My personal yell

Elex H.S - he - various attempts of communication / a personal yell into the void through posting my own shitty transgender poetry or just reblogging things that I relate to :P (also clarifying that it is my own work that I am self conscious of and think is shitty) - join me if you'd like :)

[mypersonalyellintothevoid]

Shitty poetry : the collection

Pinned post for my own works ! :

(note: only posts tagged with my initials [Elex H.S] are of my poetry!)

Forlorn ; Forever (2026) By your hand (2025) Cusp of 18th (2025) - there's more in between here I just haven't posted it yet Sports-Tape (2024)

[potato-lord-but-not]

ok I think y’all are ready to see transgender Frankenstein’s monster I did for class

[starryhoundbloo]

Shout out to my mom who explains my transition as "Having a daughterpillar turn into a Boyterfly". It doesn't erase the fact I was an adorable little girl, and also affirms my gender now. I love my mother.

[mypersonalyellintothevoid]

Forlorn ; Forever

I do fear, like a simper of ash, it creeps under droning fluorescent lights it claws upon the back of my head I know it's there- I know how it's talons feel in the lapse When I remember it's a reality of comfort

The sun is warm, the wind is cool- for the first time in solstices I feel like I'm woven into the moment. But within that youth I never wanted to comeback to this comfort- Yet, I accepted that comfort with the pretense that life would change.

Life doesn't change. Life doesn't change. You live until you dont, and that is the only true change- everything else is eternal, continual, residual.

And in that residue, the mud of nature I lie ; forlorn - disappointed, distracted, happy, momentous- Living and Dying at the very same time.

- Elex H.S (2026)

[mypersonalyellintothevoid]

By Your Hand

The hand that holds  The hand that feeds. The hand you bite  And the hand that grieves. The hand that prays, The hand that’s washed  The hand that’s bleached  No holier than god’s. A slap –  Beat – or punch  “We must all grasp for the light My love” Your knuckles are bloodied  By the lie that is faith, And there is only suffering  lying in your wake. The hand meant to cradle ! Those who asked for love  But you were blinded by  the hand over your eyes. By the hand’s they suffer  By the hand’s they hide  By the hand of fear  They will lose their lives 

- Elex H.S

[mypersonalyellintothevoid]

Cusp of 18th - Oneshot

She is back and the time comes closer to when it hits 12, where I become of age, legally of woman. She looks to me with joy and expectation intrusts upon me gentle jade of wealth, yet I cannot accept it. it's soft glass and milky green purple placements. It's too big, too small, too saturated. I cannot accept expectations.

My being is buzzing with a quiet tremor of agitation, nervousness, noisome I am considering taking my 3rd Panadol of the day just to calm it... it's happened since Monday when I did it, my last leap before she could come back, before she would come back with the force of mother, the pile of questions, the dress waiting to be bought. On Monday I cut it all off, I don't know why it looked ok before, but something itched not my hand this time, but in my brain, unsure if it's of need or what. Accompanied with the most unfettered ginger swirl one who pulled me in as a whole friend and untrenched me from the disease of loneliness. But this time was a personal plunge and I asked for more and more removal. I cut my hair, and made an ugly man. I don't mind that I look like every Tom, Jamie and Richard. But I cannot stand the exposure of my face Of my true being In the open left to interpretation. I looked like a man but now what, will I be treated more as such? will I ever have the privilege of being beautiful again? I don't know about that but I became certain I might never be a man in their eyes of my mother, father, brother, cousins, teacher.

I crash out and I realise I realise I must go, I have to leave, help me, help me, I need help

I must go before the clock hits 12 so they will view me in death as child and not woman. A queer, an idiot, odd, off. But never a woman. I can't do this Not much longer.

- Elex H.S

[corrodedparadox]

We finally found what was left of you

[itsdappleagain]

jesus no

[orion-archives]

"I want to be a dragon."

[mypersonalyellintothevoid]

Sports tape

With every layer of skin ripped  off by the tape  I only hope it brings me closer to revealing  my truest self,  across the latissimus dorsi in motion  with oil and lotion it doesn't  cover the pain, the pain  of concealment for revealment,  the reach to become a man.  With the baggage on my chest, Heavy on my heart, once again coming back.  I stand with the anchors  of tape attached to my shoulder blades,  scattered down like shredded wings of a Lucifer, fallen. And I once again.  Come to bear pain of torn blistering skin, rashed within my rush  for that fulfilment.  When will it be full…

-Elex H.S

[transmonstera]

MANHOOD i want manhood soft / manhood tender / manhood kneeling down to be eye to eye with a child asking a question / i don't want to look down on anyone / least of all someone so new to the world / i want manhood leaning on a fence watching the horses in the fields / no need to bother them / we're all just figuring out how to live for the first time / manhood working with something in my still soft hands / hands that never wish to make acquaintances with violence or become strangers with love / manhood never raising my voice higher than my pride except only in cheers and laughter / manhood never allowing my pride to be made smaller than the insects who rest their wings on my fingertips manhood soft / manhood tender / manhood joyous, defiant, wanted / manhood of my own creation and nobody elses

[IMAGE ID: "i refuse to take up the sisyphean task of striving for a manhood i do not even with to possess" in pink wavy text. the background is a black and white depiction of sisyphus holding the boulder. the image is decorated with white, black, and pink stars and hearts. END]

<3 if you'd like to help me out during my hysto recovery in august - my kofi is here <3