Sarcasm and feeling @n-our - Tumblr Blog

mariannapaige

centinox

I am an illusion

archbudzar

took my own hand and pulled myself thru

follow my art on Instagram

(C.B)(3.29.19)

archbudzar

follow my art on Instagram

(C.B)(4.19.19)

mirayama

archbudzar

natural disasters

follow me on insta

(C.B)(12.4.18)

inkskinned

I’m still trying, but I’m tired. It comes and goes. I have my life, round and eager; I have my past, rotting, manic, full of malice. The present is a ruined watercolor; I go to parties but stay in corners feeling weirdly out of place, I find anxiety halfway through sleep, I go to concerts only to spend the whole time thinking about other things.

I want to be happy! I’m bitter I can’t be. I’m bitter about all it is threatening to take from me. About all it has already taken. About all I could have been.

I have worked myself into a rawness! I put myself through my paces! Did the meditation or the medication or the constant self- adjustment. Did the apologizing and reintegration and making sure it doesn’t happen again. Journalled and crafted and came clean and started over and over and over and over until I was no longer sure what was me and what was the starting.

But I wake up sometimes and it is waking up empty. After all I poured in there. After all I gave the beast. I wake up and it’s still hungry.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Let’s keep going.