#touch starved
#tender is your default #do you ever think about the fact that this is what dean does to everyone he loves #he always immediately cradles their faces; caresses their cheeks #because that’s the one gentle memory he has. that’s what mary did when he was innocent and unhurt #when all he was meant to be was a child. protected. loved. held in someone’s comforting hands. even though it wasn’t perfect. it was home #so he’s forever repeating the motion. he probably made this gesture to sam when they were little #until they got older and sam wasn’t a baby and he had to hold all that love in #but when they grow up he brings it back in times of extreme duress and hurt. he extends it. the most reassuring gesture he has #the thing that reminds him they’re still there still alive still them. softness in his hands that have had to wield such violent things #but what he needs the most is someone to do it back for him so whenever anyone does he practically dissolves into it #he was never actually meant for the fight. just because he was molded and honed it doesn’t mean it’s what he was #he was just a kid who needed one safe place where actions were soft #(you can’t make homes out of people. he knows that. but what do you do when you don’t have anything else to call that?) #you’re left always reaching out for it. the unbearable tenderness. the anchor to bring you to shore
