We're just waiting for our storm to pass

Incase anyone wonders why “Tito-Burrito” reply’s to comments, this tumblr is my secondary to that one, they’re both me though!

[myrainbowofhope]

We don’t know why but it still hasn’t happened yet. Our friend wants us to go on a cruise with her next year so we decided to put the baby making on hold, yet again, and do something to save our mental health.

This is completely destroying us, and we just need some kind of relief. So instead of one devastating month after another, we’re going to save the money and go one our first ever cruise and real vacation together. It’s time to live our life.

[myrainbowofhope]

My wife’s mother was given a prayer book by her mom, who’s mother gave it to her. Her mother tried for years and years to get pregnant and within months of getting the prayer book, she got pregnant with twins. It’s basically like, a family fertility heirloom, I guess.

Anyways, her mom gave it to her so she was reading it this weekend during inseminations. I’m not really a religious person but they are, so maybeee... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also, I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping up 😔 it’s so hard to deal with one failed attempt after another. You guys know.

[myrainbowofhope]

Merry Christmas guys.

She’s not pregnant, again (who’s surprised?) but it was actually a really good day until we got home tonight. Now the post holiday depression is hitting hard.

I hope you all had a good Christmas

[myrainbowofhope]

Sorry I haven’t posted in awhile, I’m kind of trying to push all of this to the back of my head.

We’re doing the best version of “just let it happen” as we can as a lesbian couple. What I mean is, we’re trying to only put our thoughts into what days to inseminate and leave it at that. We did yesterday and we will tomorrow and now we’re just doing our very best to throw ourselves into all the Christmas stuff planned throughout the month. Her period is due on Christmas so that’s.. you know. Great.

So far I think we’ve been doing a good job of not thinking about it because we’ve been so dang busy, that’s actually why we decided it’d be a good idea to try again this month.

We aren’t going to obsess over her temp or symptoms because look where that got us last month 🤷🏻‍♀️

[myrainbowofhope]

Ok, so a not so big update.

Obviously I already mentioned we aren’t pregnant, and that didn’t change (if only).

Now we’re trying to decide, still go again in a couple weeks with our known donor, despite found out he has VERY unstabilized diabetes, or hold off? He’s still on board, but it DOES affect sperm.

We’re running out of time. Try again now, give it a month or two, do something different? Who knows.

We’ve been thinking of fostering again but we’re on the wrong side of the border - we LOVE the agency we worked with before we had to leave.

Hm.

[myrainbowofhope]

Sorry I’m late, but Happy Thanksgiving! It’s been a rough few days. I hope you all survived all the “grateful to be PREGNANT!!” Announcements.

[myrainbowofhope]

Not pregnant.

[myrainbowofhope]

How’s it look?? Any input? Too big of a drop?

[myrainbowofhope]

Five days late.

Her temp dropped .19 (some people are still pregnant after that big of a drop??) and she took a pregnancy test. After a very cruel trick of the light, it was negative 😩🤦🏻‍♀️

She said when she was taking it, she thought she saw a second line but when she picked it up, nothing was there.

Looking at her overall chart, .19 isnt much and still way above her coverline. But it’s actually pretty high, isn’t it...?

I’m not giving up yet. Btw the reason we aren’t excited about her being five days late is because when we’ve tried in the past, she was two full weeks late, no positive test, and her period came at work. Right before Christmas.... it was awful. No real excitement until positive test now.

[myrainbowofhope]

She’s four days late, her temp is basically maintaining (went down .04 yesterday, up .04 today).

I’m so anxious I haven’t been able to sleep 😩

[myrainbowofhope]

She hasn’t taken another pregnancy test, possibly tomorrow if she doesn’t get her period today

[myrainbowofhope]

She’s four days late, her temp is basically maintaining (went down .04 yesterday, up .04 today).

I’m so anxious I haven’t been able to sleep 😩

[myrainbowofhope]

Has she taken one of the pregnancy tests yet?

Yeah, it was negative 😔 it was the day her period was due though so maybe too soon?? We’re hoping

[myrainbowofhope]

AF is two days late. Her heart rate is decreasing (potentially bad), her temperature is rising (potentially good) and still no sign of AF (hopefully very good).

Every time she goes to the bathroom it’s like a mini panic session 🤦🏻‍♀️ yesterday was an awful day all around, but at least she hadn’t gotten her period. Here’s to hoping today will be better, also without a period...!

[myrainbowofhope]

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

Please excuse my absolutely SELFISH rant here for a second....

Found out our donor is diabetic. Which, apparently, majorly affects sperm count. God damn it... don’t get me wrong, I AM worried about and sad for him. Very. But... I’m also sad for us...

I’m such a bitch..

[myrainbowofhope]

Ok is it normal for her temp to actually rise the day her period is due? It’s still higher than her coverline. I know it takes a few days to drop sometimes but to go higher still?

[myrainbowofhope]

Uhnnnnn.

Her temp raised again, but the test was negative. AF is due today but it’s only 7:30am so there’s plenty of time.

I had such a good feeling yesterday but as soon as I woke up today, before testing or anything, poof. Gone.

Part of me is like “hey, the test could be wrong, it’s early!” But the bigger part of me is telling that part to stfu and face the facts. This was not our month.

Again.

[myrainbowofhope]

Her temp dropped two nights in a row. Not huge drops, but, drops. Her period is due tomorrow I don’t know if it’s better to stay hopeful or prepare myself.

We always get ourselves so built up during the tww even though the end result has always been the same. But at some point, there has to be a different result. There has to.