Calm down. Being in a military relationship isn't that big a deal.
I’ll probably piss some people off with this post if it gets around, but seriously, I’m so sick of hearing girls obsess with their military relationships. It’s usually one of a few cases:
The Incessant Whiner who hates:
Not getting texts/calls every damn day
Important dates/events being missed because leave was denied or delayed
Honey, yeah it sucks being away from your partner, but man the fuck up. It’s not the end of the world. You’re making such a big deal out of something that can be handled much more maturely.
My biggest problem with this is that so many who fall into this category will blame their supposed misery on their partner’s branch. Look, your boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife/whatever chose to dedicate his or her life to that branch. Good servicemen love their branch, and you should too. When you go and insult said branch, blame them for your struggles, say things like “Fuck you too, Navy” (I’ve seen it), you’re insulting your partner as well. That’s not love. You should embrace everything about your relationship, including what makes it difficult. You should understand the demands you two will face because of the nature of your relationship. Remember, you chose this life, it wasn’t forced upon you.
If you expect a serviceman to put you before your country when they swore to protect it to the best of their ability, you’re dealing with a bit of immaturity and, frankly, selfishness. Look at the bigger picture. What your partner is doing is a hell of a lot more important than keeping you spoiled. If you disagree, then you definitely need to rethink your relationship. However, this sort of attitude is detrimental to relationships in general, so you’re going to encounter problems until you realize you’re not the center of the universe.
You don’t even have to be a big enough person to put your country before yourself. Just put your partner before yourself (which you should if you love them) and you’ll realize that your whining is uncalled for. They’re making a much bigger sacrifice than you are. If you don’t want to be strong for yourself or your country, at least do it for them.
This is probably about the opposite of the Whiner. These are the people who pride themselves on their relationships, claim that their relationships are stronger than “normal” relationships, and imply that they are better people because of the sacrifices they make for their country by dating a serviceman.
Well I’m glad they’re not pathetic and crying for attention all the time like the previous type, but these people peeve me almost as much for obvious reasons. Mostly because they focus on their relationship more than the person with whom they share that relationship.
Another problem I have is that they put down others’ relationships, saying they’ll never be as strong because they haven’t been put to the test of a deployment. Sometimes they criticize others for suggesting struggles in their own relationships. The idea is that civilians can’t possibly know what it is to struggle because they haven’t “endured the hardships” of a military relationship. Sort of a mine-is-bigger-than-yours competition. I supposed this is where I look like a hypocrite for criticizing the first type, but it’s one thing to admit you miss someone, and it’s another to soliloquize melodramatically about how difficult your life is when it is, in fact, not all that difficult. This Superiority Complex type doesn’t distinguish that difference. Say you miss your man and they will jump down your throat, “You don’t know what it is to miss someone! I’ve been separated from my loved one for four months since he went to Afghanistan and you don’t know how easy you really have it. You’re lucky, I’d give anything to have it as easy as you!” That sort of thing.
Finally there’s the idea that somehow they’re saints because they make such a sacrifice for their country by being with a serviceman and that they’re better than all other girlfriends/wives/boyfriends/husbands for it. You know, it is a sacrifice. But I refuse to admit it’s the same as actually serving your country. You make a bigger deal out of it than your partner does and he or she is the one who’s actually in the military! (Oh now it’s a real rant. Now I’m addressing the subject as the reader instead of a third party. Sorry about that!) Yes, good job on being faithful and supportive, but that doesn’t get you extra credit. You’re supposed to be faithful and supportive. When people wed, they typically vow to be faithful and supportive no matter what. You’re just fulfilling your end of the bargain, same as anyone else in a good marriage. There’s plenty of couples who face separation because of their careers or other lifestyle choices – my friend pointed out truck drivers are CONSTANTLY being separated from their families, then I also thought about air marshals, artists and musicians, things like that. Some go out of duty, some go for their lifestyle, some are in potential danger, some aren’t. But they don’t make such a fuss about it.
Just be humble about your relationship. Otherwise, you’re using it to boost your ego. Once again, this approach to a relationship is more about yourself than about love.
This is probably the dirtiest of all the types. There are girls who date servicemen just because they’re servicemen. I and a lot of girls I know take particular offense to this one because we’re quite protective of our boys. They’re our friends, our brothers, cousins, and so on (I make this one more gender specific because it’s less common to find civilian men who pursue military womenspecifically). We are aware that there are girls who grow up near military bases or in other situations that lead them to romanticize war and choose to, for lack of a better word, prey on servicemen.
These are the girls who spend their lives dreaming about marrying (or maybe just doing) a soldier, a sailor, a Marine or an airman. These are the girls who suddenly show interest when a guy gets back from boot camp (basic training, RTC, whatever name you might know it by). But a lot of these men are really still boys. I can’t tell you how many Marines I know are just lovesick little boys hoping to find a girl to marry and love before going to war.
The danger about this one is that sometimes these girls aren’t even aware that what they love is the uniform, not the man. And here is where we find those young marriages that fail in a few short years. You know that drastically high divorce rate among military couples? A lot of that is due to young servicemen who fail to heed the warnings of the relationship counseling they receive and marry girls who don’t realize that they have no clue who they’re marrying. They know that he wears a uniform and serves his country and they love the idea of being that 1940s beauty waving a handkerchief as her soldier departs to win the war.
On the other side, we’ve also got those girls who sexualize the uniform and settle for one-night stands.
The first type loves him or herself.
The second type loves their relationship.
The third type loves their partner’s service.
It’s simple really. Just love whoever you’re with for who they are and what they do, but don’t let their service define them, your relationship or you.
Also: Tumblr isn’t letting me fix the numbering, sooo they’re all number 1. My bad.
