mycloud.of.thoughts

revealing my vulnerabilities

[mynotesblog]

Putting on headphones and listening to a song in a crowded place is not because I love listening to music (well, there's some part of it), but most of the time it helps me to shut my brain.

31-10-2023

[mynotesblog]

We all are trying our best to hold on for those people we care and love.

[mynotesblog]

It's 8.30 pm.

I am walking to my dorm, I see a man with his dog having a walk and then I smile.

I am thinking about how funny I am.

This morning, I was so worried about my class and everything but now I am heading to my dorm with a milkshake on my right hand and a box of pizza on the other hand.

[mynotesblog]

Trust me it'll be worth it:))

[mynotesblog]

The worst part is that my heart beats fast when your name appears on my phone :))

[mynotesblog]

how do you feel about checking your friends' social media but ended up feeling like you're so left behind?

No im not envy. They're not the problem. It's me.

Most of the time i feel guilty for being like this, i am happy for them but there's always a slight sadness hit me, even though that's not always the reality.

[mynotesblog]

My mom said '' maybe in your phase of life right now, God wants you to just focus on yourself, focus on your study, and do your best everyday working on it.

After I said ''I feel like I am left behind, everyone got accepted to their dream job, do internships, and whatever but me, I do not know where to start, I wanna do that too but I am afraid that I might mess up my study''

I never thought it would make me feel relaxed:)

[mynotesblog]

Write them down, all the thoughts that make you feel less or insecure or anxious.

Write them down and look how you realise that they are not real.

Your thoughts don't represent yourself and never will be.

[mynotesblog]

That's cringe

Are you sure about this?

Oooh your followers drop

Why? Are expecting more likes?

You're not satisfied, right?

You're expecting a spotlight, aren't you?

It's for others not for yourself

You want to prove yourself but you can't so you start something with hope it'll make you feel better but it turns out that it's not

Just stop it then,,,

Those are just some of my thoughts recently, I know where it is going if I keep all of them to myself and I don't want to hold it too long, but I can't tell others so I put them in words.

If you can't hold the thoughts, let it all out. It'll make you feel a little bit more relaxed.

[mynotesblog]

I am afraid that I am not doing this for myself along the way and end up being disappointed.

[mynotesblog]

what if deep down, I still strive to get validation from people?

[mynotesblog]

It's difficult for me to say it out loud, so I put it in words. Hope it'll find someone who wants to understand.

[mynotesblog]

I wish I could see how people look at me.

[mynotesblog]

You will always think that you are less than your expectations.

You’d better not expect yourself to be someone other than yourself. Just don't.

It's enough to know that you are here because He believes in your capacity. He knows that you are enough and you are able to get through this.

Sometimes He waits for you to believe in yourself.

Learn to say..

I am good enough

I am brave enough

I am strong enough

I am enough.

Because YOU are enough.

[mynotesblog]

It's the little things.

[mynotesblog]

I don't wanna be another girl on the list. I want to be the one and only girl on the list.

[weltenwellen]

Warsan Shire, from "Extreme Girlhood", Bless the Daughter Raised by a Voice in Her Head