Boogity boogity boogity Love boogity
From the myscarylove mun:
(So I was searching through my old documents today and found my dating guide I gave to a couple of my newb guy friends. If any of my followers need a laugh or are in a relationship funk...)
Boshigimama’s Guide to Love and Romance
Dating is a special time in every young person’s life throughout the universe… It’s when male goes to woman and says, “Hey girl, wanna go on a date?” and in turn she’d say, “Well-yeah, sure I’d like to go on a date.” But hey if you’re lucky this works, you’ll go to a nice restaurant… She’ll order something called a salad and then he gets a big piece of beef that he eats. While they’re eating the male will notice that there’s still food on her plate, he will then look longingly into her plate and say, “I bet I can eat the rest of that.” After dinner, he pays of course, because according to feminists that’s the only thing men are capable of. When the date is finished then the gentlemen will walk the lady to the door. She will say, “Hey I had a pretty nice time.” In response he will say, “Yeah I had a pretty nice time too… sweetie.” And then he’ll give her a big ole handshake. And that to me is the true meaning of love… (Not really I honestly just mooched that off of Brak from the Brak Show, look it up) But seriously sometimes our view in love can be skewed especially when conflict such as: obnoxious friends, cantankerous grannies, demonic suitors, jealous evil exes, or an awkward consultation from VP Shone or Professor Grubbs, enter into the picture. Well threat not in this short guide, all your romance concerns or anxieties will melt away with Boshigimama’s guide to love and romance.
Step 1: The Cold Hard Truth.
Girls can get away with calling their significant love interest a crude name like ‘Tater-Skin’ or ‘Hippie Meat’ (note this shouldn’t be confused for cutesy dumb nicknames like ‘Honey-bun-buns’ or ‘Chocolate Thunder’). They usually have a good outlook on life, and can see if their boyfriends have been lacking in anything. Let’s face it girls are stereotyped to be pure and innocent, their pretty faces are supposed to distract you from their cruel sadistic hearts. Don’t worry however for some reason if a girl really likes her snuggle buddy (Don’t worry this is not going towards the sexy sex talk…)she will stand up or physically attack her friends (with a katana) if they tease their boyfriends.
Gentlemen, if your woman comes out wearing a cheap unflattering Hawaiian t-shirt LIE… Let her friends be the ones to tell her that her sense of fashion is whacked up. If her hair looks as if it could be washed lie, if she obviously needs to shave her legs lie (you don’t have to touch them). The only exception to this is if she has something obnoxiously wedged between her teeth or if she’s drooling.
So what did we learn about our significant other’s appearance… Girls don’t be afraid to tell him how it is, men LIE make them feel pretty.
Step 2: Dating Tips
Girls: Smile with your eyes and mouth (not creepily), dress to impress (he is your man after all), boast about his heroic actions such as wrestling that man-eating gorilla, turn your phone off during the date (throw it out the window if necessary), laugh at his jokes even if they aren’t funny, be charming… here is a list of lines to use if conversation ever hits a dull point.
I support you; in anything you choose or fail to do.
You complete me.
That shirt you’re wearing makes you as cool as a moose (or sharp as a marble).
What not to say:
You remind me of my father and a little bit like my creepy uncle Harry.
Buy me jewelry!
I just got out of rehab, again…
Guys: Hold the door open for your female; tell her she looks beautiful every 30 seconds, listen when she talks about her unnecessary drama and nod when necessary, act confident but mysterious (girls always go for the mysteriously dark and sexy bad boy), excuse yourself from the room if you need to fart, avoid eating garlic, talk about Disney movies (girls love Disney movies they’re so romantic)! Pull out Song of Songs and start reciting sweet nothings.
What to say:
Your eyes look so pretty, they remind me of stars… they sparkle.
So tell me about yourself.
You are so smart, creative, witty, intelligent, beautiful, and your kisses are like honey.
What not to say:
Did you see that waitress? She was one smoking hot tamale.
Woman. Feed me!
Shut up.
Y’all dig what I’m laying down? Cool sign this to ensure a night of success since you completed Boshigimama’s two step program. (I’m not liable if things totally mess up btw).
