365 days of writing @natashas365daysofwriting-blog - Tumblr Blog

still

Today it snowed For the first time all year And I couldn’t help but realize That I have no one to hold

And there you are still Loving me from afar I wish this heart Wasn’t so afraid Wasn’t so hard to please I wish this heart loved you

It would be so nice To fit into those arms It would be so warm So safe I don’t know Or think that I want danger But for some reason I cannot make myself want you

But you are there still Holding onto this hope With dear life There you are still Wishing that one day My heart will change its mind Or our pieces will fall Into place Waiting for that drunk text That says “I love you too” Wishing, waiting, hope There you are Still

#day 365 #natashas365daysofwriting #n.l.

I forgot to be sad today About the fact That it is your birthday And you Are sitting there alone Still in decay Still shocked by the fact That you’re dying without me

I will write about you Until my last breath You deserve at least that

Seeing as I forgot to love you In real life While I could hold you in my hands Seeing as I forgot What daughter and mother means Seeing as I am already regretting it all I’m sorry

#day 364 #n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting

I am here Constantly afraid to love you I can see The want in your eyes I can feel you undressing me I can see myself Doing the same But then he Not two feet away Grapples at my crotch Making it yearn In ways it didn't realise were human He makes me feel superhuman I'm sorry I'm sorry With you I am finally On the other side of love

#day 363 #n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting

serena

I am hoping now That you won’t get back Before these words Can metamorphose Inti how much I love you

I hope in this silence You hear the screams That my heart is banging out I hope the glass breaking bleeds And makes your face In the art that it is

Now back from the cold I faced Because being with you For one more moment was worth it I sit here Still tipsy from the drunk we shared Loving every inch Of your imperfect Loving every inch Of your perfect

You told me That you liked it when I swore So I will fucking Say As much shit As you fucking want right now You are my motherfucking smoke I can cough you out And want more I am as comfortable in you As I am my own skin On my good days

You Are the friend That poets write about On their days off You’re the comfort we forget to have On our days off You’re the spaces between hands held You’re the perfect ending To a poem

#n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting #day 362

red roses

I started to plan Your funeral today Red roses I feel like that’s what you’d want

We’d sit around And mourn how you broke Each and every one of us A little bit We’d mourn how We broke you back

#day 361 #n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting

I miss you The most honest words I could breathe But you are no longer Within breathing distance from me You’re gone And somehow I don’t think I can get you back You were imperfect But for a while I thought you could do no wrong I miss you anyway

Come back

#day 360 #n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting

My eyes cannot close There is too much daylight here I can't even squint

#day 359 #n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting

beer

When I think of you I think of melted chocolate And bubbles Warm water And ice cubes crunching between my teeth I think of looking out at winter At falling snow Cuddling myself in this empty bed Tea and wine and hot chocolate and beer

I’ve made myself a little home In your smirk In your hands And sharpened tongue I’ve become comfortable Caressing you from afar

Someday soon You’ll be out of my imagination And into my what ifs What a scary thought that is Like standing on a mountain In a snowstorm screaming I am too frozen And the wind overpowers my voice When I think of you I think of snow angels And soft lips and hair I think of yelling out whatever comes to mind And scratching my car on edges I think of loving I think of fear When I think of you I think of beer

#day 358 #n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting

I see you Through the crowds Seeing me Breaking Neither of us want to be here Being pushed And spilled on I am drunk on The look in your eyes And nothing else These hands are greedy These hands are cruel These hands are pumping unwanted blood My feet ache And my head hurts What a night What a night

#day 357 #n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting

I

It’s the knowing that kills you The vein that pops The eye that sees It’s the crying that makes it real And the prodding The asking The pleading That kills you Before your time

It was the weakness That broke me It was the forgetting Who I am That turned me stale And black And broken Sharp edges protruded From my soft cheeks, Breasts I was ready to cut From the warmest parts of me I bled myself dry And cried myself wet I lost I lost

It was time That made the ringing stop Loving what was right That filled the hole in my stomach It was yelling for once It was abandoning for once It was not being sorry And expecting others to be It was looking in the mirror And not trying to focus on the background It was me Who saved myself It was me I won I won

#day 356 #n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting

I don't want heaven I just want to kiss her neck I guess they're the same

#n.l.#day 355 #natashas365daysofwriting

feel like feel

I feel like you’d feel weird If you knew That I wrote poems about you Your face would crinkle up In that paper-like way I love so much It’s like looking at a rolled up Bad idea Opened up again For a second chance

I feel like you’d feel weird If you knew how my heart Has learned to love If you heard what it whispered How it hopes Your hands wouldn’t be able to hold it You wouldn’t be able to handle the heat You’d drop it

I feel like you’d feel weird If I held your hand I feel like you’d feel weird If I kissed you I feel like you’d feel weird If I fell in love with you But what I feel like you’d feel May not be the case Tell me what you Really do feel

#day 354 #n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting

loud

She sat by the sea Fingering those pages Unlike he would her With love Tears in her eyes She'd shake at the pages She dreamed about How good they would taste How even their paper cuts Would bleed gold She sat by the sea Crying about the mother And brother She missed Bald headed and dying The last thing she did Was yell That will always be it Loud

#n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting #day 353

I can see my in your arms And beneath your sheets Your body Your love Your good heart seeing mine I can see a love that Does not exist And I am excited for it I am giddy With want

#day 352 #n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting

Smoothe down the hairs Poking out of this silk I could think about your hands for hours

Forbidden Taken Yet inevitably in mine I can’t wait for it to fall apart

These thoughts in my mind Are like poison These words Like a bullet About to be shot I’m sorry for it But I am consumed by it

Hold me in your arms And sing me to sleep

#day 351 #n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting

Silence is heavy around you And these supposed friends Break my heart Yelling into my soul Proding and poking At what I already hate I need to have someone Who knows how to love me Like I would But they Sitting there Are broken in themselves And I can hear different cries Different cracks I can hear their hearts too I wish our insides Could speak for themselves

#day 350 #n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting

When I picked up a book today My hands split under its covers Flower petals fell and It weeped into my chest I’ve missed you too

#day 349 #n.l.#natashas365daysofwriting

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365 days of writing