"...But why is it when it comes to him, I always lose my composure? He was the reason I've been thrown into this darkness and now he's the sole sustenance keeping me alive. Out of so many thousands of comrades and tens of thousands of enemies, why just him...?"
I like how Mo Guanshan’s arc in the "present" chapters revolves around small moments of growth in the face of what has been lost, and how he deals with He Tian crashing back into his life like a wrecking ball.
Guanshan's technically got what he longed for: having He Tian back. But so many years of absence have twisted that desire into a fear of He Tian actually returning to him, scared that if he 'succumbs' again to those feelings he's kept shut (inside a box), it will leave him vulnerable to being left behind again. And we know there is a precedent for this, since we already saw He Tian come back for Christmas only to seemingly leave all over again sometime later.
Until very recently Guanshan has been so cross with He Tian... And not to say he's now completely happy and comfortable with the current """""housemates"""""" situation, but he certainly seems to have mellowed out a little bit.
It feels like that's due Mo starting to understand the pain He Tian's feels when he shuts him out in order to have a veneer of control in the situation. He’s also realizing that even if He Tian's methods are VERY questionable, everything he does is legitimately for Guan Shan's well-being. It's no coincidence that we've seen some panels where Mo wistfully watches He Tian go. A self-fulfilling prophecy realized right in front him.
In the first instance, it's true that Guanshan is very much in denial about not being hurt by He Tian actually leaving when he pushes him away ("I don't wanna see you! You better not come again... I won't miss you...").
But then, look at my boy now, acknowledging that He Tian is trying to support him in his career and offering to cook him dinner, something that used to bring them together all those years ago. Drama-ass running included!
And in the latest chapter, on a slightly more humorous tone, Mo lashes out at He Tian for his antics, causing He Tian to (fake) sulk away. But immediately after, Mo takes the direct initiative to confess, making sure He Tian knows he is included when Mo said his life was going well. He looks apprehensive and worried. He's so very careful when he fesses up... He truly doesn't want any more fall outs between them.
(obligatory 'He Tian, you little freak idiot!')
Thinking about it, from the first very time we see them sleeping together in the current timeline, we catch a glimpse of said fear of He Tian leaving, even when they spent the night together:
He's scared, but we see him mature and change bit by bit (baaaaby steps) beyond his fears for He Tian. Changing, a bit like when he wanted to become a good student back in their school days to be "worthy" of being by He Tian's side.
Ah, my son(s) with abandonment issues. </3
(Will we see any attempt to address the several elephants in the room from He Tian's side now that Mo seems a bit more open to talk? Who knoooows, who knows. Pls. I'll go insane.)
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