Change

Tryin' to find the power in me to be faithful

[narmi]

Hello!

Here we go again!

I'm still here, im not going anywhere. Which is funny because a left this acount and tumblr behind but the dark stay here. Maybe because a feed it and after all im the only person who has tthe responsability to stay awake. But... im writing inn my bed, my face is red and im not crying anymore... i hurt mysel and even that dont make me feel sommething of emotion. Im feel so numb.

And... yeah, still horrible sadness.

[narmi]

I'm still trying to be better. To be alive, somedays i dont want but i can't now. I need try more.

[narmi]

I hate myself. I thought that I was recovering. I'm just feel so alone. I just feel alone and that's why I do what I do.

[narmi]

i dont know if i’m scared i’m just worrie that im still fat, and thats scared me more, i thinks the only tthing is import is my fucking body.

[narmi]

I’m done 2

Worst of all, I got into this. I decided to get sick. And I decided to stay sick. I dream of quitting but I wish it wasn't quite like that, I feel like it's the only thing that sustains me.

[narmi]

I’m done

I hate having an eating disorder, the only thing I live for is that. It never goes away, it's always in my head. I thought I was doing well, I've been eating, trying to get some exercise, doing other things; what I like or my tasks. I feel like I'm stuck in this because there's nothing else that made me feel as good as bulimia. Nothing tastes better than bulimia in my life, I don't know anything else, I don't feel anything else.

[narmi]

A modern day woman with a weak constitution, 'cause I've got Monsters still under my bed that I could never fight off

hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have - but I have it

[narmi]

I havent live to much, maybe i have bad moments like everyone but... why everything still so depressed.

[narmi]

I desire so much, I feel that I will never be able to reach it

[narmi]

:(

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh

 I want to hold you high and steal your pain away

[narmi]

I promised myself to learn many things. All I did was waste my time being depressed.

[narmi]

Here we go again...

[narmi]

If someone cares reading this. Thanks

i'm back. I'm  reading about the last post and im a little scared or, more like surprise. I was so depressed, i'm still a little. I dont know. Now i think im sad.I changed a lot since i was gone.  Now i can say something so strange happen to me and i dont know but feels good, scared but feels good. Motives me so much. By the way, i still feel empty and lost but i think with work i can change. I dont want to lose the hope, i'm working. Hope someone tell me that im doing well, hope i'm doing well.

[narmi]

I’m not good enough, the only thing I know and do well is throw up. I hate myself, I can’t concentrate on anything. Nothing motivates me and nothing makes me feel like I deserve to be alive. I’m so frustrated. Sorry for these post so depressed. This blog was something different, but it’s like depression completely ate up my life, I’m sorry.

[narmi]

How disgusting I am. I wish I died and that no one found out, so that no one would cry. I don't want to because I'm disgusting. I am a monster and everything that happens in my head should be buried.

[narmi]

I've been thinking and I've been restricting and throwing up for 11 years. Of course i have a lot hungry now.

[narmi]

Who cares if one more light goes out?In a sky of a million stars

And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair

Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it, isn't there

Who cares if one more light goes out?

Well, I do.

[narmi]

I would like to disappear without a trace and without anyone noticing. I would like to leave and that nobody cares so that they do not suffer because if I made them suffer it is something that I cannot forgive. I feel horrible. Everything feels so heavy.