The Root of it All (Lyrics)
Track 1 - The Root of it All
Our minds had slowly wandered
So we took off all our clothes
My bated breath failed to remind
My confidence to stay composed
And so now I've been losing sleep
And etching days into my door
Obsessing over nonsense
To forget that I want more
She felt the sorrow In my discontent
I wrote the message, but never hit send
Forming an ocean was not my intent
I'm getting better
But it never really mattered in the first place
I'm no longer caught up in a world
Where I lose my mind
When I hear your first name
It only made me sick
Wide awake and wondering again
Disenfranchising your sins
Hung up on the thought
That this might be
As good as it gets
The hole that I dug
Seemed to quickly fill up
Constant weight
I felt stuck
Always disembodied
I saw in her face
She felt home
She felt safe
Seeking peace in a past
I was compromising
I felt my smile slowly fade to a blister
I tried to scream but it came out as a whisper
The root of it all
Depressed and inside our heads
Sleeping in separate beds
Just like our parents did
Because we're our parents kids
The half of blood state of mind
Growing up left behind
Half a man, undefined
Lie awake every night
The kind of person I don't strive to be
I tried to shake it, but it married me
It's a constant reminder
Nothing in life comes free
Breaking is masochistic mending
Self inflicted healing
Seeking the root of it all
As we looked up at the sky
I told her every star she saw
Was a plane with its engine burning out
I'm just a plane with its engine burning out
I fell back with a sense of urgency
The same lows, on a different frequency
I lost touch, and felt the room scatter
Subside, and opt for the latter
I tried to get by balancing on fences
But even indecision bears consequences
I'm sorry for the way that things ended
The lines get blurry when youre medicated
I'm sleepless, and jaded
It's my fault, I hate it
Always longing for something more
(It's all coming back to me now)
I was tangled in her hair
She was my cross to bear
Pharmaceutical absolution
But you can't pass the burden
Blaming another person
Hyper-delusional restitution
I hit the gas
It pulled me back
The beasts of my burdens were fading fast
I'll be the cul-de-sac
Insomniac
I'll die as a martyr, and maniac
The conversation started bearing its teeth
Lock, stock, and stuck to her guns
She had them pointed at me
She said
You're not a poet, or a prophecy
Just a kid in your head
With those hypothesis
It's easier to be hopeless
Pessimistic, and broken
When you've gone too far
But if you stand by the path you have chosen
Confident and devoted
You could learn to live with the scars
I'm learning to live with the scars
Forever longing for something more
The pain was implanted by your parents
On the day that you were born
You found it hard just to admit that
By yourself your bones felt worn
Tried to elope with peoples passion
Just to soothe your heavy head
But consistently lost comfort
So you hid away instead
You gain a little bit of something
From each moment that you live
But it's hard to keep a motive/emotive
When your brain is double edged
She said:
"You're so neurotic
How did it come to this?
You waste your whole goddamn life
Wishing that you didn't exist."
We were screaming our lungs out
Nervous that our past would come back
And try to ruin what we have
Maybe this year I'll find myself
Without pushing my brain to the point
Where I tear my hair out
She said: "Deep down, I think you're bitter. Past that smile, you've configured
A world you won't let anyone see"
Take off your mask kid
Who are you kidding
You'll never meet the right people
When you're pretending
Struggle through the days
That make you grind your teeth
And cherish every moment
That falls in between
I had to draw the line
I get so sick of wasting time
And going through the motions
With the weight that's on my mind
No sweat, Its fine
Sure, my wires intertwined
But since my brain hasn't
Short circuited just yet
I'll be alright
I was trying to sleep
When you made me speak
You never let me think
You never let me sink
In my head
Where my brain keeps me fed
On the thoughts of depression
I'm feeling instead of... You
I never spoke, because I knew
You wouldn't listen
I filled your void
But all I wanted was some distance
Oh!
You had to know
How could you miss it
From head to toe
I drowned in my own self affliction
Oh!
It's getting ludicrous
I only speak when I'm lucid
And falling asleep
I hardly noticed the moments
That you weren't around
I'm learning the meaning of breathing
When I'd rather drown
Were you grinding your teeth
Often thinking of me
In your lows
As the weakening pace of your heart rate
Continued to slow?
What kind of father
Tells his son and daughter
He doesn't care
What kind of man
Leaves a wife and his family
So unprepared
Drunk, and fallacious
Said you didn't love us
And closed the call
You traded a life with your children
For prison and alcohol
Half of blood
Dragged through the mud
I hardly noticed the hole
That they put in the ground
My mother has raised me to
Be who I am and I'm proud
That you weren't around
I never felt at home inside my head
The sinking feeling in my stomach
Took its place instead
She was wrapped up in a blanket
Voicing muffled sleepless doubts
While I was face down on the floorboards
Trying to make sense Of myself
My confidence
Is wearing thin
It's not enough to save me, when
Every problem that I'm facing
Comes from somewhere deep within
It was causing the bend in my back
To burden my heart
The edges that frayed
Were ripping apart
We pieced it back together
But it never felt the same
She says:
"It's 4pm, you're always sleeping in
Why the fuck are you so selfish!?"
You made this bed
You've got to fix your self
You'll have to beg for your pity
In someone else
I can't keep Indulging you
It was causing the bend in my back
To burden my heart
The edges that frayed
Were ripping apart
We pieced it back together
But it never felt the same
So we reminisce the salad days
With malice and a sense of praise
Admiring the sour taste
We found in broken homes
I wanted what's best for you
So I did what what I had to
Sympathetically I terminated timelines
I learned to live with demons
When I put them in the limelight
Cater to the countless wounds
With land locked loathing
Midwest blues
Use your words not just your voice
You have always had a choice
RIP out your heart
You waste of youth
Hide from the sun
Howl at the moon
But I can't keep Indulging you
Track 6 - The Brightest Stars
Cold, dark lighting
You made your smile seem so inviting
But it was all bark, no biting
Strictly bearing teeth when you felt slighted
You never felt at home
Because you were sick
But you mustered up the strength from deep within
I could never understand it as a kid
But I wish that I had something to say back then
I feel selfish to think I could save you
So unbelievably naive to the depth of the grief
That destroyed your brains perspective
Depression darkened your perception
And now I'm burdened with November again
You are heavy in my head
All the things I would have said
If I could comprehend what you were going through
I started Sneaking glances through windows
Hoping I could find you hiding out somewhere
I was so young and unprepared
To lose someone I loved so much
It's still hard to accept it
I feel selfish to think I could save you
So unbelievably naive to the depth of the grief
That destroyed your brains perspective
Depression darkened your perception
If I knew you couldn't handle the weight
I would've carried your torch
I still remember you laughing on your front porch
Listening to crickets chatter
We knew you could've flattered the world
The brightest stars burn out the quickest
I feel selfish to think I could save you
So unbelievably naive to the depth of the grief
That destroyed your brains perspective
Depression darkened your perception
If I knew you couldn't handle the weight
I would've carried your torch
I still remember you laughing on your front porch
Listening to crickets chatter
I wish you would've flattered the world
You found it
Easier to pretend
Cut away at your skin
Put on a smile
Throw away your prescription
You got sick of keeping it in
You saw a means to an end
Your mental illness made it hard to decline it
I never held that against you
I still wish I could've saved you
But I never held that against you
I'll never hold it against you
The brightest stars burn out the quickest
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