My Mental Health Lately
I don’t like talking about negative things, especially with other people. I’m the person that listens to the problems of others and supports them in their decisions, but in this day and age, when mental health is so important to talk about, I feel like I need to share at least a little of where I am at, so that if you or someone you know is having a hard time, they know that they aren’t alone. That’s been a huge thing for me, is that I know that what I am going through, others have been here too. I’m going to just dive right in and say that for the past couple years I have been letting my anxieties take control. It’s been especially bad this semester and I have felt like I am getting kicked while I am down. It still feels that way sometimes. I don’t really talk to people anymore, I don’t really even leave my apartment except when I need to or I have class. I’ve spent more time crying or feeling empty than smiling this semester. I lost my ability to function. I left dishes in the sink for almost a month, I didn’t do laundry, I just had clothes laying everywhere, I didn’t even take out my trash. Everything piled up so fast and I felt like I was spiraling out of control. I lost my motivation to do basically anything, and I especially lost my ability to take care of myself. I definitely realized that I have a toxic relationship with school. I put so much focus on school that I can’t focus on myself. I have to get good grades, I have to be the perfect student. I spend so much time worrying about school and worrying about getting the good grades that it consumes everything I do. When I talk to my boyfriend, it’s mainly to complain about school lately. When I talk to my parents it's the same thing. I can’t seem to talk about anything else. I want to take a break, but I can’t. I want to take a semester off and get away to reset myself, but my family won’t allow it. I tried to convince them to let me take a break after the semester, but instead I was forced into applying to grad school for a field that I don’t feel like my heart is in 100% anymore, especially because I became aware of what it was doing to me. I started to go to therapy and I am working on figuring things out, but I just want you to know that if you’re feeling down and struggling with school and expectations that you aren’t alone and that someone else is too.