i think about it so often, that i worry i imagined it. i was drunk and i was already crying because i hadn’t imagined we would still get along so well. i couldn’t believe you still liked me and then you laughed with me as though nothing had changed. “you’re still my person”. god please tell me it was real. i cant bare to imagine that i’m the one who said it that night. whenever i’m sad, i end up crying about you. about how you saw me and how my misery split us apart. i was insecure and i was so sickeningly sad and i let it ruin what we had. i think that from the minute i realised how much you meant to me, i had decided that we wouldn’t last because i couldn’t believe something so perfect could possibly stay in my life. our friendship meant the world to me. maybe it was just words to you, but to me, it was the only truth i’d ever spoken. i have yet to experience a closeness even similar to what i felt with you. i wonder if i’ll ever feel that way again and if i’ll ever be so lucky again. i wonder if you felt how i felt. i worry that you think i was clingy and overwhelming. i think i was and i wish i hadn’t been. i want to reconnect and see you again but just imagining it makes me want to rip my hair out. i love you still. i wonder if we’re completely different people now. i wonder if you think of me at all anymore. i don’t think of you everyday but when i do, it’s the most devastating. i worry that if one of us did reach out, i’d be disappointed by our differences. no one has ever brought out so much of me. no one has ever taken up so much of my soul. i worry that you’re more of me than i am. please hear this for what it is.