this is on account of my loving you forever

"i do what i want". 27. queer. west coast. farmer. cis. white. she/her.

[sighingplants]

[boredpanda]

20+ Of The Fluffiest Cats In The World

[lora-mathis]

DISSECTING MY PERSONALITY, Lora Mathis

After growing up in an environment of abuse and being in abusive relationships, I am trying to figure out what my triggers are. Sometimes I find myself upset at people, only to realize that it’s because their actions remind me of past abuse. I will go silent or have a breakdown only to realize that I’m not even reacting to the present situation, but dealing with feelings of abuse again. I am constantly sorting through past abuse and my mental illness, trying to figure out how they intersect. So much of healing for me has been about taking a step back from my instinctive behavior and thinking things through, as well as analyzing how past abuse affects my personality. It’s exhausting. Even if I’m no longer in an environment where every day is an attempt to survive, having lived that way for years still very much affects me. I still find myself feeling powerless. I still feel like I’m always in-between my next breakdown. It is so hard to feel as though my feelings are valid when I realize they are the result not of something currently happening, but past experiences that I thought I healed from. But these feelings didn’t leave once I left an environment of abuse. You don’t unlearn coping mechanisms once you stop needing them. Healing is an up-and-down process. I’m trying to remember that. And to be gentle with myself. Even though my initial defense is to be hard and emotionless and a thing focused solely on getting through the day. 

[oaluz]

<3

[theslaybymic]

Got a big Drake fan in your life? Here’s what you should buy them for the holidays.

Follow @stylemic

[nevver]

All roads lead to nowhere, Gerco de Ruijter

[smoothmode]

[vjeranski]

Joy Walker, ‘Curved Lines (after Hokusai),’ 2014, MKG127

[jessitheyogi]

[survivingsiblingsuicide]

Grief is that way. It appears out of nowhere to remind you that it hasn’t gone far. The sightings aren’t given a calendar to reference, nor do they care about being inconvenient. In that moment, the pain and sadness is as fresh as if the death happened yesterday.

Sofia Wellman, ‘Grief is a Beast’. http://www.sofiawellman.com/grief-is-a-beast/ (via survivingsiblingsuicide)

[eliasericson]

telling it like it is!!!

[hautekills]

[boredpanda]

This 17-Year-Old Cat Is The Laziest Internet Star In Japan

[terriblytwee]

This cat is me.

[alurium]

[queerandpresentdanger]

fucking with the lights on

i love fucking with the lights on

i wanna SEE your asymmetry and your discoloration

wanna run my hands and my mouth over your stretch marks and acne scars, caress the body hair that grows in patterns and places we are taught is unseemly and stroke that thing that the doctor doesnt quite know what to call

i want to honor the parts of you we shame

sex in the dark turns our bodies into secrets hands groping, hips grinding, tongues licking darkness as if there is any intimacy when we are inside eachother but i cant see your eyes

but if i am fucking you i want to be fucking YOU and if you are fucking me i want you to be fucking me

cause i dont feel closest to you with your genitals in my mouth but when you touch me where it scares me

grab my back rolls, lick the inside of my thighs, squeeze my bel- ly

fucking while fat and Seen makes every watt a protest, every shadow cast the heir of a dissenting body and i say i wanna make this a demonstration but if im being honest its just that i want you to kiss me and i dont want that to be a secret

and when you do i want you to see me and i dont want that to be

brave

[mylovingyou]

ughhh yesssss

[slopaganda]

Peterborough mosque set ablaze, police investigate suspected arson

Peterborough police are investigating a suspected case of arson at the city’s only mosque.

The fire broke out at the Kawartha Muslim Religious Association’s mosque around 11 p.m. Saturday, police say. It’s unclear exactly how much damage was done to the building or whether anyone was inside 784 Park Hill Rd. at the time.

The fire marshal’s office has already investigated and ruled that the blaze was set deliberately.

Police are still investigating and say they will provide an update shortly.

[sinsensory]

(source)

[toffeetumbz]

[saturdaywhataday]

Literal conversation I had before I left, when leaving my cat with a friend