🄱r͟o͟o͟k͟e͟ @n0t-lupus - Tumblr Blog

Welcome!!

Hello hello! I'm Brooke and this is my House Md blog!

This is a sideblog so I cant follow back, BUT you can go follow my main- @olluxii if you'd like to be moots!

Feel free to send asks, i love answering them (just dont be weird)

#house md #mouse bites md #malpractice md #house #gregory house #intro post #side blog

average episode of house:

patient presents with stomach pain, contact dermatitis, shortness of breath, and numbness in the hands and feet. they do an MRI. they find nothing except for a small spot on the gallbladder.

foreman: maybe it’s cancer.

cameron: gallbladder cancer? that wouldn’t explain the shortness of breath. or dermatitis.

house: it’s [random strain of rare lung thing caused by psychosomatic symptoms as a result of gallbladder cancer].

chase: maybe it’s just a cyst, and the pulmonary symptoms are unrelated.

house: it’s cancer. wilson!

wilson: it’s not cancer. but whatever.

they do a biopsy and treat him for the lung thing. it is not cancer. he gets better but then he spikes a fever and starts seizing. they think it’s sepsis.

foreman: if it’s not sepsis, he’ll get worse.

house: and if it is, not treating it will kill him.

house and wilson go off on their own and have a conversation about the patient. until wilson calls him an ass and house has an epiphany.

house: schedule another mri.

cameron: we already did that and found nothing.

house: do it again. also, run a tox screen.

chase: we already did that. it was negative.

house: did you run it for heavy metals?

they run the tox screen for heavy metal. house enters the patient’s room for the first time and says he needs to do a prostate exam. patient is confused but says okay because he’s dying.

house: did you do it because you like the taste?

patient: fucking what.

house: your anus is loose. my guess is you shoved a roll of nickels up your ass and then had trouble getting them out. you scratched your rectum and a tiny piece of nickel got trapped there. you have a nickel allergy.

patient: i have nickel earrings? i’m not allergic.

foreman: tox screen was positive for nickel.

house: do an allergy test. wait, the contact dermatitis is from your nickel allergy. and the sepsis is because the histimines fucked up your immune system. and also because you got 5 cents stuck in your ass.

they give the patient epinephrine, do surgery and the patient gets better. house and wilson stare longingly at each other at house’s place. the show ends