Coping with Grief and Loss on Your Wedding Day
In my clinical work, I’ve seen the many ways that grief and loss affect important milestones. It lingers in the laughs you can no longer hear, in the smiles you can no longer see, and even in the arguments you can no longer have. Most people readily think about grief due to the deaths of loved ones, but grief can also come from strained relationships. This is particularly true for members of the LGBTQ+ community whose birth families may not be accepting of identities.
This kind of absence has most palpably felt during the preparation for and celebration of a wedding. The mix of joy and sorrow can be overwhelming as you navigate the complexities of celebrating love while mourning the absence of a loved one. Here are some strategies to help you cope with grief on your wedding day:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
In the best-selling novel The Fault In Our Stars, John Green has this very pithy saying, “Pain demands to be felt.” Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise. It's okay to grieve even amidst celebrations. Recognizing and accepting your feelings can help you process them in a healthy way. It can sometimes sneak up on you in unexpected ways, even if you've done a lot of processing already. If you’re grieving someone on your wedding day, it helps to think of grief as a sign of your heart’s capacity for loving someone. for some, that may be a gift in itself.
It's important to create space for your grief, both emotionally and physically, if possible. Incorporating tributes throughout the wedding to honor and remember your loved one. This could be setting aside a seat, wearing something of theirs, or playing their favorite song. These gestures can help you feel their presence. In the very first wedding ever shop professional, the bride’s mother passed away. The couple chose to honor her with a small candle display next to the lounge area of the venue. I thought it was the sweetest thing, and it has stuck with me ever since.
Surround yourself with understanding family and friends who can provide comfort and support. Having someone to talk to or lean on during emotional moments can make a significant difference. Family isn't made but blood alone. It can also be made by the space people occupying your heart. The holes that grief leaves don't feel quite so big when you've got a support network around you.
Give yourself permission to take breaks if you feel overwhelmed. Stepping away for a moment of solitude can help you recalibrate and center yourself amidst the festivities. Honestly, taking breaks is so important and often overlooked in wedding days. Irrespective of whether or not someone is grieving, planning breaks into the day is something that I always recommend for the couples that I work with.
5. Seek Professional Help
If you find the weight of grief too heavy to bear, consider seeking the guidance of a therapist or counselor. Professional support can offer you coping mechanisms and strategies to navigate your emotions. These days, there are tons of services and resources online to help you get started. One option that I usually recommend for my patients is Psychology Today (not sponsored). You can filter search results based on a number of factors, such as insurance networks, the availability of remote options, etc.
6. Embrace Moments of Joy
Allow yourself to experience moments of joy and happiness during your wedding. It's okay to laugh, smile, and celebrate love amidst the sadness. Most people would want you to be happy even if they're not there to celebrate with you. Finding a balance between grief and joy is key to honoring all your emotions.
After the wedding, take time to reflect on your experience. Journaling, creating a memory box, or visiting a special place can help you continue to process your feelings and cherish the memories made on your wedding day.
Grieving on your wedding day is a deeply personal journey, and there is no right or wrong way to navigate it. Remember that it's okay to feel a range of emotions, and honoring your grief does not diminish the love and happiness you feel. Be gentle with yourself during this time, and trust that you have the strength to find moments of peace and comfort, even amidst sorrow.
