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I should have Pepper do this more often. It's far from her favorite form of submissive service, but it's very effective at helping her clear her mind, focus on her task, and remember who she is. My shoes could use a little cleaning anyhow.
Pepper: "Is that just an example... ? :p"
Well, dearest Pepper, you can always not reply with a choice and find out.
:)
-Mr. P
This is a lot harder than it looks. I wonder how many times she fell in trying to drink it…
Like anything worth doing right, practice makes perfect.
*jots down a note for later*
“If I smile through the tears, that means we don’t have to stop, right, Daddy…?”
Right you are, bug.
Every Daddy loves it when his little girl is a champ.
I'm not a patriarchal misogynist. Quite the opposite. My preference for domination in my personal life with a consenting submissive is quite different from a belief that one gender deserves to own and rule the world at the expense of the other.
But old fashion posters featuring male chauvinism are often quite hot when re-purposed for D/s purposes, don't you think?
"...and make her so happy it is [a man's world]."
I can think of a lot of fun ways to live up to that challenge.
Gender Disclaimer
The terms "cissexist" and "heteronormative" came up in response to my last post. The implication, as I read it, is that I'm discriminatory against trangendered or homosexual identities and lifestyles.
So there's no confusion: I'm a heterosexual, biological male. My posts are written from the viewpoint of a heterosexual male who finds dominating biological women the bee's knees, and as such serve as advice or commentary on the lifestyle of D/s couples with a similar viewpoint. I have, however, no bias against any other combination of genders (in any sense of the word) in sexuality.
My most recent post was written towards submissive women. And by women I did mean biological women. This does not mean that I think that people of other genders (again, in any sense of the word) couldn't read or benefit from the post.
If you prefer, you can read the post as "for people without penises from someone with a penis." Although the overwhelming majority of such people without a penis fall in the definition of a biological woman, I am aware that is not the entirety.
Doms & Their Cocks: Part 1
I want to talk about the cock.
First, a caveat: I'm writing this post as a male dominant as a sort of "behind the scenes" guide for female submissives, but really it applies as a man talking to women about the exclamation point on what makes a man, biologically, a man. I'm also writing it from my point of view and experience, and the experiences of those I've spoken with, so your mileage is going to vary.
When it comes to a penis, I'm sure that female submissives probably see and interact with one far more on average than many other demographics of ladies. When it comes to D/s interactions, I'd say it's safe to say that most Doms take the opportunity to get their dangly bits treated properly as reward for the hard work they do to treat their submissives right. Therefore, more exposure and careful training on how to please the king's scepter.
That said, I think there's a lot more that you could stand to know about the cock from a man's viewpoint. And the more you know about it, the better you can craft your service towards it. Which, ultimately, is a good thing for your Doms who in turn will be even more pleased with you.
As such, I've decided to to write about the cock. A lot. It's my hope to expose aspects of it from the male perspective that will produce genuinely novel insights for you. Here's hoping I succeed.
Doms & Their Cocks: Part 1 - Embarrassment
The first thing you need to know about cocks is that more often than not they are a source of social embarrassment (or at least inconvenience) for men.
It starts young. Most toddler boys are, to put it mildly, fascinated with their penises. When you consider how frequently babies stick their toes in their ears out of mild fascination, you can imagine how interesting that extra appendage downstairs is to a curious young mind.
It's downright mesmerizing.
Better yet, it feels good to touch. I'm not saying that idly fingering your nubby half-inch flaccid baby penis is the same as an adult man getting his fully erect cock enthusiastically worked on by a tied-up woman. Not even close. But even at that earliest age, boys know that touching it is a good thing, as many a mortified mother can tell you after just a few baths.
And there's the rub, mortified mothers. I guarantee you that more often than not, mothers in most societies, at least Western ones, do their damnedest to get little Timmy to stop playing with his penis. The reasoning is innocent enough: who wants to have their toddler boy yank down his pants during a family gathering for a little self-exploration? But most of the time the admonition isn't "Don't do that in public." It's "Don't do that." Period.
As a result, from the earliest age, we associate our penises with shame.
Gym class in school goes a long way towards making it worse. Men are competitive. Duh. Boys just as much so. Take that primal urge to prove our dominance over one another with the cultural shame of having someone see your penis with the necessity of showers after sports and you've got a recipe for conflict and disaster.
Penises come in all shapes and sizes. Long, stubby, thick, thin, circumcised, untouched, growers, showers, etc. Put a bunch of boys into a shower after an hour of them being competitive on the field with the sport of the week, and they'll find any excuse to take that aggression and turn it to socially stigmatizing Jim because his penis is [insert difference x].
With a generally low exposure to knowing what's normal and what's not, enough taunting will convince any boy that their penis is lame, and they'd best keep that fellow tucked away to avoid embarrassment. And it doesn't just happen to a few of the guys. It happens to virtually all of them. We've got roughly ten years of gym class for everyone to take their turn on the mockery wheel.
Finally, there's the issue of nudity, sexiness and the disparity between genders. Our society's propensity to display naked or near-naked women for the pleasure of men is responsible for a number of social ills: gender inequality, objectification, severe body image issues, unrealistic standards of beauty, etc. Take your pick.
That said, it does reinforce the concept: Men find women's bodies appealing. Men are attracted to how women look, and woman disrobing is a source of pleasure for a man.
On average, the reverse is not generically true. As hot as the idea of a woman flashing a crowd might be for men, almost universally if a man were to flash crowd, it's considered disgusting and foul. Women streaking makes men go "Hmmm?" in interest, at least until the sexiness of the woman can be confirmed. The thought of a man streaking makes most women laugh at best (with comments across the spectrum of just how hilarious a penis is) to outright disgust.
The disgust is, almost without exception, devoted to the penis. Sure, a pale flabby chest of an overweight man isn't making anyone turn in desire. But it's the penis they're shrieking at.
I'm not suggesting that women should enjoy men flashing themselves in public. Nor am I suggesting men flash themselves in public. I'm all for public decency. I'm simply using the act as a discussion of how each gender views the other in the context of nudity, expected or otherwise.
Ultimately, there's a lot of cultural shame attached to the cock. It's an embarrassment. It's disgusting. It's a tool of rape and patriarchal evil. It's best kept out of sight so we don't need to think about it.
Before you go protesting, think about it: How often might you submissives decide to make your Masters happy by sending a snap of yourself in the nude to them? And how often would you like, in return, to have your Master send you back a picture of him naked, penis and all, for your pleasure?
Probably not often. There's a good deal of fetish photography that involves the cock that's hot when it's in context of how it's being used. But it's far less frequently there, hanging out by itself, for its own sake.
When it comes to D/s partners, the men who are Doms engage in a process of reversing that trend. Their cocks become objects of focus and attention, items to be serviced and in some cases revered or worshiped. It's such a turnaround from the social norm that I guarantee you that it takes a good deal of bravery for a new Dom to go beyond the typical bedroom norm of just having his penis in the picture to saying, "Hey, this is sort of a big deal. Get familiar with it, and get respectful of it. This matters a lot and is a very important thing for you from here on out."
From my own experience I'll say it's the most vulnerable state I can be in, with my cock on display for a submissive, and demanding not just service, but respect. Turning embarrassment into pride.
So to all you submissives out there: The next time your Master puts his cock out there for you, think about how much he appreciates your body, how much he does for you as your Dominant, and about how much cultural stress has been tied up with his cock.
If you do, you'll realize his pleasure at your service and devotion isn't just about the physical sensation. It's about a great deal more.
Want A Present From Mr. P?
My darling Pepper has gone off and teased a kind gentleman with the possible sight of her delicious body engaged in acts that qualify as very naughty. As a man of good character who firmly believes that teasing without follow-through is one of the greatest sins imaginable, I've found that it's my moral responsibility as her Daddy to guarantee that this man gets the photos he's been promised.
Since it's the giving season, I thought I'd ask if any of the rest of you would care to have some inappropriate photos of my darling Pepper to look at while touching yourself? If so, answer this post with replies using the following rules:
Tell me that you do in fact want to see naughty pictures of Pepper.
Use good grammar and spelling.
If you're a submissive, please use the manners your Dominant would expect from you.
Regardless of who you are, be civil. Feel free to be salacious, but don't be a jerk.
While you're at it, tell me what it is about fetish / D/s photography that gets you going. What makes the naughty pictures make you go "hnnnnnng that's hot!"
If I receive enough responses indicating interest in Pepper posing, then I will post up some eye candy for you all as a holiday gift back to such a lovely community. The content and nature of such pictures will be my prerogative, of course, but feel free to tell me what sort of stuff you like.
That's the offer, folks. It's up to you to make it happen.
Devilishly Yours, Mr. P
Hello, Mr. P! I sent your lovely Pepper a question about your current dynamic the other day. I wanted to solicit your thoughts about it too, since, for some strange reason, my Sir also managed to evolve into my Daddy lately. What is it about Daddy/little play that makes it click for you?
Dear Delightful Aria,
First, let me say that I'm a big fan of your curated and commented selection of naughty imagery. It's stirring, of both the heart and an organ that resides slightly farther south.
In addition to your question, I've got another by a lovely anonymous person that is very similar which expands on what you ask a bit.
Well I am curious if you'd like to expand on what Pepper had to say about the new Daddy/little aspect to your relationship. You seemed to make it very clear that you weren't into that. Not that it doesn't mean you can change your mind. I often go from, "I could never see myself doing that" to begging for it to be done to me in a matter of months, but still. What happened? How do you feel about it?
Since your questions mostly merge together, I've decided to answer both of you at the same time.
First, a confession: I admit that when it comes to Daddy/little play, I've had an interest in it that goes a good deal farther back than I've let on to anyone, including Pepper. Like most red-blooded kinky men, I've always found schoolgirls hot. Specifically women in the role of schoolgirls, just so we can avoid any creepy undertones associated with genuinely predating upon actual girls. There's no hiding the fact that in our culture that youth equals beauty. But it does go deeper than that. Schoolgirl roles imply youth, which has a number of other associated traits: naievete, vulnerability and delicacy, to name a few. As a Dominant into degradation, humiliation and control, these qualities attract.
My tastes weren't specifically tied to being a "Daddy", however. I found the use of the word odd whenever read. So it's safer to say that I was attracted to the idea of older man/schoolgirl play, and had no specific role assignment for the partners in a relationship sense.
When Pepper and I started exploring our relationship roles and uncovering kinks and limits, she made it clear very early on that she found Daddy/little play to be nauseating. I was exploring the petgirl theme for Pepper at the time (one I still find alluring), so felt little need to attach any relevance to my schoolgirl tastes. Additionally, I still found the term "Daddy" disturbing. So I agreed with her. "Very nauseating. Crawl faster."
In time the petgirl metaphor was set aside. It didn't make for a mutual fit. So Pepper and I continued our D/s while exploring other themes and interests. We landed on dollplay (and abandoned petplay) because of Pepper's preference for (and delight in) the use of frilly, girly clothes in D/s play. She enjoys humiliation, degradation, service, pain and all those things. But she wants to be pretty while doing it. And something about frilly clothes, ribbons and cute dresses made her feel prettier than anything else. I've told her repeatedly that she's pretty in an expensive gown or naked on all fours, but when it comes down to it she feels prettiest when wearing very femine apparrel.
I admit: naked is cheaper. But who was I to get in the way of a kinky aid in the form of cute outfits?
A time later, our relationship hit snags and stress points. All of them do. During this time I felt the need to really review how Pepper acted and responded to various stimuli or situations instead of what she actually said. I've always made it a point to try to make myself an expert on Pepper. I think the best way to be a Dominant of any stripe is to know your submissives better than they know themselves. It makes things both safer and steamier.
For our entire relationship, Pepper had made it clear that she didn't care for Daddy/little relationships. But her Tumblr stream had a great quantity of pictures of younger women dressed in girly clothes. Her frequent reference pictures for doll costume were outfits worn by teen girls, and more Daddy/little material had started to be liked by her. Additionally, her tastes in masturbatory fantasies often ran to the theme of innocence and youth being violated. The men she'd point out as sexy at various points weren't just authoritative. They were paternal, seasoned, or otherwise characterized with the qualities that lean closer towards "silver lion" than "young buck".
By this point, I'd also been following my own trend of tastes, seeing what had been turning me on more and more. And over and over, the little theme was there.
I spend a lot of time ruminating on topics, especially Pepper. I weigh impressions, statements, actions, what makes her breath heavy with passion, what makes my dick hard. Etc. In this case, the rumination all came together.
Pepper has a cute cat. He's a rescue, having been scooped up from the side of the road as a scrawny, lost kitten who was half the proper weight and mewing louder than anything his size has any right should be capable of doing. He's becoming a tubby, loving, loud mewing sweetheart. He's also got delciate sensibilities, and sometimes prefers blankets to sand when it comes to pee time. One day, he pee'd through Pepper's quilt, blankets, sheet and bed all in one go, right in the middle. I wasn't there, and couldn't get there that night.
If you'd like to see someone in a bad bind, find a submissive who's Dominant can't come to the rescue needing to decide how to get a night's worth of sleep without anything more comfortable to sleep upon than the floor. It's not pretty, and remembering it even now breaks my heart. So I was reduced to soothing her over the phone, giving the best instructions I could on how to salvage the situation at the time, and ordered her to sleep in since her night would be restless.
The next morning I arrived as soon as I could, and found Pepper dozing fitfully on the floor by the door, wrapped in blankets and looking twice as vulnerable as ever. I was simultaneously sad and horny. My ruminations came to the fore, and I considered her plight, our recent troubles with finding the right balance in our D/s relationship, and her unspoken reactions to so many things, kink and otherwise.
Pepper woke up to one hand around her throat, pressing her face into the blankets and the other on her cunt. She woke with a gasp of arousal and was dripping wet in seconds. Clapping my hand over her mouth, I told her in a low, rough tone how things were going to be from now on. She was vulnerable and needed guidance and authority. She was beautiful and helpless. I was older, and just as importantly, stronger than her, and could do with her as I pleased when I pleased.
Things needed to change. From now on she'd be my little girl and I'd be her Daddy. I'd protect her, care for her, guide her, and do whatever I wanted to her soft, helpless flesh.
She didn't need to say anything. Her heavy breathing, wet cunt, dialated pupils and thrusting hips spoke volumes.
It's still possible that Pepper finds Daddy/little play distasteful or humilating in some way. That's part of the appeal. Pepper craves humiliation and degradation. She thrives on the idea of violated innocence, and thirsts for guidance and punishment from an authority figure. I happen to like all those things very much from the flip side.
As a result, any humiliation she has from the lifestyle only enhances her arousal. It works out quite nicely. And every time she says "Daddy" there's that embarrassed, humiliated response inside her. Which makes it far more satisfying for me to hear than "Sir" any day.
Tell Me Your Daddy Story Someday,Mr. P
Soliciting Naughty Questions and Smut
My fellow kinksters,
To my dismay, I'm finding my inbox approaching empty, and very soon I'll hit a dry spell. This would be most unfortunate, as dryness can lead to chafing, and chafing to discomfort.
I rather enjoy comfort, so I'd be chuffed if any of you would care to do me a favor, which can come in two different flavors.
Firstly, if you've got a question related to D/s, or myself and Pepper, or just kink in general, please guide yourself over to my ask page and slip a question inside like Santa delivering a wrapped package into a tipsy, bored housewife wearing naught but a bow.
Secondly, if you're adventurous and want to share with the world, feel free to send me your homemade D/s porn pics via my submit page. I'll do the rest.
Never fear, poppets. I'll keep writing regardless. But I often enjoy a conversation more than a monologue, and always appreciate a naughty photo.
Keep Kinky, Mr. P
I'd like to second Lemon. You're extremely eloquent and I greatly appreciate you continually opening up my eyes and mind to the world of kink. I'm a sub myself, and yours and Pepper's is probably, no definitely, my favorite D/s relationship on Tumblr. I was so sad during your hiatus and am now absolutely ecstatic that you're back. I do hope you decide to post the rules you're working on, but completely understand if you don't want to. Anyway. Just wanted to say thanks again.
Dear Lemon's Second In A Duel,
First, thank you. Like anyone, I appreciate being appreciated, and love compliments. Clearly you're a person of fine taste and I'm perfectly happy to oblige you with more posts and material reflecting my views, opinions and kinks.
Secondly, I'm touched more deeply that I can help you in any regards to opening up your mind to the world of kink. I went a very long time without realizing how many of my sexual desires fit within an established community's views and could be practiced in a safe, rational fashion. I only hope by expressing myself honestly I can continue to provide others with the realization that it's a kinky world out there and it's ok for them to participate in it.
I've found writing Pepper's rules to be a challenge, and something best set into phases. As such, I will be posting the current rules she's held to, which are a simple, four rules of a sentence each. A more complex document that's meant to operate more like a manual or guidebook is in the works. I'll likely post that one too, but in the future when it is completed.
Expect the current four rules sometime very soon.
Thanks for saying thanks,Mr. P
Had to edit that last post. It was far, far too messy the first time around.
I've been looking through your blog and all I can say is wow. I am very excited reading through many of your post. I'm just getting into the d/s style of things and I'm trying to figure out what it is that I like (I'm not sure how to classify some things). Could you explain what kind of things objectifying include?
Dear Thing,
I'm not certain if you're approaching the D/s lifestyle as a Dominant or a submissive, so I'll do my best to speak generically towards the practice. As a caveat, I'm a Dominant so will still lean my conversation towards advice for someone in that role.
I'm very happy for you that you're exploring and enjoying the D/s lifestyle. It's a fulfilling practice that can provide a lot of deeply satisfying experiences that go well beyond anything you'd find in a vanilla lifestyle.
As a short answer to your question: objectification is the technique of treating a submissive like an object. This is done reducing a person temporarily to the status of a thing. Both partners in D/s usually find it pretty exhilarating as the power dynamic between them is stretched beyond the normal roles of a master over a slave, it's an owner using an object.
Any action that makes the submissive feel more like an object or possession and less human falls under the category of objectification. Dehumanization can occur through so many different ways, I can only possibly hope to help introduce you to the very tip of the iceburg.
I want to give a warning: Objectification requires a lot of care and attention to details to do properly without causing some sort of damage to a person's psyche or the relationship. Although D/s is more extreme than "vanilla" you need to remember that as a result there are bound to be more extreme reactions and fallout if something goes wrong. Never forget that no matter how much the submissive is treated like an object that they're still a person, with the limits and rights of one. At the end of any scene where the Dominant's heavily objectified the submissive, a good deal of aftercare is required to ensure that the submissive and Dominant reaffirm their respect and love for one another as individuals.
Objectifying comes in too many flavors to describe in a single post, but here's a few that come to mind that you can try:
At its simplest, the Dominant can treat the submissive as a human that is a possession: aka, slavery. In this scenario, during the scene the slave is expected to behave as the Owner's property. Stripping down the slave and putting them in a collar and chains can be very effective in helping create the mindset, as well as creating strict limits on acceptable behavior that a slave is permitted compared to a free person. This isn't too far from the standard D/s lifestyle in most regards, and is a good initial dip in the objectification pool.
Beyond that, you can go for a halfway point and have the Dominant treat the submissive as an animal, making a pet out of them. This is even more objectifying, as a pet is not only a possession but is also not a human. This sort of dehumanization can be enhanced with leashes, crawling, food dishes on the floor, and cages. The Dominant can forbid the submissive from speaking, training them to bark or meow. They could also give them a little tag on their collar with a pet name, teach them tricks, take them for walks in the yard (if suitably private). Always be rational, of course. The sub isn't an animal. Don't feed them dog food. Don't do permanent damage to their knees by keeping them kneeling on hard surfaces for too long. Don't put them in undersized cages. Common sense should always apply.
Make them a fuck box: At its most extreme level, objectification is the act of reducing a person to an object. People have opinions, people have their own goals, people have rights. Objects are used. Objects are owned. Objects are subject to the whim of their owners. Tie the submissive up, write objectifying text on them like the title "fuck box", put them in a corner for a scene and just use them as the Dominant sees fit, over and over. Don't talk with them (you don't talk to things), unless you're using words to reinforce what they are. Put them literally in a box, cut out a hole for their head (or ass, or pussy). Use them for a foot stool.
PAY ATTENTION: Remember it's just roleplaying. Remember they're really a person. Pay attention to their health, to their sanity, and to their needs. If they don't want to do something so extreme (any of my suggestions) then don't do them. And if they do, have fun but be careful if you're the Dominant. They're going to be at greater risk when they give up personhood. They're also going to crash hard after the scene ends as all the adrenaline from that treatment bleeds out and they come out of subspace. Spends lots of time after reassuring them, comforting them, valuing them.
There's a million ways to do objectification, many far simpler or lighter than what I described, and may far more complex or darker. Take time with your partner to explore safely what best fits your needs, choose a good, easy to remember safe word, and have a good time!
Enjoy Your Toy,Mr. P
The Gift You Take
I've always felt that, yes, dominance is a gift; but it's something that you need to take.
Those are Pepper's words.
Every now and again I forget that.
Gentlemen, remember that there's times when you just need to take the reins and make her truly submit.
Somewhere between the gagging and the blank-eyed, cum-drooling stare she'll thank you.
-Mr. P
P.S. If she doesn't you can remedy the lapse in manners via whatever punishment floats your boat. I'm partial to the belt, myself. Pepper loves spankings, but a belting puts the fear of me in her. (And makes her all wet in the process, the poor thing.)
Just to point out to the anon; Schizophrenia and Multiple Personality Disorder are two very different illnesses with very different symptoms. Really, you ought to do some research about the mental illnesses you're accusing others of having instead of attacking lovely bloggers over the Internet.
Dear Details On Disorders,
You're correct. I had a grandmother with schizophrenia, and it was in no way like multiple personality syndrome. Somehow I doubt our troll friend cares. Like most prepubescent boys I'm sure most of his information on the world comes from gossip around the lunch table while drinking out of juice boxes.
Thanks for calling me lovely,Mr. P
Writing Rules
It's my hope to get this blog back to updating at least once a day, if not more. That's going to take a bit of ramping up, however, as I also want it to be original content (or largely so) instead of simply re-blogging the many spank-worthy images that filter through the D/s community here.
That's not to say I don't enjoy seeing those images or that people share them. Quite the contrary. I love them. I just want to add instead of simply remix what we've got going on here.
Although I plan on posting photos and/or videos or some sort of mixed media documenting Pepper and my interactions with her, it's going to take some time to get that pipeline started. I'll need a procedure, a schedule, and preferably a better camera than my current smartphone offers. But in the meanwhile I'm going to try to write more, since there's a power to the written word that is apparently quite appealing to the right demographics.
Pepper and I have, like most couples, been undergoing some transformations in our relationship. At the core it's the same, two people in love with one another and firmly entrenched in a D/s mentality. There's challenges, metaphorical shifts and tinkering beyond that, but the core has stayed the same.
After some discussion on the matter, Pepper and I reached an agreement on the matter of rules. She'd like a firmer rule set to live by, an outline of acceptable and unacceptable behavior that serves as a guide. It's all part and parcel of being a submissive, of course, wanting to be commanded, guided, controlled.
As someone naturally inclined towards dominance, I'm more than happy to oblige. Not to get all freaky on you all, but I get a bit aroused at the thought of creating rules for a submissive. It's in my box. So with gusto, I've started an online document, created an outline, and begun to fill in details.
I'm about a week in, and I'm not done. It's been a daunting challenge, probably a good deal harder than you'd think. After all, any dominant can just think about what gets his fiddle playing, write it down, tack it on the wall and give her a good spanking whenever she breaks it, right?
Not quite.
Let me share some of my insights from previous rule-making opportunities, lessons learned when taking them into real life, and when getting the submissive to not only sign on, but to stick to them:
It's not for you, it's not for her, it's for both of you: This seems obvious after you say it, but I think more people forget this in the heat of the moment. D/s is a consensual lifestyle choice. The dominant's authority is given by the submissive's permission. This means you need to ensure that the orders and control you have fulfills her needs just as much as it fulfills yours. Anything that falls past her limits, or fails to turn her on, is going to be a potential problem.
It's not just about sex: Although I believe everything, and I do mean everything, comes down to sexuality at some point, it doesn't come down to the actual act of sex (or it's more interesting precursors) all the time. If you're entering a 24/7 lifestyle, or the D/s aspect of your relationship exists out of the context of scenes, you need to recognize that not everything in between the two of you is going to involve your dangly bits. Other aspects of care and life are very important to lay out. What are her share of chores, and when/how is she expected to do them by? What are your share of chores? (And with rare exception, you'd better have some share or you're going to have a very pissed-off submissive. They may be sex toys, but they're not maids). What sort of behavior is expected when guests are over, or when in public? What sort of ritual, or behavior, or activities do you expect from her? There's a lot of ways to play with dominance and submission when not fucking or tying people up.
Write It, Review It, Amend It: You're not going to get it right on the first draft. Ask her opinion, and get her to be honest. What's too much? What's too little? Is it too vague? Is it too strict? Use communication sessions as an opportunity to tweak it into a document that gets you both ready to jump each other in passion before you lock it down and get signatures attached.
Be Verbose: Communication is key in everything. As nice as short, one-sentence rules are, everything should be backed up with a nice, verbose explanation. Say what you expect and why, and try to clarify anything that could be confusing or misleading. Attached commentary to rule sets will help avoid headaches and confusion later.
Aim For The Bleachers: Put what you want into the initial draft. Be honest. If you want sex on the hour every hour every day, just put it there. That's not likely to work, but the whole exercise is a form of communication, and it's only effective if it's honest. You can trim back any time, and likely will trim some. But you're not a dominant just to get a weak deal. Put yourself out there and see what happens.
Solicit Her Needs and Wants: If I've learned anything about submissives, it's that a large portion of them downright suck at telling you about what they need/want in an open-ended conversation. They want control and guidance, so they're uncomfortable taking the wheel. But if you don't get their views, their needs out in the open, you're going to have a very hard time keeping them happy (and ensuring they keep you happy) once the ink's dry. Sitting them down to just talk free-form probably isn't going to be the best approach. Arm the conversation with guidance. Ask questions with multiple choices if they don't like giving open-ended essay-style answers. Lead in with what you want and gauge their non-verbal reactions. Just get their input.
Size Doesn't Matter: Some D/s couples want just a simple guideline. Some may need a giant book. Your rules fit your situation, not mine, not anyone else's. If you're both comfortable with a set of rules that begins and ends with "Call me Sir," then enjoy it. If you need a bound book, so be it.
Keep It Accessible: Short rule sets can be memorized by the submissive. Longer ones can in theory too, but that takes a lot more time and effort. I do think that memorization routines are a great training tool. But in order to prevent a shifting understanding caused by slipped memory, I also recommend a copy exist in an easy to access place. The wall. A notebook. An online document. Somewhere you can both view it.
Discuss Punishment: You don't need to outline every possible way your submissive can be punished for failing to obey the rules, but it's best if she's got a clear understanding that violating rules will result in punishment, and likely more motivational if she understands what kind. You don't have to box yourself in, but get that out on the table. And if she breaks a rule, follow up on your word. She may not be happy when you do it, but she'll respect you for it.
Sign It: Both of you. Make it clear that you're both a part of it and you both recognize it's authority.
Revisit It: Life changes. People change. Rules can change too. From time to time, reexamine what you've got and if need be add to, remove, or edit what's there. Make the rules serve you, not the other way around.
I'm about ten pages into my own rule document, and am hoping to finish it up this week. I've got some rewrites I need to do on part of it after thinking over what I've got, but overall I'm pretty pleased so far. We'll see what Pepper thinks once it's done.
Once it's complete, I'll consider posting a copy for you all to peruse.
Well I have not quite figured out if you are an imagination of a self involved idiot or if you are the other side of a highly eloquent schizo. Either way, the only one here belittling women is yourself or yourselves. And I do not have an account because apparently Tumblr is filled with a surplus of attention whores like you that fail at life.
Dear Troll,
How's your bridge doing? Eat any goats lately?
Mental illness is a very serious matter that deserves compassion and not derision. You do them no good by comparing me to them, and if I was one of their number I'd hope that someone would provide me with assistance and not insults.
If you think that blogs or online communities exist solely for attention, then I think you've misunderstood the whole purpose of this "Internet" thing. I'll help you out with a little wisdom: It's not made of tubes.
Although I participate in a lifestyle that enacts ritualized, consensual roles of dominant and submissive individuals, I assure you that I am not belittling the submissive women that participate in it through my actions and words. But perhaps any form of sexuality more complex than missionary position for procreative purposes seems like devil's talk to you, resulting in a lack of willingness to attempt to understand the nuances and purpose of the community's interactions.
Don't worry, I won't lose any sleep over it.
If it's any consolation, I sincerely hope your petty antagonism and anonymous attacks have helped you get hot and bothered enough to overcome whatever sexual dysfunction is plaguing you.
Enjoy hiding under your bridge. I'm going to suggest some mustard with that goat. It's simply amazing.
But mind their beards,Mr. P
