So... it's been well over a year now, huh?😐😐
I don't know if anyone here even remembers me anymore, but on the off chance they do, hi! It's Phoenix. It's been a while. That's my bad.
Starting back in September of 2024, I went to my first year of college and moved into my very own dorm. I did a year of school up until April and it sucked. I haven't been back since. But, that was also the year my stepfather was finally kicked out of our lives by my mother.
Most of you probably don't know this, but my stepfather, James, was very abusive to me on an emotional level. For nearly 10 years of my life growing up, I was always in fear and constantly being belittled and treated like shit. He called me names, yelled at me for no reason, threw stuff, threatened to physically hurt me multiple times, and would even sometimes objectify me and make inappropriate comments about my clothes or my body. All while under the age of 18 and continuously after that.
It was really bad living with him. I have developed a lot of issues because of his abuse, to the point where I wanted to take my own life. I was never treated like a person and I was constantly feeling attacked for simply existing. I never did anything right and everything was always my fault. I can't tell you how many nights I cried myself to sleep or looked in the mirror to tell myself I should just drop dead.
Since he has been out of my life and I no longer have to live in a home where I'm constantly in survival mode, I was finally able to process everything he put me threw and finally came to the realization that I was treated horribly. I was a child in his care and he took advantage of that so he could use me as a verbal punching bag.
Since he's been gone, I've began what will be a very long healing journey. I am now in weekly therapy and it's been going really well. I've made some progress with my new therapist and have had some really good healing moments that have felt like a breath of fresh air.
Unfortunately, this past year has been anything but pleasent.
My stepfather, being the greedy bastard he is, has been in a lawyer battle with my mother for a year now, trying to squeeze out every last penny he can get out of her.
My grandfather passed away in June of this year, just a few weeks before my 22nd birthday. It was hard having to say goodbye to him. I'm still grieving some.
After his passing, he left behind my poor grandmother who is not doing well at all. She has early stages of dementia and is no longer the person I grew up to know. It has gotten to the point where we will need to find her a senior home to move into, which will be difficult because she refuses to go, but we can't give her the care she needs, especially from 3 hours away.
My poor mother has been stressed and worn out to the bone for a whole year now, between the lawyers, my grandfather passing, and trying to take care of my grandmother the best she can. This past year, my soul focus has been to take care of my mother and to do everything I can to keep her from collapsing from mental exhaustion.
This year has been long, stressful, heartbreaking, and just down right awful for me and my family. And none of it is even close to being over yet.
I'm doing okay, despite everything going on. And I hope you all are doing well too. I don't expect anyone to reply or even see this post. I'm sure I've been forgotten by now after how long it's been, but I still wish you all the best.
@kawaiibunga @angelicdavinci @angelcatlowyn @hedgehog-dreamer @inspiredwriter @janna-the-breaker @giochandoll-tmnt @memes-in-a-half-shell @sivy-chan-blog
