to look at what I'm doing with my feet and repeat after me, okay?" You nodded, mirroring your instructor's actions and holding onto the shorter bars in front of you; getting into position with both your feet slightly outwards and parallel as she asked.
"Alright, watch closely. Bend your feet, go onto your tippy toes, hold for five seconds! Anddd relax." You observed with curioisity as Melody bent her feet upwards and goes onto her tippy toes; holding the position for a couple of seconds before her feet went flat on the flooring.
"Stretch your left arm to your right as much as you can! Then stretch your right to your left!" Melody leaned her body as she performed her exercise; taking a deep breath and looking down at you, "Any questions?"
You fiddled with your hands awkwardly, "I-Is it only stretching today for these two hours? Nothing else?" You inquired, watching anxiously as Melody's posture switched from carefree to a more professional one. "Ah, that. You aren't the first to ask, (____). Yes, today will only be stretches. I know it's not fun, but because you're a beginner, we need to improve your flexibility first. If I tried to teach you the more impressive stuff right away, you might get hurt trying to replicate what I do. I don't want that, and I don't think you want that, either." Melody explained gently,
You nodded in understanding, it wouldn't be good if you did get injured to first class. You couldn't imagine how Alfred would react if you hurt yourself when he trusted you with a stranger.
"Now, let's start! I'll be doing the stretches with you, so don't be afraid to ask questions or ask for help." She spoke nonchalantly, getting back into position.
You bent your feet as she showed, getting up onto your toes shakily.
You struggled to hold the position for long; grabbing onto the pole bars hastily to stop yourself from falling.
Melody noticed; a giggle escaping her, "See? It's not easy, but that's okay. You're here to learn, not do everything perfectly. Now, stretch your arms!"
It was easier stretching your arms; holding the position then switching to the other side.
Holding your balance, though?
"This hurts..." You whined, feet shaking as you struggled to hold the position; momentarily letting go of the car only to grab it after almost falling over.
"It does, I assume you have the proper padding for your feet? Even then, it's still hurts, even for me." She chuckled lightly, holding the position and stretching her arm.
No matter how many times you tried, you couldn't keep your stance like Melody for more than 5 seconds without needing to grab the bar.
It was frustrating, but Alfred did say that ballet wasn't easy and to believe in yourself; so you kept going.
You kept going until you couldn't feel your arms, couldn't feel your toes or your feet; it didn't take long for Melody to notice.
"(____), dear. We can take a break. You look like a ghost." She uttered concerned, noticing the exhaustion written on your face and trembling limbs.
"I don't wanna..." you complained, yet sat back down, you were absolutely kaput.
Maybe Alfred was right about telling you to get into more athletic activities, your stamina sucks...
Melody stared with a contemplating look before nodding, walking off towards a closet.
"... How about I show you some ballet moves for oir next class, then? When you're ready to." She called out, grabbing a chair and putting it down, urging you to sit.
Once sat down, she began to stretch her foot alone the floor until her leg was extended while you watched quietly. "'Tendu' is keeping your foot on the floor while extending your leg, what you did today was 'Dégagé', keeping your toes halfway off the floor by lifting them and 'Relevé', which is standing up onto the pointe of your ballet shoes, tje one you were have difficulty with."
Melody paused. She must have seen your expression shift, glancing at you briefly before continuing. "Despite that, though, you did very good today! You kept trying. Not every kid who comes here does that. You got better quickly, too. You just need to take it easy and relax. You won't get it the first try, (____), and that's okay."
"Now, here's some of what I learned throughout my years as a ballerina!" Melody spoke enthusiastically and jumped on one foot to the other; twirling in a circle as you watched in awe, she was going very fast!
It wasn't the extravagant stuff you saw other ballerina's do in movies, but it was still everything you wanted to learn and more; to move with grace, feel as carefree as Melody looked and smile as brightly as she did.
She was dazzling, and you wanted to be just like her.
"Here you go, (____). You were great today!" You blinked as a lollipop was outstretched to you, reaching out and taking it with a shy smile. "T-Thank you." You murmured softly, shoving the lollipop into your pocket for later.
Once the ballet session with your instructor was over, you patiently waited outside the entrance with Melody by your side.
"I know you might have thought of today as boring, but, but! You're able to concentrate on the task at hand and even surprised me! You have talent. You just need to believe in yourself." Melody chirped enthusiastically; zipping up your backpack after tossing in a couple more lollipops.
You didn't know what to say, cheeks flushing red before you noticed Alfred pulling up near the sidewalk with Richard in the passenger's seat.
You shuffled over to the car, watching as Alfred exited the car and ruffled your hair before speaking, "You look happy, (____). I'm assuming it went well? I need to speak with Miss Melody regarding something. You can sit in the car while you wait."
Just like that, Alfred went to speak with Melody as you were left there.
Glancing towards the car, you gripped the straps of your bag before gripping the door handle with both hands and pulling hard, nearly stumbling backwards but managing to pry it open.
You took your bag off your shoulder and pushed it inside the car, pulling yourself up into the passenger's seat.
Leaning over, your hands struggled to reach for the car door to close it; but you were so close-
You heard a exasperated sigh from across from you before a hand reached out and slammed the door shut harshly, making you flinch instinctively. "Just ask for help, you can't reach it anyways."
Your hands balled in your lap, a lump forming in your throat. What were you supposed to say? What COULD you say? What would make him not get angry with you again?
"O-Okay." Your eyes darted towards Alfred's figure still conversing with Melody, why couldn't he hurry up? He KNOWS you don't want to be with him alone. Not again, he can't leave you with him again-
"What's with the getup anyways? you some kind of ballerina or something?" Richard scoffed lightly, but to you, it was venom.
"Y-Yes, I want t-to learn Ballet." You muttered weakly, buckling in your seatbelt to focus on anything but him.
"Yeah? and how was it?" Why can't he just leave you alone?
"It was f-fun..." Your hands hoisted up your bag into the middle seat, your reddening eyes fixed on the window.
"Really.....s... about.."
You barely had time to react before you felt a hand on your face- YOUR FACE-
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" You swatted Richard's hand away, shrinking into the corner, shaking hands covering your face.
You watched Richards expression twist from something that could've been shock and something else into something ugly, something that felt directed at YOU. "Jeez, Okay! Can't do anything right with you around..." He snarled, crossing his arms and turning away from you.
Just then, The driver side door opened.
"I had a lovely cjat with Miss Melody, I think that you'll really enjoy-" Alfred stopped mid sentence as he glanced in the rearview mirror, his smile faltering as he noticed Richards expression and you shrinking into the backseat, "Is something wrong?"
"No, nothing is wrong." You almost whimpered, mustering what little courage left to look Alfred in the eyes and lie that everything was alright.
Even when you know he didn't believe you.
Why would he believe you, when you don't even believe that you'll be okay?
Bruce lies, you know that. You know that Richard lies, why wouldn't he?
Alfred lies, just to try and give you a false sense of hope that maybe, just maybe- Bruce loves you.
Maybe that's why you were starting to accept that you were a liar, too.
You could only watch as the fleeting figure of your father guided Richard away from where you stood; like he was the one that needed comforting, guiding, HIS compassion?
How are you supposed to look him in the eyes and call him 'father?' Why are you supposed to care about him when you struggle to remember his face? To recall his voice? To distinguish him from a crowd when all you remember is his footsteps; heavy, familiar yet discomforting.
Why are you feeling this way?
Why can't he just look at you?
Why can't he be the person that everyone says he is?
The clock tower slid open, revealing one of the couple entrances to the batcave you knew of. You managed not to fall off of the clocktower this time, at least.
Slowly descending down the damp staircase, you watched from the stairwell of the Batcave as a girl in a purple bat suit was pacing around in circles.
*NEW CHARACTER UNLOCKED!*
Alfred Pennyworth: 95/100
-He shouldn't have taken so long.
-He couldn't protect you again.
-Did he really talk about you?
-You've started to notice more of his flaws, his maliciousness.
-Why does he want to talk now?
A/N: Life is finally going good, but my phone doesn't want to save anything, I've had to rewrite a lot of this chapter because my phone isn't saving my writing. I think I'm just going to write in a different app to save my progress from now on.
Nov 11: Remember when i said that this was supposed to come out two days ago? Yeah I finally got Tumblr to start saving shit but my god the amount of edits I had to keep redoing because nothing was saving, even stuff I was trying to delete was horrendous. Poll coming out tmr when people see I'm no longer dead.
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