Do you know what the fear of death feels like?
The true feeling of death, the heart freezing, eye glistening,  nausea endoucing feeling of deaths cold hand gripping your shoulders?
Do you truly know that feeling?
I wouldn’t go as far as to say you don’t, a lot of people have or will have that truly gut  wrenching feel at one point or another.
Wether it be by nature or man made.
So let me tell you my story with death and curl people can be.
 February 20th 2019, a unidentified boy took a threat seriously, one that many teens are faced to fear in thsi day an age. He stomached you the courage to speak out against the two and told the school.
The bell had just range for 4th to begin, I, along with many others rolled our eyes at our double block geo teacher as he beckoned us to bring out the notebook for notes, the air was frilly and silly as fellow students took their as commanded by our teacher to do so. My mind was occupied with the debate of who to sit at with lunch.
I and my adjacent classmates waited with announce for our teacher to starte the notes when the buzzing of the intercom filled our ears, I, as I always do, looked up the intercom with the hope that my name would be called for check out and I would be saved for the day but I forced to face a reality I never wish I had to face.
The principles voice tracked through the com with a tone of caution and dread, as if she never hoped to have to speak the words she’d dread so very much, the momentary pauses she let slip didn’t help to calm me down. We passed timid and scared glances from one to another, some and myslef began to chuckle out of dread, we were suppose to have a fire drill after lunch for perhaps this to was a drill.
The looks on our faces as she repeated those very words that would make anyone drop to their knees with an unknown fear.
We followed our normal  procedure, back of the classroom, no lights and be silent. The chit chat between the room was not directed to anyone but everyone, the teacher, the prankster, the cool guy and the escape goat. The words one spoke was to everyone.
We talked to people who we never thought we’d talk to, we talked rather heart to heart with one another helping to keep calm those who hide their panic. We listened to the one who told us what was going on without needing to be shushed, our eyes waiting for the words and the pops.
But the pops never came, it was dreadfully silent outside but not for long of course.
We rather quickly clapped back into a normal class, loud conversations and us going ham on the white boards, many of us on our phones. I hurt to think of those students who truly texted what they thought their last goodbyes to their parents. I didn’t do as I had been informed of what was going on very quickly.
But suffice to say I did fear death for that very short amount of time but another type of fear would come knocking within the two pour hours we spent locked in our classrooms.
The moment I sat against the icy brick wall and pulled my knees up to my chest, I pulled out my phone and went straight to the only thing I could think of at that time, text my friends and see how they were holding up.
I popped the silent bubble of the group chat and asked two out of the three is they knew what was going on as B(the one who doesn’t go to our school) wouldn’t have a clue as to what was going on. A(one of them who did) said he had no clue and L replied after a couple of seconds explaining what was going on. After that we texted back and fourth about what was going on and soon we drifted off into normal conversations. It was a good time, I can’t deny that, it amazed me who well we all got along with one another and safe I felt with them.
We talked a lot and most definitely we were the loudest class of them all but everyone deals with things differently but by luck a lot of us dealt with it with jokes(not a good thing to do) We had some good and genuinely moments within that class and felt even more safer and calm when the police cane by and said that we were okay and didn’t have any of the two students who made the threats.
Soon two plus hours passed by and we let free, everyone half that they could finally eat something and use the bathroom. I walked around for a bit and took sometime to enjoy the place around me, i told myself that despite not wanting to come to school I did enjoy it, the warm embrace of the glowing sun and the cool breeze of the day help lift my sprites up. I had many friends who I didn’t not have contact with so I took a good chuck of lunch walking to my friends here and there and talking to them with a sense of joy.
As I passed by people I liked to them with a smile as I watched them greet their friends with jokes to cover up how they felt, I glance from pairs to groups happily enjoying their time together. I passed by someone I speak to very little, despite my glasses covering my eyes, we made eye contact and nodded our heads to one another. The kid always looked up to me during scouts and I liked the kid and was glad he was alright.
Soon I found myslef in the lunchroom sitting with A as out of all the places I would want to sit I chose to sit with him. During scouts you often get out on campouts, after each and everyone one you feel closer to the people you spend your weekends with, you come closer like family so it would really only make sense to sit someone so close.
Lunch passed and 5th came. Since the lockdown happened the classes were changed to fit with what little time we had left of the day. 5th being 30 minutes and 6 and 7 being 25 minutes of no class work.
Everything was find and dandy until the start of 7th. A girl in our class walked to other kid with her phone in her hand and annoyed glare across her face.
Those very words stuck me with anger, the  audacity that someone would go this far. We had the swat and police and helicopters and everything at our school. So many kids feared for their life’s, so many parents had to face the heartbreaking and tear jerking text their kids sent them and despite all of thsi the kid kept it up.
Myself and L were beyond furious with this person and the pain they made so many of us feel. The police have yet to release the name of the kid and it’s a good idea that they keep it a  Secret.
The second fear I felt that day wasn’t the fear of death knocking on my door but rather what extent people will go to just becuase they can. The fact that someone kept the scheme up as long as they had, scared so many people, did all of this. It’s truly scary.
I can’t speak on behalf of the program who made the clams to say they feel no remorse of anything, they probably feel guilty just becuase someone want to charge him with cost of everything that happened, the time wasted and everything.
It’s been a couple of days now and I feel better, I was pretty shaken after it and hated people for a bit I feel better now.
Tomorrow is a new day and from now on I will cherish the days that lay before me. Life is  tough and you think you want it to end but when it comes knocking, do you truly want to answer?
